Copyright: All rights to Star Trek and its characters belong to Paramount and not us. All rightsto the new Battlestar: Galactica series and its characters belong to Universal and RDM Studios and not us. We're just using the characters for our own amusement. : D
This is a Star Trek/Battlestar: Galactica parody. It's the new Battlestar: Galactica series with all of the Star Trek shows, and a little bit of DS9. No Enterprise because that show sucks.
This parody was written by both Kounji and GoTeamYukari while chatting on AIM at 3:00am making fun of both shows and the characters, and both decided this would make a great fanfiction parody. Both are die hard fans of all Star Trek shows (except Enterprise. >. ), and Battlestar: Galactica the new series.
WARNING: This parody contains SPOILERS for some of Star Trek and A LOT of Battlestar: Galactica for the miniseries and seasons 1-3 or 2.5 or whatever. Read at your own discretion.
Star Trek/Battlestar: Galactica parody: With the new Battlestar with all of the Star Trek shows, and with a little bit of DS9.
Meanwhile, on Voyager, the Pegasus, Galactica, and DS9 have all orbited around each other:
Janeway: OH! The Borg so BEAT the Cylons! They're much worse!
Adama: Yes well, we have to deal with a group of machines that have destroyed all of humanity. Sees Seven and Data suddenly walk by "THOSE TWO ARE CYLONS!"
Janeway: The Borg want us all to be assimilated.
Adama: The cylons want us dead... at least we think they do.
Chakotay: Yeah he's got us beat Kathryn.
Cain/(Ro?): Shut the frak up!
Chakotay: Ro Laren? I thought you were Bajoran!
Cain/(Ro?): I thought you were competent!
Picard: Where have you been! You don't deserve to be in Starfleet! You joined the Maquis!
Cain/(Ro?): I did what I had to do to survive...
Harry Kim: ooooooooooooOOoo
Kim:drool:
Six and Seven talking:
Six: God wants to show you his love...
Seven: Irrevelant! You will be assimilated...and the existance of a higher being has not yet been proven--ooof
Six punches her in the face
Seven backhands her with her Borg hand
Meanwhile, Janeway and Roslin are enjoying a nice cup of coffee in Janeway's Ready Room on Voyager:
Janeway: Coffee, black. Yeah, it's hard being in charge.
Roslin: Yeah, but I'm a dying prophet. And the Commander just kissed me! It was sweet.
Janeway: Oh, my first officer would like to try. But I can't allow that on my ship. He is good-looking though. sighs If only he wasn't useless.
Roslin: Well you just let him think he's in charge everyonce and awhile...
Janeway: But he questions my authority all the time!
Roslin: ...and then occasionially you chime in. You show him who's boss.
Janeway: I will. Janeway presses her combadge.
Janeway: Commander, will you meet me in my Ready Room?
Chakotay: Yes, Captain. On my way, Chakotay out. Chakotay enters the Ready Room.
Janeway: Commander...
Chakotay: Yes Captain?
Janeway looks at Roslin and nods. Roslin gives that sarcastic fake-like smile of hers. "Chakotay, I need you to polish my boots...with your tongue."
Chakotay: puzzled Captain is something...
Janeway: For crying out loud! Be a damn man for once!
Chakotay: What? Anything for you Kathryn!
Chakotay: But...my animal guide says that I must be a gentle man.
Janeway: Oh, don't you give me that!
Cain/(Ro?) suddenly walks in unannounced hearing the last bit of the conversation:
Cain/(Ro?): Did you just say an animal guide? Is this the type of relationship that you two have established on this ship? I don't know how you survived this long...
Janeway: Me either...
Chakotay: My animal guide believes that we should all--
Cain/(Ro?): I don't give a frak what your fraking bear said!
Chakotay: It's a jaguar...
Chakotay: Ro! We were in the Maquis together! We fought the Cardassians! How could you say such a thing!
All three women just give him the death glare.
McCoy, Doctor from Voyager, and Doctor Cottle hanging out in Voyager's Sickbay:
McCoy: You know, you look at these ensigns... they just keep coming in here getting damned hurt all the time... they act like bleeding 5-year-olds and that you could just mend bones in an instant. We should give them all helmets. In fact, better yet, a bubble! Yes, that would work. In my day, we were damned if we could even get a splint. We had to travel half way across the galaxy to get one, and we were happy for it.
Dr. Cottle: Yeah... want a scotch? while he is smoking a cigarrette.
Doctor: Anyone wanna go see an opera?
Doctor starts singing.
Dr. Cottle and McCoy: SHUT UP, MAN!
Doctor: You know, cigarettes will lessen your life span by a number of years. Leaving you with an unhealthy last few years to the death bed.
McCoy: In that case I'll take one too so I don't have to deal with that awful singing of yours. My god why can't a hologram be a damned hologram anymore?
Torres, Starbuck, Apollo, Harry Kim, and Paris in the Messhall:
Paris: Lt. Thrace, so I hear you're a pretty good pilot?
Starbuck: Best in the fleet. smokes cigar, thinking...Sure, most likely better than you.
Torres: I'm Chief Engineer of Voyager. It's my passion.
Starbuck: That's good, we have a chief too. He gets pretty greased up though...stops and stares at Torres What the frak are those things on your forehead?
Torres: What did you say P'tak?
Starbuck: Excuse me? Bring it on Ass Head!
Paris: Oh, yeah. This is going to be good.
Apollo: Shut up, pretty boy!
Paris: You like her don't you, daddy's boy?
Apollo: Shut up! ...Go Starbuck! Apollo walks over to replicator "Popcorn, buttered."
Paris: So the betting pool is at...
Harry Kim: drool
Riker, Chakotay, and Tigh on in the back maintenance room where Tigh usually drinks:
Riker: So anyone want a drink on Risa?
Chakotay: I'd rather get in touch with my spirit guide.
Tigh: Why would an XO pass that up? looks at Chakotay "Fraking spirit guides! Are you nuts? You're just as crazy as the President first was!"
Riker: You know Commander Chakotay, Captain Janeway will be there.
Chakotay: Well in that case, I guess I could come along... thinking, For my beloved Kathryn!
Tigh: So is that like a whore house or something?
Tigh: Because I gotta get some of that!
Riker: No, it's not a whore house. It's a beatufiul resort filled with beaches and oceans. Think of it like...Japanese Geishas.
Tigh: Huh? Japanese? Are those some new form of Cylons?
A couple of coffee cups and insults later with the higher chain of command:
Picard walks in: Commander Adama, I'm a Captain, and I'm pretty much like you!
Tigh:... kicks back with some more booze.
Picard: How is this possible? We're all meeting each other...in here.
Janeway: You disgrace this uniform, Admiral.
Cain/(Ro?): You're one to talk, CAP-TAIN!
Roslin: Now, now... no name calling here. I'm sure we can discuss this in a mature fashion.
Picard: Poopoo head.
Cain/(Ro?): What did you say, you!
Picard: Captain Picard of the USS Enterprise.
Cain/(Ro?): Queball!
Picard: Q! What! Where?
Janeway: Would you quit throwing that in my face Picard!
Picard: Huh?
Janewa: Yes, I know you're the captain of the flagship!
Picard singing You might be an admiral... but I have a ship... a legendary ship.
Janeway in a very Napoleon Dynamite type way: GOSH!
Cain/(Ro?): You bald headed wussy man! I'm the Admiral of the Pegasus!
Roslin: This is enough.
Roslin: You have the pegasus... he has the enterprise...
Roslin: You know what we have to do Bill? We gotta kill her...
Cain/(Ro?) What did you say!
Roslin: Oh, my mistake... that slipped out!
Adama: This is too good chuckling in the background.
Adama then stares down Cain/(Ro?): I want my men back.
Cain/(Ro?): I shot my XO! ...Oops, I wasn't supposed to say that.
Chakotay, Tigh, and Riker all step back.
All three saying: Woah, no shooting the XO's.
Chakotay: Violence is wrong.
Cain/(Ro?): Oh really?points gun at ChakotaySay good bye, Dances with Wolves.
Chakotay: Hey, hey, no--is shot in the head...dies.
Janeway: A sad loss...say, would anyone like some coffee or tea?
Cain/(Ro?) and Picard both say at the same time: Earl grey, hot.
Picard: Ro, I didn't know that was your favorite drink!
Cain/(Ro?): Who the frak is Ro!
Suddenly the real Ro Laren comes on the ship:
Music starts: Dun, dun, DUN!
Everyone looks around: Where did that music come from?
Ro: Oh prophets!
Cain: What the frak is going on!
Ro: I'm human! Dammit!
Cain: What the frak are those things on your nose!
Picard: O.o
Picard: o.O
Janeway: Species 8472! Imposter!
Riker: Great...
Tigh: Gods...
Tigh: I think I've had enough.
Harry Kim sticks his head in the door: drool
Roslin: I'm so confused.
Harry Kim: Ahh ha ha ha! AH MAN!
SixandSeven beam in:
Six and Seven: Humanity must be terminated.
Riker: Huh? Oooh, foxy ladies! I prefer the brunettes though...thinks, Where the hell is Deanna?
Janeway: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON SEVEN!
Seven: This is Number Six.
Harry Kim: ... o.O, You have a sister? ...Ahh ha ha ha, ah man!
Seven: No, but for some reason she also has a number designation...and we're both blond and aesthically pleasing.
Meanwhile back in the messhall with Torres, Starbuck, Paris, and Apollo:
Torres: Starbuck I have my allegience to Janeway!
Starbuck: I have my loyalty to Adama...and I don't play by the rules.
Torres: You're a rebel? Cool, so am I.
Starbuck: Sucky childhood?
Torres: Yeah...didn't get enough hugs as a child.
Starbuck: Me too...
Apollo: They're bonding...I wanted to see blood. munching on popcorn.
Paris: Scary, isn't it?
Torres: I respect you fornot following the rules.
Starbuck: I respect you for respecting that.
Paris: munches on Apollo's popcorn Yeah, wanna join in with me and B'Elanna later? wink, wink
Apollo: Uh...hmmm...maybe.
Apollo: Can Dee come too?
Also on the otherside of the Messhall. Gaeda, Harry, Dee, and Billy are in a deep conversation:
Harry stares at Dee's chest: drools
Harry: So you're very nice Dee...and pretty. You have very nice...big pause eyes. smiles, trying to look smooth.
Dee rolls her eyes.
Gaeda: Yeah...
Billy: Hey that's my girlfriend!
Harry: Ahhh...
Dee rolls eyes...again.
Harry: Have you done IT yet?
Billy: ...
Gaeda: I'm going to go to the bathroom now...thinking, I hope I don't run into Dr. Baltar again...that was scary!
Gaeda on his way to the bathroom. Sits on stall. Hears someone murmuring.
Gaius: Not now...we can't be doing this here.
Gaida! thinking, Oh god! Not again!
Gaius: Oh, you're a naughty naughty girl! Oh yes, right there! bangs his head against the side of the stall that Gaeda is on
Gaeda: Shit!
Gaius: ...uh, hello...may I ask who's there?
Gaeda: ...
Gaius: Lt. Gaeda, is that you?
Gaeda in a small voice: Yes...
Gaius: Well, that's not what it sounded like...I was talking to...my, you know. Had trouble...relieving myself, gotta talk to the old girl...you know? That's what I call it...it's like a ship...like my vessel, uh--
Gaeda scrambles up his pants trying to get out: Don't worry, Dr. Balter, Mr. Vice President! I'm going to be leaving! runs out the door
Gaius: Wait! You don't have to leave! We could talk... sighs
Suddenly D'Anna Biers pops out of stall and starts taking notes: Scandel! Vice President talks to himself in the bathroom...sounding a lot like he was... flogging his log...while harrassing Galactica officers. Yes I got it! camera man leans over into stall taking a picture of Gaius
Gaius: What the frak?
A couple of hours later on another ship near them. Gaius, Number Six, Seven, and Dr. Bashir walking along the corridor of DS9:
Gaius and Bashir both stop and stare at each other then point laughing:
Gaius: Hey! Uncanny!
Bashir: Yes, exactly...what part of England are you from?
Gaius: England? Where's that? There's no England on the 12 colonies.
Bashir: ... spots Jadzea Dax Hey Jadzea! Come over here! I want you all to meet Jadzea Dax. One of the more important people on this space station. smiles at Dax
Gaius: Uh...who? I don't see anyone?
Bashir: What? She's right here!
Gaius: I don't see anyone at all.
Seven: I think you are hallucinating Dr. Bashir.
Dax: They can't see me Julian.
Bashir: What? What do you mean?
Dax: I'm dead. My consciousness had passed on to another body...
Bashir: That sounds very familiar to what these humans have been saying about these Cylons Dax.
Gaius: Are you raving mad!
Number Six: You're one to talk Gaius.
Gaius looks off in a random direction: Shut up!
Bashir: EXCUSE me!
Gaius: Oh sorry! Not you!
Bashir: ... o.O
Gaius: ... O.o
Gaius: So, Seven, ever thought about becoming more human? I could teach you some things. winks
Seven: I would appreciate that... as long as it wasn't inappropriate.
Six: Inappropriate? Meaning not having sex in public...
Gaius: Yes, a few simple exercises, a little bit of candor...
Six: A roll or two in the bed... only 3 minutes of her time.
Seven: Your movements are frantic...irratic... are your caffeine levels high?
Seven: Captain Janeway has had similar problems with caffeine levels in the past. State your purpose.
Six bursts into laugher and throws Gaius up against the wall: I told you Gaius. This is what happens when you make me angry!
Gaius: What the frak was that for!
Seven: ... O.o
Dax throws Bashir up against the wall.
Bashir: What the hell was that for!
Dax: Just wanted to see what it was like.
Bashir: Okay...
Seven: ... o.O
Stay tuned for part 2: What to do with Sharon's baby!