Through the Vortex
Part 15 - Go with the flow

Mueller explained to me that Tradell's contract was something out of the ordinary. The child he carried in his artificial, inseminated uterus was the product of Kattron and his match, Dorothea, a Blue. Their daughter would be a born a Blue, and their next child, a son, would be a deep Red like his father. What puzzled me as I'd observed Tradell the night before was that he obviously loved the child he was carrying, even though it wasn't biologically his.

As I was being delivered to Kattron and Dorothea's abode the next morning, I thought of Tradell and of his large distended belly. I found myself mentally groping for what I was going to say to him. I was being sent to their abode to apologize, yet how to do it had been left up to me. Different approaches kept bumping around in my head like a ball being bounced around the inside of a pinball machine. I finally decided to play it by ear, not always my most successful way of accomplishing something.

I was a wound up bundle of nerves by the time Mueller led me to the blue door in the high-rise building occupied by the higher ranks. Ty, Tradell's caretaker, was there to greet us the moment the doors swished opened. I recognized him immediately as the person Mueller had been speaking to the night before when I dragged him into my room for our little heart to heart. Initially, when the doors to the abode had opened, a look of relief shone in the brunet's brown eyes, but his expression quickly changed to one of disapproval as he ushered us inside, letting me know without speaking that he was unhappy with me for upsetting his task the night before.

I was given a slight reprieve, or so I thought, when I wasn't immediately led to Tradell's room but into another area of the large dwelling that appeared to be an office or study. My nervousness increased in seeing Kattron sitting in that room behind a modest sized desk, studying an object that looked similar to a palm pilot. The blond man, dressed in his magenta color clothing, looked up at our entrance and immediately put his work down and stood to greet us. Both Mueller and I bowed our heads until the higher-ranked man began to speak.

"Greetings to you Chosen Duwan. Mueller," Kattron said, sounding grave. From the corner of my eye I could see Ty moving to stand in a corner, well out of the way, and I was suddenly afraid that I was about to be punished, remembering how Hildah had asked Mueller to step back before she set off my neck band and sent my body into hell. I didn't have long to dwell on my remembered horror as the blond man before me began to speak.

"Reminding you of how sensitive Tradell is during this last stage of gestation should be unnecessary, Duwan, and yet I must remonstrate with you the upset he felt last eventide because of your blatant favoritism towards Herron. Your actions were cruel and hurtful. Will you speak in your own defense?"

I bowed a bit more deeply, hoping I was showing the man who could hurt me that I was truly sorry. "I assure you my hurting Tradell was unintentional," I told him. "I humbly request yours and Tradell's forgiveness. Truthfully, I was trying to reassure both he and Herron of my..." And here is where I stumbled to come up with the right word. I wouldn't lie and say I loved them, but I was dedicated to fulfilling Duwan's obligations. I continued speaking when I came up with a suitable world. "... of my devotion to each of them and it turned out all wrong. I'm here to express my regrets to him as well as to you and Mistra Dorothea."

"As you should," Kattron stated coolly, apparently still unhappy. It felt odd being put in my place by this man who looked so like my friend Quatre, especially when knowing he had the power to really hurt me because of his higher rank. I've always tried to avoid being at the receiving end of Quatre's disapproval - not able to bear the look of hurt in his eyes - and having it come from someone who looked and sounded so much like my compassionate, caring friend, well... it stung.

"I have been forthright in speaking to Tradell regarding his involvement with you, Duwan. Despite my admonitions towards caution and his knowledge of your interest in Herron, he declares boldly to me that you are his center. Our Chosen's affection is a precious gift, Duwan, and we will not take it lightly if he is hurt."

"I'd never intentionally hurt Tradell," I earnestly told the man in red and fought the urge to touch the collar of punishment at my neck. "I'm sure Mistra Hildah has told you of my recent accident and loss of memory. I truly regret any actions on my part that made him feel badly, but as you mentioned, he's extremely sensitive right now, and if you'll allow me, I'd like to make amends."

Kattron paused a moment to consider my request. "Very well," he said at last. "I will only allow this because he cares deeply for you. I find it necessary to give you notice, Duwan, that if you cause him to be hurt again I will have no recourse but to sever your interaction with him, no matter how much Tradell pleads your cause. Ty." Kattron broke off speaking to me in order to address the other caretaker and doing so without taking his steady gaze from me. "Take Chosen Duwan to Tradell. Mueller." I felt relieved when he finally turned his eyes and attention towards my caretaker. "If no other necessity calls you away, you may stay with Ty in his resting space until Duwan is ready to take his leave."

"My gratitude," Mueller said bowing, and together we moved back towards the door with Ty preceding us. Once out in the hallway, my caretaker gave me a nod of approval and placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder, wordlessly wishing me luck. Holding hands, second nature to me now, we followed the brunet from the room and towards Tradell's resting space.

I swallowed hard, knowing there was no way I was going to be able to get out of this situation. I was once again trapped by the rules of this strange society and I really didn't believe I had a way out. I wondered as we walked through the abode, and not for the first time, how I'd come to the point of having given up all hope of returning to Earth and accepting my place as Duwan, a Chosen on Erith. Had I really had any choice but to accept it?

My mind jumped back to what seemed like a lifetime ago, to one particular hot day in the tropics just after I'd arrived on Earth with Deathscythe at the beginning of the war. I'd spent the entire day under the sun with Howard. He'd taken me from his large ocean vessel on a fast moving skiff to a beach on some island in the Pacific Ocean for a training session after having learned of my lack of swimming skills. At first the ocean was a frightening thing to me, so foreign to my former life on L2. I'd stood on the white sand beach, staring at the enormous mass of water and the large swells that rose up and eventually crested just a few feet below the walkway of a nearby pier. The rapidly moving swell curled and crashed, rolling turbulent foam towards the shoreline. Howard had pointed out several people in the water who were balancing on top of surfboards and riding the waves while others rode on their bellies on something he called a boogie board. He'd grabbed my wrist and while laughing like a raving lunatic, dragged my reluctant body into the water behind him.

We waded out until we were waist deep in the ocean and I was startled by the unusual feeling of the water flowing around my body. The waves coming in pushed me forcefully towards shore while the undercurrent, flowing back out, pulled me towards greater depths. Howard had pointed to a larger than usual swell coming towards us, and looking at me with a toothy grin, gave me some quick instructions.

"Here comes a big one, Duo," he'd said, eyes alight with excitement. "You've got three choices. You can stand here and let it crash on top of you, sending you rolling uncontrollably under water, or you can escape it by diving into the wave just as it crests. Lastly, you can turn around and go with the flow, letting the water carry you along with it. That's what I plan to do, kiddo. No pain and a hell of a ride."

Those were my options. I followed Howard's example and turned sideways, eyeing the large wave as it rolled nearer. I remember thinking that I was about to die because I could barely swim; and there was Howard, pitting me against a watery wall of nature.

As the wave began to curl above me, my feet lifted off the ground and I let the mass of water pick me up. With the frantic movements of my arms and legs, the wave carried me forward. I held my breath and moved within the roiling water towards the shore. Being surrounded by all that water scared me at first, but then I experienced what it was like to be one with nature, to be accepted into the curl of that wave and to go with the flow. Once Howard and I picked ourselves off the shore, we laughed our heads off and went back for more.

In remembering that afternoon with Howard, I realized that my adjusting to Erith had been like watching that first large wave moving unstoppably towards me. There were very few options given to me once I'd figured out what was going on, and I'd chosen to go with the flow, taking up the role of Duwan rather than having everything come crashing down on me. I was catching the wave rather than being drowned by it. Had I taken the coward's way out? I didn't think so. I'd like to believe my actions had been motivated by a sense of self preservation. Walking down the hallway towards Tradell's room, I once again found myself being faced with something that was way out of my league, an unknown just as that wave had been years before, but this time it came down to appeasing a very upset, pregnant man. Was the universe laughing at me?

The door to what I guessed was Tradell's resting space opened and Ty stepped aside, motioning me into the room with a wave of his hand. With a final squeeze of my hand, Mueller leaned over and whispered into my ear, "I will wait with Ty. We have no other tasks to complete this cycle so remember my words and do what you must and without haste." He then let go of my hand and from that moment I knew it was up to me to straighten out the mess that was Duwan's love life.

I knew exactly what Mueller implied by saying, "Do what you must", but I wasn't sure I could do what I knew was expected of me. I felt guilty enough for having hot and heavy sex with someone who looked and sounded just like my lover on Earth, but Tradell looked like my best friend's lover, someone Quatre had been head over heels in love with since they first met, someone he suspected was cheating on the both of us with Heero. And that wasn't the only problem. The man in the bedroom was not only pregnant, but very, very pregnant. Oh boy.

As Mueller stepped back, I really had no choice other than to step into the room. My steps forward were small and tentative and I nervously wiped my sweaty palms against the soft fabric of my loose pants. The doors shut behind me, sealing me in with whatever fate had in store for me.

"Duwan?" The voice calling my double's name was exactly like Trowa's, but the only time my friend's voice had ever sounded that uncertain and tremulous was when I found him at the circus after he'd suffered amnesia. I took a deep breath and moved towards the bed on shaky legs. The large-bellied man was lying in the center of the large mattress and surrounded by soft, satin-like pillows, shielding most of his body from view.

"Greetings, Tradell," I said with forced cheerfulness while sitting on the edge of his bed. "I've come to express my deep regret for making you feel badly last eventide. I didn't do it intentionally and I hope you're not too angry with me."

The pale face that turned to me had red-rimmed and puffy eyes, signs of a long bout of crying. A pale, delicate hand came out from under a pillow and was held out to me in invitation. I put my hand in his and let him direct me to move closer to him. "I am not angry with you, Duwan, only pleased that you have come to me at last." To prove this, he managed a shaky smile. "I know I acted foolish and emotional. I regret my outburst that embarrassed you and caused trouble with our Choosers. You did not receive a mark because of my actions, did you?" There was a sudden look of fear in the bright green eyes, suggesting to me that Tradell knew of the pain inflicted by the neck band.

I was leaning over several pillows by then, with our faces a foot apart when I noticed that several others were strategically placed, supporting Tradell's very large belly. "You were right to be upset. I didn't handle the situation very well, did I? And no, I didn't get a mark, just a verbal reprimand by both Hildah and Kattron. But enough of that." I smiled down on him. "I'm here to spend time with you."

That little statement earned me a true smile that showed more emotion than I'd ever seen from Trowa. I reminded myself that this wasn't a former gundam pilot nor my best friend's cheating lover, but a person who merely looked like him and who was currently looking at me with cupids floating around in his watery eyes. The man in front of me appeared so vulnerable and from the expression of adoration on his face, he was obviously in love with Duwan. I wondered if maybe such an expression had won Trowa Quatre's love... and maybe even Heero's. Becoming increasingly nervous from the intensity of Tradell's loving gaze, I didn't think about the ramification of my next question until later. "So, what do you want to do?"

Those words came back to haunt me later that day when I was led back to our abode by Mueller. I really hadn't expected a pregnant man with a belly that big to ask that we have sex right at the get go. I sort of figured I'd be able to skirt around it somehow, or maybe even slowly work up to it. Tradell obviously had other ideas.

Encouraged by the pregnant man's pleading and hope -filled eyes, his soft words, contented sighs and talented, roaming hands, I'd pretty much undressed the both of us, leaving only my flimsy undergarment on myself. Looking at Tradell's firm, round belly, seeming so out of place on his otherwise trim figure, I reverently ran my hands over the taunt skin and felt the child beneath it give an enthusiastic kick. I was fascinated and in complete awe over what was going on inside the other man. I recalled that he'd said the night before that he had six weeks to go before the baby was born. If I considered him huge now, what would he be like by the time the baby was delivered? It came to me suddenly that in a few months I'd be in the same condition as Tradell, sporting a large, round belly. It was sobering and somewhat frightening to think about.

"What does it feel like to have life growing inside of you?" I asked the man lying unashamedly naked before me and watching me with a soft smile adorning his face.

"It is wonderous, humbling and frightening," he answered thoughtfully. "I am honored to be carrying this progeny for my Choosers and especially for Kattron. She means everything to him."

"You care deeply for him," I said, knowing it was true from the way Tradell's face and voice softened each time he spoke of his Chooser.

"I never concealed that from you," he answered, surprising me with that little tidbit. He then put his hand behind my neck and pulled my face to his, tilting his head and sealing his lips to mine. His kiss was passionate and tinged with a sense of desperation. I remember thinking how different his kiss was from Herron and even Heero, but I can't tell you exactly now how it differed. All I can say is that all three men are excellent kissers.

After we parted, the redhead continued to hold me close, whispering against my lips, "I desire you, Duwan. You complete me. I long for your touch and reassurance that only you can give me. Demonstrate with your body that you still desire me, that despite my misshapen form you will not cast me aside for Herron."

Again, I had thought I'd be able to talk myself out of doing this, bluff my way out the door before things went too far, but looking at Tradell as Mueller had asked me to, not as Trowa but as the man who was desperately in love with my counterpart, my resolve weakened. His need for me was evident within his pleading eyes, impassioned words and trembling body, and I found myself unable to refuse him.

"How can I do this without harming you or the baby?" I asked, looking at the distended belly again, seriously doubting that it could be done.

"With your hand and mouth you can bring me to passion's end," Tradell said a bit breathlessly. Taking my hand, he guided it to the area that was begging to be touched. "After which you can lie at my back and take me from behind, spilling your passion within me to claim me as yours again."

I swear I couldn't help it, his low voice and suggestive words had a sizeable bulge almost spilling out of my undergarment. I began by kissing his neck and slowly moved southward, taking my time as my lips moved over the taunt skin, stretched impossibly over his enlarged stomach. I noted his body, trim everywhere else, and the absence of hair, even around his groin. That lack of hair seemed odd at first, but I have to say I didn't miss the curly, wiry hairs getting stuck in my mouth as I went down on him. He moaned and writhed from my attentions, whispering words of encouragement and pleasure, and that was just the beginning of several hours spent together in Tradell's bed that afternoon.

As we entered my familiar living space, I felt tired, ready for a bath and my evening meal. Mistra Hildah had once again left a request that I join her that evening after I'd refreshed myself. As I soaked in the tub with Mueller gently running the soft cloth with soap over my sensitive skin, I relaxed against his chest and closed my eyes.

"How was your encounter with Tradell?" he asked.

"Fine. Everything's all right for now," I answered rather lethargically and then yawned. "You know what's odd?"

"No."

"I spent most of the day in bed with a virtual stranger and it doesn't disturb me half as much as it should."

"Tradell is very likable."

"Yes, he is," I sighed. "I can see why Duwan added him to his harem."

"His what?"

"Collection, or a grouping of favorites."

"Yes, he is very fond of him."

"Do you think they'll be very angry when they learn I'm not Duwan?"

"They must never know."

I turned around and looked at the man behind me, realizing he was only a couple of years older than I was and yet I turned to him as a mentor. "All secrets are found out eventually. I'm sure mine will be too."

"If that should happen, we must hope you have completed your contract and are free to choose your way." It was clear to me that Mueller was sincere in his concern and care for me. Maybe if I didn't love Heero, or wasn't currently involved with two other men, I could have seen my way to eventually falling for my mentor. Damn, each day that I lived as Duwan, taking up his lovers as well as his contract, I was losing more of myself and becoming more and more like him, a male gigolo.

Later that evening I was led to the sitting room where Hildah was waiting for me. She motioned me over to where she rested on the pillowed, backless sofa. After giving her my bow of respect, I sat where she directed and watched as Walker came into the room bearing a tray of food and drink.

Though I was tired, Hildah requested that I feed her that evening. I remember offering my Chooser small bits of food, each followed with a sip of the wine-like drink. In return, I was also offered and accepted small portions of food and drink from her hand.

"I received word from Kattron that Tradell is much brighter and more contented after your visit," she began in a pleasant tone. "Kattron is very pleased and requests another visit soon, though he asked that I caution you regarding your intimacy with Tradel, that as the progeny's emergence approaches, your shared passion will be limited to hands and mouths only."

I could feel my face heating up from her frank speaking. Heero and I had always been private about our relationship, especially the intimate side of it, and to have such a topic spoken so freely made me uncomfortable. Luckily, Hildah changed the topic. Unfortunately, it too was of a personal nature.

"Relna has also made a request for Herron to come for a stay-over. I conveyed to her that next cycle's eventide would be best as you were still recovering from last eventide's gathering."

I think my face might have lost all color and that my hand froze in the air as I lifted the glass of amber liquid to Hildah's lips. Her response was to smile knowingly at me. "You have chosen for yourself a very busy if not demanding path, Duwan. I care not about your dalliances as long as your well being is not affected. However, once the sickness begins you will notify both Tradell and Herron that your rest and health will come before recreation. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Mistra Hildah," I answered appropriately, and felt some relief that I'd finally found a legitimate excuse that the other two men would accept for not being intimate with them as often as Hildah had hinted at. I was almost hoping that the sickness she spoke of would hurry up and come soon.

A week later I regretted ever hoping the sickness would come. The moment I sat up in my bed I was overwhelmed by nausea and I indelicately emptied the contents of my stomach into a bowl Mueller had set by my bedside. He'd informed me only days earlier, when he'd set it on the table next to my bed, that it had been procured by our Mistra specifically for that purpose. My caretaker watched me closely and rubbed my back as the last of my stomach's contents emptied out for a second time. As I straightened, a moist cloth was dabbed at my mouth and chin, then gentle hands pushed me back against my pillows.

"Are you better now?" Mueller asked me, sympathy clouding his face.

I answered with a moan as my stomach churned. I hate being sick, and from what Mueller had told me, this gestation illness could be repeated daily for several months. That thought had me feeling ten times worse. "Quick, put me out of my misery," I whined.

Mueller had the audacity to laugh at my wretchedness. "You are such a little one, Duwan."

"Contact Tradell and cancel our meeting today. Tell him I'm sick." I could feel the bile rising up my esophagus again, and my cheeks bulged as I fought another wave of the sickness down.

"Rest and be still for yet a while. Perhaps you will feel better before long. I'll contact Chooser Kattron to acquire the remedy Tradell spoke of."

I nodded and felt some measure of relief that the smelly contents in the bowl had been removed. Placing my right forearm over my forehead, I willed my rebellious stomach to calm down.

Mueller returned a short while later to administer my heramones. With a little coaxing he managed to get me out of bed and into a restatortive bath. With the blond sitting behind me, his hand working the soaped cloth over my shoulders, back and stomach, I was able to relax, and was pleasantly surprised to find the nausea had eased off. By midday I was feeling much better and was able to eat my mid-cycle repast and the day continued on without further upset.

Unfortunately, the next morning began in the same wretched way, as did the day after. At least I knew that each wretched morning would be followed by a nausea-free afternoon. My daily schedule changed to adapt to the sicknesses pattern, with Mueller and I staying in the abode until after the mid-cycle meal. My "bed visits" with each of Duwan's favorites were limited to once a week each.

One month after the implantation of the artificial uterus, I made a return visit to the Life Center. Wudon and Sallah greeted me in a professional manner and worked together to scan my body and belly and coming up with medical terms to explain how I was doing that I couldn't understand. There was, however, one part of the conversation that caught my ear and nearly stopped my heart.

"The A.U. is functioning well and is sustaining the embries equally."

"Embries?" I choked out. I hoped and prayed in that moment that she'd spoken wrong.

Sallah looked at me, somewhat surprised at my reaction, then smiled. "Of course. You have two embries in the A.U., as your contract stipulates."

Mueller wisely jumped back when I reached out to grab him, intending to strangle the living daylights out of him. I was almost blind with anger that he'd purposely hidden yet another very important bit of information from me. All I had going through my mind was that this was impossible. I shouldn't be carrying one child much less two. This, I decided, was a absolute nightmare. What the hell was I suppose to do with two babies? Suddenly, there wasn't enough air in the room and I couldn't catch my breath, and my vision darkened while my heartbeat sounded ridiculously loud in my ears.

I realized the faint murmurs in my ear was someone trying to tell me something, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. I barely registered the pressure on my arm as being an infuser, but I felt an immediate reaction to the drug administered. I slumped to the side, suddenly relaxed, and caught by someone who was speaking over the slowly calming heartbeats gradually fading in my head. Damn but my head hurt.

"Breathe slowly, Duwan. Take a deep breathe and slowly let it out. Try it once more. Good. Again."

I followed Sallah's directions until my breathing became easier and my heart rate returned to normal. I realized that Sallah was holding my upper body in her arms while she patted my tattooed arm and reassured me that everything was better now. The medication she'd given me might have calmed my body, but my mind, regardless of the headache, was racing. The shot hadn't managed to cure my shock and fears.

I opened my eyes and stared at absolutely nothing as I asked, "How am I suppose to take care of two babies?" I asked, feeling panicked but unable to react to it because of the medication. The three other people in the room looked at me like I was from another planet. Wait, I was, but only Mueller knew that little fact.

"You are not contracted to care for them, Chosen," Sallah answered with a chuckle, sounding as if she were amused by my fears. "Mistra Hildah will contract with a caregiver for them. You will have done your duty once they emerge. Having fulfilled your contract you will be free to live your life however you and your Chooser have planned."

I know I blinked like a dumbstruck owl as I struggled to sit up and look her in the eye. "I won't have a part in their lives?" I asked, my hands moved to rest protectively on my still very flat stomach.

"Only if you have a desire to do so," Mueller cut in, taking a step closer but still out of my range. "A Chooser is rarely cut out of the lives of his progeny if he has a desire to share in their upbringing."

Now if that wasn't a kicker. I was having not one, but two babies, and some unknown nanny was going to raise them. Of course it made sense that if Hildah was too busy to get pregnant she wouldn't have to time to raise her offspring either. I felt as if I'd been double sucker-punched. First, I learned that I was carrying two babies instead of one, and secondly, that I wasn't meant to do much more than carry them inside my body. To say the least, I was more than a little upset by this news, but thankfully I'd learned enough about this place to know that I couldn't throw a fit in public - not that I had the energy to do so at the moment. So I merely pursed my lips together while Mueller finished dressing me, determined to wait until I got home to let my caretaker have it.

I was glad Hildah wasn't home because my behavior would certainly have earned me a mark. Even though the physical lethargy caused my the injection I'd been given at the clinic during my panic attack lingered, I still managed to rant and rave at Mueller until I yelled myself out. I finally slumped down onto my bed while my maligned caretaker left my resting space in order to get me a calming drink.

Regretfully, I really didn't feel much better after my tirade. After all was said and done, I knew I had little choice but to adjust to the idea of having twins. Still, it remained quite a shock. My tantrum had served its purpose though, allowing me to vent some of my anger towards my caretaker and his continued deceptions. I could finally manage to look at him and not want to pummel his face. I remained resolute, however, about not letting my kids be raised by a stranger. I didn't care if that was how things were done on Erith; I just couldn't bear the idea of not having a place in my children's lives. I decided to bring the subject up with Hildah the next time we shared a meal together. If I truly had a say in the matter, I'd do anything I had to in order to be a part of my children's lives.

When Mueller came back with the pink elixir, I gratefully swallowed it. As with all the medicinal drinks, it only took a few moments for it to take affect, helping me to calm down enough to be able to listen to my caretaker explain - in his usual logical and rational manner - the reasons why he didn't tell be about the twins. Going with the flow here on Erith was becoming harder and harder to do. I couldn't see that I had any other option than to accept the unacceptable and hope that Mueller wasn't hiding anything else from me.

TBC

Answer to a few readers' questions. Yes, I can assure you that this will eventually be the 1x2 I promised, but as you can see, Duo has his hands full on Erith at the moment. And to yaoiphoenix: No, I've not read that book. It does sound similar though, doesn't it? Colors are often used in signifying rank, (like in boy and girl scouts) but I actually got the collar idea from a very old Star Trek show, where Captain Kirk and bridge crew are transported to a planet and are forced to fight other kidnapped being. They are controlled by pain inducing collars by god-like beings who wager on the outcome of their fighting. Sound familiar? I love those old sci-fi shows.