Disclaimer: As it would appear, Gainax turned down my application. Apparently they're looking for someone with this stupid thing called "experience"… goddamn companies with their legal mumbo jumbo. I'm starting to think that owning Eva is harder than I initially imagined. Who'd have thought?

A Day In The Life Of

An Asuka in a China Shop Called Tokyo 3

The car never saw it coming. It had led quite an enjoyable life; it had a wife, kids. Heck it went so far as to adopt its very own smart car, little guy, cute as a button he was. It was in the midst of its daily routine, lugging the rampantly overweight middle class construction worker to his jobsite. It would then spend some time relaxing, talking with the guys, that Chevy, boy was it a laugh riot. Then his eight-hour break being over, it'd drive his owner over to his mistress's house. Sure it wasn't anything spectacular, but it kept a garage roof over its family's head, so it was proud of its job. It never saw Asuka coming, and it never knew little German girls could be so damn strong.

Shinji and his ragtag group of Asuka hunters, consisting of himself, Kensuke, Touji, Hikari, and Rei, continued in pursuit of the now crazed girl. She was far from being a particularly difficult charge to track; merely following the trail of chaos left in her wake would suffice. The thoughts running through their minds, suspiciously similar to the last thoughts of the car, that being 'Who would have known a little German girl could be so strong.' Sidestepping an overturned Buick, they noted that there seemed to be a lot of those, perhaps due to some form of childhood trauma involving that particular make.

"I think we're getting closer."

The group was about to question how Hikari knew that they were in fact gaining on her when the sound of an explosion, the symbol of the demise of yet another Buick, interrupted their thoughts while simultaneously answering their as of yet unspoken question. Rei quickly broke with the group, in a full out sprint towards the source of the noise.

"I will deal with pilot Sohryu."

Under normal circumstances Shinji would have been relieved to have the responsibility of subduing Asuka off of his hands. These current happenings however fell far outside the scope of normal. Proven by the question Touji was quick to ask.

"Does any-one else wonder where Rei managed to get a sledgehammer?"

Shinji of course knew the answer to this question. Evidently Rei had snuck into his convenient plot device closet and stolen it while he wasn't looking. Obviously, this could lead to problems. Shinji had begun to believe that something was indeed amiss in regards to Rei. It wasn't her attempts to kill Asuka, those where in fact a rather common occurrence, so what could it have been? Ah yes, talkative, Rei seemed much more talkative than she usually was, a strange occurrence indeed. Hikari was quick to derail Shinji's train of thought.

"Don't you think we should go stop her?"

"Naw, Rei can take care of herself."

"Shut up Touji, you know I was talking about Asuka. How can she stand up against a sledgehammer?"

Kensuke had always been a fan of being a smartass. It was in fact one of his favourite things to do in the whole world. This was proven, in this case, by his leaning on the side of an upturned Buick.

"Gee, your right. How will meek little Asuka ever survive?"

"Point taken."

Beyond the sight of the remaining members of the group Rei slumped slightly. As with all actions of Rei's, Slumped is in respect to her normal level of emotional articulation, that being a one-inch drooping of the shoulders. She looked dejectedly at the broken remains of her beloved Smashie now split at the haft. She probably would have been surprised, but she had never really harboured any doubts that the little German girl in question was thick headed.

"Hey, look over there. It's Rei!"

With Touji's shout, the group ran towards the Albino girl. Upon hearing the story of her failed attempt at incapacitating the irate redhead, Shinji was actually quite happy to hear of Smashies' untimely demise. Smashie, you see, happened to be the very mallet Asuka tended to pull from subspace whenever she felt Shinji to be acting a bit too much a pervert. In fact, if you where to look closely, you could probably find "Anta Baka" inscribed upon its' hilt. Obviously, Shinji held no lost love for the ill-fated object.

"Perhaps it would be best to formulate a plan."

Rei, it would appear, had herself a good idea in that one as the whole group approved. After much unnecessary deliberation, they eventually concluded that using Misato's apartment as a home base would the most prudent choice.

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Within the confines of Misato's apartment, nestled away in the confines of the fridge, was a very irate penguin. He was in the middle of the Discovery special when. Without so much as a bit of warning, his cable gave out. It was just getting to the good part to. PenPen decided that whoever it was who happened to be responsible for this travesty would suffer. His feathers ruffled as the sound of human feet entered the apartment.

PenPen, being the tactical genius he was, decided it best to listen in to their conversation, perhaps they knew the party responsible for his lost bird on bird action. While he still had difficulties understanding the language he referred to as "Human", he was nevertheless able to pick out a name, Asuka. He knew this name, but from where he didn't know. It was of little consequence however; this Asuka person will soon feel the full wrath of PenPen the destroyer. The destroyer suffix given to him after his glorious victory over the mighty armies of the ostrich.

Waddling off to his study he began to formulate a plan on how to eradicate this Asuka individual from this plane of existence. He did of course notice his trashcan was empty once more.

"WarkWark, Wark." (A rough translation of which I found on a Penguin to English translator in Google, being "God damn Gendo.")

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Outside the confines of the fridge, the children themselves where also busy at work formulating a plan, which, much to the chagrin of Rei, was significantly less violent. Touji had read quite some time ago that music could sooth the savage beast and, as he so courteously elaborated upon, a more apt name for Asuka he could not conceive. Shinji, as he usually did when confronted with his friends' tirades against his roommate, attempted to insist that she was, in fact, not that bad. This endeavour was cut short as the apartment next to them erupted into flames. Asuka must have severed one of the gas lines in her rampage. If she kept blowing things up, it would become significantly more difficult for Shinji to insist upon inner merits.

Conflict did of course emerge in reference to which particular form this music would be best to take. Touji's initial suggestion of death metal was quickly dismissed, as well as various other forms. The choice ultimately amounted to being between Classical and Ska. While classical was indeed soothing, as the expression calls for, it was however, incredibly dry. Ska as well, while it was indeed a happier form of music, the prospect of Asuka's rampage, exacerbated by the kicking motion usually associated with skanking was a frightening thought indeed. Finally the squabbling group decided to go with the classical, it is, after all, better safe than sorry.

Grabbing the necessary convenient plot devices from the appropriate closet, they made their way back to catch the trail of Asuka. They where quite surprised to find that in the short period of time it took them to produce a plan, Asuka was able to carve a scar into the city which Kensuke assured them, was likely visible from space.

Never underestimate the powers of a crazed Anime Girl.

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Misato was in the midst of her third can of beer, perhaps the most enjoyable of them all. Her senses numbed enough that it lacks the unseemly kick of the first two, while still sound enough of mind to fully enjoy the taste. This, Misato thought to herself, is the good life. Her enjoyment of the frosty beverage was cut short by a knock on her office door. Whoever this was, it was wise at this point for them to begin thinking up a good reason for interrupting the purple haired alcoholic's favourite beer, or, failing that, look to invest in good health insurance.

"What!"

She yelled at the door, noticing two figures behind the glass, they seemed small however, she was sure she could take them. The door swung open surprising Misato enough that she spilt just a little bit of the amber fluid on herself. She was about to reach for the gun in her desk (bottom left drawer taped to the top) when she was struck with the realisation that it was in fact Ritsuko and Maya, Eva's odd couple.

"Misato, it's Rei, we've got to find her."

The two spent some time explaining to the slightly inebriated woman why in fact expediency was of the utmost importance but Misato, being as she is, could not quite grasp the importance of the situation. Ritsuko fortunately was currently in possession of an educational tape they gave to most all new NERV scientists. Placing it in the monitor, she hoped it would better explain to Misato the egregious nature of the emergency. Misato watched with rapt interest before asking.

"Can this Rei really do that?"

"What throw a bus? Yeah if you get her mad enough. Just make sure you don't break anything she likes."

"Alright, I'll help you find her."

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Gendo was stumped; staring down at the papers laid out before him he scratched his chin pensively. He had only just recently come into possession of the new plans written by the star of his genetically engineered penguin program, yet he had already come to an impasse.

He couldn't read penguin

He spun his chair towards the keyboard, searching the Magi in its entirety for anyone in Japan who was well versed in Penguin, up popped the image of a familiar looking Brown haired boy. If Gendo where to have someone reading over his shoulder at the moment they would have, in all likelihood, informed the brooding man that this was in fact his son. Not having anyone with him, and certainly not being a candidate for the "Father of the year" award. He couldn't quite put his finger on how he knew the boy.

Shrugging the feelings of familiarity aside he examined the boys face. His eyebrows furrowed as he crumpled up the penguin plans in his hand. Sure he could enlist the boy's help, translate the papers and conquer the world. But it would be a cold day in hell before he let anyone who looked like that much of a wuss work for NERV.

Elsewhere, Irony died as its appendix burst from the strain.

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Mana sat alone in a dark room. She probably would be thinking why she was there. She probably would be thinking about what to do next. She probably would have been thinking of a whole host of things, but this was no ordinary dark room. This particular dark room is the spot in my mind where I keep Eva characters that I have not, nor do I ever intend to use. It is the obscurity room. The denizens of the obscurity room are never fleshed out to be three-dimensional characters, and as such, have never had what they are thinking thought out by the author, so feel free to consider them automatons. Seated next to her was Naoko Akagi. She finally asked the elder woman.

"What are you in for?"

"I was only in the series for a couple of seconds, not really worthy of note. What about you?"

"Oh, the author's an A/S fan, doesn't like me very much."

The conversation ended there as the two sat once more in silence, eyes fixated off in the distance; contemplating the utter meaninglessness of their existence, while also clinging desperately to the shred of happiness this brief cameo gave to them. But then it was gone. And the breach in the fourth wall through which this section was spawned was closed once more.

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-Earlier that day.

The Gaijin, who Hikari assumed, must be impersonating Great teacher Largo, walked up to the blackboard. With a quick wave of his hand, he erased all of its contents. He turned to the class, and looked them over with a deathly serious glare.

"This board is not l337. It does not deserve to L1v3."

Kensuke, who seemed to be unusually participatory this time, contrary to his usual habits of typing away, ignoring all the going ons of the class, peeked up once more from his laptop and responded.

"W00T."

Hikari looked all around her in surprise. Why where all of the kids awake? Didn't they realise that this man was… was… he was a complete idiot. How the hell the education system could have allowed this man into teaching, let alone revere him as they did, was a mystery to her. She sat, as Largo proceeded to hand out props to learn better "controller Sk1llz" she retreated into the confines of her mind, content to pretend that she was not, in fact, here.

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(A/N) and now ladies and gentlemen, we have some special guests in today's A/Ns. Please give a warm round of applause for Shinji and Asuka themselves; they've the courtesy to discuss with us their thoughts on "A Day In The Life Of." Let's see what they have to say.

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Shinji: I don't get it?

Asuka: What?

Shinji: Well, it says it was you birthday yesterday, but when you got here you just turned 14, and later on it said a class full of 14 year olds. But you've already kissed me which means it would have to take place latter in the series, but this isn't post third impact, which means you can't be 15 yet either. This entire thing is impossible.

Asuka: Simple, there was a tear in the space-time continuum.

Shinji: what can cause those?

Asuka: simple things, time machines, Super Novas, poor story telling skills. You know the sorts.

Shinji: so which one is this?

Asuka: Which one do you think?

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Well there you have it, perhaps the single stupidest chapter to ever come out of my mind; I usually like to keep things such as this on a short leash. Not doing so, in this case, led to the tragic and untimely death of irony. I can assure you I will not let it happen again.

Of course we now need to insert my chapterly thanks to all of those who reviewed, it's always nice to know that some people out there are enjoying this and I'm not just piddling away my time.

Also thanks to Rioes once again for suffering through the unedited versions of my chapters to make them legible to you fine folks.

Have a good one eh.