A/N: I'm going to jump start this to season 5 already since I have the hots for Aquaman. Hmm. Aquaman.
Title: Is A Smallville After All.
Episode 4: Shower.
(Fade in: Everyone is inexplicably and conveniently in the Talon.)
CLARK: Why are we all here?
LOIS: I don't know, but I might like to point out I'm on my break.
CHLOE: Well, this is awkward. I mean, there's so much tension between all of us.
ISABELLE: I want to kill you all, yes.
LEX: Well, there has to be a reason.
ALEX: (Off screen.) There is, you dumb "actors". I'm doing the finale parody today, so I wanted to give you the head ups. CUE ROCKS!
(Suddenly a bunch of rocks start falling on them. They all run. Roll credits. Fade in: Smallville. The meteor shower from the finale… looks nothing like this. Sue me, I'm low on budget. Is just my crew throwing rocks at the extras and a cheesy smoke machine stolen from some 80's video. Cut to: A Field. Lana and Phoebe are trying not to get hit. And my stupid crew is missing them.)
PHOEBE: Let's try to go this way!
LANA: Ok!
(They turned and a huge helicopter falls on them. Then both Phoebe and the Isabelle tattoo fade away. But don't worry. I had plans for them. Lana, only hurt her leg so she tries to get up.)
LANA: Ow… pain hurts.
(Cut to: Kent farm. The Kents are not there but Jason is. One of my crew members hits him good. He falls. Then Jared Pali… Paled… the annoying tall guy who played Dean on the Gilmore Girls walked up to him.)
JASON: Am I dead?
JARED: If you wanna star with me in Supernatural, yes you are.
(So Jason dies and Jensen gets up and leaves with Jared. Wait! Did he just quit my show taking advantage of the vaguely defined fate of his character? That's rude. Cut to: Caves. Chloe is stalling Lex from looking on what Clark is doing at the end of the cave.)
LEX: Chloe! Get out! I wanna see Clark!
CHLOE: But… um… did you hear that Katy Holmes's pregnant?
LEX: Um, hello? I watch E!
CHLOE: Wow. Cool, I never thought a millionaire future villain had time to watch TV.
LEX: Well, I try…
(Suddenly in a display of lights Clark is all absorb away. So is Chloe for some reason. Lex, alone, goes back to his big ass mansion. Cut to: Hospital. The Kents are there with Lois.)
LOIS: Well, how good that you all made it.
MARTHA: So sad about Jason, though.
JONATHAN: Yeah, sad.
(BOOM! A huge black spaceship crashes on the wall. Lana is limping behind it. Two weird looking dudes walk out. One will be known as Forrest, since that was his name in Buffy. The other will be known as Rain. Cause it makes sense to call her that now.)
FORREST: Where is Kal-El?
RAIN: (Pointing to Lana) And why is this following us?
LANA: You guys can explain my tattoo!
LOIS: What tattoo?
(Lana looks and sees it's gone. She goes into super Lana crying mode.)
LANA: Now Isabelle left me too! Oh why do people leave me! Like my dead parents did! They're dead! Cause they died!
(Rain decks Lana. Everyone applauds her.)
RAIN: Well, if was only a matter of time.
FORREST: Now that we're done stalling, can one of you take us to Kal-El.
MARTHA: Lois, honey, why don't you show these people where to find Kal-El.
LOIS: What? Why do I have to cover up for Clark? I don't even know he's Kal-El yet!
JONATHAN: You were the one asking for a more meaningful story.
LOIS: Fine. Follow me crazy aliens who seem to be able to speak perfect English.
FORREST: Don't blame us, blame the comics.
(Cut to: Fortress of solitude. Chloe has pretty much frozen to death.)
CHLOE: It's happening… I'm being killed off… like Whitney… and Pete.
CLARK: Pete's alive.
CHLOE: He might as well be dead.
(Clark walks around when the great voice of Jor-El booms.)
JOR-EL: (Voice Over.) Oh, Kal, I wasn't expecting you so soon. I hope you don't mind the mess.
CLARK: It's ok. Um… I did what you asked me, with the stone and whatnot. Can you help me fight the new evil now?
JOR-EL: (Voice Over.) Well, sure. But you'll have to stay here training.
CLARK: No! I'm not following your orders!
JOR-El: (Voice Over.) But you just said-
CHLOE: Can one of you get me a fucking blanket or you know kill me so my pain stops!
(Cut to: Talon. Genevieve and Lionel had apparently forgotten what they were supposed to be doing. Lana limps in and shoots Genevieve with a shotgun.)
LIONEL: Ms. Lang, I was having a conversation with her.
LANA: I forgot I had to kill her. I didn't mean to be rude.
LIONEL: Well, it doesn't matter. The Teagues are officially erased from our minds now. Let's pretend they never existed.
(They both nod. Lionel goes into a shock state. Lana cries some more over how people abandoned her and jumps out the window… even though the door was open. Moron. Cut to: Smallville down town. Lois shows the aliens around.)
LOIS: And here's the flower shop, and over there you can buy the best ice scream.
RAIN: Man, this place sucks.
LOIS: Yeah… but I can't leave, I'm being added to the credits now. Plus, I get to make out with Aquaman so it all evens out.
RAIN: Sweet.
FORREST: Can we go to Kal-El now!
LOIS: Ok, ok,keep your metallic bra.
(Fade to black.)
To be continued...