Disclaimer: Don't own Artemis Fowl or any of its characters…tum de dum…
OMG! I haven't updated in a MONTH! AAAAAAHHHHHHH! Gaah I am SO sorry!
Note: In my story, fairies don't use spoons, forks, knives, or any other utensils to eat. Sad.
Other note: I haven't re-read the first book in a while, so I've kinda forgotten about the whole pod-thing. Please forgive me if I got most of it wrong.
Switched
Chapter 4
Holly's French Onion Soup (is that even a French dish?) arrived shortly after she ordered it. In a bowl. With a spoon.
Holly stared at the bowl. She had assumed that her soup would come in a cup, but nooooooo, Mud Men insisted in putting it in an extremely breakable, not to mention importable porcelain bowl. So she simply used her hands to remove the cheese on top, quickly pulling them out as soon as they touched the hot soup beneath.
Angeline Fowl looked at her disapprovingly. "Use your spoon, dear."
"Spoon?" Holly said blankly. Mrs. Fowl reached over and pointed at the silver utensil while Holly dried her hands on her napkin. "Oh. Right." Why couldn't anyone else order soup so she could copy them?
Holly grabbed the spoon and drove the other end into the thick layer of cheese. She stabbed it repeatedly, trying to get rid of it to the actual soup.
Artemis Fowl I's neck snapped up immediately. "Son, may I have a word with you?" he said through gritted teeth.
"'Kay," Holly abandoned her soup and followed Mr. Fowl into a corner of the restaurant.
"Artemis, I know I may not have spent a lot of time with you, but I would imagine that at the very least, you would remember your manners in public?"
"…" She had nothing to say. Of course, there was always the option that she could just tell Fowl's dad about the whole body-switching thing and spend time in a mental asylum…but did she really want to do that?
Mr. Fowl continued his speech, but his tone softened. "Is something bothering you, Artemis? You haven't been acting like yourself today. Your mother and I have noticed, and we're getting worried."
Oops, thought Holly.
"What is it, son? You know, now that we're a family, you shouldn't feel like you have anything to hide from your mother and me."
"I'm…fine. Really, Mr. Fo-er, Dad." The word felt strange in her mouth.
"Alright Arty, but promise me you'll tell me anything, anything, that's worrying you these days." Mr. Fowl looked expectant.
Oh…I can't do that… It was one of the LEP rules that out of honor, any and all promises made had to be kept. Holly had an unimaginable amount of worries on her mind, and telling Mr. Fowl even one of them was a definite no-no. Technically, no one would know if she lied, but even if she wasn't in her own body, she was still an LEP officer…
"Artemis?"
"O-oh. Yeah, s-sure." Nobody would know…right?
Artemis:
Finally, through dumb luck and five minutes of pointless wandering around for no reason, (well maybe there was a reason but it was not easy to find his way there) Artemis arrived at Foaly's office. Before he could lift a finger, Foaly buzzed his glass doors open. "Holly, where've you been? You were supposed to be here ten minutes ago!"
Artemis debated whether to answer Foaly's question or not, but before he could, Foaly pulled him into his office, having seemingly forgotten what had happened that morning, or at least hoping that she-er, he had. Foaly tossed Artemis a Neutrino and a pair of wings, and sent him on his merry way to the pods, where Artemis next found himself strapped to a seat in a one-man pod ready to blast off. Luckily for him, he knew how to operate a fairy helmet, so when Foaly contacted him, he was able to respond back.
"Alright, Holly. You missed the 15-minute flare, but there's another one coming in five minutes." The quality was so good, Artemis jumped at first, but then remembered just how sophisticated and ahead the fairies were, technologically speaking.
Meanwhile, he was faced with a huge problem. As in, how the heck was he going to operate the pod? "Foaly?" Artemis said, inwardly praying for the centaur to pick up.
There was a crackle of static, then Foaly's digitized voice came back. "Yeah?"
"How do you work this thi-iiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnggggg!" Suddenly the flare came and propelled him up, up, and away. Artemis's words were lost. He felt his stomach being turned upside down, and his heart leap into his throat (metaphorically speaking, naturally). All he could do was hang on and pray that he would make it out of this alive.
Which, at the moment, was a miracle in itself.
-
"The fins!" Foaly yelled, interrupting Artemis's silent pleas to get through the 'flight'. "No time to get lost on the heat drafts. You need the fins and go manual!"
"What fins?" Artemis wondered out loud. However, the pod took this as voice confirmation, and two silver, smooth metal fins whirred out from the sides of the small pod.
"Use the steering wheel!" (if fairy pods have steering wheels) Foaly barked. "What's gotten into you, Holly?"
"Steering wheel…steering wheel…" Artemis was only fourteen years old, so he hadn't a license of any sort, but he could figure out how any piece of technology worked (which was, coincidentally, a useful side effect to being a criminal mastermind). He twirled the wheel like an expert, though he had no idea exactly where he was going.
"You're going too fast! Too fast! Slow down or you'll hit the landing ports!"
Artemis felt a bead of sweat trickle down his (Holly's) neck as he slowed the pod. How did the captain do this? As a job?
"Holly!" Foaly snapped his fingers in a futile attempt to get Artemis's attention. "Hurry up and shoot the clamps!"
"Clamps?"
"What's wrong with you? Yes, the clamps!"
Artemis skimmed the pod's controls. All of them were labeled in Gnommish, but that wasn't a problem for him. The problem was the words were written so small and put so closely together Artemis had to squint to read them. Finally he saw it. Gripper Clamps was etched in Gnommish on a piece of brass. But which button was it pointing to? There were about a dozen buttons, levers, and controls near it.
Artemis tried a yellow button first. Wrong. Water squirted from under the windshield, only to be dried almost immediately by the hot magma outside, leaving foggy spots where the water had been. Then he tried a red button with a black symbol on it. The next thing he knew, he was being blasted backwards into his seat by a jet of cool air. Pressing another button, his pod emitted a loud honking noise (yes, these are all car features).
Back in the Ops Booth, Foaly slapped his forehead in frustration.
Holly:
As Holly returned to the table with Mr. Fowl, she saw Butler eyeing her suspiciously. That's bad… she thought. And it wasn't just Butler. She could feel both of Fowl's parents watching her.
Holly played around with her food. When it was time for dessert (fondu), she accidentally dunked her pretzel in so hard the hot cheese went flying all over Mrs. Fowl's white blouse.
Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod… "I'm sorry! Really it was an accident! I'm really sorry Mrs. Fo-" I can't believe I just did that!
"It's alright, dear," Angeline Fowl said, as a waitress escorted her out of her chair and to the restroom to clean up. As she left the table, Holly heard her muttering to herself. When she returned, Artemis Fowl I spoke in a strained voice.
"Honey…maybe we should go home before…anything else happens." Holly didn't miss the sideways glance cast in her direction.
"Yes…maybe we should." Mrs. Fowl sounded upset. The bright yellow cheese stains on her shirt were smudged and ugly. They didn't look like they were going to come off anytime soon.
The ride back home was spent in suffocating silence, though that was what Holly would have preferred anyway. Talking would only make things worse than they already were…if that was possible.
No sooner had Holly stepped through the front door than Butler said in a soft, dangerous tone, "Artemis…may I see you for a moment?"
Oh no… thought Holly. I'm in trouble…
Artemis:
Foaly couldn't stand it any longer. "The purple lever!" he cried in exasperation. "Pull the purple lever! Geez!"
Artemis obeyed. Two metal 'arms' came out from the front of the pod, extending their reach until they wrapped around two wide poles. The pod was quickly pulled into the landing port, where Artemis/Holly disembarked.
As soon as Artemis was on the surface, he let himself take several deep breaths of the fresh night air (in Haven, it's day, but in the time zone on the surface where Artemis is, it's night, just to clear things up). How could fairies stand it down there, where the air was all bitter and disgusting?
"C'mon Holly, no time to waste," Foaly said through the helmet-booth connection.
"What do I do?"
"Don't play games with me, girl! Do you think this is funny?"
"Seriously!"
"Wings," Foaly said dully.
"Wings what?" Artemis said, attempting to look at the device on his back. It wasn't going well.
"Pull on the cord! I'm starting to think something's really wrong with you Holly!" Foaly made an annoyed whinny back in the Operations Booth.
"Foaly, that's because I'm NOT Holly! I'm Artemis!"
Foaly gave an amused smirk. "Still tryin'a convince me, Hols? You should know by now it's pointless."
Artemis was practically seething with anger, but he tried to calm himself down with a quick meditation skill. Breathe in…breathe out…breathe in…breathe out… Maybe trying to convince Foaly was pointless for the moment. Right now he should just try to…cooperate.
Artemis yanked on the cord hanging from the wings, and for lack of better words, shot up into the sky. Higher, higher, higher, into the blue sky, the same sensation when he had been in the pod. He could remotely hear Foaly saying something in his ear, but he was sailing upwards too fast. Time to drop. Literally.
Artemis let go of the cord. Now he was dropping like a stone. The air and gravity pushing down at him, the ground coming nearer and nearer. He could make out two words Foaly was screaming.
"YOUR! SHIELD!"
So much to learn as a fairy.
End chapter
This chapter felt kinda short. Sorry bout that. It also sounded really bad (and rushed) to me. I forgot to edit. Sorry. Hopefully next chapter will be longer and better, and posted sooner.
By the way, my email still isn't working right now.
Merry Christmas to all who celebrate!