Through The Vortex
Bane's Desire

Chapter 19 The Clash

Quatre told me several days later what had transpired in the waiting room in my absence. He reported that when Sally came to the waiting room, she was surprised to find it was full. Not only were my friends there, minus Trowa who was on en route, Zechs, Noin, Director Une and Relena were present as well. Quatre said they all jumped to their feet when my doctor entered the room.

Heero approached Sally first, looking frayed and weary and asked if I was all right. He'd evidently spent every waking moment during the time I'd been on Erith working at getting me back home and his exhausted state had become a worry to everyone who cared about him. Sally told him she had a few more tests to run, but that so far I seemed to be in fairly good health.

Wufei put his arm around Heero's shoulder and said with a small grin of triumph, "All your hard work has paid off, Heero. Let's just hope this is the Duo we know."

Sally assured them that the person she'd just examined was indeed me. Heero asked if he could see me, and Sally, looking apologetic, told him that I wanted to see Quatre first. The room became deathly still and all eyes turned to the shorter blond man. Quatre didn't spare a glance for Heero, not having spoken to him since the day I was sucked into the vortex. "I'm sure it's all right," Wufei said aside to Heero, trying to think of some him excuse for my unusual request. "We need to indulge him for a while. He's been through something we can't even begin to understand."

"Then why does he want to see Quatre and not me?" Heero asked gruffly, clearly unhappy and hurt. "I should be the one to reassure him."

"That's right, Heero, and normally you would be the one," Sally jumped in. "But he's feeling disjointed and unsure of himself. I believe he's just trying to acclimate himself back to this world. He promised that after he spoke to Quatre that he'd speak with you."

Quatre said that Heero still wasn't satisfied with their reasoning, but he nodded anyway, accepting my decision yet frowning deeply at Quatre as he followed Sally out of the room to where I was nervously waiting.

It was at that very moment that Trowa rounded the corner to the waiting room, stopping short of colliding with the familiar blond. Their eyes locked and held for a moment before Heero said with obvious relief. "Trowa, you made it."

"Sorry I couldn't get here any sooner," the auburn haired man said, finally breaking eye contact with Quatre to look at Heero. "My fight was delayed. Was the operation successful?"

Wufei was the one to answer. "We haven't spoken with him yet, but Sally confirms that it is indeed Duo who fell out of the vortex. Our Duo."

Quatre told me that Trowa's smile reflected his genuine happiness for Heero as he smiled at him and said, "I'm glad. What happened to his double?"

"Sucked up into the vortex, squealing like a little girl," Wufei answered with a roll of his eyes. "We can only assume that his entry into the vortex brought about the opening on the other side where Duo was and brought him back to us."

Trowa's green eyes turned back to Quatre, who immediately ducked his head. "Let's go, Sally," the blond mumbled. "Duo's waiting."

After a quiet knock on the door, Quatre entered the exam room I was in. My best friend was a sight for sore eyes and I felt myself becoming emotional from just seeing him after all the months we'd been separated. As his eyes locked with mine, they welled up with unshed tears. I gave him a smile that felt tremulous at best, and it must have shown how insecure I felt for he crossed the room to me in an instant and all but crawled over the bed's side railing to embrace me. Holding me tightly to his chest and whispered, "Is it really you, Duo?"

"Yeah, Quat, it's me. How've you been?"

My friend pulled back to look me in the eyes, weariness showing in his own. "Wretched," he answered. "But a bit better now that you're back home."

I put my hand on his shoulder. "Sorry to worry you."

"Everything's going to get better now that you're back," he said, and from the tone of his voice, I could tell he was hoping his prediction would come true.

"I missed you," I told him.

"And you can't know how much I've missed you," he replied, struggling to keep his emotions in check. I sensed that there was something more troubling him than him just missing me, that something had happened to my friend during the time I'd been gone. I watched closely as he fought to compose himself and finally managed a forced smile on his face. "I can't wait to hear about where you've been and what's happened to you while you were gone."

I put my hand to my head, it ached like hell. I'd been trying to decide the best way to break the news of my condition to him, but the damn headache was a significant distraction. "I've got something to tell you, Quat, and I'm not sure how to do it. I guess describing the place I've been would help, so please be patient with me for a couple of minutes before I get to the crux of the problem. It's complicated and I've got the mother of all headaches pounding at my brain."

Quatre didn't bother with the one chair in the room, instead, he moved to the top of the bed rail and leaned the upper half of his body over the mattress to get as close to my face as he could while I began to vaguely describe the world called Erith. I began telling him of its matriarchal and color-caste system and finally the Purple's main responsibility, that of donating sperm to fertilize the Chooser's eggs which were then implanted in an artificial uterus and placed into the Purple's body. His blue eyes widened with disbelief as I described Duwan's world, but he said remained silent as I forged ahead to describe my counterpart's contract with his Chooser, Mistra Hildah, and explained that when Duwan had been taken from his world, switching places in the vortex with me, I was placed smack dab into my counterpart's life, assuming his rank as a Purple and, unbeknownst to me at the beginning, saddled with fulfilling his contract with his Chooser.

"The long and the short of it is that I'm pregnant, Quatre," I told my friend, looking him straight in the eye. I wasn't embarrassed by the fact, even though in my world I probably should have been. I decided that I wouldn't be ashamed of my condition nor by the fact that I needed someone to help me. "And I need your help," I added. It was almost comical to observe his jaw drop and two blue-green eyes almost pop out of his blond head.

Quatre, when a sound finally made it out of his tight throat, sputtered at first, then in a shocked, strangled voice exclaimed, "You're what?"

"Shh," I hushed him frantically, wanting him to keep his voice down. "This has to be kept a secret. That's why I need your help." I caught his nearest hand in mine to emphasize my earnestness. "I need a place that's away from curious eyes, near Sally and a hospital. It's imperative, Quat, that news of this doesn't get out. I don't want to be made into a side-show freak or poked and prodded by scientists as an object of curiosity. I might even need some help once the babies are born and at least until I can get back on my feet to support them."

"Babies?" I swear his voice skipped an octave on the second syllable of that one, astonishing word.

"Two," I chuckled, finding the shocked expression on his face to be pretty damn amusing. I wondered if I'd worn the same expression when I received the same news.

The wide blue eyes left my face and traveled slowly south to my stomach. "That's ... unbelievable. You're sure?"

"Positive. Sally says that despite the return trip through the vortex, they're doing fine."

As Quatre's more coherent reasoning skills kicked back in, his expression of shock was replaced by a more thoughtful one. Blue-green eyes rose questioningly. "Are you going to tell the others?"

I knew the others meant the three that were probably waiting outside the door. "I don't think so."

Quatre frowned at that. "They'll support and help you just like I will, Duo."

I shook my head, doubtful of his statement. "Ya know, Quat, when I was first sucked up into that thing, I was pretty torn up about what to do after our conversation about Heero and Trowa. Did you ever find out if they were cheating on us?"

"A couple of days after the accident at Leavesly, Trowa came home and broke the news that Heero suspected the person we believed was you was actually a double from another world. He also informed me that he was going to stay with Heero for a while, just to help him out until he got his head together. Heero, he explained, was understandably upset." Quatre paused, and a look of guilt crossed his handsome face. "I'm not proud in admitting that when Trowa mad that announcement, I threw a fit," he admitted, looking dismal. "I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I was just so hurt and angry that the accusations came flying unchecked out of my mouth. I asked him point blank if he and Heero had been having an affair behind our backs."

"What did he say?" I asked, my voice a fearful whisper as my stomach twisted into a tight knot. The moment of truth had come, and it filled me with dread

An air of sadness seemed to surround my friend as he answered. "He didn't say anything. Oh, he looked shocked, but I don't know if it was because I'd blown up at him or if it was because of my accusation. He merely turned away from me, picked up his packed bags and left with me yelling at him that you'd been taken from this world thinking you'd been betrayed by both he and Heero and that I would never forgive him for that." Quatre looked deflated as he added, "I haven't spoken to him since. I just now saw him for the first time since then, when he arrived from the airport."

I reached over and embraced my friend who'd obviously been suffering the entire time I'd been gone. Though it still hurt thinking that Heero and Trowa had cheated on us, I was pretty sure I was past the point of shedding tears over it. While holding my friend, my mind went over the few facts I'd been given. They didn't add up. If Trowa and Heero were together, why had Heero worked tirelessly to get me back, as Sally had indicated. Was it guilt or love that had fueled his actions? And if Trowa had just arrived by airplane, that pointed out that he hadn't been living with my former lover. I clearly didn't have enough information to put the pieces of this puzzle together.

"I honestly don't know what to believe right now, Quat. My head feels like it's spinning and, damn, it hurts. Where the hell is Sally with some meds?"

"Lie down and close your eyes," my friend said, sounding sympathetic of my pain. "If Sally doesn't return in a few moments, I'll go find her." I did as he asked, but the headache didn't recede.

"I can't even imagine what you've been through," he said as he placed a cool palm against my forehead, and surprisingly, the touch was comforting. "So, you need a secure place to go, no prying eyes and close to the hospital, correct?"

I mumbled yes, glad for the change in subject.

"Then you're coming home with me. I've been living in London for the last couple of months but I still have the house here and it's only ten minutes from the hospital. Do you want to come live with me, Duo?"

"You shouldn't have to rearrange your life for me," I said, feeling grateful for his offer as well as guilty for having to ask for it.

"I can conduct my business from anywhere, you know that. You need a friend now and I intend to be here for you."

"Thanks, Quatre." I opened my eyes to look at him, gazing fondly down on me from my bedside. I was overwhelmed by his generosity and found myself choked up and unable to express how grateful I was that our friendship had proved steadfast after having weathered months of separation.

"What are you going to tell Heero? He's out there and bent on seeing you."

I sighed and closed my eyes again, dreading the upcoming confrontation. "I'll tell him the truth, or part of it, that I'm confused, disorientated and that I need some time and space to figure things out. Trowa's not living with him, is he?"

"No. Wufei wrote to me often and pretty much kept me up to date on what Heero was attempting to do. He was worried that Heero might be working himself to death over a desperate theory. He was obsessed with re-creating the accident that caused the vortex. Wufei also informed me that Trowa had gone back to the circus, which was traveling through Europe. That happened a few days after he left me to join Heero. If something was going on, Duo, it appears that it didn't last."

"If?" I asked, easing one eye open.

Quatre looked sheepish. "He never admitted to it. I thought for a while that his silence was as good as a guilty confession, but after hearing he'd left Sanq, I wondered if what I'd assumed was correct or not."

"My head hurts," I moaned, closing my eyes again and putting my arm over the top of my aching head. I couldn't deal with any more twists and turns when the simple act of thinking hurt.

"Do you want me to call Sally?"

"Yeah, I'd appreciate it."

I heard my friend leave the room and lowered my arm to rest it over my forehead, blocking out the light coming though the window on the far wall and hoping Sally would return quickly and give me something for the blinding pain.

"Duo?" Heero's voice sounded almost timid as he softly called out to me from the doorway. I lifted my arm up fractionally to squint at him. He stepped inside the door looking the worst I think I've ever seen him since the war. As he walked to my bedside, it was hard to miss the dark shaded circles around his eyes and the unusually long hair that seemed more wild than ever as it fell unevenly just above his shoulders. His face was stubbled and the Preventer uniform, usually a perfect fit and meticulously ironed, was wrinkled and hanging from his thinner body. Frankly, it looked as if he'd been the one sucked up into the vortex a couple of times.

"Hey," I answered him, holding back any comments about his surprising appearance. I lowered my arm back down to my stomach, making sure the blanket covered the bulge there.

We didn't speak for several moments, but let our eyes explore and taking in the changes in each other while searching for appropriate words to say after all that had happened. Then slowly Heero bent at the waist and over the bed rail to bring his face closer to my own. His lips touched mine and he gave me a sweet, chaste kiss. It was brief, but it somehow seemed to represent the change in our relationship. When Heero broke the brief contact, he brought his forehead to rest against my own and at that close range I breathed in the scent that was uniquely Heero. I suddenly was struck by how much I had missed it, missed him. His breathing was ragged and I realized he was struggling to control his emotions. I was having a similar problem. Being reunited after all that had happened brought both feelings of happiness and guilt, the latter resulting from my life in Erith. I also experienced a welling of the anger I'd repressed for so long at Heero's lies. I was definitely conflicted, knowing what I needed to do next and not wanting to deny myself Heero's presence, nor his touch. It was the life growing within me, however, that made the reason for my decision more clearer. Heero didn't make that decision any easier when he placed his hands on both sides of my face and looked deeply into my eyes. I fought the urge to bring him back down to kiss him properly. Instead, my hands kneaded his upper arms, feeling the tense muscles under his shirt.

"I thought I'd lost you forever." Heero's agonized whisper went straight to my heart.

"I thought I'd lost you, too," I answered, swallowing with difficulty. Not too original, but with his eyes devouring my face and my head threatening to crack open from the pain of my excruciating headache, I wasn't thinking very well. "I'm sorry, Heero. So sorry." I wasn't exactly sure what I was apologizing for. Maybe it was remorse for being sucked up into the vortex and leaving him behind, or perhaps it was giving in so easily to the lure of the other world. It could very well have been for having mind-blowing sex I'd had with his and Trowa's doubles. I suppose in the long run I was apologizing for what I was about to do.

Moving my hands from his arms, I gently pushed back on his shoulders, needing some space to compose myself for the task ahead. It was hard, though, when Heero refused to budge and began to stroke my cheeks with his thumbs.

"Are you all right?" he asked, frowning with concern. "When did Sally say you can come home?"

Clearing my throat and gathering my courage, I found my eyes fixed on his neck. It was just too hard to look into Heero's eyes and do what I had to. "I guess I'm all right, just kind of banged up and I have the headache from hell. I think I'm more emotionally messed up than anything else." I paused a moment and was grateful when he didn't say anything. Gathering up my courage, I continued. "I've just come from a very strange world where I had no choice but to fit in and play Duwan's part. It was so different from anything I could have imagined, so alien in comparison to our world. I was just getting used to it, had adjusted to my role there, believing I'd never see Earth or you and the others again, and then I'm suddenly back here. I feel like I'm on a slippery slope, Heero, and fighting in vain for some kind of balance."

"You'll feel better once we get you home," he told me with his usual confidence and from the corner of my eyes I could see part of his soft, encouraging smile.

"Um... that's the thing," I said, chewing on my left lower lip while staring at the third button on his wrinkled shirt. "I don't think I'm ready to pick up where we left off."

I quickly glanced up to his face to gage his reaction and saw Heero's eyebrows draw down with confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I need some time to get my head together, Heero. I don't think I can go right back to the apartment, back to my life as it was. I need some time and space to digest what I've gone through without worrying about our relationship. The things I've seen and experienced have had a life changing effect on me." Man, was that the understatement of the century.

A flicker of hurt flashed in the dark blue eyes and I was sorry for it, but I couldn't back down now.

"Tell me the truth, Duo. Is it that you're not ready to come home or is it me you're avoiding?"

Damn, why did Heero always have to be so perceptive? "Let me ask you a question, Heero, one that's plagued me all the time I've been gone." I could feel my resolve to not get angry beginning to dissolve even as my temples continued to pound. "Did you lie to me before the accident about doing laundry and visiting Mr. Katsumorri on Tuesdays and taking a class on Thursdays?"

Heero's eyes widened fractionally before he lowered his head, giving me my answer without a single word spoken. Through gritted teeth I asked, "Were you sneaking off with Trowa behind my back?"

This time I heard Heero's breath catch in his throat, and I forged ahead, gaining steam along with rising anger. "I checked, Heero. Can you imagine how I felt after learning from our neighbor that you only spent a few minutes with him, and that for nearly three hours you were unaccounted for, just like Trowa? You lied to me when you said you were doing laundry and visiting that old man on the first floor."

Heero's mouth closed and his lips pressed firmly together even as his eyes blazed with some unknown emotion. "I called the college and, much to my surprise, I found out that you'd lied to me again. There was no Japanese History class taught on Thursday nights. Where were you all those hours, Heero? Were you spending Thursdays with Trowa also?" My voice had risen along with my ire even though I was almost blind from the pain in my head, but I couldn't seem to stop my tirade now that I'd begun. I was definitely on an verbal and emotional roll. I thought, after all the time that had passed, that I'd be able to remain calm and retain some dignity during this dreaded conversation, but the hurt resurfacing was just as strong as it had ever been, and despite the timpani pounding in my head, I began shouting at the shell-shocked man standing next to my bed.

"How do you think I felt believing you were carrying on behind my back with my best friend's lover and your partner?"

The door to my room burst open and Trowa and Wufei came bounding into the room with Sally and Quatre hot on their heels, obviously reacting to my raised voice.

"Duo, you don't understand," Heero pleaded in a strangled voice.

"Were you with Trowa or not?" I shouted, livid, shaking and clutching at my temples with both fists.

"Stop this right now!" Sally interjected, putting herself between Heero and myself.

"Answer me, Heero!" To my utter embarrassment, I began to cry as I waited for an answer that didn't seem to be forthcoming.

"Calm down, Duo. Your getting this upset isn't good for your... condition," Sally said in a firm voice as she put a hand on my face and turned my line of sight from Heero to herself. "Calm down."

I nodded, then turned my tear-filled eyes back to Heero. "Your silence answers for you, Heero," I choked out. "I don't know what I did wrong, but I can't be with you if I can't trust you. Don't let the door hit you on the way out."

I didn't see anyone else's reaction as I turned my face into my pillow and brought my arms up and over my head. I ignored everyone behind me while I struggled to cover my embarrassment at losing control my of my emotions. What the hell was wrong with me? I wondered. I'd been kidnaped the day before and had remained as cool as a cucumber. Now faced with my past and familiar people, the damn need to burst into tears seemed beyond my ability to control. Someone embrace me from behind and Quatre's soft but firm voice address those behind us. "If everyone would please leave the room so we can calm Duo down, we'll settle this matter another time in a more private setting." Even in my miserable state I could hear muffled words of concern and then the quiet shuffling of reluctant feet fading into the distance, telling me that the others were respecting Quatre's request.

"You mustn't upset yourself like this, Duo," Sally said a few moments later. "It isn't good for either you or the babies."

I nodded, but decided that until I could stop the infernal crying, I wasn't going to turn around.

"You can take him home as soon as we sign the papers for his release," Sally told Quatre. "I'll give him something for his headache, but it won't be very strong due to his pre... condition. What he really needs is some sleep. I want you to feed him healthy foods, avoid all alcohol and caffeine and I'll prescribe pre-natal vitamins. He'll need to have daily injections once we get the case Duo said he brought back with him. Wufei just informed me that he's got it in the truck of his car. I'll take the substance from one of the vials and have it analyzed. Hopefully, we'll be able to come close to duplicating whatever it was that sustained Duo's implanted uterus."

"I don't have any clothes to wear," I sniffed, feeling pathetic as I turned around to face the other two and wiped the moisture from my face. "Sorry," I apologized, utterly embarrassed. "I don't know what gets into me sometimes."

Sally gave me a knowing smile. "Women who are pregnant often experience fluctuating emotions. You're no doubt suffering from that same malady."

I nodded, accepting her explanation and remembering that Mueller had said something similar. I motioned down to my torn clothing. "Clothes?"

Quatre eyed my tattered and torn purple outfit I was wearing. "We'll use a patient gown to act like a robe. You can put it over what you're wearing," he suggested. "I'll buy you anything you need after we get you to the house and settled in, all right? Or would you prefer to have me send someone over to Heero's apartment for your things?"

"No." I could only imagine how hurt Heero would be if I did such a thing. "I won't be able to fit into anything anyway," I answered.

Sally left the room for a few minutes, then returned to give me a couple of pain pills. I felt numb from the previous emotional outburst as I forced myself to swallow them down. Quatre then helped me slip on the hospital gown Sally pulled from a drawer and he tired the strings together at the front of my throat. Then the two well meaning but hovering protectors finally left the room for a few minutes, saying something about signing release papers and getting a metal cutter. Their absence allowed me a few blessed moments to myself while I waited for the medication to kick in. I could only hope that the pillow I'd placed over my face sufficiently muffled my second bout of crying.

Continued soon...

Sorry for the delay in updating. Life's been...umm... hectic lately.