Take my photo off the wall

if it just won't sing for you,

Cause all that's left as gone away

and there's nothing left for you to prove.

Oh, look what you've done

you've made a fool of everyone.

Oh, well, it seems like such fun

until you lose what you had won.

It was a thirty five minute drive to the park. Sam was fiddling with the radio finding nothing but Christmas music or commercials and Martin was trying not to tell her to just find a station and leave it. It was almost completely dark and the snow begun to really come down. Finally, Sam shut of the radio. "I hate Christmas music." She announced.

"Yeah, I can see that." Martin smiled and glanced over at Sam, who was looking out the passenger window. They had been driving for nearly twenty minutes, and hadn't said more than ten words to each other. They knew this moment would come too, the awkwardness, they had been fine together for the past few days, but this was it. This was the silence.
"I um…" Sam started

"Yeah?"
"Nothing."

"Okay."
Silence.

"I was afraid it would wreak our relationship." Sam finally said, but didn't explain what she meant any further.
"What would?"
"Letting everyone know," Sam didn't look at Martin, "We were really happy and everything was going so well. I was afraid if everyone knew about us, it would jinx it. I guess I just never really thought how you'd feel."
"You could have asked."
"I know." She said and the silence continued.

"Hey, is that it?" Martin said a few minutes later.

"Yeah, that's the park." They saw a figure sitting in the park bench staring off into the sky. Martin parked the car and Samantha jumped out. "Call Leslie." She said and ran off into the snow.

"Hello?" Sam asked when she got closer to the figure

"It's hard to disappear when your daughter is an FBI agent." Cathy Spade said without turning her head. Sam sat down next to her.

"I know, mom. I know about the cancer." She said quietly

"I didn't want to be a burden."

"I know you didn't, but this is important. You can't hide from everything." Cathy didn't reply. "We have a car. My friend from New York came with me, Agent Martin Fitzgerald. The one I told you about. We called Leslie."

"How are the girls?"
"Rachel and Julie? They're fine. They miss you."
"Why didn't you have any kids?"
"I never thought I'd be a good mother."
"You helped me raise Leslie."

"Look, mom, you need to get to a hospital."

"I don't want to go."
"How about we wait for Leslie, and then she and I can take you. Would that be okay?"

"I guess."
"Good. I'll be right back, okay. I'm just going to check in with Martin." Sam turned away and wiped her eyes, she wasn't in the mood for crying. "Martin?" she asked when she got into the car

"Yeah?"

"Is Leslie coming?"
"She said she'd be here as soon as possible."
"Okay."
"Are you okay?"
"I've never seen my mom so weak before. She's…she's dying." Sam avoided eye contact and walked back to her mother.

"Do you want me to stay?" Sam asked Cathy

"If you want."

"I do."

"Okay." Cathy replied and the two sat in silence on the park bench watching the snow fall for several minutes until they heard a car pull up in the parking lot. "Samantha?"
"Yeah?" Sam glanced over her shoulder to see Leslie coming toward them.

"Carpe diem." Cathy said with a smile. Seize the day. Sam returned the smile and hugged her mother. "Live a good life, Sam. Do whatever makes you happy, or be with whoever makes you happy." Cathy pulled away from the hug and they were greeted by Leslie.

"Thank God!" Leslie hugged her mom tightly. Sam glanced behind her and smiled at Martin, who had gotten out of the car. "I'll meet you guys in the car." Sam said quickly to her mother and sister and walked toward Martin. "Thank you." She said

"For what?"
"Everything," she replied, "thank you for everything."

Cathy was admitted to a hospital and the doctor did all the scans. "It's bad" was all the doctor told them. Sam couldn't believe it. Her mother had just been smiling and laughing a half an hour ago. And now, all the energy had been drained out of her.

"Sam?" Martin brought Sam a cup of coffee to where she was sitting in the empty cafeteria. Leslie was waiting in Cathy's room for Nick to come by with the girls.

"Hmm?"
"I just called Jack and he said I should go back to New York. He said you can stay here if you want for a little while."
"When do you leave?"
"Tomorrow morning. But, uh, if you ever need to talk, you know my number."
"Yeah." Sam flirted with the idea of giving him a smile when Leslie came into the room cafeteria crying. Sam already knew the news before she said anything.

The funeral was a week later. Sam insisted that Martin go back to New York, but she secretly wished that the FBI would go screw themselves for not letting Martin stay longer. Sam wore one of Leslie's black dresses for the service and spent most of the time holding Julie's hand while they both cried silently. There were only a couple dozen people in attendance, Cathy's friends, co-workers, and family. They sent their condolences with hugs, flowers, and cards. Word must have gotten around back in New York because Sam received calls from Danny and Vivian saying how sorry they were for her loss. Danny told her that her paperwork had been finished, courtesy of agents Fitzgerald and Taylor.

"I can't stay, Les. I have to go back to New York." Sam said as she packed up her bags.

"Okay, but I'm taking you to the airport. And call when you get in to New York."
"I will." Sam had been staying at Leslie's for the past few days and now, a day after the funeral, they both knew it was time for her to go back. "How are the girls."
"Sad. They were really close to Mom. And this Christmas wasn't really too fun for them either."

"No."
"They did like having you here though. You should come by more than once every five years."
"You can take them up to New York too. I'll teach them how to hail a taxi and eat pizza while walking."
"As long as they're walking on a safe street."
"Right." Sam smiled and loaded her bags into Leslie's car.

"When will you be back?" Fourteen-year-old Leslie asked her big sister.

"I'm not sure I will." Sam said and shoved another pair of jeans into her duffel bag.
"Why not?" Leslie asked stubbornly and sat on her bed trying to comprehend that she wouldn't be sharing that room with her sister anymore.
"Because I just can't…Les…I can't stay here. I'm going to New York."

"But what about Mom and Patrick and Me?"

"Patrick and I are divorced, Les. He wasn't who I thought he was. And I love you and Mom. So much. This is just what I need to do." Sam folded several shirts and put them in the bag.

"What about your baby?"

"That's why I'm going. I lost the baby," Sam sat down on the bed, "But its okay, Patrick and I were separated before I found out and I was going to give it up for adoption anyway."
"So you're not sad about it?"
"I guess." Sam shrugged, not realizing how cold it sounded. But in reality, she had cried for hours when the doctor told her about the miscarriage. Sam gathered up her things and the thousand or so dollars she managed to scrap together by her bank account, a large donation from Leslie, and cleaning houses for the past few months. "Give mom a kiss for me." Sam said and hugged her sister goodbye.

"I quit smoking." Leslie announced 3/4 into the drive.

"Oh?"

"Because of Mom…and I don't want the girls to smoke when they are older. I just wanted to stop the cycle."
"Good idea." They finally pulled into the airport parking lot.

"Call me when you get there, okay?"
"I will." Sam said and got her suitcases out of the care. "Take care of yourself, and the girls."
"You too." Leslie hugged her sister goodbye, "Have a safe flight."

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems like such fun
Until you lose what you had won

(Lyrics: Jet-Look what you've done)