Here's chapter 5, a very random and senseless one… This is not a drill… I REPEAT… NOT A DRILL… On with the show… I don't own SC…
Shocking declarations: The SC Soap Opera….
After a few hours of running like a bitch through the woods, Sieggy now was cleansing his wounds in a corner.
"GOTTVERDAMNT… this hurts… -He said as he wiped the scratches he had on his arm with some alcohol. Then he proceeded to look in the Medicine kit for some band aids.- Where are the band-aids?" He asked and everyone looked at Voldo. The looked at was hugging the box of band-aids and as soon as he noticed it he hid them.
"I guess it is dangerous to ask for them…" Said Siegfried looking at Sophitia that was scraping her nails…
"I can't take your DNA from my nails…" She said as she used a toothpick to take some skin off her nails.
"Sophitia… you need to control your temper…" Seung Mina said as she looked at Sieggy/Nightmare wallowing in his despair for Sophitia… Even when that was Cervantes's job.
"Did you hear something Sis?" Asked Sophitia. Cassandra just shrugged and leaned back.
"Um… I…" Mina simply brushed her hair out of her face and sighed….
"Guys…" She began.
"Seriously Sophitia…- Interrupted Nightmare.- Why the hell you had to slash me like a Voldo wannabe? It is not my fault you have a sucky memory."
"E… Excuse Me…" Mina tried again.
"Still…- Now it was Yunsung.- I have never seen Sieg there run so much… You know guys… like… it was like those old cartoons, The Coyote and the Road Runner…" He said as Mina took a deep breath. She had something important to say. Talim meanwhile was looking at the message sent with the footage for shady and smiled to Yunsung's quote. She remembered the cartoon.
"Guys I…" Mina was interrupted once more….
"It was necessary Sieg… you made me look like an idiot…" Sophitia said cleaning her nails. Maxi, whom to this moment was awakening from his beauty nap after the run he took to whistle the Killer Song behind Nightmare found himself watched by Assassin
"Don't look at me… You hurt my eyes… I am too sexy to have my retina hurt by your presence." He said looking to the other side. Assassin simply sighed and sat beside Spawn.
"Um… hello? I…" Mina tried once again.
"But… for being so short, this young fella sure can run…" Heihachi said as he now was the one to interrupt Seung Mina.
"I am not short you Vegeta wannabe… I am of a normal height…" Siegfried defended himself. Kilik laughed strongly.
"Normal Height for a dwarf… seriously Sieg… in school, what were you? The Class Hamster…?" He said as Mitsurugi looked at Kilik wide eyed. Sieg/Nightmare was the sociopath of the group… nobody joked that much with the guy.
"I was your mother's lover…" Siegfried said as he looked dead serious at Kilik.
"You know…- Mina made another attempt…- I think…" But since it is more than obvious, what happened? She got interrupted.
"Guys… Stop it. Your Mothers are not here to defend themselves from your childish attacks… - Spawn said very serious under his 'EL DIABLO' mask. The guys looked a little ashamed of themselves, it was true… they shouldn't make fun of the mothers of anyone.- Besides… I am trying to think how I will fund Wanda…" He said not noticing he interrupted Seung Mina for maybe the 10th time.
"Um… people… I think…" She tried once more…. And then, a helicopter paired up with the RV and a UPS guy hanging from a ladder handed Cervy a package.
"WOW… That was quick…" Cervantes said as he looked at the package.
"We guarantee your package will be delivered before 8:00 a.m. of the next day…" Said the UPS Guy as he waved and the Helicopter flew away. Mina was starting to boil.
"WOOOOOOOOOSH…" Voldo said and everyone looked at Cassandra.
"Ah… alright already…- she said with a sigh and a huge frown- What's in the box Cervantes?"
"This is My Ultra Special Hi-Tech more than what it seems Kind of stupid and mostly insanely nonsense Only for Playtime Chemistry set…" Cervy said with a smile.
"Please… someone… listen…" Mina said with tears on her eyes….
"We only wanted to know what was in the box…." Said Ivy feeling that her father was going deader and deader every minute that passed. Then again she was right but she was not going to make a scene out of it.
"But… that's what it is…" He said showing Raphael the super amazing Frenchie the box.
"Ultra Special Hi-Tech more than what it seems Kind of Stupid and mostly insanely nonsense Only for Playtime Chemistry Set… ages 8 and up…" Raphael read from the cover of the box. Why did a Chemistry set have such a long name?
"WOW… I guess simple is no longer necessary…" Siegfried said as he captured a French fry and had it prisoner in a jail cell made out of bendy straws and duct tape. He was examining something while the French fry said he was not willing to talk and was not going to crack under the pressure.
"HELLO… I am trying to say that…" Mina kept trying and trying….
"Has anyone seen die Heinz…?" Sieg asked looking at the empty bottle.
"Last Time I saw Ketchup…- Answered Yoshimitsu…- It was on top of Seung Mina's head…" Siegfried looked at Mina very mad. His blue-green eyes shining with rage.
"Mina how inconsiderate of you… - Mina was going to defend herself…- Damn… now I need some Ketchup… and don't give me that Frechie's ketchup…" He said as he kept exploring the RV for Ketchup. There was a Priest French fry giving the last confession to the one in the jail cell.
"Use my AK-47…" Said Ivy handing him a weird thing that resembled a gun.
"How is this an AK-47, Ives?" He asked as he took prisoner the Priest fry.
"MERCY… I AM A FRY OF THE LORD…." Yelled the fry.
"I… need to tell you…" Mina tried once again. Let's face it, she is persistent.
"It's an AK-47 Sieg…- Ivy continued not paying attention to Seung Mina.- It's Armed with Ketchup… 47 individual ketchup 'bullets'… AK-47" Ivy said showing him a fancy ketchup pack… and it was Heinz.
"I like the way you think IVES…- He said turning to the fries with the super gun- SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND…" He said and fired at the fries and then took the fries covered in ketchup and proceeded to eat them.
"WE WILL NOT BE SILENCED…." Yelled the fries before taking the long road to the heaven of fries. To this point Mina was looking like a rabid dog.
"WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP SO I CAN SPEAK?" Mina Yelled pulling her rod out and threatening of death a few of the cast members of Soul Calibur and Link.
"Speak already Goddamn it… you are giving me a headache…" Raphael said as he rubbed his fingers on his forehead. Charade was so scared he was closed… and also being held by Cassandra so Lizardman wouldn't eat him.
"I was going to say that…" And Mina was interrupted by the Communication System.
"Hello guys…" Said Shady from her Shadowy shady spot of the Shadows of Doom.
"…The Shady one was here when you were running through the woods and it got mad…" Mina said with a frown sitting in a corner with the mother of all pouches.
"You should have said it earlier, women these days… they don't speak when they have to and then they ask for equality…" Heihachi said as he leaned back and all of the souls looked at him. He was right.
"Mina… you should have said something…" Said Yunsung.
"Yeah, Mina-sama… now we are in trouble…" Talim said looking at the Shady one.
"Ah… Whatever…" Mina said pretty pissed off.
"Well… Since you weren't here when I was going to assign you your next mission… I am contacting websites and newscast stations to start distributing your deepest darkest Secrets… CNN is interested… and so is Entertainment Tonight and Access Hollywood…" Shady said as it swirled in a chair. The cast members looked at Nightmare who was still in his Mafia mode. Nightmare looked at Mina.
"See what you have done you silly girl… Now we are severely fucked with the Shady…- He said leaning back like The Godfather.- You will sleep with the fishes…"
"But I…" She began.
"NO EXCUSE…" Said Raphael in his No escape tone and did his Swirly sword super French Flamenco style dance and looked at Mina over her shoulder.
"Ah… Go fuck yourselves… Bite me…" She said as she leaned back. Everyone felt the RV Stop and Shady told them to step out and as they were out there was a huge screen TV… more like an IMAX theater thing and there was shady.
"In today's challenge you will fight for your right of privacy and in the case I am not pleased one of the Members must leave the RV…" It said with a very maniacal laugh. It was more than obvious to the shaky souls that leaving the RV was going to be even worse than simply completing the task It would have for them. The thing with the cloak came out of the RV and walked them through a hall. They arrived at what seemed to be an abandoned Church where at least 100 people were peacefully having a chatter right in the middle of fucking nowhere and as soon as they saw the cast standing there… they just looked dead serious at them. The Cell Phone that was in the RV and which Talim had already clamed as hers started ringing. She picked it up to get a video stream from Shady.
"You have to perform for this people and it has to be a Soap Opera style thing… Each one of you has to at least say one line but not limited to that unless it is the lead… the lead needs to talk as much as it is required and keep the coherence of the play… if at the end someone has not fulfilled the requirement That's a DQ and someone must leave the RV…- The guys just looked at each other… There were Cameras around and they guessed they were for the shady one… it must have been loaded to move up such a staff and even audience..- The Theme of this Challenge named My Telemun-don't loose Novela is… Wedding… You have a hat there… draw the name of the lead and you have 3 minutes to start…" And the communication was off and the cast of SC was officially freaked out.
"I will pick the name…" Wrote Voldo and walked to the hat and stabbed randomly inside the hat and took out one single paper and brought it to Cervantes who was mixing concoctions in his long named chemistry set. Cervantes took off his black rubber gloves and took the name.
"Um… OH My… Siegfried… you are the lead…" He said showing the paper which read Siegfried Schtauffen AKA Nightmare… there was no way he could say it was not him the one being the lead.
"GOD DAMN IT…- He yelled and a huge gasp was heard in the place. Everyone looked at him… he was in a church.- OK… this is what we'll do… I am getting married to… Um… Taki…- Taki gasped and smiled widely- And the Wedding dude…" He was interrupted by Yoshimitsu.
"The Priest my child…"
"That thing… that will be… You Yoshi…- He said scratching his head.- The rest… just jump along… please people do this right…." He said thinking that with his lock he was the one that was going to end up kicked out of the RV. He walked to a corner where there were some props and handed Yoshi the Priest cloth and took a jacket that looked like a tuxedo and handed Taki a white robe.
"Ten seconds…" Yelled one of the cameramen and the audience went in silence. Nightmare walked to the place where he was supposed to be and Taki beside him with Yoshi.
"And… Action…" Yoshimitsu looked at the both of them which were almost breaking to laugher.
"So… If someone has a reason why this demon hunting ninja hottie shouldn't marry this Demon Warlord… Speak now or forever hold your peace…." Yoshi said.
"I OPOSSE…." Yelled Mitsurugi.
"Why?" Asked Nightmare.
"Because… Taki is a MAN…."He said as he pointed an accusing finger at Taki.
"I AM NOT…" She said.
"Yes you are… and you were going to marry me…" Said Cassandra fake-weeping…
"I oppose too…" Link said looking fierce. Everyone looked at him. He only Hya-ed till a few seconds ago.
"And your reason is…?" Asked Siegfried/nightmare.
"I cannot let the love of my life get Married…" He said twitching an ear.
"But… Link… Our thing didn't work out… -Taki continued.- You almost died because of me…" Taki said placing a hand on her forehead and looking dramatically arrested.
"Not you…. Lorenzo Antonio -He said at Taki giving her a novella name for a guy.-… the Love of my life is…. Siegfried…."
"WHAT?" Yelled everyone… even the audience.
"When I met the German Demon Warlord in the battlefield He kicked my ass and all I was telling him was that there was hot tea in the kettle….- he shed a tear.- So I learned the earthly language and came back for him…" Link said. Everyone looked at Sieg for guidance and he was about to break into laughter.
"It was … j-just a battlefield fling… besides he doesn't count… he's an alien…" Nightmare/Siegfried said biting his lips.
"But… what about our family? Meet your Son… Charade Schtauffen…" Link said carrying around Charade and Charade had his whiteboard.
"DADDY!" It read.
"YOU…" Yelled Taki.
"I also oppose…." Said Cervantes with his beakers and stuff.
"Why do you sir?" Asked Yoshimitsu.
"Because he is a failed experiment… whom my Evil Daughter handed to Darkness and that's why he is evil… he cannot love…" Cervy said as Ivy stood up.
"He can't marry you because he is supposed to be my Harem's consort Gentleman…" Ivy said as she had Yunsung on a leash.
"I NEED HELP… SHE IS A MAN EATING GODDESS…." Yunsung said as Ivy made him kneel. Then Sophitia came from nowhere pretending to be a ghost.
"He can't marry her because he promised me we would be together for eternity before I died… When Xianghua killed me!" She said… Nightmare looked at Sophitia and then at Xianghua… they were making things so hard for him to follow. Everyone was stuck in that one.
"YES… And I would do it again… She never gave me my bread…" Xianghua said as she leaned and looked evil for a second.
"But… I killed Seung Mina because I thought she killed you…" Sieg said trying to fit in someone else so they didn't loose a cast member. Seung Mina came out wiggling like a ghost too.
"Sophitia… my sworn Enemy… I shall hit you for eternity…" And Seung Mina started chasing Sophitia with the rod and hitting her, in revenge for the RV incident.
"Anyone else Opposes…?" Asked Yosh8imitsu sighing.
"I do…- Said Astaroth…- Because his pet Lizard Slaughtered My son Berserker and all his worms…" Astaroth said as he pointed at Berserker who was thrown in the floor.
"I am dead!" He said and laid back.
"Taki…. You cannot Marry this Demon Warlord…" Heihachi screamed as Taki looked at him.
"Why can't I? Father… right?" She asked wide eyed.
"Because… besides being a Man… you are Bethought to an arranged Marriage with this fair Maid…."He said pointing at Raphael.
"It was an arrangement made before we were born…" Said Raphael pretending a Girl's voice tone.
"It was an arrangement supposed to bring peace between two nations…" Said Heihachi looking at Nightmare totally confused. They were making the best effort to help him because he looked lost in translation. Besides he didn't watch Soap operas.
"I will kill you…." Said Kilik to Voldo.
"Me?- he said astonished…- Oh… Yeah… I will kill you too…" And Voldo and Kilik charged at each other and fell 'dead' in the floor.
"ROAR… FOOD!" Yelled Lizardman and pretended to eat from the dead.
"You were engaged? How could you lie to me…" Nightmare tried to continue.
"Master… She was lying to you… I shall kill her…" Said Spawn as he aimed at Taki.
"Please don't kill her… She is just a girl/boy…" Said Necrid being the Nana of Taki's youth. Sieg/Nighty was going to bust a gut trying not to laugh of the stupidity they were doing while the audience was laughing of them and not with them.
"I have come to finish this nonsense…." Said Assassin.
"About time…" Yoshi scuffed as he leaned back.
"Wait…- Said Talim wearing a Japanese school girl uniform.- He cannot be wed to Lorenzo Antonio alias Taki… He promised me we would be married when I was old enough while he was teaching me the way of the sword…I am a woman now Siegfried-sensei… I can marry you now…" Talim said with hopeful eyes. Everyone went in a what the fuck moment.
"Someone has a reason why they SHOULD be married…?" Asked Yoshimitsu as Assassin came forth.
"I have someone to bring reason… Come Mr. Maxi Schtauffen…. Siegfried's father…" And Maxi stood forward and Nightmare was biting his lips because his father was not a wimp and never said he was hot like Maxi always said.
"Son… what a mess have you created…. All this because I told you to get a turkey from the supermarket for our Thanksgiving dinner… What do you have to say in your defense…?" Maxi said as he looked fatherly at Nightmare who thought for a while, raised his head and looked at the ceiling of the church, them at all the others.
"CURSED BE MY WRETCHED MANLY BEAUTY…"He said as he closed his eyes took a stance of delight in himself and smiled sexily. They vowed and left for the RV while the audience laughed of the stupid but original display and the souls laughed their asses out because of Nightmare's Maxi attack.
Sometime later, in the RV… Shady logged to the souls.
"Well… You saved your asses… You are closer to the envelope and….- it said looking at Nightmare.- I like your wretched Manly beauty…" And it logged out.
"Siegfried-sama… that was good…" Said Talim showing him some pics.
"Yeah… Why didn't I think on something like that?" Said Assassin.
"Because you are not Hot like me you Gatsby wannabe…" Said Maxi with a lot of despair.
"Nope… it's because…. You are not German Like me…" Said Siegfried leaning back and enjoying the newly brought argument.
-EOT-
All Hail the Manly beauty…. I am sorry this is so stupid but I have been in one of those Final exams/ insane neurons off moment and this was what came out. I promise to bring something with much more sense next time… Now for the reviews:
To Kawaii Plushie Fetish: Um… Thanks again… I am not much of a fan of Seung Mina but not because of her fighting style… but because someone made her annoying for me… But thanks.. anyways she is in this chappie too…
To Fayes Love: Well… Keep coming back for insanity… though this chapter is not my pride and joy. Maybe if I go famous one day I'll see you around. Or fics about my work… Thanks for reviewing.
To Jadie-Chan: Gee Thanks… I haven't got to write cuteness yet. But I once wrote a cute fic named I'm under your Spell… Maybe I will re-post it. Maybe not… Thanks for reviewing…
To Dr. Wilopolis: Hehe… Updated…. Heinz rocks… LOL
To Rain54: Here was some more for you…. Thanks for the hint on Heihachi's name… I don't know much of Tekken and I only own the SC copy for XBOX… Thank you
To Evil dead Ownz you: Well… Thanks… most of my work makes no sense and just when you think it can start making sense… chapter five drops by… Thanks for the nice review
To Lysander: I don't know about that Hens' party…. Thanks for the hint on the game. But I hope you are happy about Link speaking here… Just for you Ly-chan
To Sir Dik Dik; Well Dude… I do what I can with mein head. I am glad you liked it and for a fact… U r updated from the other fic…. Need to write more Thanks for reviewing My Dear Sir Dik Dik
Well… That's it… thanks for coming and please… review. I will see how I make Chapter 6 make some damn sense… I leave you now… Toodles