Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

Warning: Mild language

AN: This is a bit long...just couldn't stop! It may slip out of character...but I really tried:) Thanks for the reviews and for reading...And just one more chapter:)

Reawakening

Chapter 9 – You Always Get to Me

As Hyde walked to Jackie's bed, he couldn't help but smile. She had her covers pulled up over the bruised side of her face. "Jackie, what are you doing?" He shook his head and pulled the covers off of her. She glared up at him. "I've already seen you." She didn't say anything, just stared at him, partially angry, partially hurt, and his slight grin faltered. "So, uh…how are you feeling?"

Jackie cleared her throat and tried to find her steel. "You know, the least you could have done was bring me flowers." It was petty, sure, especially since he had cried and stayed with her all night, but still. She had to be trite and superficial. Her defense mechanism. She'd perfected it. "Even ERIC brought me flowers, and he hates me." She rolled her eyes, but it didn't stop the tears from returning. "Oh but wait. You don't hate me, you just never loved me." She turned her head away from him and looked up at the ceiling. She practically had it memorized by now.

He sighed and reached for her hand. She pulled it away, but he quickly caught it and held it a little tighter than he probably should. "Look, Jackie, I…" He swallowed hard. Apologizing was so damn tough! "I'm sorry I said that, okay?"

She didn't look at him. "Fine. You've apologized, now you can leave and forget all about it. All about me. I'm going to be fine and I don't need you to feel guilty."

Hyde rolled his eyes. "You know, it's really not my fault that you can't drive."

She whipped her head towards him and glared hatefully at him. "Get out!" She tugged her hand away from him and started to roll over onto her left side, but the pain to her bruised face was too great. To her disgust, she just lay on her back and began to sob.

He stared at her until her tears became too much for him to handle, then turned away and walked to the window. He gazed outside. It was a bright day, a beautiful, mid-summer day. But he felt as cold as New England battered by a nor'easter. He'd managed to control his guilt's appetite, at least for awhile, but now it was back and feasting voraciously on him. "Look, I know it's my fault," he said quietly, but loud enough for her to hear him. "And god…I'm sorry…but I just…I don't know what to say to you." He took his sunglasses off, took a deep but unsatisfying breath and turned around to face her. "I NEVER know what to say." His eyes blinked slowly. "You know that."

Jackie sniffed and gently brushed away a few tears from her lower lashes. She stared back at Steven. For the first time since he'd come into her room, she noticed the look on his face. Of course, it helped that he had taken his sunglasses off and hooked them on his collar. His expression was regretful and almost scared, like the way he'd looked when he'd told her about that skanky nurse he'd cheated on her with. Part of her wanted to comfort him; he so rarely showed any honest emotion, and when he did it always made her crazy with the need to take care of him.

But he doesn't love you. He wouldn't comfort you if you were vulnerable. He just feels guilty; it's not like he was REALLY scared to lose you. After all, he NEVER loved you.

More tears rushed out of her eyes. "Just tell me that you didn't mean it!" she cried, her heart starting to race. Her head was pounding with pain, but it didn't matter at this point. She felt destroyed. "Even if you have to lie…just pretend that you didn't mean it!"

He would never do it. He never had before. Like that time when she'd begged him to lie to her and tell her he didn't think Brooke was hot. Just to reassure her. Just so she could feel as if she were the only girl in the world he thought was hot. But he wouldn't. And if he wouldn't lie about something like THAT, he wouldn't about something like THIS.

Hyde looked down at the floor. Damn, he'd hurt her worse that he thought. Most people would say that this was just about Jackie's vanity, but he knew better. He knew HER better, as odd as he still found that to be. This was deeper…she had genuinely believed that he'd loved her, even though he hadn't exactly expressed it often, and he'd taken that away from her. He wanted to run, or say something smart ass, but he didn't. He owed her more than that. He owed her the truth. And as uncomfortable as it made him feel, as if he was just about to sit on the electric chair, he just had to do it. Yeah, it went against everything he believed in, but she'd…she'd almost died.

He went over to her and carefully sat down on the side of her bed. Her hands rested together on her stomach, and he covered them both with one of his. Hers were so little, but they felt so good in his. He'd never told her, never told anyone, but he loved holding her hand. Second only to kissing her. Of course, kissing her came in second to sex with her, so holding hands was really his third favorite thing to do with her. He shook his head. Now was definitely not the time to be thinking about that stuff. "Jackie," he said. His stomach tightened. This was stupid. So stupid. Almost Forman like. But he had to. God, she'd almost died! "I don't have to lie or pretend."

She looked up at him, and his heart turned upside down. Those damn eyes of hers. He was tempted to wipe away some of those tears, but that would be lame. Utterly Forman, and he wasn't Forman. "I…I didn't mean it, okay? I really…I didn't mean it."

Jackie smiled slightly, and for once she couldn't think of anything to say. He was being honest with her, she knew it, and it blew her away.

Hyde raised an eyebrow. "Nothing to say?" Jackie was never this quiet. Not even when she slept. She talked even in her sleep. He'd always found it amusing…especially when her dreams were sexy.

She released a small, soft giggle. "I know it's shocking." She wiped away more tears and again looked up at the ceiling. She wasn't sure she could deal with this. She'd wanted him to tell her that very thing, and yet, it was too much. Her mind couldn't wrap around it.

He sighed. "I…I'm sorry, Jackie." His voice was low. "And…" He rubbed the top of her hands. "I'm really glad you're okay."

Her head rolled towards him, and she smiled softly. "Thank you, Steven."

He shrugged with a half smile. "Sure."

For a long moment, the two stared at one another, directly into one another's eyes, not backing away, not hiding, until a shadow of confusion and curiosity crossed Jackie's face. "Steven, if you didn't mean it, why did you say it?" she asked, instantly regretting it. She wasn't sure if she really wanted to know, but the thought had taken hold of her voice before she could stop it.

He sighed and took his hand off of hers. This was a dangerous conversation. He could very well end up saying things that hurt her, or leading them down the same old primrose path again. And that path always ended up in hell. "Jackie, we really shouldn't…"

"No, I want to know, Steven," she interrupted stubbornly.

He hesitated, but her eyes bored into him like a knife to flesh, and he rolled his. "Fine. I just…" He lifted his shoulders. "I had to stop you. You kept bringing up the past…it was the only way I could think of to get you to…stop."

She stared at him, her heart clenching. "Oh, that's right. Because you want to forget." Her voice caught, and she shook her head angrily at herself. "You meant THAT part."

He sighed in exasperation. "Jackie…"

"No, you know what? I'm not even mad at you for that. No, I'm mad at myself." Those damn tears were back, and she turned her head to the left, hurting her cheek. She stared at the corner of the room. "I promised myself that I was done making an ass of myself over guy, and what did I do? That very thing!"

"Old habits die hard."

Jackie flipped her head back and glared at him.

He shrugged. Stupid, stupid thing to say, but he hadn't been able to stop himself. That always seemed to happen. "Look, you weren't an ass, okay? I was." She stared at him expectantly, and he looked away. She wanted him to say more, obviously. "God, okay, Jackie. Look…." He shook his head. "You were getting to me, okay? Just like you always get to me. And I had to make you stop, because...Jackie, it never works with us." He swallowed hard. "We'd just end up…screwing it up and hating one another…like always."

That last part stung, but Jackie ignored it. Just like you always get to me? Had he really said that? She couldn't help but smile. "I get to you?" Her heart was shivering now, and goosebumps broke out on her arms. "Really?"

Hyde's lips curved upwards. Leave it to Jackie to pick out and grab the words that pleased her and ignore the rest. "I'm not saying it again," he replied, but lightly. She knew he meant it. She always knew.

Jackie beamed at him. Hardly a declaration of love, but it was probably the closest thing she'd ever get, knowing him. And although he said it never worked…he said she always got to him. If she always got to him, then she would in the future, and she'd be able to convince him to...

Her smile faded, and her initial giddiness disappeared as well. Jackie, it never works with us. Maybe he was right. After all, they'd broken up several times…always manage to find trouble to have…never managed to make it last for good. Maybe they were better off if it just ended for good.

Hyde frowned as her eyes filled again. "Jackie?"

"Just…I just want…" She stuttered. Why was this so hard to ask? "I won't try to…get to you anymore…"

"Jackie…"

"No…I won't…IF you tell me one thing." She arched an eyebrow knowingly.

Hyde crossed his arms in front of his chest. Blackmail. Huh. She was good. Reminding him of how they first became "official" even when saying she wasn't going to try to get to him. God, she was good. He smirked, oddly proud of her. "And what one thing is that?"

She took a deep breath. Her ribs hurt, but she'd live. "Just that…since you didn't mean what you said…that means that at some point…a long time ago, I mean, of course…you…you DID love me?"

Hyde hesitated. He hated this kind of stuff. He hated having to be honest. He'd rather just ignore it all. His eyes grazed over her bruised, battered face, and his stomach turned. That was what trying to ignore everything and pretend it had never existed had done. He swallowed hard. "Yeah," he said softly. "I did."

Jackie smiled, but it was bittersweet. Sure, it was nice to know that he HAD loved her. It was just too bad that her heart ached for him to STILL love her. "Thank you," she whispered, just before turning her head straight on the pillow and again staring up at the ceiling.

Something stupid, that same feeling in his chest that made him take Jackie back after that whole "get off my boyfriend" fiasco, took over, and Hyde put his hand on top of hers again. "Jackie, look at me." She did, and he sighed. He stared into her eyes. Hell. He was going down, and for some reason, couldn't seem to stop himself. "I…I still do."

She turned her head to him like a sunflower turning towards the sun, and felt dizzy, even though she was lying down. Her heart stopped beating entirely, and she couldn't breathe. The way he was looking at her, exactly the way he'd looked at her after he'd shaved his beard off, that soft, gentle, slight smile…she couldn't breathe. Her mouth opened, she wanted desperately to tell him that she loved him still too...but then a sharp and intense pain shot through her temple, and this time, it wasn't fading. She winced and whimpered, lifting her right hand to her temple and rubbing.

Hyde frowned. "Jackie, are you okay?" He put his hand on her stomach. "Should I…should I get a doctor?"

She shook her head and opened her eyes, doing her best to smile. "No, its okay, just a headache," she explained weakly. The pain began to cloud, and she exhaled slowly. "The doctor said I'll have them for awhile."

He reached out and began lightly stroking the silky hair just above where her fingers were pressed on her temple. "Bad?"

She nodded and closed her eyes. "Bad."

Hyde pushed her fingers away from her temple and leaned down to her. He pressed his lips softly to her and let them linger there for a long moment. He closed his eyes and savored the closeness of her, the essence of her. Damn, even in the hospital, after surgery, she still smelled so good!

She shivered and prayed that he would just stay there forever. The feel of his lips, soft but strong, sweet but so masculine, sent fireworks dancing through all of her. And she even forgot that she was in pain.

"Better?" he said huskily after reluctantly pulling back. His face hovered about six inches above hers. He didn't want to retreat further. And god…he wanted to kiss her.

Her eyes languidly opened, and her spine prickled when his breath softly winded down over her lips. He was so close to her….was he going to…

"Better," she breathed. She stared at him and her lips parted slightly. His eyes were so intense, and her entire body tensed with anticipation.

Hyde watched her tongue dart out to moisten her lips, and that temptation was too much. He leaned back down to her, this time aiming for her lips.

Everything else be damned.

The door opened, and Hyde jumped back, off the bed, his heart pounding furiously.

Jackie groaned silently. Damn nurse!

"Time for your medicine, Jackie," the nurse said. "And then you need to sleep. You've had too many visitors." She glared at Hyde.

He rolled his eyes and took a step closer to Jackie. He took her hand. "Guess I should go, "he said. He should feel relieved. He'd just dodged a bullet. Kissing Jackie would have been a huge mistake. He should be glad that nurse walked in when she had.

But he was pissed.

Jackie nodded. "Guess so." She pursed her lips. "Will you come back later?"

"If you want me to," he answered.

She smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I do."

He raised an eyebrow. "I'm not bringing you flowers."

She pouted. "Jerk."

Hyde chuckled. "Get some rest." He leaned forward and brushed his lips over her forehead. "I'll be back later."

Jackie smiled. She was suddenly sleepy. "Okay." He tweaked her chin with his fingers, and she giggled.

Maybe almost dying in a car accident wasn't so bad after all!