She was running away from everything that was in Chicago. She was running from Steve and the promise that he'd come back, knowing that it'd just be easier if they weren't there when he didn't come back. She was running away from Luka and the way that he'd backed away just because Steve was there.
She knew that Steve had gone to talk to Luka, even though neither had admitted to it. Luka undoubtedly put thought into the decision, but overall it still hurt her. She was running away from all of the hurt that was waiting to be trampled upon in Chicago. Luka being one of the things that she was running from, because if she really loved him like she was afraid she did, seeing him everyday knowing that he was willing to let Steve have her hurt her so much more.
She was desperate to get away and take a rest from everything. She was running to the last place she thought that she'd ever run – her parents in New Jersey. She usually headed south, but this time, the closer that she was to Chicago, the easier it would be for Steve to find her and the added baggage of Luka searching her out.
She had gone north from Trenton when she was younger. She had gone to major cities such as Dallas, Denver, Detroit, Dover, Helena, Los Angeles, Phoenix, Richmond, Topeka, Washington D.C., and many more places that were little towns along the way. And now she was making her way back to New Jersey, convinced that if things didn't work out there she'd drive to Atlanta or to somewhere in Florida. But until things didn't work out, she was going to New Jersey.
There would be no stops, except for food and gas. She could drive 12 hours without stopping – that was like one shift at the hospital. She was sure that they'd be there by 6 the next morning. It was like working the night shift after being up all day.
They were almost to Ohio, almost across the Indiana border. Ohio was a long way away from a place that she longed to call home, even more so than any other place that she had been. Ohio just meant that she was still close enough to turn around and go back to Chicago – they were just a few minutes away.
Except for going back to Chicago would be setting herself up for more than one world of hurt. Going back to Chicago would mean that she had gone soft. She always thought that if she went back to someplace once leaving, that'd mean that she couldn't be the mother that Alex needed.
But she was going back to New Jersey. She thought that maybe Alex would get to see his grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, because it wouldn't hurt anything considering that it was the summer break. Maybe he'd enjoy it this time.
Last time they were in New Jersey, he was 16 months old. His grandparents were distant towards her, but showed their concern for Alex. If you're ever short on food, come by and we'll give Alex something healthy, they'd tell her. They didn't seem to care about her well being.
That was why she left New Jersey. She left Trenton for her. Trenton was the only place that she'd ever left for her. Everywhere else she left to protect Alex.
Alex was sitting in the backseat. She had finally ignored him long enough for him to realize that no matter how much or how long he complained, she wasn't going to answer or give in. He clutched his gameboy in his hands, the screen brightened around his face, and the headphones plugged into the tiny system were covering his ears.
She couldn't hear any noise from his gameboy. The only noise in the car was the light sounds coming from the radio. She glanced into her rearview mirror just in time to see Alex remove the headphones from his ears.
"Where are we going?" he asked, setting the gameboy on the seat beside him. He was getting tired, and he was definitely hungry. His stomach had just given him away by releasing a loud growl into the backseat of the car.
"To see your grandma," she sighed, glancing into the rearview mirror again. Her eyes lingered back to the road, and she was disgruntled by everything that she saw. "Want to stop and get something to eat?" she asked, her voice faking an octave.
"Can we stop at McDonald's?" he asked, a grin on his face. He was excited, surprisingly. The seatbelt was wrapped around his chest and clicked into place. It looked like it could cut off his smile at any second.
"Yeah, okay," she nodded, slightly smiling. Her words were breathless, and she was faking excitement. The only thing that she could remember was for a while there, she didn't have to fake her happiness or her excitement. It was real – that man had made it real.
She had left behind what was real for her just to keep good things real in her son's life. She wanted him to be successful in anything that he wanted to be successful in. If his father kept coming back, he'd never be anything more than a loser. She wasn't going to let that happen to him. Alex deserved so much more than that – he deserved so much more than she had ever deserved.
She turned on her right signal, and with it blinking; she merged into the right hand lane to get off of the highway. The McDonald's sign was raised high into the sky so passing cars could see it from the highway. She turned into the parking lot, and parked the car. She got out, and Alex followed closely behind.
She couldn't believe that she'd totally forgot about eating. Almost 3 hours later and she was only reminded when Alex's stomach growled. She was starving her son – well, she was afraid that she was. It wasn't fair that he was forced to not eat.
"You aren't too hungry, are you?" she asked, squeezing his shoulder. He shook his head, her fingertips ruffling the hair at the back of his neck. He opened the door, and held it slightly open for them both to walk through, and she shoved her hand into her coat pocket.
The car was quiet – silent. No music, no noise from the gameboy, only the sounds of breathing and the car passing through the wind. She would be able to hear anything if there was even the slightest noise. Even though it was quiet, she was surprised when she heard her phone quietly vibrating against the empty passenger seat beside her.
She reached over to pick her cell phone up while glancing into the rearview mirror, and looked at who was calling. She sighed, pulling up to the tollbooth you must pass before going over the bridge in between the borders of Pennsylvania and New Jersey. Before she could reach the tollbooth, she pulled off to the shoulder.
The bar on the front of the flip phone brightened the front of the car with Luka's name. She rubbed her forehead, and slid her thumb up and down the side of the cell phone. Reluctantly, she silenced the phone and ignored his call. Her mind was battling with questions.
Why was he awake? Why was he calling her? What would he say?
She ignored her inward battle, and pulled back onto the empty road. She pulled up to the tollbooth with her window down. The cool river breeze brushed throughout the car, and she shivered. The man in the tollbooth accepted her money and gave her the change. She shoved the change into her purse and drove across the bridge while rolling up her window.
Now that she was crossing the border, it would be less than 10 minutes before they were in Trenton – a place that she used to live. She didn't want to impose on her parents, especially since they didn't know she and Alex were coming, so she'd just rent a hotel room. They could stay in a nice hotel this time – she had more money than she'd had any other time that she'd arrived somewhere.
They could stay in a Hilton or a Holiday Inn. She couldn't make up her mind, but she was inclined to go with the latter. Holiday Inn's were nice – they were nicer than other places that they'd stayed. She could push a little more money to a room, thanks to Luka.
And now his name was in her head. She owed him so much. He'd paid her phone bill once just because he found it before she had. They had gotten into a fight once she found out, but he'd insisted, claiming that he'd ran up the phone bill. They both knew that it wasn't true, but they dropped the argument.
The last couple of weeks that she and Alex had been in the apartment, she'd stumbled upon the knowledge that he'd paid for her rent. She didn't bring it up, and he didn't bring it up. They couldn't bring it up, because while Steve was there, they were left missing each other.
Pulling into the front of a Holiday Inn, she sighed as her cell phone vibrated against the passenger seat again. She ignored his call again, shoving her phone into her front coat pocket. She stopped in front of the lobby, and turned off the car. She couldn't leave Alex alone in the car, especially since he was asleep.
She got out of the car, and opened the door to the backseat. She picked Alex up, surprised that she was still strong enough to pick him up, and shut the car door. She locked the car and they disappeared into the warmth of the hotel.
He huddled into her, his face resting in the crook of her neck. His warm breathing trailed across her neck, and her son comforted her without actually knowing that he was. Her fingertips slid across the edge of the wood countertop, and she gently tapped the bell.
As quickly as the noise echoed in the lobby a man appeared from around the corner. He smiled, pulling his hands from his pockets and stopping across from her. He picked the pen up from the counter and clutched it in his pale fingers.
"Can I help you?" he asked, still smiling. His smile was warm and genuine. He had a smile that she'd never seen from someone that worked in a hotel, especially the graveyard shift.
"I need a room with two beds," she smiled, squeezing her son within her arms. He smiled and nodded. He began checking the available rooms in the computer.
"I'm sorry ma'am. We don't have any rooms with two beds available. We do have a room with a full size bed and a living room with a pullout bed in the couch," his smile turned to sympathetic. She didn't need or want his sympathy, so her jaw cocked without warning.
"That'll have to do," she said with a sigh. He nodded as his eyes fell back down to the computer screen. Her eyes scanned across Alex, and she soothingly rubbed his back.
"I'm going to need your name and your form of payment," he said, glancing up at her. His eyes immediately fell back down to the screen. He narrowed his eyes at the screen and scratched his temple.
"Sam Taggart. I guess that I'll be paying in cash," she sighed, finally tearing her eyes away from her sleeping son. "How much?" she added, furrowing her eyebrows. He looked at the price and pursed his lips together.
"105 dollars," he said slowly. He seemed surprised that she'd pay cash. Hell, he seemed surprised that she had a son as big as she did, and that she could hold him the way that she was.
"Do I need to pay you now? Because my hands are kind of full," she said, gesturing to Alex in her arms. He looked up at her from the computer and his typing. He smiled at her.
"No ma'am. That won't be necessary," he said, shaking his head. He smiled, turning behind him and grabbing the key to the room they were going to stay in. He clutched the key, looking down at the information on the screen.
"You'll be in room 111. That's on this floor, and I can get someone to help you," he said, outstretching the key towards her. She took it from him, and glanced out of the two front doors. She sighed tiredly.
"Could you?"
"Sure," he smiled, following her out to her car. Once he helped her get their stuff into the room, and she had tucked Alex into the bed, she walked out into the living room. The sun was rising, and she looked at her cell phone, noticing that it only said 6:30. She had forgot the time difference between Chicago and Trenton.
Her phone vibrated from the end table beside the couch she had just sat on. The phone continued to vibrate gently against the wood, sliding across the table. She couldn't stand him continuing to call her, that and she longed to talk to him.
She flipped the phone open, and she sighed. The phone was pressed to her ear, and she could hear his gentle breathing down the line. His breathing paused, as he seemed to listen intently, expecting her voice mail.
"Sam?" he asked after moments of silence. His voice was dripping with worry. She deeply inhaled, licking her lips.
"I'm here," she breathed out. He sighed gratefully. As she was listening to him breathe, she realized that she under went a moment of weakness and there was nothing for them to talk about.
"Where are you? I'm going crazy."
"I'm in a place that I used to live," she said. "I've got to go. Bye," she added, hanging up the phone. With the snap of her cell phone, she let it drop to the couch. She cried – she cried silent tears in a place that she used to live.