Disclaimer: JK Rowling is the God(dess) behind all characters.
ITALICS: songs and/or thoughts.
Summary: Harry ends up somewhere where he shouldn't be and has a confrontation. Title comes from Angel Season 2.
Warnings: SLASH! H/D
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The winter here's cold and bitter,
It's chilled us to the bone.
We haven't seen the sun for weeks,
Too long, too far from home.
I feel just like I'm sinking,
And I claw for solid ground.
I'm pulled down by the undertow,
I never thought I could feel so low,
And, oh, darkness, I feel like letting go.
(Sarah McLachlan; Full of Grace) br>
Harry missed him. Even after 2 years, he often expected a pair of arms to circle him but it would never come. He felt cold and alone a lot these days and no amount of heat or company of friends could make him feel alive anymore. It made sense but at the same time, it didn't. Perhaps his head just couldn't agree with his heart.
The rain always made Harry think of Draco although… almost everything made him think of the fair haired boy- but the rain especially reminded him of times that were far happier.
Tonight, it was a light drizzle and he found himself once again, taking a stroll in the rain. He aimlessly wandered the city of London, letting his feet take him to wherever they wanted to. At some point, he looked up through the bangs covering his forehead and noticed he was in Draco's neighbourhood.
'Should I say hi?.. but that might be too awkward.' Harry mused to himself. He noticed the lights weren't on but he couldn't help but feel himself apparating into Draco's flat anyways.
Surprisingly, he didn't get shoved out as he thought. Draco was a very highly paranoid man who had more wards on his house than the Minister and Harry combined- which also meant that almost no one was allowed to apparate in except for himself, Harry and Severus. Harry thought he might've blocked him out… but apparently not.
Darkness surrounded him and he switched on the lights. 'Not much has changed since… last time..' He thought.
He found a parchment on the kitchen table and after a moment's hesitation, he opened it to read:
Draco love, I'll meet you half-past 10 at the usual.
Love you.
-me
Harry let out a gasp and let the parchment flutter to the ground. 'Why am I here why am I here why am I here why the FUCK am I here! HECK why am I even IN Draco's flat to begin with?' Harry started to panic but felt frozen to the spot. He just read a private letter and obviously Draco had moved on with his life. br>
And I'm pulled down by the undertow,
I never thought I could feel so low,
And, oh, darkness, I feel like letting go.
(Sarah McLachlan; Full of Grace) br>
He checked his watch and noticed it was almost midnight. He was just about to apparate out when someone apparated IN.
'Oh… effing…. Crap…' He reflected to himself. 'Of all the luck…'
He was frozen to the spot and within seconds, a wand was pointed in his face. The stranger, presumably Draco's lover, looked startled but held his stance in a defiant position.
"Who the hell are you and what the fuck are you doing in this apartment!" the stranger snarled at Harry.
Harry just blinked. He, who never faltered and trusted on instincts, was now dumbfounded and could not move for the life of him.
"Tell me or I'll curse you into oblivion! I know more hexes than Harry Potter himself!"
Apparently, he didn't know who Harry exactly was but Harry was still too stunned to say anything.
So he blinked again. And crossed his arms automatically. He didn't quite like being threatened no matter what case scenario it was. After all, he was quite sick of being threatened during his Hogwarts Days.
Just then, another CRACK! was heard, a rustle of clothing and a small laugh before it stopped abruptly and Harry could practically FEEL Draco pulling his wand out from behind him and aiming it at his head.
'This is going to a very…. Very…. Very…. Bad… night…' Harry inwardly groaned to himself.
"Damien… What's going on." Draco coolly inquired.
'So.. his name's Damien..' Harry thought, though he knew it wasn't the best time to think about names at the moment.
"I apparated in and this person was just standing here. He still hasn't told me his business here or who he is for that matter."
"But no one can get in except for you, Severus and…." Draco paled at the thought. He suddenly recognized the dark mop of hair in front of him.
"AND? There's an AND? I thought only Severus and myself were allowed to apparate in. You're telling that there's someone else?"
"Err.. lo-, Damien, Perhaps you might want to lower your wand. This particular… visitor doesn't especially like to have wands pointing and threatening him." Draco lowered his own wand first and berated himself for covering up calling Damien 'love'. 'It shouldn't matter what I say in front of Har- POTTER. I moved on and he should too.'
Damien still didn't budge. "Why? I thought no one commanded your respect."
"Yes that is true. But.. well, it's not that I respect him.. it's more like everyone else does."
That hurt Harry but he didn't let it show. During the lovers squabble, he managed to collect himself before making a bigger fool of himself. No one ever caught him off guard like that. 'Now if only I can apparate away without them noticing….'
But before he could do such a thing Damien focused his attention back to Harry and demanded to know his name again.
Harry unperturbedly stared at him, narrowed his eyes and said, "Harry Potter."
Damien's mouth dropped open. "……….oh." Then his eyes widened.
"Well, I'm Dam-" But he was cut off by Harry. "I never asked you what your name was."
This time, it was Damien who narrowed his eyes. Draco looked most uncomfortably at the interaction going on.
"So, what is the GREAT Harry Potter doing in Draco Malfoy's apartment. Here to collect the final death eaters? Well I'll tell you something! Draco isn't and never was a death eater so unless you want to take him into custody, you'll have to go through me." Damien boldly stated.
"Oh well, I just dropped by to drop a letter to Draco from the Head Auror." He wandlessly conjured a parchment in his hand and passed it to Draco.
"What would the Auror want with Draco?"
"You should ask the Head Auror himself."
"And who might that be?"
Harry smirked. "Me."
Damien didn't seem to think going in circles with Harry Potter was fun.
Harry on the other hand, thought it was fucking hilarious!
"Ok Potter, what do you want with me? This parchment says nothing except Harry Potter, Head Auror which I already know. Why did you REALLY come here?"
Harry flinched with the use of his last name and blushed slightly at being caught with his lie. He was hoping that Draco wouldn't open it until AFTER he left but…
"The truth? It's just been a long time since I've caught up with my old friends and I thought I'd stop by to see … how you were doing." He finished lamely.
"You never told me you were friends with Harry Potter." Damien curiously asked.
"We're not FRIENDS." Draco said coldly.
Harry's stance changed from sheepish to one in conflict and tense. "Glad to know I'm important to you even after everything. Was it all lies and I was just someone you could turn to when no one else was there? Am I a nobody to you now?"
Draco grey eyes stared back. ".. Yes. You are nobody to me."
Harry's face drained of color but the look in his eyes didn't die down, but intensified. "I thought I was someone you could love." To his horror, his eyes were beginning to water.
"I did. But that was a different time and now we're different people. I'm sorry for saying you're nobody to me.. I didn't mean that." Draco's eyes softened at seeing Harry's state of mind..
Damien froze at hearing they were once lovers.
He continued. "I do love you Harry. But in a platonic way and we cannot be friends until you accept the fact that that is all we will ever be in the future- friends, and only friends."
He blinked a few times to clear his eyes. "What went wrong?" Soft, but no doubt demanding an answer. br>
We all begin with good intent
When love was raw and young
We believe that we can change ourselves
The past can be undone
But we carry on our back the burden time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I've held so dear
(Sarah McLachlan; Fallen) br>
"We had our time, full of memories and love and happiness. Even with Granger and Weasley and the little Weaslette. I may not have always liked or agreed with them, but they gave me some of the greatest memories with you. You were my first kiss, my first love and my FIRST. That's something no one else will have and not many people can say they experienced what we did. We had something many people would give up all their money for but it is something that can't be bought and for that, I am grateful I was able to understand and feel something so wonderful and rare. But we grow up, we move on. Sometimes our feelings just change. I wasn't in love with you anymore but that doesn't mean that I don't love you either. We can't be a part of each other's lives until you have moved on. I have. You should too. I am very content with Damien." He sounded wistful by the end.
"Do you love him?"
"Yes. I do."
Harry nods. "Okay." With that, he heads to the fireplace. He just doesn't have the energy to apparate anymore. The emotional drain took too much of a toll on him.
"Harry?"
Harry turned around with questioning eyes.
Draco walked towards him and whispered, "But I'll never love someone as much as I loved you." His eyes sparkling as he said this.
Harry understood the implied meaning and took it for all it was worth. He smiled a sad smile, nodded to Damien and flooed away to Grimmauld Place.
'One day, I'll move on but I'll definitely never forget Draco Malfoy. For now, I'll just have to see him happy without me and be content with everything.'
He decided to take another walk in the rain.
'for now, I'll just be that person on the other side of the looking glass.'
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Every time I look at you
The world just melts away…
(Sarah McLachlan; Push)
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