Author: Walter O'Dim

Title: Sunstroke

Category: Romance/Humour
Rating: K+
Summary: An upsurge of solar activity leads to most unexpected consequences...Hagrid/Snape/Harry (alternative OotP).

Chapter One

A Mad Day

It was a hot August day and Hagrid was returning to Hogwarts from Hogsmeade where he'd had a drink (or two…or three…). The sun blazed at him pitilessly as he made his way up the steep path, and he felt slightly dizzy. He was really looking forward to being in his cabin again, where he could talk to Fang and make a closer acquaintance with the bottle of Firevodka he had taken along. Fang usually started talking back to him after the fourth glass or so, and very funny things he said sometimes, too.

It was not until Professor Snape drew level with him that Hagrid noticed him; due to his muted awareness he hadn't heard him approach. Snape was wearing black robes and a sour expression as usual, and he was carrying a small suitcase in his hand. Apparently he had just Apparated to Hogsmeade and was now heading for Hogwarts to prepare for the new school year.

"Oh, hello there, Prfessor Snape," slurred Hagrid.

Snape merely nodded, an expression of slight distaste on his face, and walked on past Hagrid. Hagrid gazed after him and was suddenly overcome by a desire so strong he couldn't withstand it. He flung himself at Snape, and they both fell to the ground in a heap, Snape's suitcase flying out of his hand. Hagrid began groping Snape, making animal sounds, as Snape, who had been knocked out of breath, stirred weakly beneath him, pinned to the ground by Hagrid's bulk.

"Gerroff…me…" he panted finally, getting over his initial shock that was not so much physical as it was mental. But Hagrid merely resumed his groping and grunting, so Snape tried to twist free but it was impossible, as was retrieving his wand (Snape strongly hoped it hadn't broken when he fell). Hagrid was already pulling up his robes when there was a loud pop, and the next thing he knew, Hagrid was groping thin air. Snape reappeared further up the path (Harry Potter would give a lot to see the look on his face at that moment), whipped out his wand and shouted, "Accio suitcase!"

The suitcase flew into Snape's waiting hand, but Hagrid was already getting up with a most lustful expression on what was visible of his face.

"Wait!" he roared. "I ain't finished with yeh!"

"Stupefy!" yelled Snape, pointing his wand at Hagrid. A jet of red light hit Hagrid as he ran towards the Potions master, but didn't seem to slow him down at all.

"Oh, shit," muttered Snape and sprinted up the path, firing hexes at Hagrid over his shoulder with no noticeable effect; Hagrid's giant blood, combined with a considerable amount of alcohol in it, seemed to make him pretty much immune to magic. He was already gaining on Snape due to his gigantic strides, a fact the Potions master found deeply disturbing. He couldn't Disapparate while running and he couldn't help running. His only hope was to reach Hogwarts grounds and shut the gate behind him. Mercifully, the gate was already in sight. Snape put on a spurt of speed, practically flew through the gate and, wheeling around, he wheezed, "Colloportus!"

The gate swung shut no sooner than Hagrid hit it at full speed. The force of the impact was such that Hagrid was thrown back and the whole gate rattled. Snape doubled up, panting and clutching a stitch in his side, but he felt rather relieved. His relief wavered, however, when Hagrid got to his feet again, grasped the bars of the gate and began to shake it with all his might, bellowing, "Open up, my luv! Come ter me!"

Snape didn't think Hagrid could bring down the gate, but all the same, the sight was profoundly disturbing, so he picked up his dropped suitcase and headed for the castle as quickly as his hurting side allowed him. The front doors stood open, and when Snape entered the Entrance Hall he saw Dumbledore walking towards him.

"Ah, Severus!" said the Headmaster, his eyes twinkling as usual. "Welcome back! I was just going to take a stroll in the grounds, but seeing as you have arrived…what's happened?" he asked, frowning, as he noticed Snape's ruffled appearance.

"Hagrid," panted Snape. "He…he attacked me."

"Attacked you?" repeated Dumbledore, raising his eyebrows. Then his smile reappeared, and his eyes twinkled again. "Now, now, Severus, it can't be that bad."

"I assure you it is," said Snape, still out of breath but with a touch of anger. "I passed him on my way to the castle, and he attacked me from behind, throwing me to the ground and, uh…well, he was obviously drunk, so I tried to fend him off with hexes but it didn't work and I had to run for my life, with Hagrid hot in pursuit. I managed to shut the gate in his face and he is currently trying to wrench it from its hinges."

"I see," said Dumbledore, still looking slightly disbelieving. He threw his arm around Snape's shoulders. "Well, then, let's go and see what we can do!"

"I'M not going there," Snape said irritably, throwing off Dumbledore's arm. "Hagrid is YOUR pet, Headmaster, so kindly deal with him yourself. If you ask me, it is inadvisable to let such a man teach at Hogwarts any longer."

And he stomped off to the dungeons.

"Ah, but what about former Death Eaters, Severus?" thought Dumbledore with a chuckle as he headed for the grounds.