Note: things are getting intense...even for me...this chapter took a lot for me to get out! hope it's worthy to be called a CSI angst...please let me know opinions, insights, etc. I'm a little nervous about this chapter...it's a complet 180 from my previous works...
Just a little side note...I'll be out of town this weekend...so I won't be able to update until Monday or Tuesday...
Please disregard any major errors/typos...I proofread this..I swear..did spellcheck and everything...but i'm in a hurry to get this up (took longer to write than i anticipated) so i can pack before the new episode tonight! Take care!

Nick was exhausted. Answers weren't coming as quickly as he'd hoped, he felt the hole he was in growing deeper, preparing to engulf him. He wasn't ready to climb out, though, not until he was satisfied. Not until Susan Tedesco could rest. Not until he could rest.

"You with us Nicky?" Warrick asked, jolting him from his thoughts. He was in the conference room with Grissom, Warrick and Brass trying to make heads and tails of the evidence. The shift was nearing its end and with no light at the end of the tunnel of this case, he feared he was staring down the barrel of a double shift.

"What have we got on DNA?" Grissom asked making notes in the file in front of him.

"Nothing yet," Nick said leaning back in his chair, his back muscles screaming at him as he stretched, trying to ease the tension that had been building since the previous afternoon. "It'll be this afternoon before I get anything back on the sheets and pajamas. DNA is matching the samples Doc Robbins sent over from the rape kit to the samples from the scene as well as comparing the father's DNA."

"What about the blood you found in the oven?" Grissom asked turning his attention to Warrick, much to Nick's relief.

"Turns out it was blood from a dog. I found traces of skin and hair, sent it to trace. Hodges matched the hairs to a yellow lab. I asked some neighbors about a family pet. They said the Tedesco's had a dog at one time, but they hadn't seen it in months," the CSI said rotating his pen in his fingers. "It's gross I know, I'm workin' to find out what happened," he nodded noticing the disgusted, yet confused, look on his bosses face.

"This guy is one sick bastard," Brass said from his seat. "You think he killed the dog in practice for the girl?"

"I don't know what to think," Grissom shrugged leaning back in his own chair. Without evidentiary clues, were at a standstill. "Look, why don't you guys get out of here for now. There's really nothing we can do until we get results back from the lab." He closed the file in front of him. As much as he hated to admit, it was a waiting game now. "Go home and get some rest. Once the results come in, we'll be running with them."

"I'm all about that," Warrick nodded wearily standing to leave the conference room. He followed Nick to the locker room. The tension was clear on his partner's face. He was struggling with this case; he hesitated to say anything to him about it, though. He didn't want to risk the inevitable explosion of emotions clearly dammed behind the man's seemingly unbreakable façade.

"Hey, man, Tina's cooking breakfast before she heads in to work. You wanna come over?" he asked as he opened his locker. He eyed Nick carefully from the corner of his eye. The man looked beaten as he sat on the bench in front of his own locker, his eyes cast to the ground between his feet.

"Nah, I think I'm just gonna head home," he shook his head. He'd yet to open the locker. He just sat there. The weight of the world seemed to rest on the man's shoulders as he slumped forward. "I've got a couple errands to run and I just want to crash."

Warrick knew better than to put up a fight. The man would talk when he was ready. It'd taken him months to come to a full grip on the reality of last summer. He still didn't talk about it much. No one did.

Still, he knew better than to push the man. He knew better. He only hoped Nick recognized his own position. He hoped his friend didn't lose the ability to save himself, to dig himself out. He'd be damned if he'd lose his friend to this case.

Night came too early. Sleep had been bliss. Nick had no qualms about the stop he'd made at the pharmacy on his way home from work that morning. He'd slept well and actually felt rested as he got out of bed. The sleeping pill was a miracle in its own right. The eight hours free of thought, free of consciousness were praiseworthy in the mind of the CSI.

DNA results should be back, ready for him to review. Answers, hopefully, were waiting for him at the lab.

The lab.

So many emotions were conjured up by the thought of walking into the most familiar complex of buildings. There were times he seemed more comfortable at the lab, more at home, than he did in his own house. It seemed to be the place he spent most of his time these days.

Work had become a refuge for him. It had become an escape, an escape from his own thoughts, his own emotions, and his own struggles with life. At work the lives of others took precedence. At work things other than the mood he was in were more important. At work, he had a purpose, a mission, a reason to keep moving. Work was the reason he got out of bed most days. The struggles of others kept him pushing forward.

Most days, work kept him sane.

The past couple days had proven a different scenario. The past couple days, work had become Hell. The past couple days, work had become haunting. Sleep hadn't come as easily the last couple days. His purpose, his mission, took on a new look, that of a nine year old girl.

Her face haunted him.

Susan Tedesco.

Today Susan Tedesco was the reason he got out of bed.

Susan Tedesco was the reason he got dressed.

Susan Tedesco was the reason he tried to eat something, and drove to work.

Susan Tedesco was the reason he gave a smile to Judy at the front desk as he walked in and flashed his ID.

Today Susan Tedesco was the reason…

The lab was cold today. There was an air of gloom hovering over CSI as Nick weaved in and out of the halls. DNA was back logged with a case from day shift. His DNA results would be a few more hours. The waiting game was enough to drive him crazy, it was the only explanation he could afford the blow up he'd had toward Mia when he couldn't get what he needed.

"Tell me some good news," he said rubbing his hands together in eager expectancy.

The look of urgency on the lab tech's face was cause for an immediate forfeit in the CSI's good mood.

"Sorry, Nick. Day shift has a triple homicide," she shook her head motioning to the test tubes lined along the counter. "I'll get to your stuff as soon as I can. Ecklie says this gets precedence."

His emotions, on high alert the past two days, had finally reached their boiling point.

"What the hell, Mia!" he said, his voice rising almost involuntarily. "You've had three days to get the stuff back. A nine year old girl is dead! To hell with what Ecklie said," he said, anger now resonating from the man.

"Nick…I realize…" the DNA specialist tried to explain.

"No," he said shoving the cart of dayshift evidence out of the way. "When there's a nine year old girl lying in the morgue, SHE takes precedence. Screw Ecklie," he said walking out of the lab.

CSI had been abuzz about Nick's blow up. He'd been met with stares, whispers, and concerned looks as he walked through the maze of hallways. He needed air. He needed out of the fishbowl.

The night air was refreshing as he walked to his truck. He needed a break, he needed to drive. So, he drove.

He'd been back at the lab less than five minutes before he was tracked down by Ecklie.

"STOKES!" he said anger evident in his voice.

"WHAT?" he asked not hesitating to match the man's bravado.

"That stunt you pulled in the lab, care to explain it?"

"Not really," he shrugged glaring at the man.

"I don't care what case you're on," the lab supervisor started again, "when I say a case gets precedence, that's how it goes."

"To hell with your case," Nick said not afraid to stand up to the man.

"NICK!" Grissom said alerted to the standoff in the hallway. "My office," he said already leading the way.

"What has gotten into you?" the man asked shutting the door to his office as Nick took a seat. He looked defeated. "I won't hesitate to take you off this case," he said moving behind his desk now.

"You want to take me off the case?" he asked his voice not yet to its normal volume.

"No, I don't want to, nevertheless… Nick, you're in too deep," the man shook his head. He was concerned, deeply concerned, for the CSI in front of him. "You're letting your emotions cloud everything about this case. You're blowing up at lab techs, and now Ecklie, it's not like you?"

"Yeah well, tell that to the nine year old girl in the morgue."

"Look, I know as well as you, how fragile this case is, but…"

"Griss, I don't need another lecture," Nick said rising to leave the office. "I'll apologize to Mia," he shrugged.

"You better steer clear of DNA for a while," the supervisor said. "I got your results for you," he said handing him a manila folder.

"Hey bro," Warrick said as he entered the break room. He was careful as he entered. It had been like walking on egg shells around his partner the past few days. They hadn't seen much of each other today to which Warrick was slightly grateful, he'd heard about the blow up in DNA and with Ecklie.

"Hey," Nick said looking up from the file in front of him.

The shift had gone relatively smooth thus far. Now nearing the end of the third day on the Tedesco case, the stress was mounting as answers started rolling in.

"I'm headed over to PD. Brass is interviewing Don Tedesco," he said pouring himself a cup of coffee. The black swill was the next best thing to eating dry coffee grinds, but the caffeine was effective.

"I just got DNA results. Mia finally got the samples analyzed," Nick shook his head. Irritation was thick in his voice and clear in his eyes as he looked back up to meet his partner's eyes one more time. "I'll meet you over there in a little bit."

"Right, see ya over there," Warrick nodded making his way to interrogation.

"You going to PD?" Grissom asked stopping Warrick in the hall. The usual file was tucked under the supervisor's arm.

"On my way now," the tall CSI nodded taking a sip of coffee. "Tedesco lawyered up. Brass is waiting on the pro-bono guy to get here."

"Not surprising. Let me know how it goes. I've got some work to do here."

"Will do."

Nick stuck around the break room reviewing the DNA results in his hand. DNA on the father's bed sheets was his own along with that of an unknown female.

Nick's eyes widened as he read further into the report. DNA from the tooth brush and hair brush matched the DNA from the pajama bottoms as well as the sheets pulled from the back alley. Male DNA had also been collected from the same set of sheets and pajamas, DNA belonging to Don Tedesco.

"The son of a bitch," Nick said to the empty room. "The sick son of a bitch," he said rising from the table, his half empty coffee cup spilling across the table as he collected the file and exited the room.

"Come on Don," Brass said to the man across the table. He and Warrick were still waiting for the lawyer to arrive, what was the harm in just talking to the man?

"Where's my lawyer?" he asked avoiding the stare of the detective.

"Oh, he'll be here any minute," he shrugged as the door to the room swung open.

"You sick bastard," Nick said. There was fire in his eyes. It was a look even Warrick was unaccustomed to seeing from him.

The CSI made a bee line for the suspect.

"What, you couldn't get enough? You had to rape your own daughter?" he asked throwing a punch. It landed square on the suspect's jaw sending him hurdling to the floor. He was on top of the man now, ready to throw another punch.

Blood began pooling on the floor.

He should have been used to seeing blood, but this was different. This he had caused, and it was all over his knuckles as proof. Now, his best friend was pulling him off a suspect.

Blood rushed to his face.

Anger?

Embarrassment?

Resentment?

He had to get out.

The sunglasses were a vain attempt to keep the early morning sun from blinding him. It didn't help matters that he was getting another migraine. They were a new development within the past eight months, ever since…

He heard Warrick calling after him, but didn't turn around. He knew what he'd say. He'd been an ass the past few days, he knew that. But, this was not the time to face off with his partner, his best friend; he knew it would be ugly if they did.

Hell, he wasn't even sure why he'd reacted so strongly to the case. He'd seen thousands of cases like this one. Why was this case so special? Why did this one push him over the edge?