Chapter 4:
Oops.
The waitress with the up-do, who was delivering a Cola to the next table, glared at Snape, who was awkwardly patting the suddenly sobbing Hermione on the shoulder.
"HEEEE'S DEAAD!" She raged at him. She eyes watery, her nose red, and spit bubbling out of her mouth as it does when someone cries very hard. She threw back her head and took long gulps of cranberry juice. A young woman at the next table with heavy eyeshadow and a short skirt edged away.
Taking a fortifying sip from her glass, Hermione whipped her eyes furiously with a napkin and took a determined bite from her sandwich. The peanut butter was very creamy, and seemed to relax her. With a look of extacy, Hermione leaned back, chewed thoughtfully, and put her feet on the opposite seat, dangerously near Snape's thigh.
"So," her voice was pitched low and husky by the already vanished tears. "I hear somebody's looking for you. Why would that be?"
Snape rolled his eyes. "Short guy, with a photograph that's eons old?" Hermione nodded. "Ugh. That's my mum." Hermione nodded understandingly into her glass, then stopped.
"Your mum? You did hear me say 'guy', right?"
Snape allowed a hiss of air to escape his large nostrils. "Yes, Miss Gr-, Lu-, Hermione. My mother got a magical sex change about a decade ago. Thought she would set a fashion."
Hermione looked up, interested, "Did it work?" He glowered at her.
"Have you gotten a sex change yet?" Hermione sniffed daintily.
"Well, if you're going to be like that, I'm leaving." She stood up quickly and clapped a hand to her forehead. "Whoo! It seems I've had a bit too much to drink." She took a shaky step forward and promptly collapsed, sliding first onto the table and then into her ex-professor's lab.
Hermione smiled dreamily up at him, took a deep, shuddering breath, and began to snore. The waitress glared at Snape again. The girl with the eyeshadow decided now would be a good time to go to the bathroom, and Snape got up to leave.
The waitress glared at him pointedly, nodding to Hermione, who was now limply draped on the floor, and glared at Snape again. Snape looked down his large nose, sniffed hugely, and bent to pick up his student. He draped her over his shoulder, staggering a bit from the weight, and growled at the smugly smiling waitress on his way out the door.
A man at the next table but a 20 pound note on their vacated table. "That was a good show," he announced to the diner. A table of little children cheered.