Okay, so it's been what, over two weeks? I'm so sorry, guys. My life has been of the Über-crazy.
Disclaimer: This story is not mine, but the characters are, etc etc…
Notes: The quote contained in this chapter is from Byron's "The Dream".
Chapter Ten – Dark
It was later now, a brilliant evening; outside, the stars above were shining mercilessly. As Sam peered out the window, she saw that the moon was climbing, climbing high up into the dark, perfectly arranged drapes of the sky.
She tore her gaze away from the night, stepping back from the window and pulling herself once again into a grim reality. She was caught and sinking in a quagmire of depression, helped little by Luka's abrupt departure of just over an hour before.
Staring out the window, speaking in hushed tones and sad whispers – it was pervasive, relentless hopelessness.
Padding further back into the lunge, Sam eyed the now cold pizza sitting on the coffee table. Her eyes seemingly filled with a new fire, she darted over and roughly scooped up the box, racing into the kitchen and slamming it into the garbage as hard as she possibly could. Her blood boiling, she kicked the bin for good measure. Again and again she lashed out, crying aloud in frustration before her body went limp once again and she dissolved into tears.
Ignoring her now throbbing foot, she sighed, letting the tears run down her face as she rested her head weakly against one of the kitchen cupboards. Fuck licking my tears away. Just fuck it.
Sleep hath its own world,
And a wide realm of wild reality,
And dreams in their development have breath,
And tears, and tortures, and the touch of joy.
Breathing deeply and with this thought in mind, Sam straightened up and retreated from the kitchen, not looking back. Stepping out into the hall, she grabbed a blanket from the hall closet and wrapped it around herself as she walked.
She paused at Alex's room and stuck her head inside, half-expecting him to be lying curled up in his bed.
But of course, of her son there was no sign.
I wonder where he's sleeping tonight, Sam pondered sadly as she stepped inside. She sat on the edge of his bed and let her eyes travel across the room. Spying a picture of Steve and her son on his desk, she stood and picked it up. Resisting the urge to hurl it across the room, she gazed at Alex's bright eyes and huge smile, trying to remember happier times. Steve was grinning lazily at the camera, one hand ruffling Alex's hair.
And then you left, Sam addressed the Steve in her mind. Going got tough, so you got going.
She placed the photograph back in its original position and noticed Alex's insulin kit lying on the desk. She ran her hand over it, trying to estimate how long he could go without it. She felt sick at the thought of his forgetting to take it with him.
But what is it they always say? she thought, awash in self-pity and self-loathing. Something about the longer someone is missing, the less likely it is they'll be found?
I am never watching TV again.
Sam walked over and straightened her son's bed sheets instinctively. Once this was done, she pivoted on her heel and left the room, shutting the door gently behind her.
Moving further down the hall, she came to her bedroom and stepped wearily inside. Not bothering to change her clothes and hurriedly pulling off her shoes, she collapsed onto the bed, pulling her blanket further around her. She knew that a peaceful sleep would not come simply, but in a few moments, she had lapsed into an uneasy slumber.
In her dream, Sam stood at the edge of a maze. She looked down and saw that her feet were bare. Hearing an impish laugh, she looked up.
Alex stood before her, his skateboard tucked under one arm. "You've always sucked at this game, Mom," he informed her. "So, I'm gonna let you count to twenty before you come find me."
Sam folded her arms across her hest, letting a cocky grin spread across her face. "Oh, yeah? We'll see about that, kiddo," she replied.
"You'll never find me," Alex told her with a wide smile. "Never. I'm the master of hide-and-go-seek. Now, shut your eyes and count."
She did as she was told and began to count aloud. "You'll never find me!" she heard him tell her once more as he raced off. She continued to count.
"Nineteen… twenty." Sam uncovered her eyes with a flourish and gazed at the empty space before her. Into the maze, she thought. I'll find him in a snap.
She turned to her left and began to walk along the inner wall of the maze. She turned right. Left again. But Sam didn't mind. She liked mazes. There had been one built on the campus of a college not far from where she'd grown up. It hadn't been anywhere near as large as this, but… yes, she could do this. All she had to do was think, and remember the turns. To concentrate, and try to map out the maze in her mind.
Right again. She could do this.
Then she saw Luka, standing at the end of the path in front of her. He was smiling as she approached him.
"Luka!" she exclaimed as she came up to him. "What are you doing here?" she asked. "Oh, never mind," she said, before he had a chance to respond. Taking his hand and feeling a thrill fan up her spine, she told him, "Come on. You have to help me find Alex. I'm getting a bit worried." She turned to him as he walked beside her and laughed. "He's too good for me. I hate hide-and-go-seek."
He smiled warmly at her and traced the whorls of her palm with his thumb. "It's okay, Sam," he told her. "We'll find Alex together."
They continued to walk hand-in-hand through the maze. Hearing a child's laughter, Sam stopped suddenly, unlacing her fingers from his. She moved forward, cocking her head toward the sound. "I'm pretty sure that's Alex," she said aloud. A victorious grin flitted across her features. "Oh, I've so got him now," she said, turning to face Luka.
But Luka was gone.
Frowning, Sam looked around. Okay, so that's nothing short of bizarre, she thought to herself. Maybe he went ahead without me?
She continued to walk through the labyrinth, feeling slightly anxious.
Left. Right. Right. Then left once again.
Sam was beginning to tire. "Okay, Alex, you win," she called out. "Alex? You beat me, okay?" Her heart pounded when there was no reply.
She stood and stared into the distance as a breeze began to blow, chilling her.
"Sammy." She whipped around and discovered Steve standing behind her, a mischievous smile on his face.
She felt her stomach seize when she saw him. "Jesus, Steve, you scared the hell out of me. What are you doing here? Need more money?" She tucked her hands into the pockets of her jeans, trying to warm them.
"Very funny, Sammy," he said, stepping towards her. "I just came to see Alex." He reached out and brushed his hand against her arm.
She recoiled. "Don't touch me," she warned. "And you can't see Alex right now. We're playing hide-and-go-seek and I'm trying to find him."
Steve's eyes turned cold as he gazed at her. "You won't find him, you know," he told her maliciously.
Sam drew in a breath and stepped away from him, feeling her back brush against the grass wall of the maze. "What did you say?"
"I said you won't find him. Don't act so surprised, babe," he replied, coming closer and forcing her body further into the wall. She cowered slightly and dropped her head.
Steve towered over her hunched figure, magnificent in his contempt. "We've all gotta learn some things about ourselves, Sam," he told her cryptically. Pulling away and straightening up, he winked lazily. "Keep looking," he said, before sauntering away through the maze.
Sam clenched her fists and watched as he disappeared.
In her dream, Sam started walking.
She had miles to go before she could sleep.
Miles and years and hopes.
She still had to find Alex.