Chapter 8 – Those Are Fighting Words
Luka glanced into the rearview mirror at Alex's silent form. He didn't understand why Alex had gotten quiet, after his questions had been ignored for a few minutes. His eyes drifted back to the road in front of him, and he sighed. He lifted his hand from the grip he had on the steering wheel, and he dragged it through his hair.
"Look, Alex. Sometimes things just work out the way they work out," Luka said, shrugging as he glanced into the rearview mirror again. "I don't understand either, but let's face it, your mom controls me too," he added, slightly shaking his hand. He glanced towards Sam, and when she was glaring at him from the corner of her eyes, his gaze shot back to the road.
"We just, we have some things that we need to talk about. You and me need to talk, kiddo. And you, me, and Luka need to talk about some things," she said, her voice slicing through the tension between her and Luka. She looked into the backseat, Alex's eyes wondering at the scenery outside of the car. He was showing interest anywhere but to the two people in the car with him.
"What kind of things?" Alex finally asked, looking at his mother. She inhaled, and when she exhaled her breath was shaky. Alex's eyes left her and wandered outside of the car again.
"About what's been going on. Going back to Chicago and stuff," she shrugged. Alex's face lit up, and he looked back at his mother. His grin lit up the car as Luka glanced back at him in the rearview mirror.
"We're going back to Chicago?" he asked. Luka smiled, gripping the steering in his fingertips again. Alex's eyes darted curiously from Luka to Sam.
"Yeah, buddy. And how would you like to come live with me?" Luka asked, pulling up to a stoplight, and looking at Alex in the rearview mirror. Alex's eyes went wide as his smile slowly faded into pursed lips.
"Just me?" Alex asked, scratching his temple.
"Well, your mom too. Unless you'd rather it be just us guys," Luka laughed with a shrug, looking back at the road as the stoplight turned green. Alex's face contorted into serious thought, and Alex glanced out of the window again. "Why don't you and your mom talk about it?" Luka suggested off of Alex's look, "you can get back to me once you do."
"Okay," Alex agreed with a nod, looking at Luka in the front seat. Luka took a closed fist and pressed it to his mouth, covering a rough exhale. The car grew silent again, and as Luka slowed down while turning on his blinker to pull into the hotel parking lot, Alex spoke up. "Hey, Luka," he said benignly.
"Yeah?"
"Will I get my own room?" Alex asked, looking down at the carpet intact at the floor of the car.
"Don't worry about that. The only person that will have to share their room will be me," Luka smiled, glancing into the rearview mirror again before making a smooth turn into the parking lot. The car pulled into a parking spot, and both Alex and Sam's doors were open before the car could be turned off.
The three made their way into the hotel room in silence, and before he could turn around once closing the door, he had pieced together that he was left alone in the room. Shrugging, he set his keys down on the end table and sat down on the couch. He sprawled his leg out across the couch as he rested his neck back against the arm of the couch. He shut his eyes while tucking a hand behind his head.
"Well, it's official," Sam muttered, closing the bathroom door behind her exit. She smiled, collapsing down onto the couch beside him. He peeled his eyes open, and placed the hand not tucked beneath his head on top of her head.
"It was official when we first said something," he smiled, dragging his hand through her hair and tucking a loose strand behind her ear.
"I know, but now that my parents know I can't just tell you that it was a joke just to get you back," she smiled. His hand slid around her neck, and his arm pulled her into him. He smiled, pressing his lips against her temple.
"It will never take much for you to get me back," he said, his fingertips brushing across her upper arm. He closed his eyes again, relaxing against her. But after moments of him becoming content she moved from his grasp, causing him to open his eyes and stare after her in wonderment.
She snatched the ice bucket from the counter, and he abruptly stood up. At the sound of his shuffling feet behind her, she turned and shoved the ice bucket his way. She smiled, sticking out her bottom lip, and his shoulders drooped low at the look on her face.
"Why don't I go get some ice?" he asked sarcastically, taking the bucket from her. "While I'm gone, why don't you see if Alex wants to go swimming or something? If we're going back to Chicago tomorrow, he won't have time to swim," he shrugged, turning to the door. His hand firmly gripped the doorknob, and he pulled the door open.
"Alex!" Sam called out, tapping on the bedroom door. She opened the door, peeking her head through it. "Hey, Alex, Luka wants to know if you want to go for a swim with him," she said, spotting Alex on the bed delved into the Gameboy screen.
"Where's Luka?" Alex asked, turning off the Gameboy and setting it down beside him on the bed. He scooted to the edge, and she slipped through the door, quietly shutting it behind her.
"He went to go get some ice," she said, sitting down on the bed beside him. "How do you really feel about going to live with Luka?" she asked, laying back against the mattress. The pile of golden curls on her head was spread uncontrollably across the pillow.
"What about dad?" he asked, laying his head back against the pillow beside his mom. She pursed her lips and looked over at Alex, his head slowly following in the act that hers had taken.
"Alex, your dad is – he's your dad, but it just doesn't work, buddy. There was a time that I wanted to be with your dad, but now, all he is to me is your dad. We can't be a family. Do you remember when we tried that?" she asked him, tucking her arm beneath her head.
"I barely remember it, but it was like 5 years ago," he shrugged.
"It only worked for a couple of weeks, Alex. He was drunk every night, and he was just – he was very difficult. Don't get me wrong though, kiddo. He's not a bad guy, well, he hasn't always been a bad guy," she smiled apologetically. Alex looked away from her and up at the ceiling.
"Do you love Luka more than you love dad?" he asked. His eyes planted on an almost unnoticeable crack in the ceiling.
"I will always love your dad because he's your dad and he gave me you. But I love Luka because he's Luka. He understands you, Alex, sometimes even better than I do," she said, shaking her head.
"Do you love Luka more than you love me?"
"No way, kid. I could never love anyone more than I love you," she said, her hand guilty traveling to her stomach. "I love Luka differently. Much, much differently," she said, breaking the moment of silence. "One day, you'll understand what I mean," she said, nodding slowly.
"You mean, you love Luka the way that Austin's parents love each other?" Alex asked, his eyes drifting back to his mom.
"Well," that being the only word that she could breathe out of her contorted face before Alex could interrupt her.
"You want to have Luka's babies?" he added, as they sat up. Sam looked at her son, licking her lips trying to gather the words. She finally shrugged as a smile formed on her face.
"Something like that," she nodded, soon after throwing her legs over the side of the bed. Alex was climbing off of the bed too, taking off his sweatshirt as his feet hit the floor.
"Mom?" Alex said, trying to grab Sam's attention. Sam's eyes whipped towards her son, and she looked at him with an arched eyebrow. "Can I get the TV in my room?" he asked with a smile.
"We'll have to see," she said, a smile seeping through her questioning eyes. Alex was taking off his t-shirt, and he hurriedly peeled it off to throw to the floor.
"Yes!" he hissed, making his fist into a ball and pulling it towards him.
"Don't get ahead of yourself," Sam laughed, looking at him pointedly. She made one swift movement and playfully gathered him in his arms. She tickled him, sneaking a kiss against his cheek.
"Ew!" he screamed out, wiping his cheek. They both started laughing as they fell back onto the bed. He rolled over onto his back and looked over at his mom with a smile on his face.
"Are you okay with us moving in with Luka?" she asked.
"Are you happy?" he asked, sitting up.
"I think that I am," she nodded, sitting up too.
"Then I'm happy too," he nodded, digging through his bag for his swimsuit.
"If you're ever unhappy with me or with Luka, you need to tell us. That's what we care about the most," she said, reaching over and dragging her hand through his hair. She patted his head before leaving the bedroom, and leaving him alone to change.
"That was so fun!" Alex's voice echoed throughout the hotel room as he and Luka walked in the door. She heard Luka laugh along with Alex, and she stopped in her packing. Leaving the pile of clothes on the bed, she walked towards the living room to see Luka and Alex wrapped up in towels.
"Did you guys have a good time?" Sam asked, catching a glimpse of them before she walked all of the way into the entrance of the door to the rest of the hotel room. She stopped in the doorway, and gripped the doorframe in her grasp.
"The best! Luka is so fun! You're so much cooler than my dad!" Alex said without thinking, rushing into the bathroom to change out of his wet clothes. Sam laughed, shaking her head as she pulled herself away from the doorway.
"I can't believe he just said that. I think that just goes to show you that we're going to be an okay family. Really okay," she said, approaching him. He smiled, covering his head with the towel and drying off his hair. He let the towel hang around his neck, dragging his hand through his hair.
"I know that we'll be okay. I just love that kid like he's my own," he said, his eyes following to the door that Alex had disappeared behind. Her eyes narrowed at him, and his eyes drifted back to hers. "Did I say something?" he asked, taking his hand to his chest.
"You didn't say anything wrong. If that's what you're asking," she laughed, shaking her head.
"I wasn't sure. He seemed, I don't know," he shrugged, searching for the word, "at ease. I just don't know what to do with him when he gets all mad for no apparent reason." Sam shrugged, understanding where he was coming from.
"He was asking me some pretty interesting questions before you guys went down to the pool," she said, looking him directly in the eye. Her eyes caught his, her eyes never threatening her to blink.
"What kind of questions was he asking you?" he asked, his hands gingerly finding their way to his hips. He bent his knee, looking at her defiantly yet playfully. His eyebrow was arched and his head was bent low to match evenly with hers.
"He was asking me if I loved you more than I loved him. I think that he even asked me if I wanted to have your babies," she said, squinting while pursing her lips together.
"What did you say?" he asked, standing upright again and placing a hand on her cheek.
"I told him that those were fighting words," she said, shaking her head. "Actually, I guiltily told him that I'll never love anyone more than I love him," she said, glancing away as she covered her stomach with an open palm. "I'll love all of my children the same, but I'll just love him longer," she said, her eyes drifting back to his.
"Don't feel bad about that, Sam. I may have told one or both of my children that at some point, and with Marko, Jasna already existed. It's just a part of parenting. You know that," he said, placing his index finger beneath her chin and guiding her eyes back to his.
"You've got it easy," she laughed, grabbing the ends of the towel draped across his neck and pulling his lips to hers. She felt guilty for not telling Alex about his little brother or sister when there was a perfect moment to tell him. She also felt guilty for already loving that child as much as she loved him. She felt guilty because she thought that she didn't tell him enough that she loved him.