Through the Vortex
Chapter 24
Heero

Having Trowa back meant there were adjustments to be made. He was a great help when it came to fixing meals and cleaning the place up, and having a an extra person when playing a board game made things a bit more interesting. However, I couldn't help feeling like a third wheel most of the time, so I made it a regular practice to make myself scarce early in the evening, using the plausible excuse that I was tired. I knew that if I were in their shoes, I'd want some alone time with my lover. Of course there were always the polite protests from the other two, but I dismissed them and waddled my way up the stairs to my room, bed, T.V. and popcorn.

Unfortunately, with long days and evenings spent alone - especially knowing what was going on in another part of the house - I couldn't help but be reminded of how lonely I was. It was during those solitary evening hours that I missed Heero the most. Even though I didn't know how I could ever love another person like I loved him, I promised myself that one day I would try to find someone I could share my life with... perhaps in a couple of years. Once the babies were born, or a couple of months after, I was determined to move away from all that was familiar and the constant reminders of my life with my dark-haired, blue-eyed lover. I kept telling myself it was the wise thing to do, but I couldn't shake the sad feeling that accompanied my plan. For my friends' benefit, I tried to hide my growing despondency and to keep a stiff upper lip when I was with them, but several times a week I gave into my weaker emotional state and cried myself to sleep, with my face turned into my pillow in the dark where no one would be the wiser. I scolded myself for being so pathetic each and every morning after one of those rough nights, but I knew there was little I could do to prevent them.

At twenty-two weeks, Sally proclaimed the twins were progressing well. I had approximately six weeks to go, that is if I correctly remembered the information I'd been given about the gestation time within the A.U. and if it applied to twins. I was getting ridiculously big, and my mis-proportioned belly often unbalanced my small frame. The good doctor insisted that I have help going up and down the stairs, which I thought was ridiculous. Sally didn't listen to my objections and I was more or less forced into promising her, Quatre and Trowa that I wouldn't venture up or down the staircase without assistance. She also expressed concern about the slight rise of my blood pressure and suspected that I had the beginnings of toxemia. She advised me to stay off my feet as much as possible and left me a pamphlet to read about the condition. Frankly, after reading the small, informative booklet, I found myself scared shitless, learning that I could have a condition that might prove dangerous to me and my children. The only treatment for toxemia was bed rest and a mild medication to lower blood pressure. The only cure for it was delivering the babies. If my condition worsened, Sally suggested Quatre might look into working exclusively from home, to make sure I stayed in bed.

Staying in bed depressed the hell out of me. Sure, I watched T.V., listened to music, re-wrote parts of my story and edited it over and over. After that, I began to dismantle the injector, taking careful notes of the parts I removed, making detailed sketches of what they looked like and exactly where they fit. Then I made a guess as to what kind of material on Earth, natural or manmade, could be substituted for the Erithian metal used to construct the medical device.

After two weeks of relative confinement, Sally confirmed that the continued swelling of my ankles and hands indicated that I did indeed have toxemia. Depression coupled with fear and anxiety affected my mood swings dramatically. I know I made it hard for the other guys to live with me, but to their credit they showed me nothing but patience and compassion.

At twenty five weeks, Sally took up the subject of my despondency. She finished my check up and admonished me once again to stay in bed as much as possible. Quatre said he'd be working from home for the rest of the pregnancy with only an occasional meeting at the office.

"I hate messing up his life," I sulked to Sally after Quatre left the room.

"I seriously don't think he believes you are," she replied calmly while putting the tools of her trade into her medical bag.

Looking around my enormous belly and down at my slightly misshapen ankles and feet, I felt my depression deepen.

"How are you, emotionally, Duo? Still feeling depressed?"

"It comes and goes."

"It's important that you try not to get too caught up in negative feelings. I'm not an obstetrician, but I am a mother and I firmly believe that the children in your womb can sense something of what their parent is feeling. It's important to be as hopeful and positive as you can."

"I can't help it, Sally. I'm trying to be upbeat, but sometimes things just get me down."

"No word from Heero?"

I don't know if it was her women's intuition or if she'd been talking to Quatre, but she sure hit the nail on the head with that one. I shook my head in answer, my eyes riveted on my puffy hands resting on my round belly. I felt a reassuring hand touch my shoulder.

"He's been asking about you," she told me, and I looked up to see that she was concerned about telling me that piece of news, probably not knowing if it was good or bad news. "He came by my office to ask if I knew anything about your health, mental or physical. He's concerned because he hasn't had word from anyone that you've left the house since your return."

"Is he spying on me?" I knew that if Heero really wanted information, he had the talent and means to get it.

"I don't think so," she replied after contemplating a moment. "But you know how he picks up on things, and there's been a lot of speculation at headquarters as to where you've been since your miraculous return after several months of being on the Missing In Action List."

I put the palms of my hands against my eyes. I was so tired of worrying about how things were going to work out. I just wished I could wake up one morning and everything would be back to normal; but then that would be wishing away the lives of two innocent children that I already loved. No matter how upset I was or the problems I faced, I couldn't bring myself to do that.

"Hang in there," Sally said softly, her voice filled with sympathy. "In three or four weeks we'll go to the hospital for delivery and then you'll be too busy juggling two babies to worry about everything. Being stuck in bed gives you too much time to think and to dwell on things we have little control over. It'll be over soon."

"I hope so," I whispered.

"Have you picked any names yet?" Nice way to change the subject.

"I've got a couple picked out, but I haven't made a final decision yet."

"Feel like some lunch?"

I shook my head. "Not hungry."

"You need to eat, Duo. Even though your stomach looks large, you've only gained twenty-nine pounds. That might be normal for a single pregnancy, but not for twins. You've gotten thinner, if that's possible. Please, try to eat regular meals or five small ones, if that's all you can manage."

"I'll try," I sighed. Having my stomach compressed by the growing A.U. had taken away my normal appetite and eating had recently become a chore, especially with Quatre and Trowa acutely aware of what did and didn't go into my mouth.

"Good!" The doctor smiled, pleased with my agreement. "I'll just speak to Quatre and Trowa before I leave." She shut and fastened her medical satchel and paused. "If you should begin to feel ill or faint, call me. From your description of Tradell's experience, it sounded like there was some sort of internal signal given to the A.U.'s host that the time to deliver had come. I don't believe you'll go into actual labor, so you need to be alert for whatever sign you're given. Be aware of what's going on in your body and call me if you have any concerns, all right?"

"I'll call if something happens," I told her.

"Very good. I'll see you next week. Remember, stay in bed as much as possible."

I watched her leave the room and closed my eyes, dreading the long drawn-out hours ahead of me. I was pretty damn sure I was going to start losing my mind any minute.

For the next week I dutifully stayed in bed, scared by the memory of Sally's growing frown when she took my vitals and measured my swollen extremities. She'd left a new prescription for Quatre to pick up for me, a different low-dose, high blood pressure medication, hoping that would help with the toxemia. I thought, somewhat sourly, that if I were still on Erith, some magical potion, tasting sweet and fruity, would have been given to me and the problem would have been taken care of instantly. But I wasn't on Erith anymore, I was back on Earth, and I was pretty damn miserable. Eventually my worry and boredom ate away at me and drove me from my bed and out of my room.

Quatre had gone to the office for a meeting that morning and he'd stated his intention of going to the store to pick up disposable diapers, baby wipes, bottles, formula and several other things on the list Sally had given him to start purchasing in preparation for the twins' arrival. While he was out, I had the whole house to myself. I knew full well that I was disobeying orders when I went downstairs, but I took every precaution, holding onto the handrail as I descended the stairs in my bathrobe and slippers, carefully taking one step at a time.

I went to the front closet and retrieved the small box that had been put there a week ago - well, Quatre had actually confiscated it when he found me working on the injector at three in the morning. After a good scolding, he took it away - for my own good, he said. Inside the box was the dissected injector, plus the notes and diagrams I'd drawn. I took it into the kitchen, started the tea kettle, then sat down at the table and began to take out the contents of the box.

Each piece I'd removed from the injector had been tagged and labeled, and a detailed drawing had been done on its exact position within the small foreign tool. I only had one more part to dismantle, label, weigh and draw, before I planned on contacting Howard to see if he'd help me recreate a prototype of the medical instrument. If anyone could do it, I knew that Howard was the man to do so.

I paused in my work to contemplate my older friend for a moment. Howard had been ecstatic when I emailed him that I was alive and well. He demanded I come see him on his ship in the South Pacific, but I told him I wasn't in any condition to do so. I certainly didn't tell him of my true condition, but the old man accepted my excuse and kept up a steady correspondence with me. I missed him, but consoled myself by knowing that things were good between us.

The lighting in the kitchen was the best in the house and the most suited for working on the project that was going to secure the future for me and my kids. I bent over my task for about a half hour before I heard a soft knock at the back door, just behind me. Looking over my shoulder I was shocked to see Heero peering through the window pane in the center of the door. There was a worried expression on his incredibly handsome face.

"Oh shit," I whispered, wondering what the hell I was going to do now. I tugged my robe closed. There was no way I was going to be able to hide my condition if I let him in because I was as big as a barn. I remembered Trowa saying that in viewing me from behind he couldn't see any difference in my shape, and that gave me an idea. Standing abruptly, I kept my back to Heero and more or less waddled as quickly as I could out of the kitchen, away from the window and Heero's prying eyes.

"Duo!" Heero shouted at me from outside the door as I made my not-so-hasty retreat. I could only hope my former lover wouldn't try to follow me. That hope dissolved when a loud bang and the sound of cracking wood signaled that Heero was not happy that I'd ignored him. I quickened my pace, going as fast as I possibly could, knowing that I was never going to make it to the staircase, much less to the safety of my room, before he caught up to me. I held onto my belly while I walked like a penguin towards Quatre's study, knowing it had a thick door and a good lock on it that might be my only salvation. But of course luck was against me... again. I heard footsteps rapidly approaching me from behind and then a vice-like grip on my upper arm forestalled any more progress towards the desired room with the lock.

"Duo, wait," Heero commanded in a voice that sounded both exasperated and worried. "Why did you run? What's the matter?" he asked, still behind me and unaware of my condition.

I was careful to keep my back to him as I answered. "Please, Heero. Just go away and leave me alone." Damn, my voice cracked, my eyes watered and my heart began rebelling against my request.

"Duo." There was a pleading quality to Heero's deep voice, one that hit me straight in the heart. I didn't have any defenses to fight against it. "What's going on? Are you ill? Tell me."

Fighting to control my emotions and the situation, I lowered my head. "We're not together any more, Heero. I'm no longer your concern." Suddenly, two arms wrapped around my chest and Heero's body was firmly pressed up against my back.

"But I am concerned," he whispered against the back of my ear. "You're my only concern, Duo. I've tried to get over you, to get past what's happened, but it's impossible to get you out of my head. I don't know what to do, but I can't let you go. Help me to get over this. Help me to understand why you did what you did."

Bringing my own hands up to hold Heero's in place, mainly to keep them from slipping lower to my distended belly, I silently relished the feel of Heero holding me once again. I'd missed this so much, the strength of his arms and the great sense of security they'd always brought. This was the tender side of the stoic Japanese man that I alone had been privileged to see. A sudden, swift kick from inside my belly brought me back to reality and the reason why I couldn't give in to either Heero's nor my own desperate need to remain like we were.

"I'm sorry, Heero. For everything. But it's too late." I pried his hands off my chest and stepped out of his embrace only to be grabbed once more and held tighter.

"Don't say that, Duo. It's not too late. If you'll just..." Whatever else Heero was going to say was abruptly stopped short when one of his hands slipped lower to try and encircle my waist. "What the..?" And then he was in front of me, his eyes growing impossibly wide as he took in the sight of my enormous stomach covered only by my robe and an extra-large tank top. Slowly his blue eyes rose to meet my own, a stricken look in them.

"A tumor?" he guessed. "Is this why it's too late, because you're dying?"

Before thinking that maybe faking my death could be the solution to my current predicament and to true freedom, I rushed ahead with an answer meant to comfort him. "No... no, Heero. I'm not dying and it's not a tumor."

Heero mouth formed a frown and his eyebrows drew down as he tried to come up with an answer of his own. "It's not simple weight gain because it's not evenly distributed," he mumbled under his breath, obviously puzzled.

I sighed and suddenly felt very tired and a bit light headed. I needed to lie down. I side stepped him to put my hand on a table next to the wall and leaned heavily on it. "This is why I've kept myself hidden, Heero. I don't want anyone to know about my condition."

"Did this happen while you were in Erith?"

I nodded my head, biting my lip to keep it from trembling. I couldn't believe how shaky I was at having Heero so close.

"Does Quatre know?" he asked, looking unhappy.

"Of course."

"Trowa?"

I nodded again.

"Wufei?"

"No, he doesn't know. Sally is the only other person who knows what's going on."

Firm but gentle hands turned me and once again I was faced with the handsome man who had been my lover. "What is it and why didn't you tell me?" I'd have to have been blind not to see the look of hurt on Heero's face.

"When you brought me back, I believed I'd returned to a world where you'd cheated on me with Trowa, so I didn't feel I could tell you what was going on. I know now that I was wrong, on several fronts, but knowing that you hadn't cheated and that I had, well... I understood why you didn't want me any more, after you learned about my life on Erith. I had my own conscience to deal as well as a tall pile of guilt. I decided that you were better off never knowing about my... dilemma." I looked down at my large belly and touched it tenderly. "This has been my burden and my joy to bear, Heero, not yours. It probably would have been better if you'd never come here, that you remained ignorant of this."

Confusion filled the deep blue eyes. "Joy?"

I knew that the moment of truth had come, that I needed to either lie through my teeth to Heero or tell him the truth. Frankly, lying wasn't my thing and it took too much energy and frankly, I was also too tired to go through a long explanation about what had happened on Erith. I decided on the next best thing. "Come up to my room with me. I've written an account about all that happened to me on Erith. Rather than tell you about it, I think it would be easier in the long run to just let you read about it."

Heero studied me a moment before he nodded and stepped aside to let me walk past him. I was embarrassed by how slowly I took the stairs, like an old man with a broken hip. I clung to the railing and lifted my right foot to the step above, then brought my left up to meet it before advancing up another. The last thing I needed was to take a fall. Halfway up the staircase, Heero took hold of my elbow to aid me. I guess it was pretty obvious that there was something wrong and I could feel waves of concern rolling off him as we moved slowly up the staircase together.

Once in my room, I went to the desk, turned on my computer and brought up the first page of the memoirs of my fantastical, almost unbelievable trip to another world. Motioning for Heero to sit down, I simply told him, "Read it and then we'll talk. I need to lie down."

Heero nodded, then sat down in the chair and turned towards the screen. I walked over to my bed, pulled back the covers and crawled under them. I turned to my side with my back to the other man now staring at the words displayed on the computer screen.

Over the course of two hours, the room remained silent except for the soft click of the mouse as Heero scrolled down the page and an occasional sharp intake of breath. Lying in my warm bed in the otherwise quiet room, I was lulled into a more relaxed state, and even though it should have been impossible to do so, I fell asleep.

It was the feeling of a warm body pressed against my back that woke me, as well as an arm coming around my side to rest against the center of my large stomach. Turning my head, I was greeted to the sight of Heero's handsome face. Seeing that I was awake, he rose up slightly to look down on me, wearing a strange expression. "I'm not sure what to say," he said sounding uncertain. "It's all true, isn't it?"

"Yeah," I answered, closely watching for his reaction.

"Are you afraid?" he asked. Then with his hand still on my stomach, he spread his fingers and gently ran his open hand over the firm swell.

"Sometimes," I answered honestly.

"You could have told me. I would have understood." I didn't know if that was true or not, but the look of hurt I'd seen in his eyes earlier was there again, but this time it was because I'd not trusted him with my secret.

"I thought you'd cheated on me and I didn't think I could trust you," I confessed, and then contritely I said, "I'm sorry I believed the worst, Heero. But you have to admit that your actions were suspicious and pointed me to that conclusion."

Heero shook his head. "I should have been up front with you about going with Trowa to his meetings, especially when I could see you were upset and withdrawing from me. I'm sincerely sorry, Duo. I never meant to hurt you."

"I didn't mean to hurt you either," I told him. Then feeling a kick from within, I moved Heero's hand to that spot and, sure enough, the kick was repeated.

"That's the baby?" he asked, wide eyed.

"Yeah, at least one of them. They kick a lot. I don't suppose there's a lot of room in there for the two to share. Kind of like how the two of us fit in Wing's cockpit that time my transport was blown up and you had to give me a lift to the safehouse."

A small smile crept onto Heero's face at the memory. "Ah, I remember that. It was a tight squeeze, but we made good use of that opportunity, didn't we?"

"Didn't we always?" I smirked at the memory. Suddenly, I was beginning to feel much too warm. Heero's hand slid out from under my hand and moved to brush away the fringe of hair that partially covered my eyes.

The mood quickly sobered again. I felt the strong need to close the distance between myself and the only person I'd ever loved. "Can you forgive me, Heero? I can tell you again all the reasons for what I did on Erith, but it all really comes down to the fact that I thought I'd lost you forever."

"Shh." Heero's fingers on my lips stopped my continuing apology. "After reading what you wrote, I understand; but that doesn't mean I have to like it." He lowered his head and brought his lips to rest gently against my own. The kiss was tender and gentle and not nearly as long as I would have liked. When he pulled away, we both opened our eyes and exchanged twin smiles of contentment.

"Will you take me back?" Heero asked, his eyes heartbreakingly hopeful.

"Will you have me?" I asked in return, bringing my hand up to comb my fingers through his thick, coarse hair.

In answer to my question, Heero swooped down once again and kissed the living daylights out of me. It was immediately clear, even without words, what the answers to our questions were.

In the distance, we both heard the sound of the front door open and then close, signaling that someone had come home. "That's gotta be Quatre," I whispered, my lips feeling somewhat numb from the make-out session I'd just enjoyed with my lover. I lay somewhat comfortably on my back with Heero pressed against my side, his head on my shoulder.

"Can I see?" His hand was once again moving over my stomach.

I was surprised by how shy I suddenly felt at the idea of Heero looking at my bloated belly. I'd always been slender, my stomach flat. I couldn't help but wonder if he'd be repulsed by my distorted body. Logic countered my fear by saying that if I was going to be with Heero again, his seeing me in all my glory was going to happen sooner or later. I'd shared with him all that had happened on Erith, what else did I have to fear? Being honest with him, in all aspects of my life, was the next step after confessing and apologizing to each other. "Uh... sure."

When I didn't move, Heero sat up and slowly began to undo the belt to my robe and then slid the two sides away. He carefully lifted my tank top, then his gentle fingers worked down the elastic waistband of my large sweat pants to fully expose the firm mound with the skin stretched tightly over it. Using both hands, Heero explored every inch of my stomach, and the babies seemed to react immediately, kicking against the light touch.

"They're active," Heero mused, and with a smile he added, "Just like their father."

I grinned. "Guess this proves the saying, 'What goes around, comes around'. I think I'm gonna have my hands full."

"We'll have our hands full," Heero amended, and then our eyes locked onto each others'.

"Are you sure?" I asked, feeling excited and nervous about his answer. "You didn't ask for this and it's a huge responsibility, one I'm not sure I'm ready for."

He placed a kiss on my exposed belly, then moved up to place another one on my nose and smiled. "I'm sure. This should prove to be the adventure of a lifetime for us."

"Lifetime?"

Heero nodded and his face became serious once more. "Let's make this legal, Duo. I want to be your partner in every way, help you raise your children and grow old with you. That is, if you'll let me."

"Damn, Heero." My breath hitched as an enormous lump formed in my throat. "That's the most romantic thing you could have said to me."

Heero blushed. "I'm not the most romantic guy in the world, but I mean it. Just say yes and I'll arrange everything." A gleam of anticipation sparkled in the dark blue eyes that I'd always thought so beautiful.

"How about hell yeah?"

"Perfect."

Quatre's gasp at the door broke the heated kiss that followed my acceptance. "Heero?" the blond questioned. Our friend was obviously taken aback by the Japanese man's presence in my bed.

Not moving from his place next to me, Heero looked over his shoulder and said, "Get used to it, Quatre. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."

Over Heero's shoulder, I saw a large smile grow on the blond man's face. I had no doubt that he was seeing and feeling waves of love coming off of Heero and myself. He cleared his throat before speaking. "I'll go make some lunch for us. I'll bring it up... and knock when it's ready." He then backed out of the room and closed the door behind him.

TBC

We're nearing the end. My thanks to all of you faithful, encouraging reviewers.