The Trouble With Me Is

by Karitani Noa

Writing a poem for English class leads to randomosity involving dynamite and leather pants, and how great gay guys are. WARNING: Weirdness, gay guys making out a little, many references to music, lack of sense andor plot.

The trouble with me is

I am randomolio

Foetus

Meet us

Fartmotron

Secretly Asian

Blah blah

Tick tock tick tock

KABLAMOOOOO

Is what an exploding cow says

Like Haru chewing a stick of DYNO MIIIIIIITE

He loves Yuki

And has lovely leather pants

Which is creepy

Cause he's a cow

He says

Deepbreathnoweverybody

Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooyuki'ssoshmexydon'tyouthinkilikeleatherpantsi'macowisaymoooooooooooooooooooooo

…

Blah

Random crap…

THREE THOUSIAAAAAAAANDOOOOOOOOLAAAAAAAAAAND!

Shopping trolley shopping trolley

Lampshades are kewl

No you shut up

No you!

Nuh uh!
I know I am but…

(Crap I messed that up.)

I know you are but what is he?

That is the right way of saying it!

I bet you!

How much, you say?

Rummages through wallet

Two paper clips and a ball of fluff

Don't roll your eyes at me young lady!

I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE A BOY!

Fine! Walk away!

Sits down

That guy sure ticks my off.

I'm tired.

I should be doing stuff.

Boats are nice.

Indeed.

Indeedly.

Indeedly doo.

Indeedly doodly.

Indeedly doodly dee.

Indeedly doodly deedly.

Etceteraaaaaalalalalalalalalalalalalalalaaaaaaa!

I told you about what happened to me today, did I not?

I did not?

Well then.

I shall have to tell you now then, shall I not?

Alrighty then.

I ate a Magic Marker.

No, seriously, I got the idea from Meg Cabot, kinda.

See I was reading her blogotrono

And when she was my age sort of maybe,

She would spit on her Magic Markers to make it like watercolour but it also lasts longer.

And so, I was drawing, and I had a Magic Marker, and I spat on it why not,

And so I was colouring in something and the spit ran out, so I spat on it some more and I dropped it and it slipped down my throat.

And that is what happened.

Then Haru turned up and he was all like "I'm so sexy in my leather pants"

And I was all like: "Yeah I know."

And he was all like: "Mmhmm."

And I was all like: "Isn't Yuki HAWT?"

And he was all like: "Hell yeah!"

And then Yuki turned up and he was all like: "I'm so femme and pretty!"

And me and Haru were all like: "Damn straight! And don't forget your fabulously long eyelashes!"

And Yuki was all like: "I am WAY too perfect to be straight, no?"

And I was all like: "Yeah!"

And Haru was all like: "Will you marry me then?"

And Yuki was all like: "I would, but I love Kyo!" and pulled Kyo in from off-screen.

And then Haru was all sad and junk, so I was all like: "You can marry Tammy!" and pulled Tammy in from off-screen.

And Haru was all like: "Okay!"

And then I got Anonymous Hot Guy Who Knits And Is Prettiful, who we'll call… uhhh… Jesse, 'cause it's a cool name, and hugged him.

And then 'Sweetness' by Fischerspooner came on and we were all like, singing the music like "weeeeeeeeooooooooooo-ooooooooooooooooo weeeeeee-ooooooooo-ooooooooo dadadadadadat! Incoherent stuff I can't understand wah-oh waaa-aah ooooh. You are me and you are nanana swoossshshshshshshshhsh!"

And then it was over.

And then 'Clark Gable' by The Postal Service came on, and we were all like: "Oh that's cool.", but didn't feel compelled to sing the music.

So we sat and bobbed our heads for a little while.

Then some song by The Faint came on and we decided we could talk again.

And I was all like: "Wouldn't it rock if My Sharona came on?"

And then my cousin Daniel turned up and was all like: "M-m-m-my my my-y-y WHOO!"

And we were all like: "DUDE! Shut up, The Faint is on."

And then he went away again.

And I was all like: "Man, I am having a MAJOR noodle craving."

So we went and got some noodles in that place where they have noodles.

Then some Bright Eyes came on and we all danced a little while we ate noodles.

And then Kyo was all like: "Conor Oberst is HAWT."

And Yuki was all like: "Hey!"

And Kyo was all like: "But he is! But you're better!"

And Yuki was all like: "Really?"

And Kyo was all like: "NO! Hahahaha… no, seriously, you are."

And Yuki was all like: "Awwww! I wuv you!"

And then they started making out, and I was all like: "We should be seeing some more of THAT in Fruits Basket!"

And Jesse was all like: "You are such a homophile."

And I was all like: "A who?"

And Jesse was all like: "A homophile. You know, like, you like gay people."

And I was all like: "Actually, homo means the same, so wouldn't that mean I like people the same as me?"

And Haru was all like: "You're confuzzling me."

And Tammy was all like: "But you are soooo totally, like, a gay boy in a girls body, no?"

And I was all like: "Yeah, but you're a bibliophile!"

And everyone was all like: "?"

And I was all like: "Biblio means books and junk. And Tammy loooooves them!"

And she was all like: "Hell yeah!"

And then Grand Canyon by The Magnetic Fields came on and I was all like: "No offence guys, but Stephin Merritt is the best man in the world ever."

And they all nodded.

And then I was all like: "All the best people are gay."

And then I looked at my watch and I was all like: "DUDE! It is like, soooo late!"

So I grabbed Jesse and a box of Oreos and ate them while I danced around on the train home.

And that was my uber fabulous day of much randomness.

bows