Louis's Unfortunate Accident
Based on the comedy series Family Guy
"Dun…ah…dun…ah…dun ah dun ah dunah dunah dunahdunah!" Stewie hummed to himself as he plotted the downfall of the bane of his existence: His mother. He had recently decided that his usual tools of destruction were too stereotyped and that he needed original tools. These new tools included a cake wrapper, a magazine (Total Girl, Stewie loved to read it), a photo of himself (how handsome he was, or so he thought) and a set of plastic spoons. He was just deciding how to use them to kill Louis and take over the world when Brian entered the room.
"Oh go away you wretched flea biting canine!" Stewie was a little bit cranky as his midday porridge had been two degrees colder than it should have been.
"Oh, plotting to take over the world again are we? I would have thought you would have moved on to more important things, things that really affect you, like diaper sizes for instance."
"Well… well, you can just…go away!" Stewie said suspiciously hiding a bundle behind him.
"Calm down little guy. Louis sent me up to tell you it's time for your nap."
"Damn! Caught me again! I will have revenge! I will have world…" He curled up in a ball and fell asleep.
Brian coughed and said "Mama's boy" before leaving the room. Sucker! He thought. It was two hours early for Stewie's nap.
But Brian's pranking had sent Stewie into a world full of world domination and Louis dying. It was in this crazy and scary world that the idea came to him. He would rip up the magazine and make a collage then pretend to show it to Louis, then he would use the cake wrapper as a gag and spoon her to death. Stewie considered it to be the perfect plan. He dreams carried on until morning.
The next morning Louis was happily feeding Stewie while he complained.
"Here comes the choo choo train Stewie! Open wide now!"
"You imbecile! I am not a cheap pet! I will not be treated…"She shoved a mouthful of food in where he took a breath and he paused to consider the flavour. "mmm…this is quite delicious, I say where do you get this Louis. I bet I can manage a whole diaper full just for you now!"
"Awww! Stewie has a stinky! Come on Stewie we'll get you all cleaned up!"
"Get your hands away from me you perverted woman! Do you know who I am! WAHHH!" Stewie's screaming went through the whole house.
"Aww! Stewie's tired! Let's get you to bed!"
"No! Not bed! You stupid incompetent cow!"
Louis put him to bed and pulled the curtains.
"Night Night Stewie, come here and give your Mummy a big kiss!"
For our poor demented hero that was the last straw. He reached under his pillow for a spoon. The plan would be abandoned. He stabbed his surprised mother right through the heart with the blunt edged spoon. But as he did so he had flashbacks, every time he had attempted to assassinate her, the way she tucked him in at night, the lack of competition there would be now she was gone. Stewie realized he would miss her so much. He began to cry.
"Louis! The object of my hatred gone! My life has less meaning!"
"Stewie! Spoons are not toys or weapons of murder! Bad Boy!"
"Louis! Damn! I will get you one day! You see if I don't! Damn cheap spoons…" His mumblings became too quite to understand.
And so, Louis survived despite the plottings of her deranged toddler. She lived to fight another day, at least until Stewie does get her…
"Damn!"