A/N: Due to someone pointing out that I only seen to be writing about sex (Not true! i can help it, this is a WB show after all.) Today's episode will include no sex at all. To make sure of this Clark's chest will not be on this episode.
C. CHEST: What! You can't do this to me! I put Smallville on the map!
Bite me! You had your chance.
Anyway, tonight's episode is all about cute Shelby! So as the other cast members take a back seat and complain to their agents let us enjoy Shelby's wacky point of view of the world!
Title: Is A Smallville After All.
Episode 7: K-Dawg.
(Teaser: open on the Kent Farm. Pan across to the house where the sounds of doggy grunts are heard. Cut to inside the Kent house. Shelby is laid on the stairs step trying to find a comfy position to take his afternoon nap. He's having trouble finding it since there's a noise coming from upstairs distracting him.)
CLARK: (Off-screen.) My humps! My humps, my humps, my humps! You love my lady lumps! In the back and on the front!
(With an annoyed doggie glare he hops off the steps heading for the kitchen. He walks towards the fridge and opens it taking a can of beer out with his paws and opening it. Aw. He begins to sip bitterly as he mutters something about Clark's Fergie imitation. Then a sudden crashing sound is heard outside. Shelby walks to the door and does a spit-take. Cut to outside. A Diamond Kryptonian Spaceship landed on the front yard. Shelby walks uneasily outside the house and stares at the alien spacecraft. The lid opens and a white dog wearing cool futuristic glasses and a collar with the "S" looking symbol of Krypton. The dog walks out of the ship and takes a look around.)
KRYPTO: K-Dawg in da house!
SHELBY: Oh bloody hell…
(Roll credits. Note: almost everyone here will not appear on today's episode. Fade in: Where we left off. Shelby stares at the white dog which is obviously the REAL Krypto. So people can stop whining how they got the dog wrong already when no one said that Shelby was supposed to be Krypto. Jeez. Anyway, Shelby stares at Krypto who returns him a doggie grin.)
KRYPTO: Yo, dawg, how's it hangin'?
SHELBY: It's not, actually.
(Shelby's been fixed. Poor thing. Lol)
KRIPTO: That's cold, dawg. Dayum.
SHELBY: Yeah… can I help you with something?
KRYPTO: Word! I was lookin' fo' my old home boy. He goes by Kal.
SHELBY: I'm afraid I don't know who you're referring to.
KRYPTO: Jeez, dawg, come on! I know my boy's here, 'aight? My ride was designed to track my boy down, yo.
SHELBY: Um… listen. I don't want to be rude or anything, but the only kid here is my kid, so you might want to go somewhere that's, you know, else.
(Krypto takes off his glasses with his right paw and leers at Shelby. For his part the yellow lab gets a little worried puppy dog stare. Aw.)
KRYPTO: Bro, you don' want to mess with K-Dawg.
SHELBY: Hey, let's just calm down here. I'm just saying that this family has a dog already and-
KRYPTO: Yo, shut your mouth or I'll cut you, biatch.
SHELBY: What did you just call me?
(Pause.)
KRYPTO: I call you my biatch, biatch.
(Shelby head-butts him using his Kryptonite-induced super-strength. Note: In my show he still can tap into his meteor powers. Krypto flies off and crashes near the house. Why is Clark not hearing it?)
CLARK: (Off-screen.) Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
(Enough said. Krypto gets to his paws and glares angrily at the yellow lab.)
KRYPTO: Oh no you di-int.
SHELBY: I so did!
KRYPTO: You wanna fight, biatch? Bring it!
SHELBY: Oh it's already been broughtn it!
(I love that movie. Sue me. Wait! No! Don't sue!)
KRYPTO: That's it!
(Krypto starts his own version of the Super Rocket Launching Fart Of Doom™. He propels towards Shelby at top speed. Slow motion time! In super slow motion Shelby back-flips away just as Krypto crashes into the Old Much Abused Blue Kent Love Wagon™ destroying it into many tiny pieces. Resume normal motion.)
SHELBY: Damn we just got that fixed!
(The laugh track plays.)
KRYPTO: Ah hell no!
(Krypto Super-Speeds to Shelby and tackles him down. Then the Bitch fight begins when they start claw at each other like two street hookers fighting for their spot in the corner of Prescott Street. Damn. And I promised myself I wouldn't do Charmed spoilers. Shelby pushes Krypto off him. Then the two canines stare and circle each other.)
KRYPTO: You goin' down.
SHELBY: You're all bark no bite, pal.
(Then Chloe's car pulls over and the most perfect and flawless character of this show ever gets out, her beautiful blonde hairs flowing graciously in the warm Kansas' breeze. Ok, so it's obvious who's my favorite. Lois also walks out of the car.)
LOIS: So we're dropping these off and then going to the movies, right? I don't want to spend more time with Farm-boy than I need to.
CHLOE: Don't worry. I'll just hand him the books and we're out of here, so spare me the cute Pre-Lois & Clark banter.
LOIS: What is that supposed to mean?
CHLOE: It means you should read the comics.
(They stroll over to the fence an see the mess and the two dogs, who are sitting and wagging there tails at the two sassy ladies.)
LOIS: Ok, I know we're in Smallville, but this is creepy.
CHLOE: I didn't know Clark got another dog.
LOIS: Whoa, what happened here?
CHLOE: As you said, we're in Smallville.
(The two coolest characters go inside. Krypto turns to Shelby.)
KRYPTO: Dayum, K-Dawg wants to get some of that tail.
SHELBY: You want to live with one of them?
KRYTO: Hell yeah.
SHELBY: I'll give you there addresses if you promise to never come back here again.
KRYPTO: You got yourself a deal, dawg.
(They shake paws. Aw. Cut to: Kent stairs. Night. Shelby lies there happily. Martha and Clark are sitting at the kitchen counter.)
MARTHA: How cute.
CLARK: Yeah, being a dog sure must be easy.
(Shelby hears this and flips Clark off. As the two Kent's stare in shocked of their pet's actions, Shelby walks up the stairs.)
(Fade to black.)
End.