A/ N : Angst ahead!
Rating: strong R, mention of rape, torture some smut.
Pairing: B/ Aus, B/ S (friendship)
This fic wasn't beta and it's a one time fic, for now no sequence or anything like that.
Summary: Angelus is cruel to Buffy and the punishment is worst.
Sisters of Mercy
Spike escorted me back inside the small cell. He had that stupid smirk on his face, the one that said I was busted again.
Well, I couldn't care more.
"You had to do it again, ha pet?" I could have sworn that I heard sympathy in his voice.
"Why, William I am touched didn't know you care about me". I knew my voice held some roughness and edginess to it, what can I do, being like that, with him, makes it all, well, deferent.
"Don't call me that" he irritated, "besides; I am not the one who's pissing him off all the time".
I gave him my dirty look, "Well you're not the one who's being raped!"
"I thought you love it rough" he mused.
"You bastard" I screamed, if it hadn't been for the damn handcuffs on my hands I would have knocked him to the floor, preferably dusting him.
He saw the hate and anger in my eyes but he knew it wasn't for him, never for him. I couldn't love him and I couldn't hate him, how pathetic is that?
He suddenly had that look in his eyes, the sad, comfort pitting one. Ho God, not that look again, not that look of anguish and sorrowful, anything but that.
"Don't you fucking dare!"I snapped, warning him not to go on with that. Don't pity me.
"Buffy…"he almost whispered. I heard the longing in his voice, the cry for help. He was wounded just as much as I was, sometimes even more.
"I'm fine" I clenched my teeth.
One look at me told him that I was anything but.
"Why can't you just accept him? Why are you fighting him all the time? Why can't you just be happy with him?"
I glared at him, trying hard to remain indifferent, to stay strong, after all those years I was beginning to feel very old only I haven't aged a day, thanks Will, I thanked for the millionth time to my so called witch friend. I could have killed her for that, I should have. Back to the fucking present I looked into his eyes, no point in hiding or concealing anything from him, not after all those years.
"How can you ask me that?" I demanded. "What, you just expect me to forget what he did to me, what he fucking did to me for hundred years?
He didn't answer that, he couldn't, not when I was right. What would you say to a girl who was forced to live as a prisoner in a golden cage? Well it was golden cage except for the times which he tortured, raped and beat me, other then that it was great, just heaven.
"Just go Spike. I don't want him to see you here with me; you remember what happened last time he saw you talking to me?"
My words made him cringe.
I turned my back on him, refusing to let him see my eyes as they turn from green to sorrowful dark, as the tears threatened to spill from my burning eyes.
Suddenly he turns me around and shakes me, holding me close and let me hit him on the chest, scream and claw at him, sob and melt into his embrace.
No. it's not love, it's comfort, the comfort only a human needs, a comfort only a souled vampire can provide and it hurt, hurt to know that he is all I've left in this pathetic world when all my family and friends were long gone I remind here, prisoner with him and Spike, ho and do not forget the vampires, demons and other nastiness who roam this world.
No, it's not our world. What was it again? Ho, yes, it was a parlor universe, very similar to ours. When He brought me here I realized that I wasn't in our world anymore, of course none of it matters now.
Hundred years passed since that day and I haven't aged a bit, yep, I am still the teenage Buffy Summers, beautiful, radiant seventeen years old. Cordy would have been jealous ha? Well she's dead now so it doesn't really matter.
After I calmed down Spike kissed my teary eyes and locked my cell. I sunk down to the cold floor, it doesn't matter really, He will come for me eventually, he always does and I let him, let him make love to me, kiss my tears away as he holds me at nights, let my cry and sob and beg him to make me forget.
It will probably go on for at least thirty years or so and then I'll get tire of this life, I will try to kill myself and he will stop me and then… back to my good ol' cell.
I closed my eyes as I let the memories soon fog my mind. I could hardly remember my friends and my family, it all seams like a life time away.
I first thought that since this isn't our world then perhaps time pass differently here but nope, it is the same, hundred years here equal hundred years there, in our world.
I wonder if Giles would have blamed me if he knew I was still alive.
No, I don't think so; he probably thought that we died after facing the judge. Of course Spike would have told him but he didn't know, he left Sunny hell and came back later to ask for Willow's help with a spell to get Dru back and eventually stayed. He got more then he bargained for, being a guardian of a human key turned him to a souled vampire, ha, who would have thought of Spike as a souled vampire?
Well at least now the world has a souled vampire.
When he used to escort me to this cell, after my punishment, he told me about my friends and family, what I missed since that one night I made love to my only love, my soul mate.
At times I thought he imagined it all but hearing him telling the stories I realized he wasn't, I was the delusional one. Perhaps by refusing to acknowledge the stories as true I was forced to acknowledge the fact that I wasn't there to share it with them, that I didn't live through them, that I wasn't a part of this life any more and that hurt.
It hurt more then the things he did to me, more then the beating, rapes and torture I endured but I kept on listening to Spike, listening like a thirsty men.
I listened to him as he told me about a rough slayer named Faith, a slayer who couldn't live to the expatiation, well not after me anyway, I listened to the stories of our mayor Wilkins turning into a snake, how my friends had to fight a group of initiative, a God demon and the stories just kept coming, of course if he knew that Spike was spending so much time with me he would have cut his head off.
I finally stopped thinking and let my eyes close as sleep took my body away, my memories turned into big blur as I truly let my self rest.
Three months later he came for me, I was a total wrack when he freed me of my cell. He carefully gathered me in his arms and carried me to our rooms.
After bathing me and making tender love to me, he let me cry in the dark and sob my agony.
He whispered nonsense to me and professed his love for me, he told me that I belong to him that he will never let me go.
'Mine' he whispered again and again like a mantra.
'Yes, I am yours' I admitted, at least for eternity and if not then until the next time I'll be sent to my cell.
He finally fell a sleep, his body spooned against mine.
I looked through the window, the moon glistening in the dark luxury room, just a king and a queen I mused.
I was definitely his queen and this was our kingdom, my master, consort, lover tormentor.
I whispered softly the words I once heard my grandpa singing to me, letting my lips form the words without putting a single sound.
I whispered the words as a stubborn tear slide down my face.
"… Oh the sisters of mercy
they are not departed or gone,
they were waiting for me
when I thought that I just can't go on
And they brought me their comfort
and later they brought me this song
Oh I hope you run into them
you who've been travelling so long
You who must leave everything
that you cannot control
it begins with your family
but soon it comes round to your soul
well, I've been where you're hanging
I think I can see how you're pinned
When you're not feeling holy
your loneliness tells that you've sinned
They lay down beside me
I made my confession to them
they touched both my eyes
and I touched the dew on their hem
If your life is a leaf
that the seasons tear off and condemn
they will bind you with love
that is graceful and green as a stem
When I left they were sleeping
I hope you run into them soon
don't turn on the light
you can read their address by the moon
and you won't make me jealous
if I heard that they sweetened your night
we weren't lovers like that
and besides it would still be all right…"
The song "Sisters Of Mercy" by Leonard Cohen.