Disclaimer: Still don't own. Is that such a surprise?

Hey all what up? I'm so glad most of you like this story so far! A lot of people were anxious to see the date, so here it is.

Ha…all the characters have become so out of character so far! There'll be more OOCness in this chapter. And in the rest of the story, just to warn you.

Hope everyone had a happy new year!

Switched

Chapter 6

Still Artemis:

"Well? Go on out!" Holly hissed in Artemis's ear.

Nodding and swallowing, Artemis tucked the communicator in his pocket. He slid open Holly's cubicle door to find Trouble standing outside it, hiding something behind his back. That something was revealed in Trouble's next words.

"I brought you flowers." Trouble said, producing a bunch of roses. They were a deep, rich red color, redder than any others Artemis had ever seen, the soft petals practically sparkling in the light, curling together towards the center. The stems were a lush green hue, firm with thorns. The bouquet was gathered in a simple white plastic wrap, tied with a thin purple ribbon in the middle. If Artemis was in the mood to appreciate beauty, he would have, but since he was not, it was Holly who let out an audible squeal through Artemis's earbuds.

"Take them and say 'Thank you so much Trouble'" Holly commanded Artemis. Did she have to spell everything out?

"Uh… uh… Th-thank you s-so much Trouble…" Artemis accepted the roses, hands shaking. Why does this always have to happen to me?

"Idiot!" Holly whispered as Artemis lay the bouquet on her desk.

"You-aren't-helping!" Artemis mouthed, knowing the Latex would pick up the vibration of his vocal cords.

As Artemis began to follow Trouble to the exit, Holly whispered again, "Haven't you ever been on a date before? You're fourteen, prime human time for that kind of thing! (not that this is my opinion on love or anything)"

Artemis shook his head a little.

"Well then, we'll just have to set you and Juliet up, won't we?" Holly smirked, enjoying teasing Artemis.

Blushing a little, Artemis replied, "Don't even try! And who's 'we'?"

"Me and Butler, naturally."

"You wouldn't!"

"How do you know?"

By this time Arty and Trubs had arrived at the front doors. Trouble held the door open for who he thought was Holly, who was so uptight 'she' didn't even say thank you to him.

"Sooo…" said Trouble in a feeble attempt to make conversation with 'Holly' as they walked to the Fairytale Grill. "How was your day, Hols?"

You sound like an overgrown parent. "Meh. The usual." Artemis said with a shrug.

"Ask him about his," Holly growled. She couldn't help thinking about Artemis's lack of courtesy.

"Em…how was yours?"

"Boring. I didn't get any aboveground missions like you. Just paperwork." At this point, Trouble reached out to take Artemis's hand. On impulse, Artemis quickly ran that hand through Holly's hair to avoid the gesture. Trouble gave a small cough and pretended nothing had just happened, letting his own hand fall to his side.

"Moron!"

"What do you expect, Captain? I'm a guy! A straight guy!"

"I would expect you to play along, at least for now!"

"If that means pretending that I'm a lovesick female who's three feet tall, then forget it!"

"Uh, Holly?" Trouble looked at Artemis with questions clearly written out on his face.

Artemis learned to keep his mouth shut after that.

Holly:

She was sprawled out on Artemis's bed, watching him follow Trouble in downtown Haven to the Fairytale Grill, when there was a knock-knock-knock on the door and the sound of a doorknob turning.

"Gyaaaah!" Holly instantly hid the fairy communicator under the bed's heavy blankets. As a quick afterthought, she sat on it to smother the noise.

"Uh… Honey?" Angeline Fowl walked into the room, Artemis Fowl I right behind her.

"Oh. Um… hi." Holly said lamely.

"Arty, your father and I will be going out to dinner now, so behave yourself, okay?"

"Sure."

"Goodbye sweetie!" Angeline said, waving a little as she turned around, closing the door.

"Bye." Holly pulled out the communicator, but before she could look at the screen, she heard the door being opened again.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeee!" Holly shrieked, hiding the communicator again.

This time Butler walked in, eyebrows raised. "Is there a reason you've been screaming like a banshee, Artemis?"

"Heh heh… I was surprised." Lame. Holly gave herself a mental kick for that one. No doubt Butler was on her case already. "Um… what do you want?" That was sudden.

"I was just wondering when you'd like to have dinner, Master Artemis."

"Erm… maybe later."

Butler gave an understanding nod and left.

"Finally," Holly breathed. She waited a second to make sure no one else was coming, then took out the communicator again. "Let's see…"

Artemis and Trouble were nearly at the Grill, Artemis looking as stiff and rigid as if he had a huge wedgie. Trouble looked faintly embarrassed, though Holly could understand that.

Artemis:

Trouble led Artemis into the Fairytale Grill. It was one of those places which names made it sound like an all meat junk food café, but really was one of those fancy, candlelit, romantic expensive restaurants that smelled more like perfume than food. There even was a lady elf playing slow, classical tunes on a huge old harp in a corner. Naturally, all this freaked Artemis out.

"May I help you?" A rather pretty pixie looked up at them.

Trouble cleared his throat. "Reservation #1234567890 (sometimes it's fun to just type!)."

The pixie, whose name tag read 'Melanie', traced her finger down a long list, then stopped and said, "Ah, yes. Trouble and Holly?"

The pair nodded.

"Right this way." The smartly dressed pixie led them through to one of the tables in the very back of the restaurant. She laid out two menus on the table, then skipped away to greet some other couple.

The table was covered in a lacy white tablecloth, making Artemis a tad bit uncomfortable. There were salt and pepper packets in a little glass container in the corner, along with sugar substitute packets. Leading the eye away from all this were a couple of food stains all over the tablecloth.

Artemis opened his menu at directly eye level so Holly could see the choices. "What do I get?" he whispered hoarsely.

"Hmm… hmm…" Holly looked over the food items. Suddenly a wicked idea struck her. A smile that was as close you could get to evil without being it flashed on her face. Hoping that her voice sound innocent, she said, "Get the Pyro Leaf Salad."

Artemis nodded and put down his menu. Soon a plain-looking waitress came over to their table. "Welcome to the Fairytale Grill. My name is Nora, and I'll be your server tonight." Well, it's not that much different from human restaurants so far, thought Artemis. "May I start you two off with a drink?" She turned to Trouble.

"I'll have some water," he said. "No ice, please."

"Same for me," Artemis replied under the waitress' gaze.

"Alrighty then," she said, scribbling something on a pad of paper. "I'll be right back in a few minutes to take your orders."

When she came back, Trouble gave her his order first. "I'll have… the Chicken Broccoli Season Plate."

"Not a problem," Nora giggled, writing it on her pad. "And you?"

"Um, the Pyro Leaf Salad, please," Artemis answered.

"Okay. Your food will arrive momentarily."

Five minutes later, their drinks came, along with a basket of assorted breads. About ten minutes of silence after that, their dishes came.

What puzzled Artemis the most was that there were no utensils to eat his food with. "How am I supposed to eat a salad with no forks or knives?"

"With your hands!"

"…if you say so…"

Trouble was already eating his chicken pieces and broccoli with only fingers. "This is uncivilized cannibalism!" Artemis complained softly.

"That's why we have napkins! Now shut up and eat your salad!"

Artemis sighed and picked out a single leaf from the salad. It appeared (to him) to be seasoned with fairy dressing, though what Holly knew and he didn't was that it was actually red-hot chili sauce. Pyro Leaves were an extremely rare kind of tropical leaves that were spicier than your average chili pepper. This combined with their startling ability to burst into flame when in contact with liquid for too long earned them the name Pyro Leaves. When put in a salad with chili sauce and lightly sprinkled with chili powder…

Ahem. So, Artemis sighed and picked out a single leaf from the salad. Unsuspectingly, he put it in his mouth and began chewing.

No sooner had he done that he felt Holly's whole body tingle involuntarily. His tongue burning and prickling worse than when he had once tried a cinnamon tic-tac, Holly's hazel eyes filled with tears, blurring his vision. His (Holly's) body shuddered and shook, feeling hot and sweaty. Though Artemis couldn't see it, he was sure he was breathing fire.

Holly was too busy trying not to die of oxygen deprivation from laughing so hard. She was literally rolling on Artemis's bed. Even if it was her body, it was still hilarious knowing it was him!

Back to Artemis. He grabbed his water glass and pretty much poured the whole thing down his throat, splashing some down Holly's suit.

Trouble looked at 'her' strangely. "You sure that isn't too spicy for you Holly?"

"Oh…no no no, I'm fine," gasped Artemis, trying to plaster on a fake smile. "Um…I've got to go to the bathroom."

Without waiting, Artemis took off, remembering to go into the women's bathroom this time. Once in, he locked himself in a stall, made sure no one else was in there, then proceeded to tell Holly off.

"Do you think this is funny?"

Giggle. "Yes." Giggle. Giggle.

"Well it's NOT!"

"Calm down, Artemis."

"Why should I?" Even if it's the sensible thing?

"Because if you don't you're going to alert all of Haven that we've switched bodies."

"You had no right!" Artemis snarled viciously.

"Hey. It was just a joke."

"A JOKE?"

"Yeah. If you just eat the Pyro Leaves with soda it doesn't make them as spicy, they'll just taste like ordinary iceberg lettuce."

"And you didn't tell me this before because…?"

"Everyone enjoys a joke now and then. So go order some soda, but don't eat the leaves while you have soda in your mouth or they will burst into flame."

"Great. Just great."

"Now get out and go!"

Muttering to himself, Artemis went back to where Trouble was sitting. He noticed Trouble looking at him worriedly, but he quickly glanced away.

Artemis sat down gingerly and looked at his salad like it was a bomb that was going to explode if he stared at it too long. Their waitress, Nora, skipped over to them and asked, "How's your meal, folks?"

"Um, fine, could I get a glass of soda?" Artemis blurted.

"Of course," she said. "Would you like Sprite or Sierra Mist?"

Artemis swallowed and moistened his lips. "Sprite, please."

"Alright. I'll be back in a moment."

The rest of the meal was fine overall. Artemis found that Holly's trick did work, though once when he still had a bit of Sprite in his mouth, he could swear he felt something spark there. Trouble ordered a dessert for the two of them, strawberry shortcake. Except for the part where 'Holly' dropped a big spoonful of strawberries, whipped cream, and angel food cake on her suit, dessert was okay as well. Before both Holly and Artemis knew it, Trouble was paying for the dinner and he was walking with Artemis out the door.

It was night already in Haven. The sky appeared to be dark blue, littered with stars, though Holly knew the troth: Fairies had recently started to use holographic images to preserve the feeling of what it felt like to be aboveground. It may have looked convincing, but all it did to most fairies was increasing their feelings of longing to be rid of living underground.

Trouble and Artemis walked slowly to Holly's home. Halfway there, Trouble snaked his arm around 'her' waist. Artemis immediately stiffened, but due to Holly's near-shouting in his ear, let the arm be.

"Look at the stars, Holly," Trouble whispered softly. "Don't you wonder sometimes about what it would be like if fairies could roam freely aboveground again instead of being caged down here?"

"Yes, but it's not like that could ever happen," Artemis snapped harshly. Holly sweared right in his ear.

Trouble looked at Artemis strangely, but didn't change his gentle tone. "But what if it could? Don't you think fairies are trying too hard to recreate the image of the Earth's surface?" A small gust of wind blew past them. Even that was created by an air conditioner behind them.

"You really think so?" Artemis replied testily.

"Yes, I do. Don't you?"

"What?" Artemis's ears were still ringing after Holly's last shout.

"Don't you?"

"Um, I guess," Artemis responded in a monotone voice after Holly's instructions.

"Yeah. Me too." Trouble stopped in the middle of the road. Artemis realized they were at Holly's house. "C'mon. I'll walk you up."

His arm still around Artemis's waist, Trouble and he ascended Holly's staircase, stopping in front of the door. The soft yellowish glow of Holly's semi-bright houselight cast shadows across Trouble's face, enhancing his features.

Hehehe. Well, I'd best be going. Artemis opened his mouth to say this, but before he could, Trouble put both arms around him and pressed his lips against Artemis's.

Artemis couldn't cry out, so he pulled himself away, gasping for air, and punched Trouble hard in the face without a single regard as to what he had just done. Once he realized it, Artemis gasped again, opened Holly's door, leaped over the threshold (bumping his head on the doorway as he did so), and finally, slammed the door in Trouble's face, hyperventilating on the other side.

In Artemis's room back in Fowl Manor, Holly let out an ear-piercing scream and fainted on the bed.

End chapter

Whew! There you go. A little longer than usual. I don't think it came out as funny as I would have liked, but oh well. Next chapter will be the final one, sorry to say. Hope you all enjoyed this! Now REVIEW!