Whoa…. Lady Manson here wishing you all my beloved readers a decent year, one in which you have strength to deal with your enemies and the power to destroy those with which you cannot cope. I don't wish for happy years because I believe you all need a bit more of patience and life is bearable. With that said…. I don't own Soul Calibur in any of its forms…. On with the SHOW!
Slice and Dice: The ghetto Showdown
After Siegfried's jukeboxing event, everyone was quite traumatized. Sophitia was trying to regain access to her most obscure and darkest thoughts to see if she at least could remember what other secrets beside the Squeaky incident she needed to recoil. Bad part is that the Shady one already had access to them so she was a step behind in the whole matter, that is not counting that Sieggy's version of Soul Train was still messing with her neurons.
"It seems we are not going to get out of this one in one piece…. Why don't we just reveal our dark secrets?" Yunsung asked.
"Are you insane, you Manic Panic reject…?" Maxi questioned the boy who looked at him wide eyed.
"I do not use Manic Panic hair dye, for the last time…"
"How do you explain that sometimes your hair is brown and others fiery red? You want to be as hot as me and therefore dye your hair the color of fire?" Needless to say, after two days of stress, the souls were just a bit edgy, a bit… no more than that. It was not as I if they were going to kill each other.
"N-no…." Yunsung replied quite scared. He did not have a logical explanation for that. He basically never gave it any thought.
"… Because you better not be trying to look sexier than me…" Maxi warned the sexy teen warrior with raging Horny-mones, the name this writer designated to hormones.
"W-why are you snapping on me you fruit loop? Nobody asks you about why sometimes you are blonde and others black haired, or questions Cervantes about his choice of underwear…. – Yunsung built a logic answer to his eyes and as he spoke he defended his honor.- …Or even bothers to understand how Sieg Diddy knows so much about music if he is always locked in solitude…" Siegfried lifted his head from the couch where he was sitting and looked at Yunsung. He turned off the Ipod he had on hand to listen to whatever was going on. Ivy looked at him wondering where did he get the Ipod in the first place.
"Sieg Diddy….?" He asked with a disturbed expression and a raised brow.
"Solitude….?" Talim repeated.
"Does he even know the meaning of that?" Astaroth mumbled to Lizardman who was licking Charade.
"W… well…. I…. I AM SEXY…. THAT IS WHY…." Maxi defended himself. In his Maxi colored world, his sexiness was the reason for mankind's existence.
"Shut yer' trap already you Nature defying bimbo…." Taki yelled rubbing her fingers on her forehead. They started bickering and she could foresee the outcome based on her migraine.
"Gasp…. I am offended…" And that was enough to shut Maxi up for a while.
"Why do you offend Maxi?" Assassin came out to defend Maxi and attacked Taki.
"Why do you even defend Maxi….? He hates your guts…." She replied.
"He doesn't hate me…. He just has… Tough Love towards me…"
"Dear God Assassin, you are even worse that Yunsung…." Taki continued while rolling her eyes. It was just not right to have an airhead narcissistic sailor and a masked weirdo under a turban biting each other's heads off and then teaming up against her. What she didn't plan for was to drag someone else to the 'friendly' conversation.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Yunsung defended himself in a sort of stupid way.
"What do you think it means, Blood berry?"
"DON'T YELL AT YUNNY…" Mina came out on the defense of the boy of her hometown.
"I AM NOT YELLING AT YUNNY, MINA…."
"Don't call me Yunny, Seung Mina…. I don't need you to defend me…." Yunsung argued with Mina who gasped, she didn't come out on his defense for him to treat her like that.
"Well you can certainly not defend yourself…."
"What is that supposed to mean?" He asked again, Cassandra stood up while Charade rolled his eye, well, rolled around is more accurate.
"In words you can understand…. She thinks you are a moron…. – Cassandra spoke slowly so Yunsung could understand what she meant by that. - You are lacking in the IQ department…. Need me to draw a picture for you?"
"Fuck you Cassandra, I am not the one that talks to ghosts…." Yunsung countered her witty remark.
"I don't talk to Ghosts You ass-wipe… I talk to Charade, Link and Voldo…. Cervantes is the putrid undead here…." Cass said as she pointed at Cervantes who stopped curling his mustache because his name was drawn into the fight.
"I am NOT Putrid you bread girl…."
"Stop insulting my sister you Zombie pirate…." Sophitia came out to the defense of her little sister.
"Zombie…?" Cervy had wide eyes all dedicated to her then looked at Ivy for support and to defend her father but Ivy was comfortably sitting beside Talim, Link and Siegfried and she totally ignored him. As long as she kept herself away from the argument they wouldn't drag her into it and she would not need to kill anyone.
"I don't need you to help me Sophitia, I can insult people on my own…"
"Like that is ever going to happen, Sis…." Cassandra crunched her teeth as she was now being attacked by her own sister. Link stood up and tried to call the attention of everyone in the RV. But when you have a bunch of infuriated warriors, something is sure to backfire/\.
"This is leading us nowhere…." He called them to their senses.
"NOBODY ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION YOU HYRULEAN HE-BITCH…." Everyone yelled back at him and he sat back beside Siegfried, Talim and Ivy.
"Wh-what's a he-bitch…?" He pondered with a concerned face.
"Well this is certainly uncalled for…" Ivy remarked as Siegfried handed her a bag of Lays Chips… the Pringles were long gone.
"Indeed…." Siegfried said as he ate a few of the chips while he saw Xinaghua approach the fiery pits of argument. That was the best entertainment he have had in a long time.
"What is going on here?"
"What Xianghua are you blind? Or deaf? Or both? Or Stupid?"
"All of the above…." Siegfried whispered so they didn't know it was him.
"H-hey…." Chia looked around seeking the source of that nasty quote.
"We are arguing… Need a map?" Cassandra yelled at her. Xianghua was obviously offended, yet Maxi was still quiet.
"Well beware of Cassandra the Multitasking GPS… Maps, IQ Tests…. What's next… Cabaret dancing?" Sophitia kept arguing with her sister as if Xianghua was never insulted.
"What is wrong with you Sophitia…? If you need to hump someone, Sieggy was the one saying he was hotter than your husband, which is true… Take that Male-ho' and do your Thang" Cassandra said pointing at Siegfried who was eating chips and simply raised a brow.
"Male-ho'…?" Link asked looking at he who was insulted and didn't seem disturbed at all.
"I'm another He-bitch…" Siegfried answered with the most passive of tones. Talim looked at him with a raised brow. What was up with him? In any other case he would have dived head first into the argument. But, maybe the levels of Testosterone were already at peaking dangerous ranges now that almost everyone was yelling at someone.
"Oh…" Link replied with an understanding face. Ivy was counting the seconds until Siegfried blew with one of those sexy, sassy and deep accented outbursts of his.
"What are you implying….? That I am Horny and that's why I am cranky?" Sophitia placed a hand on her chest, overwhelmed by wrathful concern.
"Indeed…" Siegfried whispered as a few chuckles escaped his partners on the non-argumentative section.
"No… I only say that you need as much sex as Cervy's Chemistry set has words on it's name…" Cassandra replied to her sister.
"That's quite a lot…" Talim commented.
"Low blow…" Ivy said with a tone of one of those sports announcers that annoys the shit out of anyone who is seriously into whatever game it is they are watching.
"Indeed" Sieggy said again.
"You are funny…" Link whispered at him.
"Danke Schön…"
"Bitte sehr…" The other one replied. Sieg Diddy was glad someone had manners to be polite around the RV. He sure was having a kick ass time watching everyone ripping each other apart for his amusement.
"Hey… Cass, don't mix my serious Research on Mitsurugi and Heihachi's hair into yer' mundane arguments on procreation…. Yarg…." Cervy defended his Mad Scientist Happy Purple Dead Pirate honor. Sieg looked to the side as Cervy was arguing to fetch a juice from the fridge for him and his homeboys on the sofa when he saw Shady on the screen 'looking' at him.
"Hey there…" It said with a happy tone.
"Guten…" He replied.
"What's going on?"
"The closeness has gotten to their nerves…" Talim explained as she was handed a Coke and asked to pass a glass of wine to Ivy. The Dominatrix watch heated arguments in style.
"This is pretty heated up…." Shady pointed out looking at the ball of rabid souls almost killing each other. That is not counting that for some reason yet to be known by mankind and this writer Astaroth was sound asleep through the course of the argument. He sure had a deep sleep.
"Indeed…." Sieggy replied to Shady.
"MAXI DOESN'T HATE ME…" Assassin continued
"Um… Guys…" Talim called, maybe Shady had a mission for them.
"HE DOES HATE YOU. HE HATES YOU AND YOUR STUPID TURBAN MORE THAN HE HATES PARIS HILTON FOR STEALING HIS SPOTLIGHT ON HOTNESS…" Yunsung yelled at him as if it was common knowledge,
"M… Maxi?" Assassin looked at Maxi with a heartbreaking glance.
"…" Maxi simply said nothing, he was not going to reply to that Gatsby wannabe.
"Aren't you going to argue?" Shady asked Siegfried.
"I am so mad… Argue Argue…" He said unemotionally.
"Insult, insult…. How dare you, Male-ho'?" Link continued.
"I am so offended… Weep weep, tear tear…" Siegfried replied with his now usual unemotional state.
"There…. We argued…" Link said with a smile.
"Indeed…" Guess who said that? Yes indeedy it was Sieg Diddy.
"You guys are unbelievable…" Ivy said rolling her eyes while Shady seemed pleased with their reenactment of a heated argument without the heat or the arguing.
"What Have I done to you Maxi? Was it the belly dancer I sent to you in your birthday?" Assassin kept questioning Maxi who was silent like a grave.
"How can it be fucking possible that you yank people's hairs out of their heads, you walking Bio-hazard? Don't you know how much that hurts?" Maxy and Heihachi defended their fallen follicles.
"NO… I am dead… I don't feel pain…." Cervy said as if it was more than obvious and then to reinforce it he yanked his own hair and tore it off. The two hair-raising warriors left completely grossed out and scared to death of Cervy the mighty who yanked his own hair with a smile.
"You know, I don't need this…. The only reason why you got married was because you thought you were pregnant…." Taki yelled at Sophitia who gasped in horror.
"Oh' no she di'n't…." Talim said in a ghetto tone.
"Oh yeah She Did…." Ivy replied.
"Indeed…" OH come on… you know who said that, don't you? Very good… here's a cookie. Shady broke into laughter, Siegfried's 'Indeed' was like the one liner that gets to people's nerves, like the 'I'm too sexy for…'
"Pregnant….?" Xianghua asked, not believing her ears.
"Sister?" Cassandra was stupefied. Shady sighed, there went another secret that it had on Sophitia, blown out of someone's mouth.
"WHOOSH (Awesome… Who knew?)"
"Guys…." Talim called. Everyone started backing up, there was going to be a catfight on the RV and judging by the slashes Sophitia threw at Siegfried, there were bound to be spleens and guts in every corner if they didn't take a distance.
"I'm gonna hit you so Hard, your grandchildren will be bruisin'…. Foo' " Sophitia said with pulsating veins on her temples. Taki took offense to herself and placed her hand on her cleavage, Yunsung was one of the most pleased ones.
"Oh Ma' Gawd…. It's about to get paramedical up in her'…" Taki said leaning like one of those ghetto guys with pride. There is no other word known to this writer that can convey the pride of someone from the ghetto.
"It's on, bring It SISTA'…" Taki excited Sophitia's happy-Rage levels to chronically boiling rage point.
"I already Brought it, Nudist ho'…"
"Dear Lord…." Talim shook her head in denial.
"Indeed." Sieg said as he was delighting on the violence that was about to take place. Then his shoulder was tapped and he looked back seeing an army of French Fires standing behind him on war chariots made of biggie fries containers and dressed like Mel Gibson in Braveheart, with fry kilts and all.
"We have come for our Revenge, Vive La FRANCE…" They yelled at him.
"Not now guys…. This is getting good…." Ivy shh-ed the fries. Sieg looked at them with murderous desires. Time for them to meet him, The Valkirye of Fries, and time for them to join their friends in the French Fry Valhalla, conveniently located in his tummy.
"Snacks…." And he grabbed them all.
"YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS…" And then they perished under the merciless bite of the hungry Aryan, now Happy Aryan.
"You ate them… yet again…" Talim looked at him very disappointed.
"You are Hopeless you know…" Shady said with an ironic tone.
"Those are going to go straight to your thighs…" Ivy pointed out, just to see if he will get concerned about his physique. He grabbed her hand and placed it on his thighs; they were rock hard, not one gram of fat, less than the fat on a Subway sandwich.
"That's hot…." She said with a wide smile.
"Indeed…." Link was tired of trying to make everyone look at Shady.
"They don't listen to me…. Do something Sieg Diddy Male-ho' you…." He asked for help from the Kaiser of insanity/ Valkirye of Fries.
"You Guys…." He called more than calmly.
"SHUT THE HELL UP YOU GERMAN MIDGET…." They all yelled at him. Everyone was expecting him to take Soul Edge out of nowhere and behead a few souls, just for the sake of old times.
"Ouch…" He just said as he watched the argument resume. He saw Sophitia trying to attack Taki but it seemed Sophitia was only proficient on the style of girly girl fighting; hair yanking and the infamous finger claw slash slash.
"Ah Hell no, you ain't coming to me with your Sissy White chick nail polished Skank-Fu…" Taki smirked making Sophitia feel very, very stupid.
"Skank-Fu…?" Asked Link.
"This is just too weird…" Shady whispered, It never knew there was something named Skank-Fu. It knew about Tae Queer Do because of that movie with Rob Schneider, but Skank-Fu was even a word, or combination of words.
"Indeed…." Sieg said with a smile. The two fighters looked at him with murderous desires.
"You are cranping ma' style boy… say whatcha gotta say already and let me go Ghetto on Taki's ass…" Sophitia said as Taki looked at her with a face of 'You Wish.'
"Ok… 'homey' Shady is here…." Sieg tried his best with the slang thing. All the Souls went to graveyard silence in record time. It was as if nothing had happened.
"Why Thank you Mr. Wretched Manly Beauty…. You bootylicious German you…" Shady praised the sexy Valkirye.
"Alas…. The bickering is over…" He replied with a despair-filled glance. Yunsung looked at him wide eyed.
"Sieg…. What is that supposed to mean…?"
"Not again…" Cassandra shook her head in denial.
"Aye me… This is the winter of mine discontempt…." He said quoting Shakespeare.
"I seriously was going to give you a challenge but this bickering and being at each others throats was way better – Shady tried to stay serious -… and I mean…. WAY, WAY better… But for one of you…. This is Indeed the winter of your discontempt…. Someone's gotta go…" All the souls remained expectant of whichever name it was going to disclose. Taki prayed for it to be Sophitia, Maxi for Assassin and vise versa.
"I gotta…. Is it psychic or something?" Xianghua said pretty determined.
"But… Miss. Xianghua…." Shady couldn't understand why she wanted to be eliminated from the RV and her secrets revealed.
"I gotta go real bad…." Then Shady thought maybe she misunderstood what it said.
"B-but…"
"May I please go wee wee….? Seriously…" Xianghua had her hands in a position that meant she was trying to hold it in as much as possible but she needed to go.
"Dear God Xianghua… we don't need to know about your bodily fluids…" Taki argued.
"Knock yourself out Mei Ling…" Shady allowed Xianghua out of the room.
"My name is Chia Xianghua…."
"Whatever…" And Xianghua left.
"Mei Ling?" Asked Link to Siegfried, he was the all knowing, Shakespeare quoting German.
"Me love you long time… Suki Suki, five dollah'…" He said with a very fake Asian tone.
"Siegfried…. You are so mean…" Ivy said laughing, if she was right, she had seen that in one movie or two.
"Indeed…" He said with a smile.
"Stop that already… It is getting old…" Sophitia requested him.
"Indeed…." He said trying to get to her nerves, since he was in her annoying list at position number one.
"Siegfried, knock it off already it is annoying…"
"Indeed…." He continued.
"Does she like arguing with him?" Kilik asked as he finally got to talk in this chapter, I mean… eh… um… he was in the cockpit all that time.
"I think it is a requirement to graduate Baker's school…." Yoshimitsu, who… also was in the cockpit said. Voldo hissed in happiness because it was funny to see Sophitia blow a fuse or two… or twelve.
"Indeed…" Siegfried said to Yoshimitsu.
"Stop it with the INDEED ALREADY!"
"Indeed, Indeed, Indeed, Indeed… I.N.D.E.E.D…. INDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED…." He was not going to stop, no matter what, until she was mad.
"Zeus, give me strength…." Sophitia sat back with a sigh.
"I cannot even make a choice…. I'll see you later with something else…. Bye Male-ho' bye He-bitch… Nice seeing you…" And Shady logged off laughing it's shadowy ass off.
"Indeed…." Sieg said with a happy nod.
"AAAAAAAAAAAARGH…." Sophitia stood up and was going to storm to the back of the RV but Xianghua opened the bathroom's door and knocked the daylights out of her. She fell flat on the floor.
"Now that was funny…" Mina said laughing her ass out of how Sophitia fell.
"Indeed…."
EOT-
Hey, I hope you liked this…. I apologize for the delay but I was busy with personal problems…. But never mind me…. Here for the Reviews… Indeed….
To Dread Pirate: Here you go… I serve you more and there is absolutely more from whence that came… LOL, Thanks for the review and welcome to my little dark corner
To Nicktendonick: Why thank you so much, I do what I can and believe me, sometimes it takes a little extra sarcasm but…. It's all good to please you guys.
To Dr. Willopollis: Shinobi style reviews… I love your reviews Dr. D… Thanks for all
To Fayes Love: Yes, my mayor is English…. Indeed…. Who knows, maybe one day I will end up teaching one of you guys… That would be weird, I am so happy to know that you like it and consider me insanely fun… LOL… I know, some of my friends think so, my ex best friend used to love it… -Sigh- anyhow, I love music… thus the weird chapter, but I will keep writing for you, pinky swear. Thanks for the review.
To the-everglow: Arigato ne…. Here, have some more… and beware of the French Fry Mafia…. Thanks for reviewing.
To Rain54: I know I am evil, but that's just me… LOL, There are way more secrets I can only say they are earth-shaking events…. Thanks for the review.
To Apollo IV: Sorry to hear about your writer's block and thank you for your kind words. I did not have a writer's block though, I was just depressed…. But I cannot Wallow in my despair forever, quoting Cervy there…. Love the new name and my salutations to Sir Dik Dik….
And now I retire to my dark cave to produce more material for my Lit Professors, for my German Professor and for you my loyal readers which I would hug personally but I am way too far… It seems the position of Sexy German Boy Toy is open again so, applicants should be German and be willing to be my boy toy/object of desire…. Just random closures by yours Truly, Lady Manson…. Auf Wiedersen, Bis the next Chappie…