Those words came out of my mouth so quickly, I could hardly believe that I was the one saying them.
Mark brushed a few strands of hair out of my eyes, and said,
" Of course… Of course you can trust me…and I will help you."
His eyes, they were so blue, and so…. So full of love, and trust.
I looked at the ground and said quietly…
" I guess I'm afraid."
" Afraid of What?"
" I'm afraid for Roger."
He cocked an eyebrow…This is it…The one guy I try to confide in, and he thinks I belong in the loony bin or some-such.
He spoke softly, and gently, as if to a child.
" Why are you afraid for Roger?"
I looked at the ground.
" My dad used to be a doctor in Bronx. One day, it was a normal, average day, and he had to give a very jumpy man a shot. He stuck the needle in the man's arm, and the guy jumped. In haste, my dad pulled out the needle, and when the guy jumped again, he hit my dad's arm, and my dad's arm came back and hit him in the chest. So here's my dad, in a normal hospital room, with a crazy spaz and a needle stuck loosely in his chest..
Thank God someone heard the noise, and got another doc, who calmed the spaz down. They took my dad, and they got the needle out, they cleaned him up and sent him home.
Within the next week, the hospital called, and said that they wanted him to come in for a blood test, because of the AIDS explosion. So they took the blood test.
During the week while they were waiting for the results, our dad didn't act any different. He just didn't go to work this week.
Though the next week, they got the results…"
I sighed, and brushed away a tear. Mark took my hand in his own, and held it.
He looked in my eyes.
" The man who freaked out and stuck my dad with the needle…had AIDS.
And now my dad was HIV+ … He had to quit his job at the hospital.
They did want to risk it…A doc who had AIDS? If anyone knew that, then they wouldn't come to the hospital.."
I looked at the sky, the stars were so bright, that they lit up the already bright New York City sky. It was hard to talk about this… this was such a touchy subject in my life… I looked at the ground, and started again.
"Mom had to take dad down to John Hopkins in Baltimore…We were only about 17...And we stayed here, because they couldn't really afford to take all four of us down to Baltimore…Not that we were poor…We always had enough to get by…Though mostly that was because our dad was a doc.. Now that our parents were in Baltimore, it was up to April and myself to earn enough to live, and to be able to go to the little community college, and to keep the apartment, so that when our parents came back……I guess, when my mom came back…."
A sudden realisation hit me… April and I didn't make enough to fly down to Baltimore and back…We may never get to see our dad again… We may never get to say goodbye…
I took a deep breath and shuddered..
" When she came back, she'd have a place to live… April was the 'daddy's girl' of our family… So when he went downhill, so did April… I started to see less and less of her. And for a while I didn't pay any attention, you know, I thought she had a bo already, and you know, I was interning with the Forensics team...So I didn't have much time to think about it. But one night, my mentor called me, and said that there had been a disturbance of the peace at a local bar. He told me this was my chance to show what I was about, show what I had become. Normally the police would be used to handle this kind of case, but my mentor wanted me to show people who and what I'd become…
But when we got there, I looked in the window to see what I was going to have to deal with…What I saw was enough to make me throw up…
My sister…my twin sister April, was sitting next to a boy who was shooting up… The boy was obviously drunk on God only knows what…April was throwing her head back in laughter. He offered her the needle…She accepted it, and place the tip of the needle to the crevice of her arm . I pressed my face against the window, and my tears streaked down the window…I couldn't believe this, my twin, the only person I had left, was doing smack….I watched her inject herself with the drug, and laughing. I told my mentor I had to leave….I'd take another case later, but I was feeling sick, and I had to go home and take some medicine to keep me from getting sick. He let me go home.
I ran to our apartment, unlocked the front door, went to the bathroom, and threw up… I couldn't believe it…She was doing drugs…."
I stopped, took a breath, and wiped away a tear. I started the rest of my story up again.
" When she came home, she was obviously still drunk, so I asked her what the heck she thought she was doing? She said that she was just 'out having fun!' I begged her to go to the hospital the next day. When she asked why, I told her that because of the AIDS explosion, she needed to get tested. And what did she tell me? 'Don't worry about me, Ahren was clean…No way he had AIDS.. Stop worrying, I'm clean, Ahren's clean, neither of us have AIDS, just worry about becoming a CSI, and lowering the death rates in New York…Make NY safe for mom and dad when they come back…ok?' Every time I begged her to get tested, she'd say the exact same thing, over and over… That's why I'm so afraid for Roger, I'm afraid she'll try to get him to share a needle, or try to get him to……you know…and then she'll infect him…"
Mark looked at me and asked.
" Are you sure she's got AIDS?"
I grimaced.
" Almost positive, I've heard some things about that that Ahren guy… I'm afraid that something will happen, and Roger will get AIDS, and then something will happen. And…and…oh…"
I couldn't stand it…I broke down and cried. Mark reached over, and wrapped his arms around me. I cried into his worn brown jacket for what seemed like forever. I never had a chance to let all this out before. Let all this pain out… I didn't ever have April to talk to, and I couldn't confide in my mentor. It felt so good, just to feel like every tear that soaked into his jacket was another piece of my troubled heart, another chunk of pain that I couldn't let go of by myself…
How long will it take for this pain to leave? How much longer will I have to deal with April by myself? Though the question is….Can anyone help me?
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Sorry If I don't get all the AIDS info right...I'm trying to find some.
If anyone knows where I can find it, so I can fix my story, please tell me :-D
.Thoughts?