The White Room

Jack's POV during "Frozen" when Sam convinces him to take a symbiote

I'm in a white place- it kind of looks like the Gate Room, except there aren't as many things around.

The last thing I remember is seeing that girl…Ayiana, I think was the name Michaels came up for her. She was touching Jonas. She came over to me, but she fell. She's not good. I can tell, sort of. Janet and Samantha run in…Jonas is leaning over Ayiana, but…that's when I came to this white place.

You know, nothing hurts in this white room. Not my knee, not my head, not anything. Heck, I'm not even sad.

But the flip side is that there isn't any happiness or lack of pain. I guess it's weird. Maybe, I'm dead. Actually, I've been here before- a couple of times. Okay, more than just a couple, and that's pathetic, but I guess it's also the life of a military man.

When I landed in Iraq…this is where I ended up. Except, I could see Sara. She was with me. Of course, I didn't know she was pregnant with Charlie at that time, so she was my Sara…just as beautiful as the day I married her, no changes.

Then, I came here after I found out that Charlie died. Like I said, there was no pain. It was kind of like being a host to a goa'uld. Your body keeps working, you're still functioning, but…your mind is locked in a place that it doesn't want to leave. A place without pain, anger, guilt or hurt.

Then, there was the time that we all died. The time that the Nox saved us.

And then, when Hathor put that snake in my head, and I had to try to fight the damn thing…I came here, except that stupid snake was with me.

I came here after Daniel died.

While I'm here, the images of my life are displayed on the walls, like still pictures, but they keep changing as if it's a movie. Wow, that was a terrible description. It's like in this room, I can remember everything…almost all at the same time. It's incredible and it's inconceivable.

But I guess to call this place a room would also be inadequate. It never really ends. The things that it contains are so personal that the only person I ever let up here is…me.

I'm floating and I'm falling all at the same time.

It's the strangest sensation.

"Sir…"

Samantha? She's not supposed to be here. This is my place, my sanctuary.

She's saying something about a symbiote…my only chance…

Only chance at what?

"Temporary host…"

Oh no…she is not going to let them stick some snake in my head!

"Over my dead body…" I manage.

She mutters something about some intelligence that the Tok'ra need that this snake has, but hasn't shared yet.

I really don't care…does she get it?

"Sir, please."

I can hear the pleading in her voice. In my mind, I can see her crying. And in that instant, I can see the future. She's in the locker room. She's crying. The scene changes. She's on some God-forsaken planet, but she's not the Carter that I know…and love.

I move my head down. It feels like it weighs a ton.

I move it back up. Even heavier.

I nod again. I hope she saw that one better than the first, 'cuz I don't think I can do it again.

I'm starting to leave my white room, and everything hurts. I'm in so much pain. Doc, give me something for the damn pain!

She can't hear me.

They're moving me. That really hurts. And now, I'm in a box. I really want to go back to my white room. I do. But it's not easy. In fact, it's really hard. She's touched me again. I guess the hardest part about going back is knowing that I'll probably stay there for the rest of my life. I'll never really see her again.

"I love you."

"Colonel, are you trying to say something?"

I can't say it again. So, I retreat. Back to my room. The little white room where she can hear me…back to my sanctuary. I've never hated it so much!