Act Two is up (nudge nudge, wink wink!), but this is all that I have so far. This part of the show is going to be a bitch to write, so please bear with me.
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(In the middle of "the act", an usher nonchalantly gives two notes and a newspaper to the horny men. Firmin and Andre look up from their happiness and look at the paper)
Firmin:
Mystery after gala swing
It says mystery of soprano's fling
Hornified, the reporters lunge-
We are hornified, we suspect great tongue!
Bad news on the harlot scene,
first Carlotta now Christine,
Still, at least the seats are warm.
Theater's worth its weight in porn.
What a way to run a business,
Spare me these unending trials.
Half your cast has herpes,
but the crowd is pleased.
X-rated, pay so much for protection,
It's the erections
That are sure to be content.
Andre: (interrupting)
Damnable!
Will they all walk out?
This is damnable!
Firmin:
Andre please don't shout!
It's publicity!
What a charming stunt!
Free publicity!
Andre:
But we have no c---s!
Firmin: (looking at Andre a bit randily)
Andre, would you like mo thòn (my arse)
(he looks at Andre's crotch)
Ah, it seems you too want some...!
Andre: (distracted for a moment by Firmin's derriere, but then sees a note to him and reads it)
Dear Andre what a charming gala,
Christine enjoyed a great success-!
We were hardly bereft when Carlotta left
On that note, the diva's a disaster,
must you cast her
when the men no longer leave a mess?
Firmin: (fondling Andre, then reading his note)
Dear, Firmin
Just a brief reminder
My manliness has been quite pleased
Send a whore to the ghost with the great big post
P.T.O
No one likes it better
when it's wetter
and my organ shall be teased!
Both: (interested in the references to "organ" and "manliness")
Who would have the balls to send this?
Someone with a virile bod'
Firmin:
These are both signed O.S.
Andre:
Who the hell is this?
Both: (realizing who it is)
Opera Stud!
Firmin:
It's nothing short of pleasing
Andre:
He is teasing our position!
Firmin: (a bit disappointed, sensing that this "Opera Stud" is after women)
In addition he wants honeys!
Andre:
What a funny proposition!
Both: (feeling a bit hot)
To possess a great big poker
He's no joker, he sounds clearly very hot!