A Sort of Redemption
It was a sober and quiet group of men in the house that night. Each had been given a letter by the man Cat had enlisted to help when the hostages had been return. They'd known as soon as they'd realized Cat wasn't with the rest of them. One look at the man's face, as well as the others had been enough to confirm it. They'd taken the letters and pocketed them, knowing that they couldn't read them while anyone else was around. They didn't know exactly what their letter would say but they didn't want anyone to know how much it hurt. How much her loss tore at them. How big a hole she'd left behind.
)
Opening his letter first Heero had managed to finally convince a worn out Suki to go to bed. The girl had done nothing but cry since she'd gotten her letter and had hung onto Heero like she was drowning and he the only life support. He'd let her too. The letter was plain with his name written on top in an impatient scrawl, Cat's writing though this was the first time he'd seen it. Opening it carefully he drew out the single sheet of paper and began to read.
Dear, Heero
I'm not much for writing and you're not much for reading so I'll make this short and to the point. I want to say thanks, not just for putting up with me but giving me a home and letting me live with you even after you found out I wasn't exactly normal. I know I made things..interesting and that added Suki to the mix likely didn't help things to your way of thinking. Not that it matters I think she's been good for you, if only to show you just how much more annoying other people could be. She's a good kid though, so try not to hurt her too bad . Anyway I wish you the best and I want you to know I'm glad I knew you.
Love Cat.
P.S. If you were to accidentally blow Dorothy up I'd be grateful so long as you can do it so that you aren't caught. I'll have Colin put in a good word for you.
)
Dear, Wufei
When you get this I'll be dead and that's okay I suppose. If I get the chance I'll check in on that wife of yours and tell her how lucky she was to escape being married to you. Just kidding. You can be a real ass with your sexist comment but as a whole you're a pretty good guy. You just really need to work on your people skills. Anyway you really need to ask Sally out on a date and you need to start treating her like a woman instead of a comrade before she gets fed up and smacks you one. That's what I would have done years ago but that woman's got way more patience then most, least of all me. Anyway on to the main point. I want to thank you for everything and to let you know that you are one of the most honorable men I've ever met. You pick a path and you stick to it, no matter how hard that is. I hope you continue on a path where your friends and loved ones are beside you. It takes more courage to let others into your heart then to keep them out. Gah, that sounds like something Quatre would say. He must wear off on everyone. Damn it. Anyways...have a good life.
Love Cat
"Stupid, onna." Wufei whispered, clenching the sheet of paper tight in his hands, in danger of ripping it accidentally as he shook his bowed head. "Stupid, stupid, onna. You don't belong in heaven or hell, you stupid woman. You belong here...with us."
)
Now that he'd safely seen his sisters to sleep in the house and checked on Anna Quatre sat wearily in the living room, his eyes straying over to Cat's basket. A cat lay there sleeping but it wasn't Cat. Cat would never sleep there again. She'd never demand people food or try to kill Dorothy. She'd never tell him in her smart mouthed way that he needed a girlfriend bad or that he was as close to being gay as a guy could get without actually being one. God but how could she be gone? Burying his face in his hands he had to take a moment, centering on his breathing and reining his emotions in before he could open the letter she'd written for him.
Dear, Quatre
If you're getting this, well then I managed to pull it off and your sisters are okay. I always figured there would never be a way to pay you back for everything you did for me but I figure this is a good start. I'm sure you're blaming yourself right now because blaming yourself for things is one of your favorite things to do. QUIT IT! I'm dead because that's the way things had to be. Case closed. Anyway now that you've put aside you're guilt trip for the moment I want to say thank you. You're the greatest, most..perfect person I've ever known. I only wish more people could be like you. No one else but you would have not only risked your life for some cat and then taken the furball home to top it all off. If I could have picked a brother, I definitely would have picked you. Your sisters are very lucky. Keep taking good care of the other guys and have a great life. You deserve it.
Love, Cat
)
Dear, Duo
You were the one who put the chain around my neck, weren't you? I wasn't sure since you always wore the chain under your shirt and I only vaguely noticed it was missing. Needless to say I was surprised to wake up wearing it. But thanks, it must have been special to you if you always wore it. I wish there had been a way to get it back to you. We had some good times, especially movie times. I had fun hanging with you, even when you were being annoying. You've been a good friend to me and I appreciate it. You always saw through me, better then I gave you credit for. Anything thanks for everything and don't screw up with Hilde, she's the best you'll ever do.
Love, Cat
"Stupid, furball. Still ordering me around." Duo said with a choked laugh, absently wiping a stray tear from his cheek. Only Cat would end a good bye letter like that. Only Cat could make him want to curse, laugh and cry at the same time. She'd been one hell of a buddy, even when he'd wanted to throw her in the garbage dispenser for the sake of everyone else's sanity. She'd been a pain in the ass but by God he'd give anything to have her back. Even for one of her gay jokes or smart comments about his hair. Damn it. He was going to miss her so much.
)
Trowa, meanwhile, sat in his room, turning the letter around in his hands. He wasn't ready to read his yet. He wasn't willing to accept that once more someone had been taken from him. Again. No, he'd wait a while, wait for the news of her loss to sink in before he'd read the letter she'd written for him. She'd understand.
)
Once again in nothing but darkness Cat was left with nothing to do but ponder her fate. She was pretty sure she was back where she started which didn't make any sense to her. Unless of course this really was hell but she couldn't really convince herself of that. Perhaps she was in purgatory, seeing as she vaguely recalled a bible lesson about being forgiven your sins if you died protecting someone. Since she'd promised to go to hell, well maybe they'd stuck her in between as a sort of consolation prize. Then again knowing the sick bastards that ran the upstairs it was more likely that they just weren't ready to send her the rest of the way down yet. Maybe they were setting up a party for her with everyone she'd ever killed having been invited. Now that she could see. If that was the case then she was gonna be in for one hell of a homecoming, pun not intended. But at least she'd gone out in a good way. After all, how many people in hell were going to be able to say they died a fairly noble death twice. Not that she really cared about that. She hadn't done it to be noble. She still didn't know why she'd saved that boy in the first place and as for the kidnapping victims...well she wouldn't have given a damn about them if not for her boys. There was nothing she wouldn't do for them. Except where pink. Or be nice to Dorothy. Or...well there wasn't many things she wouldn't do for them. Would they be sad when they heard what had happened? Quatre and Suki were bound to cry anyway. Would the others? Naw, they were too tough to do something so girlie. But maybe they'd miss her. It was kinda nice..to know that she'd be missed. She'd never see them again, she didn't want to when it came down to it. As much as she wanted to see them, be with them again she didn't wish them here, to join her in hell. She wanted them to live with the angels and be happy, the way they hadn't been on earth. God had given them even worse breaks then her, they deserved at least to have heaven as their home after death. And who knows, maybe they could visit her? She wasn't sure if that would be such a good thing or not but it would make things a little more bearable, to have them visit her. Unless hell drove her insane or something. Then they could just stay up on those clouds and play harp music. She wouldn't want them to see her as anything less then the person they knew and loved. And wasn't that the biggest kicker of all. Her boys loved her.
)
"It still surprises you, doesn't it? That someone could love you?" Came Colin's voice from the darkness. Cat couldn't see him in the pitch black of this never ending void of darkness but she was thankful for the company. Not that she'd say so..
"People...my da loved me." Cat said with a defensive shrug of her shoulder, the topic of love having never been a comfortable one. "Suki and Anna..they would have been upset the first time and so what if my boys did love me?"
"Always so defensive..believing the worst. I noticed you didn't list God as someone who loves you. Do you believe he doesn't?" The voice wanted to know.
"How the hell should I know what God thinks? Even the most highly educated shrinks in all the galaxies wouldn't be able to make sense of half the things that guy does. I mean the guy created mosquitoes for Christ sakes. I mean really. If that alone doesn't prove he's short a few bricks then I don't know what does." Cat said in an exaggerated voice though she was glad she was no longer alone, even if Colin was only there in words. "And maybe he does love me, the bible says he does anyway. He helped me out that last time...so maybe he does. If only a little. But that doesn't make him any less whacked. Some would even argue that confirms it."
"He loves you very much. You know, Cat...there are a lot more people to add to your list then you seem to think." Colin said with a chuckle, his voice sounding stronger and closer to Cat's ears. "You're a lot more lovable then you know. Once you get past your defenses that is."
"Oh really...who else? They have to be pretty whacked too then. Either that or they don't know me very well." Cat stated dryly, just for the hell of it. It would keep him talking and soon the familiar voices she would hear wouldn't be welcome ones.
"Well lets see...off the top of my head... The parents and families of your boys for one. You've made a difference in your boys' lives, Cat. A positive one and they're all very grateful to you. Then there are their loved ones, friends and so on and so forth. It truly is amazing, how one person can change so much in so little a time. Least of all when that person isn't trying to do anything of the sort. Just think how much you might have accomplished with actual effort. It truly boggles the mind."
)
"Their families?" Cat repeated, obviously confused. Well obviously they would have had to have had parents and stuff but still...she'd never really thought about them all that much other then the fact that they were absent from the boys' lives. After all only Wufei and Quatre even knew for sure the names of said parents, much less family members. And other then Quatre and Duo the other three weren't exactly people persons. They didn't have friends outside of Preventers that she knew about and that was the way they seemed to like it. "They're here? Is that where they went? I figured they'd just ditched their kids or something. I didn't figure they'd croaked or anything." Now she was feeling just a little bad about what little bashing she'd done when she'd thought to think of it.
"Well not here, here but in heaven, yes. Some of them. Would you like to know a bit about them? To pass the time."
"Yes...please."
"They even taught you to say please...now that's a real miracle."
"Oh go shove a harp up your ass."
"As I was saying they all had families but all had to lose them in order to become who they are today. Heero's parents were very young, mere children themselves when he was born. His father couldn't take the responsibility and ran off, later to die in a hold up gone bad in a bank. His mother meanwhile tried to support them both but in the end she couldn't afford to keep him without raising him in homeless shelters and slums. She was going to give him up for adoption when she was struck with a terrible illness and rushed to the hospital. There was no one to tell someone to look for the son she'd left sleeping, home alone while she ran a quick errand. On the third day of her illness three year old Heero wandered out of the apartment they were living in to look for his mother. She's still looking for him today with what little money she has. She's never forgiven herself just as she's never let herself give up hope that she'll find him."
)
"Wasn't there someone who knew he was there? He must have been so scared, stuck there for three days having no idea where his mom was." Cat demanded to know, plainly horrified. At least with her mother the woman had told her that she was ditching her. To have your mother just disappear, not knowing why...
"No one. Her parents had disowned her, the father was out of the picture. The two of them moved around so much that it was hard to stay in touch with anyone. By the time she was coherent enough to ask for her son...it was too late."
"And Duo? What happened to his family? Are they in heaven too or did they ditch him like Heero's dad did to him."
"No, Duo was blessed with wonderful parents and even siblings. He had an older brother and sister who loved him very much. When Duo was about four though...well he was getting over the chicken pox and his parents insisted he stay with his grandmother while the rest of the family went to their older son's hockey game. On the way home they were struck down by a drunk driver, the parents killed on impact and the children...later in the hospital. Duo stayed with his grandmother after that but the blow of losing her son and his family, so soon after the death of her own husband...well she soon passed away as well. Duo was shuffled around the rest of his family after that, staying with one for a few months before he was passed off to another. When he was six he ran away and ended up on the streets."
"And ended up at that Maxwell Church." Cat added, deep in thought. She was starting to wish she'd never asked.
)
"Yes, and there he was part of another family, one who gave him the values and character that define him today." Colin said with an understanding look though she couldn't see it. "As for Trowa..well the story Catherine told him of their parents' death was true. Just as she truly is his sister in blood and in heart."
"Then you had to go and kill Quatre's parents, one of his sisters and then annihilate every relative Wufei has! My God but you guys upstairs like to be the bearers of bad things. Duo was right when he said there was a God of Death, it's God himself!" Cat snarled, getting more then a little pissed off the more she thought about it. "And then you killed the Peacecrafts' parents, Maia's parents, my God but all you jerks do is kill people! The only thing you got right was offing Heero's old man!"
"Tell me how you really feel." Was Colin's amused response, well used to Cat's outbursts. "And everyone has to die, Cat. It's the way things are. No one escapes it. But they can leave one body and go on to another place. A place where they can live out an eternity without suffering or pain."
"Who says they don't feel any pain or suffering? If they can see what's going on down in the old world then they've got plenty of reason to be upset. They might have left but they still have family members there who are going through plenty of pain and suffering." Cat shot back, crossing her arms in front of her defensively. "If you haven't noticed things are pretty screwed up down there even during PEACE times."
)
"We could argue this for all eternity and never agree, couldn't we?" Was Colin's reply.
"Are we going to? I mean can you like visit me and stuff when I'm in hell?" Cat wanted to know, crossing her fingers behind her back which was sort of stupid since she had no idea where he was exactly.
"Well if you were going to hell it wouldn't be easy but lucky you that's not where you'll be going."
"WHAT!"