Chapter 6 – Blind to the Unseen
In scary movies nearly every character dies the same way, and after a while you get used to the way that everyone's died. You eventually get used to the blood, guts, and gore filling your mind. That's when you decide that you'd rather be watching something else, or better yet re-writing the script.
His phone prompted her to wake up with that feeling – the feeling of pure slaughteration and dissatisfaction. His arms were loosely hung around her, and his eyes were shut tight. As though they were shields blocking out the world, his eyelids had no interest in opening any time soon.
"Luka!" she whispered hoarsely. Why was she whispering? The only other person there with her was whom she was trying to wake up. She inhaled deeply as she raised her leg across his body and set it down on the floor.
When her foot hit the floor, she discovered that she still had her shoes on her feet. She shook the recent discovery off as she placed her hands against the back of the couch and steadied herself. Once containing her balance, she knelt down beside him.
"Luka, your phone is ringing, and it's driving me out of my mind," she said louder and more angrily. He groggily lifted his arm, expecting her to hand him his phone, but when he didn't ever get the phone in his grasp, he opened his eyes. She smirked at him as he sat up and rubbed his face.
"Where's my phone?" he asked, searching around the small living room that the hotel room possessed. She stood up and stared down at him disbelievingly with her arms folded across her chest. He glanced up at her, and, doing a double take, furrowed his eyebrows. "What's the matter?" he asked, reaching up and rubbing her forearm.
"Just answer the phone, Luka," she laughed exasperatingly in the back of her throat. She turned around, grabbed his phone off the counter, and thrust his phone into his hand. He smiled a tired thanks, and quickly flipped open his phone before the caller could hang up.
"Hello?" his thick, Croatian accent asked down the phone.
"Kovac? Where the hell have you been? I've been trying to get a hold of you for the past two hours!" Kerry Weaver barked down the phone. Luka sighed, leaning his back against the couch. He ran his hand through his hair, running his other hand through his dark hair.
"I'm not in Chicago," he said, shaking his head. "Look, Kerry, you told me that if I leave again during one of my shifts I was fired." He exhaled, reaching forward and grabbing Sam's hand to pull her down beside him. When she hit the couch, she was leaning against his arm and chest.
"I know that's what I said. I'm short an attending and I haven't had anyone as chief of staff for months. I'm stressing out, and getting desperate at the same time," she huffed down the phone.
"You must be in your office. There is absolutely no way you would say that in front of people," he laughed in the back of his throat. "What is it that you are saying Kerry?" he asked, rubbing Sam's ribs and stomach.
"We need you to get your ass back here and teach these residents a thing or two!" Kerry said, clearly exasperated.
"Like I said, I'm not in Chicago," he repeated, shaking his head.
"How long would it take you to get here?" she asked, her tone begging to change but not raising or lowering a single octave.
"Too long to work a shift afterwards," he said, shaking his head. "Besides, I don't know that I'm coming back." He shrugged as Sam sat up within his arms. Sam disappeared into the bathroom.
"You were the candidate to become the new chief of staff, and after putting some thought into it I decided that you're perfect for the job. You've put a lot of hours in at County. You've made wise decisions at County. You've taught the students, interns, residents, and even the patients a few things in the medical field. You've been loyal to County. I can't see any other person fitting the job more perfectly," she said, her words and tone so blah.
"I can, Kerry. John's a better candidate," he said.
"He doesn't seem to think so. He believes that he's had too much psychological history to lead an entire staff." Kerry was calm at this point.
"I'll have to think about it," Luka decided. He put his palm to his cheek and scrubbed his face with his rough fingertips.
"The commitment is 3 years as chief of staff. The pay is two thousand dollars a week. The benefits are the same as before. And the representation of the emergency department is enclosed to you as chief of staff," she said.
"I don't plan on leaving County any time soon, and I sure do need the pay raise," he said, scratching his face. He sighed, standing up and scratching his stomach. He placed a hand on his hip as he leaned his back against the counter. "I'll take it, if you give me a week to start. That means a week before I'm on any more shifts, and a week before you'll see me again."
"Deal. You start a week from tomorrow," Kerry said.
"Okay then. See you a week from tomorrow," he said, sighing.
"Welcome to the bitch position," Kerry said, and she was obviously smiling.
"I think, in my case, it'll be more of a bastard position," he joked. Snapping the phone shut, he placed it back on the countertop. He glanced around the room, his elbow sliding across the countertop as his subtle steps approached the bathroom door.
He made a fist and knocked it against the door. He pressed his palm against the wooden door and slid it down until his hand enveloped the gold, metal doorknob. Reluctantly turning the doorknob, he found Sam leaning against the white wall beside the toilet on the other side of the door.
"Are you okay?" he asked. His hand gently touched the doorframe as he took a step in. His thumb stopped when it hooked into the edge of the doorframe. His elbow was bent as he leaned his hip into the doorframe.
"Sorry I skipped out on you. Feeling a little nauseated," she removed her hand from the top of her head and attempted a smile at her.
"Is that all that's bothering you?" he asked, hooking his thumb into his back pocket. She closed her eyes and nodded before opening them again. "I don't know you seem a little," he trailed off, sitting down beside her on the floor.
"A little what? A little pregnant?" she asked, her elbows pressing against her knees as she leaned her chin into her palm. He bit his bottom lip and reached over to grab her hand. "So, I guess that you're going back to Chicago," she said, allowing his hand to engulf hers.
"I don't have to be there for another week," he smiled, squeezing her hand. She furrowed her eyebrows and pursed her lips. He was compelled to tell her more just by glancing at her face. "Kerry asked me to be the chief of staff," he shrugged.
"She wants you to be the chief of staff? Is this something that you want?" she asked, her eyes pressing him for answers. He cocked an eyebrow and bit his bottom lip. Her fingertips brushed across the back of his hand, and he unconsciously began sucking on his bottom lip.
"It was never something that I considered. But I do hope that it's something I want, because it's a three-year commitment. I took up her offer," he said with a sigh. "I made a verbal commitment to be the chief of staff for three years," he rested his head back against the wall and looked over at her out of the bottoms of his eyes.
"Great. My boyfriend's going to be married to the ER," she teased. He laughed, pulling his hand from hers and wrapping his arm around her shoulders. He gently pulled her to him while he took his knees to his chest. "We'll never get to see each other."
"Yes we will. We'll make time to be with each other," he said, dropping his hand to her thigh. He gave her thigh a gentle squeeze before moving his fingertips across the back of her leg.
"It might not be that simple," she sighed, shaking her head. His head whirled towards her with his mouth slightly agape. He closed his mouth and cocked his jaw for a moment.
"That's exactly why you and Alex should come and live with me. So we can be a family, and we'll get to see each other everyday. I'll be with you whether you're tired, sick, or moody. And you'll be with me whether I'm angry, exhausted, or just damn quiet," he said. He squeezed her in his arms. Her eyes drifted down her legs and to the floor. He stretched his legs out and placed one ankle over the other.
"It's something that Alex and I should talk about. Luka, I have the baggage that you don't. If I move in, you won't be getting just me but you'll be getting Alex too," she said, shaking her head.
"And I thank Alex. If there was no Alex, I wouldn't of fallen in love with you. And if I hadn't fell in love with you, there would have been nothing to keep me in Chicago, so I'd be back in Africa getting my ass beat to death again," he said. She laughed while shaking her head.
"You just totally avoided everything that I said," she looked at him. She smiled, her eyes gentle upon meeting his.
"It took us, what…5 months to cross that line? God, Sam, I've been in love with you for the past 9 months. And quite honestly, I'm wiling to take the risk of us living together. I don't know about you, but I'm tired of wasting time with you. I just want to be with you everyday for the rest of our lives," he said. His eyes were locked on hers while he was talking. She was always surprised at how he looked into her eyes when he spoke to her.
"Did you just propose to me?" she asked, her eyes were narrowed at him. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to get a straight answer out of him for a question like this. Overall, he was a man, and she expected a man answer.
"If I did, what would you say?" There it was. The man answer – answering her question with a question. He was relentless, understanding, and, most of the time, certain of himself, but he was unconditionally predictable.
"I'd probably say that it was too much at once. Too much to ask. But I'd also say that it isn't something that shouldn't be discussed in the future," she said, once tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
"Can I tell you a secret?" he asked, smiling as he pushed his bottom lip out with his tongue. She nodded, and he sighed happily. "I've always found it effective to aim for more than you're ready for or more than you can do. Because if you manage to accomplish those, it seems to make the easy things easy," he said, looking over at her.
"So, you propose so that Alex and I will move in with you?" she asked, a disbelieving laugh escaping from her lips.
"No – not at all," he said, shaking his head. "I never proposed," he objected. He laughed, as she reached over and squeezed his hand before standing up.
"Okay, Luka, you don't have to freak out."
"Who's freaking out?" he asked, standing up as quickly as he could.
"Let's just take this one day at a time," she said, turning around in the doorway. She smiled, leaning against the doorframe. "You know?"
"You're right," he relented, looking down at his hands. His fingers were locked together, and he couldn't will himself to look up. He knew that he was pressuring her into it all, and he knew that she also thought that he thought it would make it easier if they, her, Alex, and the baby, lived together. She knew that he trusted it as his right as a man.
She looked at him with arms crossed in front of her chest. She sighed, and rubbed her forehead with her cold, rough fingertips. "We just aren't ready," she breathed out, turning around and disappearing from the bathroom – from the hotel room.