Lily: KON-BAN-WA! I decided I felt good (from watching "Delightful girl Chun-Hyang" today) and since I felt good, anyone reading this fic should feel good too! And the only way I knew how to do THAT was to write another chapter! HOORAY FOR DRAMAS!

Anyway, erm…I hope you like this, I think I'm moving slowly, but maybe it will pick up in pace. Yyyyyyeah, enough lollygagging, this isn't the good bit anyway.

Enjoy

Lemon 03: In which there is Fornication

In a small office room deep in the bowels of Central Headquarters four humans and what seemed to be a giant suit of armor were huddled close together. If anyone looked inside they would be greeted with what appeared to be a conspiracy within the military, that and the rather unnerving sight of a talking, moving suit of armor. Fortunately, the only conspiracy in the military was not happening amongst this motley group of people (not yet anyway); no, this gathering was for a purpose vastly unrelated to usurping the Fuhrer or any such seditious activities, it was on the mission Colonel Mustang himself had titled "The Havocsperience". The plan was just about ready to be put in action and a last minute overview was commencing.

"I don't see why I have to do this…"

"Nii-san, don't be mean, this is for Havoc-san!"

"So! Why can't he get a woman on his own? It's pathetic that we have to help him!"

"That's what I said!"

"No one asked you Honoo no baka-san"

"Oy…Hagane no chibi…"

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING A SPECK OF RICE SO TINY YOU WANT TO STEP ON IT!"

"Please calm down everyone! NOW! Let's go over the plan one more time"

"I still don't see…"

"NII-SAN!"

"Fine, fine…7:10 pm, administer sleeping agent to Havoc's drink at the bar. 7:15 pm meet with Mustang-baka and deposit Havoc promptly in his apartment…taku…damn Havoc's woman problem…who needs women anyway…"

"MOVING ON! 7:25 pm, Landlady calls C'est L'amour and asks to speak to man under reservation of Farman"

"Do we have the landlady informed of everything?"

"Yes, I called her about it earlier today."

"Perfect…what next?"

"7:30 pm, Mustang-Taisa calls from the office, urgent business that needs immediate attention"

"7:45 pm, extraction at HQ then promptly to lookout point across the street"

"7:50 pm, 'Babe Parade: Ero-Ero Paradise' hits Johnnie's Adult Literature and Commodities store on fifth street"

-click-

"…"

"Hawkeye-san please put the gun away"

"Anyway…have we all got what we're doing?"

"HAI!"

"Alright then men,"

"AHEM"

"Er…people…move out!"

"RYOUKAI!"

Sheska decided that pants really weren't the way to go if she was going out to a nice restaurant for dinner. She didn't want to look as if she was going on a date because she wasn't; she was going to have a good time with her friend and then come home and read a book until she fell asleep. But the only problem was that she hadn't anything informal to wear, NOTHING. She had her work clothes, her stay at home clothes, and her super formal funeral/family dinner clothes. She wasn't a girl who had clothes for any other occasion than the bare basics and that was just now becoming a problem.

"AAAAAU MOU!" she cried, throwing down the last a flowered cardigan her mother had thought would look nice on her (it had made her look like someone's grandmother). Nothing she had in her little closet could possibly be worn out on the type of outing she was going on.

"I knew I should have bought that outfit I saw the other day!" she moaned. Sighing, she turned around to view the bomb site that her room had become. Clothes littered the floor, panties and bras, thrown out of the drawers in her rush to find something to wear, were strewn haphazardly on the bed and the chairs.

"What am I going to do?" she mumbled dejectedly. She bent to pick up some clothes just as the doorbell rang.

"Aiyah…Who could that be…" she walked to her door and opened it, expecting some sort of book delivery or perhaps a person with the wrong address (she always got that).

"KONBANWA SHESKA-CHAN!"

"EH! Myrtle-chan!" Sheska stood aside for the large cafeteria lady to enter.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" she asked once Myrtle was inside the house and she had closed the door. Instead of answering, Myrtle stood ad made her way towards Sheska's room. Immediately Sheska's face colored, it was such a mess in there!

"Um! Myrtle-chan please it's very messy in there! Ano…it's not very nice to look at you know, I can make tea and we can sit out here where it's clean and…" she trailed off as Myrtle entered her room anyway.

"woooo tsk tsk tsk, you've really hit your wardrobe hard!" Myrtle said, emitting a low whistle upon viewing the mess.

"And it looks like you didn't find a single thing to wear! Luckily I foresaw this!" Myrtle turned and reached into her large bag. Sheska looked puzzled,

"What do you have there Myrtle-chan?" she asked.

Myrtle smirked and began to advance on her, Sheska gulped. Something told her that whatever was in that bag was unlike anything she had ever submitted herself to before.

And the slightly maniacal look in Myrtle's eyes did nothing to reassure her either.

The bar, "Exotica", was a den of strange alcoholic beverages, barely dressed women, and less than legal merchandise. It wasn't very reputable, but it was the only bar close enough to both Havoc's apartment and C'est L'amour. Edward really didn't want to go inside, but he would have to or face the wrath of all of his teammates. He approached the bright red and blue flashing sign that displayed a naked woman and the club's name and scowled. He didn't know anything about women ad he certainly didn't want to see one naked, he hoped tonight was some sort of…"get hammered but do no hammering" night as he didn't think he could stand the sight of a man and a woman…publicly fornicating.

He sighed and turned to his silent companion.

"Havoc-san…what do you want to drink?"

"Listen Edward-kun…I realize Hawkeye and the rest of them bullied you into coming out with me tonight and I have to say I'm really grateful…but having a kid around…"

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING A ULTRA SUPER HYPER CHIBI TOO SHORT TO REACH…"

"EDWARD-KUN! I didn't say that…it's just…you're underage, and I have no idea why Hawkeye was in on this since you are, and I don't want you to see me how I will be after a few vodka tonics get into my system…"

"It's fine Havoc-san…I'm sure you won't be so bad," Ed said, hiding a smirk and walking inside.

'Yeah, if everything in this damn plan goes right we can leave this disgusting hole within ten minutes…and what could I possibly witness within that time?'

It was with this thought that the young state alchemist entered the club and walked straight into a man and a woman having sex against the wall. Just as he was about to let loose a disgusted scream another man came stumbling across his path before tripping and vomiting on the floor, moaning and clutching his stomach; Ed tried to breath in to stop himself from hyperventilating and instead got a face full of purple smoke blown from the chapped lips of a yellow toothed man who was leering at him.

'Just ten minutes, just ten minutes, just ten minutes' he repeated over and over in his head, clenching his teeth he moved on to the bar.

Havoc sat down beside him and slapped a hand on the bar top,

"Oy barkeep! I'll have a vodka tonic on the rocks and um…a water with ice" he ordered in the voice of one used to ordering drinks. The barkeep raised his eyebrow at Ed but wisely kept his mouth shut when the blonde shot him a very dangerous look.

Their drinks arrived and Ed decided, after noticing that his "water" was green in color and that his chair was sticky with something he couldn't identify, not to dillydally. He drew in breath and opened his mouth wide in one of his trademark yawns making sure to stretch his arms wide and to knock over his own drink.

"AH! Oops! Gomen gomen!" he cried, watching with an inner smirk as Havoc bent over to wipe the water off his pants. When the older man wasn't looking (and he was pretty sure no one else was either) he slipped the powder he had been holding in a small packet into Havoc's drink.

"That's alright Edward-kun…" Havoc said and, as Ed had been hoping, took a large gulp of his drink to finish it off.

"Barkeep!" he called and jiggled his glass, signaling that he wanted another. Ed glanced at his watch, 7:10, perfect timing…now to wait until the sleep drug started to work

"Ah Edward-kun, I feel sort of sleep…"

-thunk-

Ed smirked.

The Havocsperience part: 01 was complete.

Lily: nyanya! Five pages isn't much but hey! It isn't over yet! I'll probably put another chapter up V. soon as this fic is really addicting to write and I hope it's addicting to read. I'd like to thank all the reviewers…them and Aoyama Sota who is the sexiest thing the Tenimyu stages have EVER seen. I LOVE YOU GUYS!

also, for those of you who don't read Naruto...yes, "Ero-Ero Paradise" does come from something. It's a sort of spoof on Kakashi's "Icha-Icha Paradise" it made me happy to use it

Anyway, next chapter is! The Havocsperience continues! Sheska gets kinky (or not….hehehhe). Havoc is sexy! And more randomness.

This is a fic that is a long "Randonee" through the forests of mucho bizzarity. Comme les Anges we will sing for it! And sing in a choir made to carry this fic past my usual level of insanity and into some semblance of order!

I hope y'all enjoyed!