For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1

Chapter 2: Somewhere in Time
(Janet's POV)

Why did I expect this to be easy? Oh, that's right... I didn't. Of course, the fact that I wasn't expecting it to be easy doesn't mean I was expecting it to be quite this hard.

The truth is that right now Sam is being stubborn --no surprise there-- and that means that I have no choice but to be sneaky. Unfortunately outsmarting Sam is easier said than done and that means that my only option here is a frontal assault. That is not the ideal option under the circumstances but we left 'ideal' behind a long time ago here so it's not like I have much of a choice. The simple fact is that right now we are down to 'whatever it takes' because what we have here is a problem that has to be addressed and --now that the cards are on the table-- I have no choice but to forge ahead... whether I'm ready or not.

The thing is that I never really intended for this confrontation to take place tonight and that's left me in an awkward position. Yes, I had an ulterior motive when I chose tonight's movie, I admit that much, but I only meant to watch Sam and then --if my suspicions were confirmed-- I was going to come up with a course of action, unfortunately things didn't turn out quite as I had been expecting them to. The fact is that, by challenging me, Sam has basically forced a confrontation and that's left me with no choice but to try to improvise here... and that is not the best idea under the circumstances.

What is undeniable, however, is that my suspicions as to the fact that there were some things that were far from fine have been thoroughly confirmed, though I would much rather have been proven wrong about that. The fact that Sam is uncomfortable with even the idea of sex does not exactly come as a surprise --I saw it clearly enough when Hathor took over the base-- but it does add a whole different dimension to this mess. As I told General Hammond back when this thing first came out, my priority is Sam Carter here... and --even though helping her reclaim her sex life would definitely be seen as low priority by the military-- from her perspective this is almost certainly going to be a major issue somewhere down the line, one she is going to have to come to terms with and face, whether she wants to or not.

The thing is that even though I know we have a problem, and deep down she knows we have a problem, getting her to acknowledge that fact is going to be all but impossible. Sam is on high alert and breaching her defenses is going to be a challenge... and, to make matters worse, this is one issue in which the fact that Daniel is a guy means I'm on my own here and I'm not sure I have the time to be nice about it. This situation has gone unacknowledged for way too long already and it is one that is not going to get better if we keep on ignoring it so, rolling up my mental sleeves, I prepare to go on the offensive.

"I don't think so," I reply to her question about going back to the movie, especially considering that there's no point in keeping up this charade, besides, if she was so annoyed by my choice a couple of minutes ago, why would she want to go back to watching it anyway?

"What do you want me to say?" she says, sounding almost resigned.

"I just want you to talk to me, Sam."

"And what about what I want?"

"And what about the fact that you lied to me?" I challenge, point blank.

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"When?"

"Back when you first told me what had happened in Simarka I asked you if you had even tried dating anyone since you came back from that mission and you said that you hadn't been on a date since long before that," I remind her.

"That's the truth," she says, still not willing to back down.

"I know, but you also said that you were not afraid of having sex... and --if what I've seen here tonight is anything to go by-- then that's clearly not the case," I point out, wondering how long it will take me to get her to acknowledge even that much.

"Actually, I'm not afraid," she shoots back.

"Don't lie to me, Sam."

"I'm not," she insists.

"Then what would you call it?" I push.

"It's embarrassing," she says, looking down at the cat.

"You find sex to be embarrassing?" I ask, not quite following her.

"No, that's not it," she says, shaking her head but still not looking up.

"Then what is it?" I insist, trying to understand what I'm dealing with here. I have to admit that this is one area in which we could really have used a specialist's help... or --failing that-- I could certainly have used a chance to consult with one before being forced into this confrontation.

"It's just that it sounds so damned stupid," she mutters.

"What does?"

"I'm not afraid, I wasn't lying when I said that but..." she trails off.

"But what?" I prod after it becomes apparent that she is not going to finish that thought on her own.

"Nothing," she says, visibly clamming down.

"Sam..."

"It's just that at times I feel like I'm ten," she whispers.

"Ten?" I ask, still not following what she means by that.

"Kind of," she says.

"What do you mean?"

"It's just that my first reaction when I think about it seems to be something along the lines of 'ewww gross!' Let's face it, the physical details of just what it is that intercourse entails were never meant to be analyzed in any great detail," she says, finally looking up and visibly shuddering at the thought. I can't help but smile at her description, at the weird mixture of child and scientist that comes through in Sam's words, even though I'm well aware that there's nothing even remotely funny about this whole situation.

"Still, you do realize that even if you are 'just grossed out' you do have a problem, don't you?" I say.

"Maybe, but right now it's not one that's anywhere near the top of my priority list," she says, shrugging her shoulders and turning her attention back to the cat.

"I understand that but at the same time it's not going to go away if you just ignore it," I point out, knowing that I can't back down now. I may not have intended to have this conversation here and now but the fact remains that this is something that --now that we are here-- we might as well get out in the open... especially because I don't think getting her to talk about this again would be possible. I know I caught her off guard tonight and in spite of that breaching her defenses is proving to be a pretty major challenge... and that means that giving her a chance to rebuild those defenses is out of the question.

"I know but there's nothing I can do about it and to tell you the truth, for the time being it's not really a big deal," she says, still downplaying the whole situation. "I mean, yes, it may be a problem eventually but right now it doesn't matter. After all, it's not like it's interfering with my life or anything like that."

"No, but sooner or later it will, and you know it... unless you are planning to become a nun," I point out.

"Come on, Janet, it's not that bad. If I were dating someone I admit it would probably be an issue but..." she trails off.

"Really? Sam, do you really think that this would only be an issue if you were dating someone?" I ask, knowing that she does know better than that and that she knows I know she knows better than that.

"What are you getting at?" she asks, apparently growing more frustrated by the minute and I know that this could very easily turn ugly.

"How about the fact that in a way things would be much easier if you were dating someone, or that the fact that you are not dating right now means that you can put off confronting the issue and that's not necessarily a good thing because it is allowing things to fester and that will make it all that much harder for you to deal with this in the long run?" I push.

"Yeah, sure, the pressure of having to keep a relationship from self-destructing would really have made this whole thing so much easier!" she says and I can feel the sarcasm dripping out of that comment.

"Now you are just being difficult," I say, shaking my head. "That's not what I meant and you know it. I mean, I understand that and I agree that maybe at first the fact that you weren't in a relationship gave you a much needed breathing room, I understand that at first the fact that you didn't have to deal with any of this may have made things more manageable and I understand that at first you being in a relationship could easily have caused more harm than good... especially if that relationship had been with someone who didn't have the clearance to be told about the stargate in the first place."

"Then what's so wrong about me not being involved with anyone right now?" she growls.

"I'm worried that getting back in the swing of things is going to be hard for you and in that regard I really don't have the first clue in terms of how to help you," I admit. "You see, if you were with someone, with someone you actually trusted, it probably wouldn't be so bad but right now you are headed for a fairly uncomfortable situation no matter what you do. The good news is that you are doing pretty well in terms of your every day life, the bad news is that reclaiming your sex life is bound to be a nightmare because you are going to find yourself faced with two bad choices."

"What choices?" she asks, sounding more than a little suspicious.

"Well, sooner or later you are going to have to start a relationship with someone --that's a fact-- and when you do you are going to be nervous as hell. That's perfectly understandable and it is something you are just going to have to deal with but in addition to that you are also going to have to decide if you are going to tell the guy what happened in Simarka --at least some of it-- and hope that he doesn't run screaming into the night or if you are going to plow ahead keeping this situation to yourself... and run the risk that this whole thing will blow up in your face."

"You know, somehow the idea of becoming a nun is suddenly sounding kind of appealing," she says, closing her eyes and I can see that she's only half kidding about that one.

"I know but it just wouldn't be you, and that means that sooner or later this is something you are going to have to consider," I remind her. "Sooner or later you are going to have to figure out a way to come to terms with your body and your sexuality. You don't have to do it today or tomorrow but you can't pretend that this is not an issue. You cannot pretend that everything is fine because you know it's not. Pretending that everything's just fine is not going to help you here, not in the long run, and this is one aspect of things you can't allow yourself to be ambushed by."

"I just want this whole thing to be over, Janet."

"I know you do, but you can't just wish it away, Sam. That's not how it works and you know it."

"I know but..."

"But what?" I prod.

"But it was less than two hours," she says.

"What do you mean?" I ask, not having a clue as to what she's talking about.

"That's how long I spent in Turghan's tent," she explains. "I mean, that's less than the time it would have taken us to watch that movie... or at least it would have been if we had actually been watching it."

"So?"

"So I'm not going to allow those minutes to hijack my whole life."

"It doesn't work like that, Sam, and you know it," I point out, knowing that trying to quantify this in terms of minutes is not going to help her this time around. "You can't measure the impact of something like this by how long it took. I know you want this to be over but the fact is that it will always be a part of your past. You can get over it, you can reclaim your life and in time you may be able to minimize the consequences but you have to accept the fact that it's not going to be easy and that this whole thing is just not going to go away."

"I know," she reluctantly admits, though she still looks far from convinced.

TBC