Rafael in Wall-Mart Land

Once inside the Soul RV, Siegfried was reliving his still sore 'Sieggy Scepter' with a bag of ice. Talim was way busy with a small cell phone she found and Charade and Cervantes were having a serious conversation that was being closely watched by the rest of the souls.

"Extra Tasty crispy…." Said Cervantes.

"…(Original)" Replied Charade, it is most certain that we know nothing how an argument with charade carries on…. But this is a fic, anything can happen.

"EXTRA TASTY CRISPY….."

"… (ORIGINAL)" Raphael rolled his eyes as he took a seat in the RV right beside Talim.

"Are they going to keep it up?" He asked as he watched the Philippine warrior playing with the cell phone.

"I don't get it…" Talim said as she looked at the cell phone.

"What is here not to get Tal?- Yunsung asked.- Cervantes says the Extra Tasty Crispy recipe from KFC is better than the Original…. Charade says that the original is better…" Yunsung asked a she looked at Talim that raised a brow at him.

"Baka… I know they have been arguing about that since ages now… What I don't get is the stupid calling to travel to who knows were at three in the morning…." Talim said as she leaned back.

"What I don't get, Mon Cherri… Is that strange obsession of yours of speaking Japanese when you are Philippine?" Said Raphael as Ivy hi-jacked Maxi's Cover Girl mirror before he noticed and proceeded to freak out. Maxi, the sexiest Metrosexual of the seven seas and a few rivers.

"I've been watching Anime… Learning a new language…" Talim said as she looked at Maxi now searching for his mirror.

"EXTRA TASTY CRISPY…." Continued the argument. Siegfried stood up, placed the bag of ice in the fridge and sat back down.

"Wooooosh…." Said Voldo.

"You are right…-Cassandra said as she rolled her eyes.- Everyone knows the chicken is good… what's the deal?" Mitsurugi on his corner decided to both not pay attention to the argument about chicken that has been taking place for about two weeks now, and to the fact that Cassandra and Voldo could speak and hold a conversation. How exactly she could tell what 'Wooosh' meant… Only the Greek gods knew because the Christian God and Buddha were out of town that weekend. ::Insert golf Playing Buddha here::: Suddenly, a soft music that seemed to be a cell phone's ringing filled the RV. Talim looked at the screen on the small cell phone on her hand and read a message.

"Plug the cell phone to the monitor on the RV…" And so she did. A steam of Images came from a non determined place.

"Welcome to Road Rules Soul Calibur….- A shady voice in the shadows said.- This is not Road Rules and therefore you don't win crap and can't complain to MTV but, here's the deal…. You have a few Tasks to fulfill and if at the end I am pleased I will not reveal this compromising information I have of ALL of you…" The shady and in the shadows shadowy voice said. All the guys looked at each other. Only God knew what was in that envelope and that they most certainly didn't want anyone to know about.

"What do we have to do?" Asked Siegfried as he finally got the feeling back to one of his most appreciated zones of his body,

"There are a series of individual challenges that you must fulfill in order to be a step closer to the envelope…. First off… You have two hours to startle at least 50 persons…. Two persons must take this challenge and a third will record it with the cell phone's camera phone, sending the stream to my cell phone…. Now Go…" and the communication was over.

"What are we going to do? And most importantly… Where is my Mirror?" Asked Maxi as Ivy smiled widely and placed the Mirror in Yoshimitsu's hat. Siegfried was checking on something in a laptop that was in the RV.

"I have an idea…"He said as all the guys looked at him.

"You…. Wanna … help?" Kilik said as he dropped to the floor and started faking a heart attack.

"Breathe rod boy…. BREATHE!" Said Cassandra as she looked at Kilik and moved him with her foot.

"Look… we are all in this… now, let's do this…" Siegfried said as Talim decided to record the footage. She had been playing with the camera for longer than anyone.

"Ok… I will help, mes amies… I am great at startling…" Said Raphael and Yunsung decided to also help and therefore Siegfried explained his plan to the three of them and they held a conference in extreme secrecy.

"OK…. To the SC-mobile…" Yunsung happily said pointing up with his index finger in a determined position.

"When it came to brains you received all the looks, ne, Yun-chan?" Talim said as she sighed and Siegfried tried not to laugh but it was just hard not to.

"Did she just insult me?" Yunsung asked, not noticing the SC mobile was the RV and they all were already in it.

"The prosecution rests, your honor…" Talim said and Siegfried had to laugh out loud.

"Great one baby girl…. You are going to make me bust a gut…" Siegfried said as Maxi looked at him in his frantic attack of finding his mirror.

"Those are the moments that deserve a picture…" Ivy ironically said as Taki pulled a disposable camera and took a quick picture of a smiling Siegfried. Siegfried looked at Taki wide eyed, and he saw Taki within all those blinding lights that the flash left on his eyes.

"Wow… the colors…." He said with a lost in space look. And just then, the RV stopped in a Wall Mart.

"Ok…. Here we go…." Said the four of them. Siegfried was the mission leader, Talim the camera crew and Ynsung and Raphael were performing the mission.

-- Shadow-Vision--

Before Talim walked Raphael and Yunsung pretty cockily towards the doors of the innocent Wall Mart. Talim focused on the German beside her and he was reading from a paper and when he saw her filming him, he smiled and covered his face with the paper.

"Ok, Mon Capitan… C'est quoi we have to do?" Raphael asked as Siegfried looked at the paper.

"Ok… We start off with this… Yunsung and I will stay in the Toy area…. Talim… go with him… remember… make a third call and share the video on my cell phone…" Siegfried said and The camera focused on Raphael's Evil Frenchie smile.

"This is it…" He said handing her a paper and the camera started filming the floor and suddenly a creepy Jaws Theme song ringtone filled the air.

"Danke…. Babe…" And Siegfried and Yunsung walked away.

"Where are we going, Raphael?" Talim asked as she followed him to the women's department. They stood looking at the place and a bunch of airheads entered the place with apparel filled with pink clothes, the attendant had to leave her place to help an old woman decide between a freaky hat and the other and then Raphael entered the place. Talim placed the camera on her face.

"I don't know what he is going to do… But I hope those bimbos get traumatized… he, he, he…" She said with a nasty chuckle. Pointing back at the door of the dressing rooms she waited and waited… Suddenly….

"SACRE BLEU…. WHERE IS THE TOILET TISSUE?" A choir of 'Ew's and bitchy screams were heard and soon after a group of bimbos ran with their hands on the air and their bras on display with their small breasts showing. Raphael came out with his French accented maniacal laugh.

"That makes ten… we have forty more to Mon Cherri…" He said as Talim and him began to run towards the Toy area. There, Siegfried and Yunsug were laughing like assholes.

"Oh my dear lord… that was priceless…." Yunsung said as he leaned on a stack of RC Hummers.

"Mercy… Now… your turn…" Raphael said. But Yunsung couldn't get a hold on himself and that could put in peril the mission. So, Raphael decided to carry on, Siegfried pointed at a second place in the paper and nodding, Talim and Raphael walked away.

"What now, Raphael?" Talim asked.

"Watch…" He said as he walked to the center alley of the store.

"::: Chrrrrr (Or whatever the noise those speakers make is)::: Mr Raphael Soreil Your Family waits for you in the main door….Mr. Raphael Soreil…. Your family waits for you in the main door…. :::Chrrrrr:::" Talim filmed Raphael as he fell to the floor and assumed the fetal position.

"NOOOOO…. THE VOICES AGAIN… MAKE THEM STOP MAKE THEM STOP…." He said as a group of people walked away from him while he shivered in fear in the floor.

"Mamma… he's scary…"

"Don't look at him dear…." A mother said as she pulled her four kids away from him. Talim walked to Raphael.

"Come Uncle Simon….- she said as she held the cell phone to film the startled people.- Sorry… He forgot to drink his medications…." She said as she held Raphael.

"Look Mamma… A blue elephant…" He said as they walked away and began laughing, finding Siegfried and Yunsung chocking of laugher in a corner of the pharmacy area.

"That…:::Chuckle::: Makes 35 startled people…. 15 to go…" Siegfried said as he tried getting a grip but just couldn't. He pointed at the next selection of a joke and Raphael nodded and once again the almost gutless Talim and him walked around in the store. She filmed as he entered the fishing area and grabbed a hook and a bottle of ketchup that was strolling loose in the alley. He took some ketchup on his mouth and taking off the chin ring he had he placed the hook there and walked to an associate.

"Excuse me…- he said- Are you sure this is safe for the fishes?" He asked and when the attendant turned around he only saw a guy with a hook on his chin and blood gushing out of his mouth and the guy fainted, and an old lady that was walking around started screaming like a headless hen and ran off. He took off the hook and cleaned the blood and walked back to Siegfried and Yunsung that were plainly sitting in the floor and holding their stomachs in pain.

"Did you see that woman?" Yunsung said between chuckles….

"Ja… here…. Pick the last two… you need to startle at least 12 more people for us to be a step closer to the envelope…" Siegfried said as he just couldn't hold it. Nodding Raphael took Talim with him and walked to the hunting area of the store, grabbed a sniper gun and stepped in the hallway. Talim just couldn't hold the laughs. And then, Raphael held the gun like a SWAT guy or something and started stalling the first person that came around humming the mission impossible theme. With that, he startled a Rocker, three bimbos in pink slippers that almost tripped on the DirecTV booth, a fat guy buying beer and a geek checking for books. Talim was sitting in a radio box because she couldn't laugh anymore because it was too painful. Calling her to him, both of them hid inside some cloths racks and Talim from hers filmed the Rack where Raphael was.

"Oh… Marge, so you think he cheats on you…" Two women came speaking.

"Pick me…." Was heard from the rack. The woman picked a blouse but kept speaking; a few more women came around searching in different racks.

"No Debra…. My Roger would never do that…" Said the other one as she picked an olive green shirt.

"Not the olive green…. Pick me… Pick me… No, me…" Continued Raphael inside the rack and all the women around the rack looked at it.

"What was that?" Asked one of the other ones that was checking on the rack beside where Raphael was hiding. One of the women picked a purple blazer.

"Pick me damn it…. I don't want to be on a sale…" Raphael said as the women took steps backwards and one decided to open the rack and check. Receiving the scare of their life when Raphael startled her and held the sniper paint ball shot gun on his hand. The women went away screaming. Raphael came out and pulling Talim out of the rack he walked to where Siegfried and Yunsung were supposed to be. In their way the saw a security guy.

"Sir… are you stalking people?" The guard said as he looked at Raphael turning paler than what he already was.

"Gomen ne, demo... Kimi wa Baba-desu…. Dekata, Onegai…." Talim said as another guard came to the one speaking to Talim and Raphael.

"Are they the ones we are looking for?" The guy asked.

"I don't think so… these are Japanese…." The guard said as they both walked away and Talim and Raphael met Siegfried and Yunsun in the entrance of Wall Mart and they walked to the RV.

"What did you tell them?" Asked Siegfried.

"I Asked them to forgive us, but he was an idiot and I asked him politely to move…." Talim said as she entered the RV were everyone was laughing their asses out and the shadowy shadow of the Dark Shadows was also laughing.

"Well Done… You startled 54 persons… we will be in contact…" The Shadowy voice said and then the transition was out. The RV started it's way to wherever it was that they were going, expecting the new instructions from the Shadow of The Dark Shadows.

So…. Prankster Raphaels and Shadowy voices? Stay up for Chapter 3….

--- End of transmission---

Thanks for reading and let me know if you want this nonsense to continue... Review and tell me what you think so far and constructive criticism is more than welcome…. Toodles