1436 - March

"He's lovely, Kel," Ivy said, smiling down at the baby in her arms. And he was huge--to her, at least--much larger than a newborn hobbit baby.

"I get to hold him next!" said Brenna.

"No, I think it's my turn next," said Aifa.

"Actually, it's probably my turn next," said Kelian. "It's about time for him to eat. But then I think it's Gwen's turn to hold him, seeing as she'll need the practice."

Gwen blushed. She'd just gotten betrothed to one of the young rangers.

Ivy gave the baby back to his mum and Kel settled into her chair, pulling up her blouse to nurse the baby.

"Does that hurt?" Aifa asked.

Kelian shook her head. "No, not really, unless he doesn't latch on right. It's quite nice, actually. Almost as good as when your husband does it." She winked at them.

Ivy felt her face heat up. She couldn't help but think of what it felt like when Derwyn had touched her there, had kissed her down to the edge of her blouse, wanting to go lower...

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about, ladies." Kel laughed. "And I'm sure Gwen is looking forward to finding out how nice it is."

"Kel!" Gwen said, eyes wide, face bright red. Ivy was glad someone was blushing as much as she was.

Kel just laughed, then took it upon herself to give Gwen more marital advice that made the rest of them turn as red as the roses in the garden. Ivy had known where babies came from for quite a while, and Éowyn had filled her in on more details when she'd started her monthly. But Kel's advice was a bit more specific to the mechanics.

"Enough, Kel!" Gwen finally said. "We're all going to die of embarassment!" She shook her head. "How about we only talk about the wedding and leave the rest for another day?"

Ivy thought that would be a good idea. She didn't think she could take anymore of Kel's advice. Her face hurt from blushing so much.

"I wish you could be here for my wedding, Ivy," Gwen said sadly, taking Ivy's hand.

"I know." Ivy sighed. She still hadn't made up her mind if she was going to stay. But she would have to make her decision soon. The King would be leaving for the north in only a week.

-o-O-o-

The baby's naming was the following day in the King's House. Ivy smiled with joy for her friend as Kelian's son was presented as Beron son of Geron.

Ivy saw Derwyn at the reception, but he was busy with his old friends from Minas Tirith and just traded a quick smile with her. They hadn't seen each other since Aifa's birthday. Ivy wondered if he was angry with her.

She stared at the doorway to the second level and cosidered going to the Hall of Remembrance, but a gnawing feeling of guilt kept her away. She didn't want her father and Pippin looking at her when she was considering not returning to them, even if it was just their images in a painting.

She decided to go for a walk in the gardens, to get away from the crowded reception for a while. She had too much to think about. She couldn't find Derwyn. He and his friends had disappeared somewhere, so she'd have to find him later, to maybe try to talk to him about what had happened.

The gardens were just starting to bloom with the early spring flowers. Her mother had told her the gardens were a ruin after the war and it was Uncle Sam who had helped restore them. As she walked, Ivy ran her hand over the plants, feeling a little closer to the Shire by touching the results of Uncle Sam's hard work.

She came to the end of some hedges and heard voices and laughter. She recognized one of the voices. She peeked around and saw Derwyn and his friends. She pondered whether to let him know she was looking for him, but decided to wait for him inside. They probably wouldn't appreciate a girl interrupting their fun. She turned to go.

"She's kind of pretty, but too short," an unfamiliar voice said.

Ivy stopped in her tracks. They could only be talking about her.

"And her feet! Hairy feet on a girl just doesn't look right."

"Maybe so," said Derwyn. "But, she's more interesting to talk to than other girls."

"If you say so. You have to admit she's kind of strange, though."

"I guess so," said Derwyn, shrugging and staring at his feet.

Ivy felt hurt and angry and sick. Derwyn didn't even try to defend her.

"Have you tried anything with her?"

"What?"

"Come on, Derwyn, you know."

"I've kissed her."

"Anything else? You know her mother did it. She probably would, too."

Derwyn just shrugged. Ivy bit her lip to hold back the sob. The boys were insulting her and her mother, and Derwyn didn't fight any of it.

"Well, at least she's leaving soon, right? You can find someone else now, maybe someone who would let you give them a tumble."

"My parents are pushing for me to court Kelian's cousin Nila," Derwyn said. Ivy felt suddenly light-headed. Another girl?

"She's a pretty one," one of the boys said.

"And she's got small feet!" said another. The boys laughed.

Ivy gave a strangled cry. Derwyn looked towards her hiding place and their eyes met before she turned away, tears already streaming down her cheeks. She thought Derwyn liked her. He had told her so. He'd tried to... to do things. And now he was saying these things to his friends.

She was barely aware of the footsteps behind her as she hurried back toward the King's House. The hand clamping onto her arm startled her.

"Ivy, wait!" Derwyn pulled her to a stop.

"I heard it all!" she cried. "You don't really like me. I was just some girl to play with for a while."

"Let me explain--"

"Aren't you embarassed to be seen with me," she shouted. She lifted a foot, "With my big ugly feet?"

"Ivy, I don't really care about that--"

"Then why were you letting them say it about me?"

"Because, they're my friends and--"

"Of course! You wouldn't want to defend me and have your friends laugh at you!"

"Ivy--"

"When were you plannning on telling me about the other girl?"

He shook his head, a stunned look on his face. "What do you mean 'when'. Why are you acting like this, like you're jealous? You're leaving in a week, Ivy! What did you expect?"

"Maybe I wasn't going to leave!" Ivy shouted. "Maybe I was going to stay here for you!"

He dropped his hold on her arm. "What?"

"I thought I meant something to you. I was going to stay here so we wouldn't be separated. I thought--"

"Ivy, we were just having fun. Nothing serious, because you were going to be leaving. I thought you understood that."

"But, you kissed me, and--"

"I've done that with other girls, too, but that didn't mean I was serious about them." He reached for Ivy's hand, but she took a step back. "I do like you, and maybe if things were differnent..." He sighed. "It wouldn't have happened anyway, Ivy. My parents would never allow it."

"Why?"

"Because you're a hobbit."

He said it so matter-of-factly, like it should have been the most obvious thing in the world. That's what hurt the most. Ivy felt all the anger and despair at all the prejudices she'd experienced during her time in Gondor boil up and she balled her fist exactly how Pippin had showed her and punched him in the gut.

"Well, your little hobbit is leaving, so you won't have to worry about embarassing your family anymore!" she spat at him while he rolled on the ground, clutching his stomach.

"Ivy, I'm sorry," he gasped, "I didn't mean to hurt you..." But she ignored him. She turned and ran.

She managed to avoid everyone as she made her way to the Hall of Remembrance. She collapsed there, under the painting of the hobbits, between her father and Pippin.

She felt so stupid. Derwyn hadn't really liked her, not how she thought. And she had been planning to give up everything for him-- the Shire and her family--to stay here...

She pulled up her knees, buried her head in her arms, and sobbed.

-o-O-o-

"Ivy!"

Ivy jerked awake, wincing at the pain in her back. She was freezing cold from lying on the granite floor. She looked around the dark room. Éowyn was coming toward her.

"We've been looking all over for you." Éowyn knelt down and wiped Ivy's hair out of her face. "You've been crying. What happened?"

"Derwyn," she said, and the tears came again. Éowyn sat next to her, pulling her up into her lap and into her arms. "I heard him talking to his friends. I heard... they said some mean things about me and Derwyn let them. Making fun of me being short and having big hairy feet."

"Ivy." Her mother held her tightly, rocking her like Estella had done when she was little.

"Derwyn has another girl. His parents want him to marry her. He doesn't like me like I like him. And he said his parents would never let him marry me because... I'm a hobbit." Ivy whispered.

"I'm sorry, Ivy." Éowyn murmured, kissing her brow, "I'm sorry it hasn't been easy for you here."

"It won't be much better at home." said Ivy. She trailed a finger through the light brown curls on the top of her foot. "I'm mostly a hobbit, but I'm different there too. I'm going to be taller than everybody and I grew up too fast." Ivy choked a sob. "I was right. No one will want me."

"Oh, Ivy," Éowyn said, rocking her again. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry it has to be like this."

Ivy clung to her mother and looked up at the painting. Her eyes focused on her dad. "I just want to go home."