Hey…. I know it has been quite a while since I posted something, I apologize but a lot of personal problems and college had me in writing austerity. Hope you enjoy this chapter and saying that I don't own Soul Calibur in any of it's forms, I decree…. ON WITH THE SHOW!
Musical Chairs
It was about one in the morning and the RV was still moving, the caped thingy sure did like driving, either that or the RV had auto pilot or something of the sort. All the souls were cramped in a little corner getting some shut eye, which included Cervy hugging a beaker, Maxi his mirror and Charade was hugging his contact lenses case.
"Ok… Awkward…" Said a yawning Siegfried/Nightmare as he himself woke up from his little corner where he was falling into the arms of Morpheus and not precisely with blue or red pills as options. He tiptoed his way from within the pretzel of legs in the floor to the bathroom of the RV to tend some pending business but always staying within the rules of the RV for WC usage. As he came out sighing a relief, he saw the RV communication center go on and Shady was looking at him. Somehow it felt like a look.
"Siegfried…." Shady whispered. It was well aware of the state of everyone in the RV.
"Ja?" He asked with a raised brow.
"I am your father…." Shady said with a Darth Vader tone. Siegfried simply shook his head in denial.
"You know, I got slashed, ran my ass out through a God forsaken woodland of shit, had myself confused to levels yet to be known to mankind so if you have nothing important to say then allow me to go back to my cramped corner and keep my sleep while someone doesn't stick their toe inside my nose or something even worse…." Ragefuly ranted the Mini hottie. Shady giggled.
"Sassy aren't we? I'm kidding, I wanted to discuss something with you…"
"Make it snappy…" Siegfried said pretty cockily.
"Even when in our Telemun-don't challenge everyone got to stay you were responsible for everyone's ass and they almost lost because you couldn't follow up with what was going on…." In Nighty's head a lot of alarms went on. Maybe he shouldn't be mouthing out at the shady one.
'I'm gonna get kicked out and I am going to be thrown in jail, or even worse… My darkest secrets will be revealed, or even worse…. I will have to marry a man named Roger and be his bitch till Japan becomes a state of the US…. Or Germans stop drinking beer' He thought with his freaked out/straight face.
"…This is why I have decided to challenge you for your position in the RV…. If you can do this challenge… you get to stay… if not, you are ass-first out of the RV…. MWAHAHAHAHAHA….- Shady cleared it's throat…- I mean…. Mwahahahahaha….. I must not be loud…." It whispered as Voldo hissed in tiredness, rolled over and threw a leg around Link.
"How considerate of you…." Sieg scuffed.
"That's me… always caring about others…." Shady replied in fake self-praising.
"Right, You are the future Nobel Prize for peace and love and a few fluffy bunnies cuddly like clouds- Shady stopped twirling in its chair to be astonished at the smart mouth German-…. What's the catch…?" He asked sitting back and now munching from a can of Chips The Fries have retreated from their efforts at least as far as we are concerned. After all, Sieg ate at least 30 percent of their legions.
"Catch?" Asked Shady with a fake concern.
"There is always a catch…"
"Well… if you succeed you are trading your failure for a spot…. But obviously someone is going out of the RV…" Shady said as it played in the chair.
"So, someone gets to leave because of me…?" He said as he looked at the empty can of chips. Shady knew it had Sieg right where it wanted him.
"Unless you are willing to leave…."
"NO… what do I have to do…?" He finally decided to be in the good side of Shady.
"Simple…. When someone asks you something, answer with a song…. I don't mean that you answer in a melodic way, but to answer with popularly known songs… Just draw a paper from the box there and the name of the song is your answer…" Shady explained as Sieg's eyes grew wide with confusion. He looked to the side and there was the sinister box waiting to make him the asshole of the group.
"WHAT?"
"Yes or no Siegfried?" The enquired one simply sighed; it was either him or someone else. But he cared enough about his image to simply try to do as much as it was possible to keep his secrets as secret as possible.
"Ok… I'm in…." He said as Shady swirled of happiness.
"I will contact you when your task is over…." And it logged off. Siegfried Just sighed, now he was doomed to make a fool out of himself in order to not make a bigger fool of himself, what a conundrum. He decided to simply go to sleep.
In the morning, Cervantes was approaching Heihachi's hair with murderous desires or at least willing to collect a small sample for his experiments Heihachi on his side was simply willing to keep every strand of his gravity defying hair away from Cervantes and close to his scalp. High and tight, that's the way he liked his hair.
"When will Shady come up with a new Mission….?" Asked Cassandra as Link served her some flap Jacks.
"I don't know, but I am getting tired of this….- Said Yunsung….- Maybe we could sleep somewhere else than the RV tonight…. What do you think Nighty?" He asked as Nightmare was engulfing some of his breakfast. Without anyone noticing he pulled out a paper.
"It's fun to stay at the Y M C A….." He sang and kept eating. Ivy's eyes grew wide at him. Everyone simply sighed…. He was catching up to the insanity of the group. Talim smelled Shady in the answer so she pulled out her camera and started recording everything.
"I would much rather a hotel…." Said Assassin.
"You can stay even in the best hotel in the world and still you wouldn't be as Sexy as I am you Gatsby reject… because even when I am sexy and hot beyond human understanding I am approachable…. That's why you use that thing on your face… My beauty was too much for you to handle…." Maxi scuffed and Assassin simply growled underneath his turban.
"Stop it you dual browed bimbo….- Said Taki.- What's up with the grudge?"
"Grudges are fun…." Said Yunsung as he looked happy.
"Yunny…. Can you stop doing that thing?" Asked Sophitia while looking at him. The ass gifted boy simply looked numbly at her.
"What thing?"
"That thing that you do when you move your mouth and sound comes out of it…" Yunsung gasped, obviously offended, but then he saw Taki smile and grab a Flap Jack and there was the seizure again, this time it was Exorcist style, head spins and all. Maxi retired to a corner.
"Ah no, if you are planning to make your sick teen twisted version of the Exorcist, Vomit Assassin-wards…. I am too sexy to be covered in green goo…." Ivy drove a fist to the table and spilled the new brew Cervy was creating.
"You know, we got it, you are too sexy for everything…. Why aren't you too hot for breathing?" She asked as the Dandy Metrosexual looked at a magazine with jewelry.
"Because I can't live without it…. Air is my guilty pleasure…." Maxi said purchasing an engagement ring for himself. He was going to propose to himself as soon as he was out of the RV.
"Apparently thinking is also a guilty pleasure of his…" Whispered Mitsurugi.
"Indeed…." Answered Cervantes, Yoshimitsu, Kilik and Taki. A few chuckles were heard from Berserker and Astaroth that were playing cards in one of the 'corners' of the RV.
"Say, Siegfried….- Taki tried to bring reason back to the conversation, Siegfried was one of the most even headed ones.- It surely was a close call that challenge…- He who was called simply was in despair.- I feel a little scared now that Shady is gonna kick people out, how do you feel?" Sieg simply sighed and once again looked at the small paper on his hand…. Why was that happening to him?
"I'm SO EXCITED…. And I Just can't HIDE it…." He said as he blushed and drowned some of his flap jacks with some juice.
"Seriously Siegfried, you could at least pretend you care a bit about what happens to us….- Sophitia said a little annoyed.-We are practically a family, Why are you so hurtful to us? Why are you such a moron?" Asked the Greek older sister, dater of Squeakies and owner of 'squirrelly wraths' Sophitia style.
"Cause It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you…." He sang and Yunsung looked at him.
"But When we are apart I feel it too…." Yunny continued.
"And no matter what I do I feel the pain, with or without you…." Sang Kilik, Xianghua Maxi and Cassandra. Sieg simply sighed and closed his eyes in almost a doom look. They were enjoying his nice round of Musical chairs. 'All is lost, this is the end…there is no hope and despair is what follows this.' he thought while looking at them.
"Wow… That's a classic…." Said Talim as she filmed now Cervantes with Beaker tongs and finally retrieving a sample of Heihachi's hair. Then he put it in a CSI kind of envelope and sealed the evidence, Smiling Maniacally under his goggles, he acquired Mad scientist status in less than 3 seconds, and with ranking because it was Dead Purple Happy Pirate Mad Scientist…. Cervantes had as much title as his long named Chemistry set.
"Tell me about it…. It's like… Good times, good times indeed…." Yunsung replied as he leaned back and looked as if he had the remembrance of all the good times in the last century even when he was just 18 years old. Assassin then looked around from within the Safety of his turban, seeing they were still in the middle of fucking nowhere and with no signs of possible civilization within the next hours or so.
"Maxi…" He called.
"I am not listening
to you Gatsby…."
"Why are you doing this Maxi?" Asked the
masked stranger very hurt.
"Because I can, because I am hot…." He started.
"WE FUCKING GOT IT ALREADY MAXI…. YOU ARE THE HOTTEST THING SINCE THE IRON CURL, BLOW DRYERS AND POP TARTS ALL WRAPPED UP IN A NICE HOT SAUNA…. QUIT IT…." Taki yelled and she made Yoshi loose his hat, Maxi simply sighed and took his diva stance once again. While looking out he saw a sign that read 'You are now leaving THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING NOWHERE' Raising one of his brows… maybe two of the four, he looked at the guys. Sieg was hiding behind a map.
"Hey, Teutonic dwarf…. Where are we?" Everyone gasped in fear. Sieg could easily devour Maxi and make it look like an accident. Sieg pulled his map down to the level of his eyes.
"Some-where O-ver the rainbow…. WAY up high…." He sang to then hide behind the map once again. Taki chuckled loudly.
"Wow…. That is quite a nasty sense of humor…. I am liking Kaiser Stiffy there in the corner…." She said as Sophitia stood up and looked at he whom she had slashed countless times before, all while Siegfried was looking numbly at Taki, Kaiser Stiffy, where did she come across such a thing?
"Well I don't…. –she then hit Siegfried in the head.- Stop it already will you?" Sieg dropped the map and stood before her. Looking at her straight into the eyes he got lost in the emptiness of them and Sophitia simply got scared to the bones with the naughty smile drawing on his lips.
"Hit me baby one more time…."
"Err…. No…." And Sophitia sat beside Cassandra who was learning Hyrulean from Link
"Hyaaa…." He said just to check if she had learnt something.
"Right you are my pointy eared freaky hunk, It is written in the law of life…."Cassandra replied as everyone looked at her. Whatever she was talking about, it surely was something that she needed to explain.
"Cass… In Human please…." Kilik asked as now Cervantes De Leon the mighty scientist joined them because his brewers and beakers were drying up for the next round of mad scientist mombo-jombo he had to do.
"There are things you shouldn't do to Germans, like… Call them Nazis. Say they bark when they are speaking to you in their mother tongue…- everyone nodded in agreement.- Hit them and in that line…. Leash them…." Link clapped because she understood what he said, the rest looked numbly, what the hell leashing and hitting a German had to do with anything?
"Cassy, sister dear, have you suffered any head injuries lately?" Sophitia asked her.
"That number should be counting the ones you inflict in her every time you fight her?" Asked Seung Mina having Yunsung nodding in agreement with her. Cassandra had a case of the knots and bolts all missing in the upper story, but at least she spoke Whoosh, Morse code for eyelids and was now learning Hyrulean. Sophitia seemed disturbed enough to stay quiet, to which Mina simply smiled in success; it was not easy to make a Blonde Greek Baker girl turned warrior shut up, but she did it.
A few minutes later, everyone was still absorbed in their own matters, including Maxi still 'Dissing' Assassin, Cervantes comparing samples of Heihachi's hair with those form Mitsurugi and the other two were plotting to take the long named chemistry set away from Cervy before it was too late. Ivy was hunting for ammo for her machine gun, in case the fries came back, and the rest were looking at whatever was happening around them. Siegfried, feeling happy that he was not asked anything else and that the attention of the world was not Sieggy/Nighty related, leaned back and continued to enjoy from the can of Pringles chips he was munching on last night when Shady called. With the crunch of the chip all the guys looked at him.
"Sieg…. Can you please share?" Asked Mina with all glowing eyes. Sieg looked at his hand and read the next song.
"Ma' goodies, Ma' goodies, ma' goodies oh not ma' goodies…." And he kept eating.
"We have it with the short, blonde, boobless and German version of Ciara….- Sophy said as she sighed more than loudly, Siegfried was getting on her nerves.- I thought he was done with that….Is my husband aware of how much I miss him?" Mina looked at her, she was married to a moron and glad to be away from him most times and the Bread Girl was sobbing because she missed her hubby. But since the one that got in her nerves the most was Siegfried…. Let Siegfried do her dirty work for her amusement. She plotted while smiling maniacally. Charade once again jumped into Cassy's arms after seeing the maniacal smile in Seung Mina.
"You hear that, Kick-ass, Sad Bad boy, Misunderstood Hottie….- Sieg enraged to unknown levels, not again that stupid name/stereotype.- Sophitia misses her hubby…. Isn't this sad?" Sieg looked at her with the corner of his eye, in a very ironical way and them pulled a paper and stood up in front of Sophitia.
"Don't cha wish your Husband was Hot like me….? Don't cha wish your husband was a Freak Like me…?- He sang making his biggest effort on shaking the ass.- Don't cha wish your Husband was fun like me….? Don't cha, baby…?" He sang and then sat down, Ivy's jaw was practically in the floor, Maxi was once again outdone by the Aryan hottie and Assassin was clapping for Sieggy's ass moving because it got on Maxi's nerves. Sophitia was wide eyed.
"He has a point you know Sis…." Cass said blushed as hell.
"I sure wish my husband had an ass like his…." Mina said day dreaming.
"Amen to that, Sister…." Replied Talim, Taki, Ivy and Xianghua.
"No I do not wish for that, and I am seriously going to murder you in painful ways if you keep this nonsense up, you hear?" Sophy replied a bit mad, they were in quite a mess and then Siegfried picked to be a jerk and do stupid stuff. She liked him better when he was an asshole.
"... SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING…. AH AH…. AH AH….." He replied with an ironical smile. He was neck deep in shit and with an angered Sophitia/part-time Voldo wannabe looking nastily at him, he was going to end up really injured.
"Why do you insist on doing this….?" She asked as the rest of the cast simply sat all together to enjoy the musical argument between the blondes.
"This is the battle of the blondes…. I think Sophitia will win…." Mina said leaning back and making a space for Talim and her camera.
"Wanna put your money where your mouth is Rod Girl?" Ivy asked quite relaxed. She knew Siegfried could get into anyone's nerves when he wanted to and now it seemed he was more than willing to piss Sophitia off.
"You are on Ives…." Mina answered shaking hands with Ivy and sealing a bet.
"Because….- Answered Sieg.- I'm…- Sophitia thought he was going to answer in a decent way.- Lonely…. I am so Lonely…. I have nobody of my own…." Sophitia squeezed her fists tightly, she was pretty upset.
"Wow…. I have never seen that child so red…." Yoshi commented as he looked at Cervy making notes on the redness of Sophitia for his next experiment.
"Indeed…." He said as he looked at how Sophitia was beginning to glow in a demonic red shade.
"Siegfried Schtauffen you are a pain in the ass, Why don't you shut up already?" She scuffed as he backed a bit from her and closer to the door, if he had to dash out, he was not loosing time in running.
"Why don't you do something…." He sang in reply and Sophitia punched the door of the RV's bathroom.
"I have had it with you Britney Spaz…. I'll be in the cockpit if anyone needs me…." And she left stomping her feel. Siegfried sighed a relief and sat down, Mina was paying her dues to Ivy and Cassandra was laughing her ass out.
"You…. Actually made her…. Leave and shut the fuck up…- Link said quite surprised.- What do you say about that….?" Siegfried was about to cry, he had lost the respect he have earned form his comrades and was looking goofier than a teenage class clown.
"Go Siegfried… it's my birthday, we're gonna party like it's my birthday, we're gonna sip Bacardi like it's my birthday, and you know I don't give a Fuck it's not my birthday." He answered and Link simply looked wide eyed at him.
"Right on German boy, that's the attitude…." He said as he leaned back feeling a new found admiration for the German Shorty. Sieg sighed, at least one person was enjoying the whole thing. Maxi felt like he was being robbed of the spotlight and came in defense of his Divaness… I mean, of Sophthia's honor.
"Who the hell do you think you are Man, to do something like that to her….?" He asked holding the 'and to me?' part of the question. Siegfried looked once again to his hand.
"THEY CALL ME CUBAN PETE, I'M THE KING OF THE RUMBA BEAT… WHEN I PLAY THE MARACAS THEY GO CHIK CHIKI BUM CHIK CHIKI BUM CHIK CHIKI BUM…." He sang the stupid song from the 'The Mask' movie. Talim began laughing, imagining Sieggy with Maracas and dancing rumba. The rest were plainly blinking at him. And then the Shady Wireless System came up and there it was looking at them. Sophitia came out because Yoshi called on her to come hear the Shady.
"Well done Mr. Manly Beauty…. You pass the test…." Shady said still laughing.
"IT WAS A TEST?" All the others but Talim yelled.
"Wasn't it a little obvious…." Talim said with a sigh.
"Well, now that you think about it…. It is obvious that Siegfried wouldn't do something like that on his own will…." Yunsung said still pondering on the idea on why didn't he think about that before. Siegfried was a ball of malevolence in a corner…. He was out of that stupid test and he could go back to being his old naturally sarcastic self.
"So, what did he win?" Asked Taki sitting beside Siegfried and taking some of the chips from his can of Pringles.
"He won his right to keep his secrets secret…. And one of you lost theirs…." All the others looked at each other and then at him who was smiling like a dork.
"WHOOOSH?" Asked Voldo very worried.
"What did he say?" Asked Shady.
"He asked if one of us is going to get kicked out of the RV?" Cassandra translated and looked at Charade climbing on top of the table where Lizardman couldn't eat him.
"That is basically the premise of this..." Shady answered.
"Ok, then who goes, Assassin?" Maxi pointed at the poor thing who looked wide eyed at him from underneath his face veil.
"I thought on kicking you out…- Shady began…- But I love to see you mad at Assassin. Then I thought on booting off Sophitia for talking about Squeaky and one of the dirty little secrets I have on her….- Sophitia sighed, because Squeaky was only one of the secrets the Shady had on her.- But I have way more dirt on her…. Then I thought on booting Seung Mina, but we cannot do that can we….?" Shady said suspiciously.
"Err…. No… we cannot…." Mina said quite scared.
"And in the end… I decided that the one who gets to leave is…. Berserker…. Because we are spending too much money in Gasoline carrying him and Astaroth around, both of you are really heavy…." Astaroth felt offended with the reference to his weight, the RV Stopped and a lot of commandos entered and pulled Berserker out.
"Next time it could be you… or you…. Or… YOU….- Shady said pointing at random souls.- See you soon…." And the communication was over. Everyone looked astonished at Siegfried.
"You should have said something man…." Sophitia began.
"I'm not in the mood for speaking…." And he turned around and kept watch in case the fries came back because he was damn hungry and the fries tasted good.
"This is turning quite interesting…." Taki said as she looked at Astaroth doing sit ups. Maybe the next time he was not going to get voted off because of his weight. But they were sure that now the Shady one could be testing them even when they didn't know, that and that Sophitia had way more secrets than the embarrassing date with Squeaky.
Random Pigtails Girl Pops out of nowhere again.
"Isn't it obvious that she has way more dirt within her fingernails? Damn you writers are so stupid, that's why you will never sell a book…." And she gets dragged away by the commando squad.
EOT
Well, that was chapter 6, I hope you enjoyed it… Now for the reviews….
Fayes Love: Insane greatness? I like that…. Thanks for saying I rock, I do what I can, btw, your review reminded me that I needed to update…. Thanks….
druid178: Thank you… I try as much as I can to deliver hilarious entertainment
Church of Fucking doom/Sir-dik: Thanks to my favorite pair of Europeans…. Sorry for the austerity…. The crisis goes to unknown levels, but I hope to come back to the level of writing I had before.
De. Willopolis: I Hope you enjoyed this one, thanks for the review.
Rain54: Sorry for the delay, and the Manly beauty Shall live…. As expected, reasons to get booted off are as insane as my wormhole for mind…. Thanks for reviewing.
ApoloIV: Thanks….
Once again I apologize for the delay and asure you more will come in the near future… DAMN YOU COLLEGE…. Please review…. And Auf Wiedersehen