Needs.
He never needed anybody. He could read books out loud for hours on end, remembering every little word. He knew dentistry inside and out. He could probably make teeth grow if you had none. He was a genius, but for some reason, never needed to see people. Or at least, he never needed to be friends with people. That why he could do them so much pain. He never needed to be accepted. Or loved. It supposed to be some kind of disorder, but who am I to know anything about that.
I accepted that, I mean, I had to. He was paying me, wasn't he? Well…no, he wasn't. At first he may have been, but then he stopped. I stopped asking him to pay me. The truth was - I really did love him. I didn't truly love him, like I do Seymour, but whenever he left me at my apartment at night, all I could think about was him.
It wasn't because I loved him, it was because I needed him.
He liked to talk about his mother a lot. He spoke about how kind she was to those around her, how she was always supportive, how a small joke made him choose his entire career. But I never realized until now that he didn't need her. He needed her to feed him and clothe him as a child, but he never needed her the way he needed me. I don't think he really loved her.
I always needed things. People, adventures, a life to call my own. When Daddy left I had no idea what to do. He'd take me to the park every day, always at the same time. Now he was gone, and I didn't have him to take me anymore. I think that maybe he had the same thing as Orin, because I never heard him tell Momma that he loved her. He told me a lot though. Maybe I'm special that way. After he left I clung to Momma and listened to her every night singing me to sleep, telling me that everything would be alright in the morning. She didn't believe it, but she needed me to. She needed me. Momma died two years ago. Nobody knew. I didn't tell people things like that - I wanted them to think that everything was going to be alright. I don't like having people worry about anything, especially if I'm the one that made them worry.
After she was gone, I had nothing. I had the flower shop, sure, but it never really helped. That's when I started working in the Gutter. It wasn't much help, but at least I was alive. Besides, I thought it would make me feel loved. It never really did. Then I met Orin.
You know, in a way we were the perfect match. I needed somebody to need me.
And he needed somebody to need.
He came to me crying. He said that he was tired of it, tired of everything, and that he just wanted somebody to help him. I didn't know what he meant until now. I thought that he wanted something from me, something that I can't talk about, but he never asked for that. He took me to fancy restaurants and we would have lovely conversations over dinner. He was so smart. Smarter than I could ever imagine to be. He told me about his job, his life, his mother. Everything. But he never asked me about my life. He tried to, sometimes, but he never seemed to care. He was selfish like that, but I accepted it. He wanted me to listen to him.
That's when he started to need me.
He stopped paying me because I never told him to. There wasn't any need to, because we weren't doing anything. I started dressing up for our little dates, buying new make-up, doing my hair all pretty-like. He was almost like a boyfriend. With a motorcycle, even! Not quite, but almost. He always told me that I looked nice, at least at the beginning of our dates. They became a weekly thing, part of our schedules. On Friday at 6:00PM we would go to a restaurant on his bike, talk about his patients, he would take me home and I would go to bed.
But one night I couldn't. I had a customer - a real, paying customer. I never told him, but I think he knew. He came to my apartment with a bouquet of flowers in his right hand, outstretched for me to take. I came to the door and told him I couldn't make it tonight. He didn't even become angry, he just suddenly was. He started screaming at me, telling me that I was all he had, that I had ruined all of his plans, that he needed me to get dressed and go with him at that very moment. There were bums on the street, but none of them came to my aid. It wasn't that unusual on down here on Skid Row.
I didn't go with him. He was angry for weeks after that, and would remind me of that night for the next year or so. He was obsessed with me. I was like a drug, something he had to have every Friday night at 6:00PM. He'd yell at me a lot after that, for little things. Eventually he wanted me to call him Doctor, and do other little things to make him feel above me. He was always so self centered about it. I didn't understand - if he needed me so much, why did he want me to feel below him. I think that maybe it was because he didn't want to admit that he did need me. He wanted me to believe that I was the one in love with him.
And I was, for a time. For over a year I let him treat me like this, I let him hurt me. Everybody could see what was going on, but nobody did anything about it. The street urchins would always tell me to dump him - they didn't realize that I couldn't. And it wasn't that bad, not really. About a week ago I fell off his motorcycle. He yelled at me, and started hurting me like he sometimes did. I tried to apologize, but he needed to let out some of his anger. It would stop soon.
When he was done with me, he started walking out of the door. Then he came back. He reached into his pocket and took out two twenty dollar bills, laying them on my bed.
"You know I love you, don't you Audrey?" he asked me. I wanted to tell him, No you don't - you just need me. Instead I just let him go.
He's been missing for a couple of days now. Seymour and I have been going out since then. I can't believe I let him have me so soon. I feel like I'm doing a disservice to Orin, and that when he comes back he'll be jealous. He's not coming back. He needs me too much, he wants me too much, he wouldn't leave me. Sometimes I hear Seymour talking to that big plant of his. He doesn't know it, but when I hear Audrey Two answering back I feel like screaming. He loves Audrey Two as much as me, Audrey One. All he needs is that plant, not me. He's doing fine, he's rich, he's happy. What does he need with me?
I'm not saying that I don't love Seymour - I do! I really, truly do. But I don't get the satisfaction that I got with Orin with him. Orin couldn't live without me, he wanted me too much. And to tell you the truth - I liked that. I loved that there was somebody who needed me, even if he didn't love me. Seymour loves me, but doesn't long for me like Orin did. I think that that's what I need - somebody to need me.
But I'm still happy with Seymour, and try to support him as much as I can! He been buying me clothes, jewelry, and today he asked me to marry him! I don't know why he chose today, but I'm still happy about it. I've even chosen my dress!
But now…everything is prepared and everything is ready. It's nice to have it all set up, but something is missing. You see…today is Friday. It's 6:00PM.
I have no idea what to do now.