Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl, and I don't own the Lakeview Restaurant, if it indeed exists, which I'm not sure of.

Thank you all for bearing with me! Chapters are taking a long time for me because I'm having them all written out and everything.

To anyone who thinks it matters: There is one swearword in this chapter. It's gonna be the only one, so I'm keeping it a K plus.

Switched

Chapter 3

After rudely cutting Foaly off their link, Artemis and Holly decided the only thing they could do was wait until the effects of the potion wore off. Obviously, they could not communicate to each other all day long, so in a five-minute period, the two exchanged tips on how to survive their day.

"So what do you do in the mornings, Artemis?"

"Eat breakfast."

"…besides that?"

"Hmm, let me think…oh, and today my parents are taking me to a history museum as part of their new plan to spend quality time with me." Artemis sounded scornful.

"OK, so I've told you about how to get to the LEP, and…what else…" Something registered in her mind. "HOLY CRAP!" she burst out.

"What is it?" Always so formal.

"I just remembered-"Holly slapped herself mentally. "Today I have a date with Trouble!" How could she have forgotten?

Artemis, if possible, turned even paler. The thought of kissing a guy was…not pleasant…at the least. "Erm…Trouble who?" He tried (and failed) to keep a casual tone.

"Trouble Kelp. Look, Fowl, you're supposed to be a genius." On the other end, Artemis lifted an eyebrow. Supposed? But he didn't say that out loud. "There's got to be a way to make him cancel…what is it? Please?" She couldn't believe she was practically begging the Mud Boy.

Artemis's mouth had gone dry. For the first time (well, second, if you count when Butler had 'died'), he could not think of anything to say. "I'm…sorry, Holly. I can't think of a way."

Holly groaned. Her best chance of a romance was utterly gone. Mental note: whoop Foaly's sorry butt as soon as this thing wears off. "Well…good luck, you better go before you get me fired."

Artemis nodded and terminated the link.

-

Meanwhile, Holly didn't know it, but Butler had been listening to the whole conversation, and was now more than slightly worried about Artemis (Holly's) condition. It occurred to him the best thing for him to do was to lay low and observe for any more strange behavior.

Holly sighed. Might as well go downstairs. She wrenched open the door to find Domovoi Butler standing behind it, looking a shade guilty. He jumped a little, then said, "Master Artemis, your parents will be arriving in fifteen minutes. Perhaps you'd like something to eat?"

"Sure, Butler, lead the way." Suddenly realizing what she just said, she pretended to yawn while covering her embarrassed face.

Butler found it odd that the master would ask to be lead in his own mansion, but he nodded and took her downstairs.

"What would you like?" he said, opening the refrigerator while simultaneously watching for anything to add onto his suspicion list.

Holly looked around. There were eggs, butter, milk, juice, chicken, fruit, all sorts of goodies. Maybe there was an advantage to being a Mud Man. A rich Mud Man at that. She hadn't noticed before with all the panic with body-switching, but now she realized how sweet the air was, and how nice the warm sunshine felt. It was good to be aboveground again.

For breakfast, Holly settled for a few pieces of toast with orange juice (which was nowhere as good as a nettle smoothie, but it was all she had). Just as she was finishing her last bite, the doorbell rang. Butler hurriedly collected the dishes while Holly answered the door (which was luckily just outside the kitchen) to find Artemis's parents waiting for her with big smiles.

"Arty!" said Fowl's mother, sweeping her into a hug. With her face buried against Mrs. Fowl's side, Holly smirked. Arty. Wait until Artemis heard her call him that.

Artemis Fowl I hugged her after, and then her 'new' parents and Butler engaged in a quite frankly, boring talk until the museum opened in half an hour…

Meanwhile-

Artemis Fowl II arrived at the LEP building without major incident, but when the commander bellowed, "SHORT! GET IN HERE!", he was stuck.

Artemis pushed open the commander's door and say down. Root spun around in his chair furiously, spotted Holly (Artemis) sitting down already, and said, "Short, since when do you just barge in like that without knocking?"

Uh oh… "Sorry, sir."

"Now, Short…no point in beating around the bush… SO WHY WERE YOU LATE!"

"Uhm…my alarm…didn't go off…?" his words sounded like a question.

"I know that…BUT WHY WERE YOU TALKING TO THE MUD BOY!"

Artemis winced a little at the commander's loud voice, but quickly thought of a reply. "Artemis called me first." He injected a little accusation to make it sound right.

"Yes, but instead of having a pleasant little chit-chat-" Pleasant? thought Artemis. "-you should have been more focused on your job! Now, Short…" the commander looked through a pile of papers he was holding. "Don't think I'm forgiving you, but do you think you can handle an aboveground mission?"

"Sure," Artemis said while wondering what the hell was an aboveground mission.

"Alright, then. We've just received word that a couple of gnomes have gone aboveground selling our gold for-" the commander snorted, "Mud Men appliances. Go find them, then call in a Retrieval team to capture them. There's a flare coming up in fifteen minutes—just in time. Take a Neutrino in case you get into a fight, and no matter what happens, Short, WAIT FOR BACKUP. Do you understand me?"

Artemis, naturally, understood very little of this. All he knew was that he didn't want to be punched again by Holly. One time had been more than enough for him. So he nodded.

The commander grunted. "Then go."

Artemis got up and exited the commander's office. Luckily for him, there was a guest map on the wall next to the office door. So, looking for the nearest men's room, he slipped into it and took out Holly's communicator. He punched in his own number and waited.

Short peek into Holly's world:

"Oh...haha… is that the phone?" Holly said nervously as a familiar tone wafted down from upstairs into her ears.

Angeline Fowl wrinkled her brow. They had just been preparing to leave. "Timmy, go get the phone."

Artemis Fowl I took a step forward, but Holly said, "No, I'll get it. It's my cell phone, I must have left it upstairs. My new…uh…ringtone." Was that what Mud Men called it?

"But honey," Mrs. Fowl called as Holly rushed upstairs. "Your cell phone is in your pocket!"

Back to Artemis:

"Mud Boy! What do you want?"

Artemis put a finger over his lips. "Holly, please be quiet. I have some urgent issues to talk to you about."

"What urgent issues?"

So he quickly filled her in, Holly looking more panicked by the second at the fact that the commander had given him an actual aboveground mission.

Holly nervously told Artemis everything he could about Recon missions, but then the bathroom door opened and Trouble Kelp walked in. He stopped abruptly when he saw Holly (wink, wink, Artemis).

"Uh…Holly?"

Oh, shit.

"Bye," Artemis said hastily, terminating the link. Remembering he was in Holly's body, and in a men's bathroom, he felt Holly's cheeks involuntarily blushing. Artemis hated not being in control in his own body.

"Uh…Hello. I was just on my way out." Artemis brushed past Trouble hurriedly, not knowing who he was.

So, naturally, he nearly jumped out of Holly's skin when Trouble placed his hand on his shoulder.

"Woah," Trouble said, spinning her around. Holly looked flushed and nervous. "What's up, Hols? Root told me you were supposed to be on a mission."

"Oh yes. I was just leaving." Artemis turned around and exited the men's bathroom. Now, where do I go?

Holly:

"My, dear, look at this," said Angeline Fowl, pointing to a musket ball exhibit behind a thick layer of clear glass. She was skimming the history panel beneath it as if it was the single most interesting thing she had ever seen. "They say this is the exact bullet that was shot that started the Battle of Bunker Hill. Isn't that amazing?"

Holly nodded without enthusiasm. She had no interest in Mud Man history and artifacts, although it had been her best subject in fairy grade school.

Butler, who had been quiet for the entire trip so far, peered at Artemis through his tinted sunglasses. Mrs. and Mr. Fowl hadn't spent much time with the boy, but he had spent plenty to know that Artemis normally would have spent way more time examining every bit of the exhibit. He would have to talk to him when they got home. Something must be bothering his Principal.

Meanwhile, Holly was bored out of her brain. The seconds couldn't pass fast enough. Had Artemis lost her job yet? The one good thing in her life, that she could always count on?

"Look, Arty." Angeline Fowl's peaceful voice disturbed Holly's thoughts. "The Lakeview Restaurant. Would you like to have lunch there?"

"Sure," Holly agreed reluctantly.

So a few minutes later, they were all sitting down at one of the fancy tables with menus so big they had to stand up to read them. But that didn't matter, since all the words were in French anyway.

Bad ending, I know.

Woo-hoo! It's my birthday! It's my birthday! (well not really but) Go me! I got the powah! I updated on Thanksgiving! Yayyyyy please review.

Next chapter spoilers: Holly disgraces herself while eating Mud Man food, and Artemis leads a mission!

A couple chapters ahead spoilers: This is to all HollyTrouble lovers. I am sorry but for the sake of the story (I rated it Humor, not Romance) I'm gonna have to have Artemis ruin their little 'date'. Sorry, I swear hollyTrouble is my fave pairing, but…

Sorry.

And have a happy Thanksgiving!