A/N: I wrote this as a challenge from the AF forum. Its really angst. it's the second really serious one I've written. Please review. Raves are welcome. Flames, doubly so. I hope you like it! It took a while to write. Mainly cause I kept stopping. Enjoy!
Warnings: Suicide, character death
Disclaimer: Eoin Colfer owns everything in this fic except the plot which I am earning nothing for accept reviews from my fellow fan fiction writers.
Please come now I think I'm falling
I'm holding to all I think is safe I
t seems I found the road to nowhere
And I'm trying to escape
I watched him. His eyes filled with joy as he embraced the man he believed to be his father. The man he had spend so long trying to find. Insisting he wasn't dead. How I wished I could embrace him like that. The way I used to when he was an infant. When that man was too busy to care for the boy he thinks is his son. But Artemis is not his son. He never has been.
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say
I've always been there for Artemis. But what has this man ever done for him? Nothing! Except give him lots of heart ache. And now my son, the boy I've been forced to pretend is nothing to me but an employer for thirteen years, is happy to see the man who has done nothing but talk to him every once in a while about gold! It isn't right! He should be my son! Angeline should be my wife!
Angeline. The woman I love. I cant stand to watch her, kissing that slim ball! She belongs with me. They both do. Her and my son. She knows it. But she wont admit it. She refuses to embrace me anymore. To kiss me. To make love to me. She insisted that it is an insult to her husband's memory. Ha! She had been cheating on him since about nine months before Artemis was born. The only reason she became depressed was that she felt guilty. But not me. I have no guilt whatsoever for the love that I feel.
Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down
He looks up at me, smiling, one arm wrapped around each members of the family that should be mine.
"Thanks for taking care of my son, Butler." He says.He isn't your son, you bastard! I think savagely. So I'll thank you to keep your slimy paws off him. And the same goes for his mother. She loves me as much as I love her. If it weren't for you, all three of us would be happy.
But instead, I say, "Of course, Sir. It is my job."
I'm looking down now that it's over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace
That night I stand in Angeline's room, listening to her talk.
"Arty was so happy today!" She says happily. "Did you see the look in his eyes when he saw his father again?"
"Artemis is my son, Angeline." I breath.
She was silent for a moment, then sighed. "It's Mrs. Fowl now, Domovoi. Arty thinks that Timmy is his father. And that is how it will stay."
I stepped forward, wrapping my arms around her. "He has the right to know, Angeline."
"Mrs. Fowl!" She insists, trying to free herself from me. "And you know as well as I that…"
"That you are too ashamed to tell my son the truth." I finish angrily.
She sighs. "He isn't your son, Domovoi."
I push her away from me so hard she stumbles and falls onto her bed. "He is, Angeline. And I'm sick of acting like he isn't, just so he doesn't find out what a whore his mother is!" I slam the door behind me as a leave.
I cried out heaven save me
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say
Almost a year later and my son still doesn't know. That night I thought about telling him. But I didn't. The problem is, I love him too much to hurt him. He's my son, weather he knows it or not. He has the right to know, but perhaps I wont tell him. Not yet. I don't know why. I intent to tell him. And soon.
"Butler? Are you listening?"
I look up. My son is staring at me, his eyebrows raised. I smile. "Yes, Artemis. I am listening. Please, continue."
He nods. "Now, as I was saying, Holly has asked me to…"
I drift off again. I am watching my son. My dear son. He does not know what I am planning. I cannot tell him. For if I did, it would only make things worse. I love Artemis. He is my son. I am doing this for both of us.
Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down
I finish writing the letter for Artemis. Soon, he will know everything that has been hidden from him for so long. He will understand. As for Angeline, she will know why I had to do this. I sigh, thinking about what I am about to do. I am not afraid. I am fed up.
I am sick of lying to my son. Of him thinking he is nothing to me but a principal. Still, what I am about to do is against everything I was ever taught. But they will understand. Artemis. Angeline. Juliet…
Juliet. My dear sister. I have written a letter for her too. She has known all along. It is why she was always so fond of Artemis. She knew he was her nephew. She will understand most of any of them.
Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe there's something left for me
So please come stay with me
'Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me
For you and me
For you and me
I slip the letters under each of their doors, then walk up onto the roof. I look down. It is a ten story drop. Such a long way to fall.
My dear son.
My dear sister.
My dear Angeline.
I think of all of them. I cannot stop thinking of them.
As I step onto the ledge, I think of them. As I pull my Sig Saur out of my shoulder holster, I think of them. As I close my eyes, I think of them. As I aim the gun at my own chest, I think of them.
"Artemis. Juliet. Angeline." I whisper. "I love you all. Please, never forget it."
As I draw my last breath, I think of them. And as I pull the trigger, before I fall into the waiting hands of eternal darkness, I think of them.
Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking…
A/N: Okay, writing this got me in really low spirits. So, I'm gonna go to the parody section to cheer myself up. Please tell me what you think. I know I ended it to quickly. If you want, I'll to a follow up about the letters. Or maybe I'll just leave it as is. I'm not sure. I don't really want to tamper with it, cause I thought I ended it pretty well. Oh well…
J. Love