A/N After Charmed if you can still called if that i wanted to do something for another show and thus this was born. Mostly cause ppl still praise my Death of Lana fic even though is really old, So i'm hopid after this I can come up with more Smallville parodies! Go me!
Title: Is A Smallville After All.
Episode 1: Shirst.
(Fade in: Clark's room. Clark was standing over his closet looking rather thoughtful. Martha came in.)
MARTHA: (Always sweet) What is it, honey?
CLARK: I ripped four shirts this week. I wonder if I should bother wearing anything. It always gets ripped off.
MARTHA: Oh. I'm sure you're exaggerating.
(Suddenly, the wind blew hard and made a scissors go flying and hitting Clark, damaging the shirt. Clark gave Martha a look.)
MARTHA: Well that shut me up. Maybe you and your gang can solve the mystery.
ALEX: (Off screen.) Great! Now point more light on Clark's chest.
TOM: I feel exploited. I'm an actor, you know!
ALEX: (Off screen.) That's nice, Tom. Now could you please pour this water bottle on you?
(He does so. Close up on Clark's wet body. Slow motion. Roll credits. "Somebody save me" plays. Fade in: Talon. Lois is hanging by the counter. Several angry customers are waiting for their drinks.)
CUSTOMER: Lady, can I get my latte!
LOIS: (Reading a magazine.) I'm on my break.
(Jason and Lana stand in. I loose ratings.)
JASON: Hey, you wanna talk about the stones again? We haven't talked about them in a whole five seconds and even though there's nothing new to add we should exposition about them every chance possible.
LANA: Nah... I think I'm going to doubt your intentions again. You know, I don't really trust Lex or Clark either but for some reason I trust you less.
LOIS: (Butting in.) Maybe is his obsession with his mom.
JASON: My relationship with my mother is normal!
(Genevieve walked in.)
JASON: (Jumping in her arms.) Mommy!
LANA: Hmm... should I be jealous?
LOIS: Should I call Springer?
(Chloe walked in.)
ALEX: (Off screen.) Chloe! Sweetheart! What are you doing?
CHLOE: Coming into scene?
ALEX: (Off screen.) We don't need you this episode. Erica's here.
(Erica waved. Allison got desperate.)
CHLOE: Come on! I'll do anything! I can be an extra! I can just sit and watch!
ALEX: (Off screen.) You know the rules. When Lois is here there's no need for you unless we need you to lift Clark's self esteem.
CHLOE: I can do that!
ALEX: (Off screen.) Sorry, there's no need.
(Two thugs came in an 'escorted' her out.)
CHLOE: (Off screen.) But I'm on the opening credits! Give me anything! I'll be Pete! Look at me pointlessly exposition-ing and saying stuff like "cool" and "Where's Lana?"! WHERE'S LANA!
(Awkward beat. The cast resumed.)
GENEVIEVE: Now, son. Would you be a dear and get the stone from the girl you're dating.
JASON: Yes mommy.
(Lana looked shock/hurt. Fuck this. Isabelle took over.)
ISABELLE: Fuck. I'm back here.
JASON: Lana...
(Offended Isobelle slapped him.)
ISABELLE: Don't you ever confuse me with that whiny tramp again. (she chants something that sounds like Latin but is probably something she made up and Jason is sent flying and hits the wall.) Now if you excuse me I have to find something slut-y to wear.
(She left. Genevieve took her son and exited the Talon. Lois sighed.)
LOIS: Same old, same old.
(Lex walked.)
LEX: Is Clark here yet? We need to do our slash scene! Is in our contracts.
LOIS: I'm on my damn break.
(Clark walked in, shirtless. Drool.)
LEX: Clarkie! (He walked and hugged Clark.) Let's do our slash moment!
LOIS: Clarkie's my line, you ass!
CLARK: I can't do scenes right now... I'm... shirtless.
LOIS: Aren't you always?
LEX: Yeah, what's weird about that?
CLARK: So you guys are use to seeing me like this?
LOIS: We're in Kansas. We take our fun where we can.
CLARK: Ok. Let's do our slash scene then.
(Clark and Lex got really close and looked at each other with angst.)
ALEX: (Off screen.) Well that should do it. Cut.
(Fade to black.)
End.
A/N: I promise the next one will be better.