Chapter 15: Prices
BUFFY'S ROOM – 3:00 AM
BUFFY'S POV
She doesn't say anything at first; she just looks into the fire. Then her eyes slowly rest on mine, "I'm sorry I shouldn't have brought you there."
I can't believe she's apologizing to me, "My God, Faith could I have pushed you any further? And I pushed it like I've always done with you - until you had no other option but to lash out." I'm too ashamed of myself to look her in the eye any longer so I study the design of the carpet.
We're both silent for a while. I look around and find our glasses, then pour the remainder of the wine. She leans forward as I hand her a glass.
Taking a sip I decide to just throw it all out there, "On the flight back tonight I was zoning on the plane thinking about Giles. He said that you and I deserved happiness in our lives more than anyone he knew. So I started to think about you and me and how happy I was you were here and how usually when I'm happy something awful happens. Then I start thinking about the PtB and how they send you to different places and I think what if they sent you here? Then I realize that you coming to Cleveland the same day I bring Emma back from Durban can't be a coincidence. So I asked you and you wouldn't answer, and then you were going to leave?" I finally look up at her. "So I freaked out, over-reacted and… I am so sorry."
She's got that smirk on her face and is slowly shaking her head. "Do you realize you didn't take one breath through your entire babble-splanation?"
I tilt my head to the side ignoring her attempt at levity, "Faith, why didn't you tell me?"
"Not exactly the kind of thing that comes up in conversation." She takes a sip of wine then rests the glass on the arm of the chair.
Shaking my head at her, "How did that happen? How could the PtB allow that to happen to you?"
"Buffy, it goes way beyond the PtB. When we intervened and saved your lives we upset the balance of Good and Evil. It was meant to be a dark time, the loss of the Great Slayer, the most powerful Coven and the girl who could someday bring a great light to a great darkness. The Gods demanded a sacrifice, a price to be paid. The PtB explained it all before I went to you. They told me exactly what would happen to me if we interfered. There was no way of knowing how many would have been lost had we NOT done something, so I agreed to it." She swirls her glass then takes another sip. Her gaze is once again lost to the flames.
Oh my God, how could I have ever doubted her? Can someone tell me why I am such a freak? Placing a hand tentatively on her leg I look up to her, "How did you live through that?"
She tears her eyes away from the fire to meet mine, "I just asked myself the same question." Looking down she regards my hand for a moment then thankfully, covers it with her own. "I though about you a lot, it kept me sane. Well, as sane as possible," she muses. "I would think about the first time we met, when we used to slay together, how close we were getting, well, before Finch. But mostly I'd remember LA and waking up with you in my arms and you kissing me. I would fantasize about what would have happened if Fred never busted in, how different our lives could've been. I just kept telling myself the only way I could ever be with you is to make it out of there."
"Babe, you were barely alive." I'm crying again. "I can't believe they..." I don't think I'll ever be able to get that sight of her out of my mind.
She pats my hand, "And I can't begin to tell you how much it hurt." She looks down to her wrists. I was so blind, I never noticed the scars, and they're huge. They used stakes, the bastards – irony I guess. "But I survived, just like I told the PtB I would. And when I was released members of a Coven in Mexico came and took me back to their town. It's a tiny place on the water in the Yucatan called Akumal. I'd been there before, it's where I go to get patched up when I get back from bad scrapes, only this time I needed more than patchwork. They healed my body and tried to heal my soul. But I knew only one thing would do that: seeing you. So after a month, when I could actually hold a conversation, I called Kennedy."
"That's why she didn't hear from you in years, makes sense now."
"Yeah, I always wondered if she told you when I'd check in."
"Just that you were ok, I think she knew I needed to know." I squeeze her hand, "So, Mexico…"
She finishes her wine and hands me the glass. I put it on the floor. "So Neitcheze was right, it didn't kill me, it made me stronger. I came out of that place with a ton more mystical power than when I went in. Iliana from the Coven said it was because I continually drew on all my internal strength to survive. Somehow I managed to 'grow' both what the PtB gave me and my Slayer strength into something a lot bigger than you realize, hell than anyone realizes. Iliana taught me how to control it, to be in command from the inside, something I was never good at. That's why I stayed there as long as I did, well, one of the reasons anyway, so I could work with her. I was doing really great too - "
"Until I freaked on you like a moron," I move my hand down her calf and rest my head on her lap. "I'm so sorry; I never should have doubted you." I can't describe the utter relief I feel when her hand begins to stroke my hair.
"Hey," she lifts my head in her hands, "Funny thing? You're probably on the right track I just didn't know the grand plan. Think about it: the term of my 'confinement' was agreed upon, the PtB put the whole you picking up Emma thing in motion, they probably knew how much time I needed afterwards to heal before seeing you. I just didn't put it all together until now. It makes sense; I can see where you would have thought… that." She gives me a sad smile then leans back in the chair and closes her eyes.
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah, just tired."
Getting up, I reach my hand to her, "Then let's get you to bed so you can sleep."
We crawl into bed and my body aches like I haven't slept in days, maybe because I haven't. Faith is lying on her back and I curl up next to her. She puts her arms around me as I settle onto her shoulder.
"Don't ever doubt how much I love you Buffy."
I kiss her neck, "No," I wrap my arms around her neck and throw a leg over hers trying my best to hug her entire body, "I never will again."
SECOND FLOOR HALLWAY – 8:30 am
KENNEDY'S POV
"Freeze," I call out.
Emma stops in her tracks on the landing to the third floor. "Oh Kennedy, you scared me. Good morning, I was just going to - "
"Nope. Get downstairs your first class starts in a few minutes."
"But I just - "
"Downstairs now, you can talk to them later."
"Oh alright! Who made you the guard of the house anyway?" She stalks past me.
"Actually, Buffy did."
She makes her way downstairs in a bit of a huff but I know she'll get over it. She's a good kid. I look over to Buffy's room, close my eyes and concentrate on my hearing. Good, they're both still asleep. I don't know what the fuck happened last night but when they get up, someone better have answers.
KENNEDY'S OFFICE – 10:00am
KENNEDY'S POV
I'm trying to get through a mountain of paperwork when I feel her in the doorway. "Hey" I stack one pile on top of another.
"Hey," Faith closes the door behind her then sits on the couch, "Sorry about last night."
Looking up from the paperwork I lean back in my chair. I'm so angry with her I can barely speak but I know this is something I have to say. This needs to be stopped before it starts: "Fighting with Buffy like that? That's a world of major fucked up shit that WILL NOT happen again, you get me?"
"It's not what you think Ken."
"Ok then, enlighten me." I wasn't about to let this go.
"I… we…" She looks like she wants to continue, then she steels herself and stands, "It's personal," she turns to go. Fuck, why does she shut down like that? It's just like back in Sunnydale, never an explanation.
"Faith," She stops, "The people here are my family and I'll do anything for them. I really want you to be a part of it, but if that happens again, I don't care how powerful you are, I'll kill you."
There's a knock at the door and Buffy pops her head in, "Hey, you busy? Oh, hey." She sees Faith behind the door staring at her shoes. "What's going on guys?"
"Nothing," Faith opens the door wider and slides past Buffy.
I throw my pen down on the desk as Buffy closes the door.
"What the fuck is going on? Why are you two fighting?"
"How about you go first Buff?"
Her eyes widen, "Oh my God, it's so not what you think."
"Wow, her exact words."
"Really Ken, it was completely my fault."
"Jesus Christ, Buffy," I slam my hands down on my desk as I stand up, "do you hear yourself? Do you have any idea how fucking pathetic you sound? It's like you're reading a script from a 'Lifetime' movie."
"Ken, I…" she stops and closes her eyes, trying to remain calm. "This is exactly what happened last night. I jumped to a conclusion with what I thought was a fistful of facts but in the end all I had was air."
"Then why don't you tell me so I can understand why the two of you are beating on each other one second, disappear the next then reappear with you hysterical crying in my arms? I asked Faith and all she says is 'It's personal' this is bullshit, Buffy."
Buffy sits down heavily in the guest chair and leans her elbows on my desk. "I accused her of only coming here to protect Emma, not caring about me and basically being the PtB's bitch. When she didn't answer or explain then tried to leave, I jumped her. When she tried to stop me I back handed her across the face, which royally pissed her off. So she lost it, not by pummeling me but by taking me back in time to the hell dimension where she was tortured for the last 2 years because she saved us from that fucking demon. When she brought us back, there you were." She starts crying, "I saw it," she looks up at me, "they crucified her Ken."
The shock subsides after a second and I jump out of my chair and scoop her up in my arms, "Holy shit, why didn't she tell me?"
"It's still too raw and there's a whole enhanced mystical power thing going too. She's only been out of there a couple of months." I nod against her. "Ken, she needs you now, please don't turn your back on her."
"I won't." I step away from her and she wipes her tears. "I feel like an ass."
"You didn't know."
DAWN AND ANDREW'S OFFICE - NOON
FAITH'S POV
I'm trying not to think about the emotional rollercoaster I'm on right now so I'm sitting on one of the couches staring at the white board. Work is always the best thing when everything else gets funky. See bad, find bad, kill bad – it's all very simple, just how I like it. Well usually it is. We are missing a chunk on this and it's right here but I can't figure it out.
You know I have to be really wrapped up in my thoughts because I don't feel Buffy come in until she is massaging my shoulders. "Mmmm, that's nice."
She leans to my ear, "If you play your cards right, you might get the full body version later."
"Watch out, I got very good at cards in a number of dimensions." We both have a light laugh, we both need it. "You talked to Ken I'm assuming."
"Yeah, she's pretty much blown away, and feels really bad." B comes round and sits next to me.
"I'll drag her out for a smoke later."
"She'd like that." B lays her hand on my leg, "So staring at the big board again?"
"Yeah, I'm such an ass not to have remembered 'the girl who could someday bring a great light to a great darkness' all this time… Emma, the Goddess, it all makes sense now. She is the key to all of this." I stand up and write it on the board. "But we're still missing something. What does she bring the light to?"
"Will and Dawn have been researching everything they can get their hands on. If it was ever written or told in lore, they'll find it."
Nodding, I sit back down and sigh, "I kinda wish Ms. Hartness was still here, I need to talk about last night's loss of control."
"I'm not sure she's in Devin, so I don't even know if you can call her."
I bite my lip and nod, "Well, that sucks."
"What about the Coven in Mexico? Can't you call Iliana?" That B, always using the noodle, except this time it's not the right answer.
"Can't do that."
"Why not?"
"She's dead, cancer." I lean forward holding my face in my hands. "You can't save everyone, B."
She rubs her hand up and down my back. "Oh baby, you've had so much to deal with… That's the other reason you stayed there?"
"Yeah, she helped me so much over the years; I wanted to be there for her at the end. She kinda reminded me of your mom, you know? Don't know why, just did. So it was important for a number of reasons that I got to say goodbye."
"Babe, I think you should talk to Willow. If there is anyone here that knows about tremendous power and how to control it, it would be her. And she's also a really good person to just talk to if you want to vent. I hope you know you can always talk to me, but I understand that sometimes it's easier to talk to someone you're not sleeping with." She chuckles at the end.
"What if you're in love with the person you're sleeping with?" My hand drifts to hers then I give it a little squeeze.
"Hmmm," she shakes her head, "that, in fact, can make it even harder." She pulls me into her arms. "Have I mentioned how much I love you?" She whispers in my ear before kissing it.
A shiver runs down my back, "We better get to those reports..."
"Yeah," she groans, "Come on, they left everything in my office."
MEANWHILE IN WILLOW'S OFFICE
DAWN'S POV
"Will?" I'm trying really hard to stay calm, "Oh my God Will!!!" Ok, maybe not trying hard enough.
"What Dawnie?" She comes over to me and the sea of books I'm surrounded by on the conference table that sits in front of her library.
"I think I found it."
"WHAT? WHERE?" Now she's hovering over me.
"Here, here and here" I start pointing to various different texts.
She starts reading then looks up at me. I can't make out the expression on her face.
"Do you think it's enough to bring the others in now?"
"This is excellent work Dawn. Let's start putting everything together so it'll make sense to someone who hasn't been pouring over it for a month."
OUTSIDE THE BASEMENT GYM – 4:00 pm
FAITH'S POV
B and I got through most of the reports not finding too much to worry about. She said she could finish the rest of them so I went off to find Ken. I watch the last of the SiTs leave as I stand by the door. I know she can feel me, so I just wait for her to come out cause I don't want her to feel like I'm cornering her. She looks at me as she walks to the door then stops, "Hey."
"Come have a smoke with me?"
She kinda half smiles, "You bet just let me grab…" Catching her jacket as I throw it to her, the half smile turns to a full one, "Let's go."
We go out the front and I catch B's eye for a second as we pass her door. I can't help but wink. Once outside we get hit with a blast of cold air. Nothing like the last week in November to remind you winter is just around the corner. It's hard to believe we were all hanging out on the back deck last week over Thanksgiving.
Ken cuts into my thoughts, "Faith, I'm really…"
"Wait, I know it looked pretty bad from your end last night." I shake out a cigarette then light it, "so there's no need for you to apologize. If I wasn't so emotionally retarded I would have told you about it when I first got here."
She looks at me for second then thrusts her hands into her pockets, "You're not emotionally retarded."
"Yeah I'm so good at sharing my feelings that things never spiral out of control from misunderstandings. I'm not good at letting people in Ken, never have been."
She pulls up short and stops me with her, "You've been in a hell dimension for the past 2 years, prior to that roaming around with the PtB for what, 8 years? Oh, then you were in prison for another 2 years and before that you were mildly psychotic and a textbook loner. Faith, where the fuck do you think you were going to get these interpersonal skills? Fortune cookie? Cracker Jack box? For what's been going on in your life, I'd say you're doing a pretty great job."
"I don't know, doesn't seem like it to me." I absently kick at the curb then start walking again. "Didn't feel like it last night with B, or this morning with you for that matter."
"You let Buffy in and you know it. Look, you talked to her about it after you cooled down, right?"
"Well, that's different, that's… different."
"Ok, we'll leave the 'Chosen Two Love Bond' alone. You let me in back in Sunnydale and you barely knew me, hell you still barely know me."
"I could see you were cool." How did this get all about me? I light another smoke. "And I know you a lot better than you think."
Ken stops again, "What do you mean?"
Oh fuck me, "Ah, the PtB, they showed me stuff about you guys, no big." I try to shrug it off.
"You're totally lying, but I'm going to let that go too, for now. Hey, I'm not saying you have to tell me everything, but if you want me to understand you, you're gonna have to let me know what's going on with you. That's the cost of friendship dude - that is if you want someone to really have your back."
I blow out a huge drag and nod my head, "Let me buy you a drink."
Ken looks at me kinda weird then looks up and realizes we're in front of Willy's. "Sure, why not."
It was early so it was just Willy setting up. "Hey Faith! How the fuck are ya?"
"Good bud, thanks for the other night."
"Hey, you take care of me, I take care of you."
Ken gives me a 'see?' look.
I grab a booth with a view of the front and back doors. "Dude, can you set us up with a couple pints of Bass?"
"Coming right up." He pulls two glasses and brings us a round.
We thank him then Ken and I touch glasses. "To friendship," she says. After a long swallow on both our parts she looks as if she's deciding whether or not to say something. Then she does, "So how did those mother fuckers let that happen to you?"
"Ken, it's not their fault."
"You say that a lot, my friend, always when I find out something totally fucked up has happened to you. God they abuse the shit out of you. One would think a Champion would rate better than years of torture, but then they used Cordy up until she died, so what do I really expect."
"These were my choices Kennedy; they tell me everything and let me make the decision."
"Ok wait, you said before you have to, what was it, 'figure out what they're saying' and now you say they tell you everything? Why are you protecting them?"
"Cause they were there when I had no one else!" Shit, I didn't mean to yell. Willy ignores us, something he's very good at.
She shakes her head at me, "You're wrong about that Faith, yeah the rest of the gang was on the fence when it came to you, but you had Buffy and you had me. We're here for you now and we would have been then."
Willy comes over with another round of beer, a bottle of Jim Beam and a couple of shot glasses, "On the house," then he goes back behind the bar. It's getting on 6:00, so some customers are starting to filter in.
Ken pours the shots. "I've always like him." She pushes one over to me. We stare at each other then down them. She refills us. "Tell me about your precious Powers that Be, I really want you to convince me they are not the manipulating cock suckers I know them as." We shoot another round.
I pull out my smokes and light one. "I think I need to take you with me the next time I go. Would you be up for that?"
She laughs, "I'm but a mere lower being, will they even let me in the door?" She catches my glare and sees I'm not amused. "I don't need to meet them; I just want to see you get out of this indentured servitude."
I blow a couple of smoke rings then look her straight in the eye, "Not gonna happen."
"Why the fuck not? You were supposed to find your path to redemption, right some wrongs then come back to us so you and Buffy could live happily ever after. What happened to the plan?"
Motioning for her to pour us another round, I lean forward, "I changed the plan." Slayer metabolism or no, I feel the warmth of the bourbon seep through my body as I down another shot, God that's good. Seeing the look of disbelief on her face I continue, "If you make me tell you all this shit then be prepared, we're going to get completely plastered."
"Fine by me," she smiles as she pours another round, "it's what friends do: talk about the awful things that happen then accompany each other while drowning the sorrows."