Why Should It Matter?

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Warning: This fic is extremely dark at the moment and contains cutting and suicidal thoughts.. if this makes you uncomfortable.. please don't read this.. thank you..

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Chapter Seven

The world was dimmed with an instant devastation that was suddenly brought forward. Everything had been looking up until that moment. The cracking spirit was becoming harder and harder to repair, however, this girl wouldn't stop. The determination to hold up her side of the bargain was far too important to her. Looking over at her very ill companion, all she could do to stifle her crying was to turn away from him. Everything that had happened the previous night had worn her to the point of internal exhaustion. However, Hermione didn't sleep, she had stayed up the entire night. There was no time for sleep when Harry in such a state. She felt a lump in her throat as she listened to his light whimpering. He had been whimpering for at least an hour, but she wouldn't wake him, not unless it got worse. Hermione now had two goals she needed to pursue. One was keeping Harry from doing anymore stupid things and the other was to convince him to talk to Remus. Feeling sick to her stomach, Hermione realized that she needed to get out of that room for while. Getting off of the bed, Hermione looked at back at Harry, whose moaning was slowly becoming louder. 'He's not going to be sleeping much longer.' Hermione decided she would be quick, just a little change of scenery. However, when she walked into the kitchen, she found her least favorite professor had decided to don the house his glorious presence. Sighing, Hermione walked over to the sink to get some water.

"Miss Granger, where are your manners?" Snape asked, trying to act surprised at the fact that Hermione walked by him without acknowledgment. There was something about the tone of his voice that was slightly different. This didn't really bother Hermione; she didn't care.

"With all due respect Professor, I don't have time for small talk." Hermione said quietly, taking a gulp of her water. 'Only a minute or so, Hermione.' Her mind registered wildly, giving her jolt of fear. "So Mr. Potter has sudden turned into small talk?" Hermione's facial _expression dropped at hearing Snape talk about Harry. "The Headmaster will be here to see him later. He's worried about Potter." Hermione rolled her eyes toward the Potions Master. "Well, he wasn't very worried about him last year, was he?" Hermione said, walking toward the table. Snape smirked at Hermione's spunk.

"How is Potter?" Hermione didn't believe that Snape actually cared. She felt this deep desire to tell him off because he would end up tormenting Harry even more this school year, and Hermione knew Harry would crack.

"Like you care." Hermione muttered.

"Mind your cheek, Miss Granger." Snape growled. "Just because we aren't at Hogwarts, doesn't mean that you can disrespect me."

"Well, it infuriates me. You don't have one shred of concern about Harry, and yet you have the nerve to ask how he is." Hermione could feel herself losing her temper and she usually never did that. Especially not with Snape. Snape's eyes narrowed and Hermione stalked away from him. She didn't care how much of a living hell he would make her life this year. He had the nerve and so did Dumbledore. Especially Dumbledore, who was certainly being ridiculous and simply blamed his mistakes on forgetting what it was like to be young. There wasn't an excuse for what he was doing, and Hermione believe that Dumbledore even knew that.

Walking back into Harry's room, Hermione's eyes widened. Harry had the dagger in his hand, ready to cut. Hermione ran over to him and ripped the dagger from Harry. He stared up at her, his green eyes laden with remorse and anger. The urge to cut himself was cycling through Harry's mind, making everything but rational thoughts control his mind.

"I'm sorry." Harry said, not knowing exactly what he was apologizing for.

"It's alright. I'm just happy I got here when I did." Hermione may have had a calm exterior, but her insides screamed painfully. She was surprised that her relaxed facade could stay with something so dangerous and scary. Harry scooted toward Hermione, laying his head upon her chest. She wrapped her arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer to her.

"Hermione, I'm never going to get better." Harry cried, feeling himself breaking down further and further. Every minute that ticked by made him weaker, and it made it harder to fight the urges.

"You need to get help, Harry. You need to tell Remus."

"I can't tell him, he'll be disappointed." That was a problem Harry had, and Hermione had always noticed it. Harry had always felt like he couldn't disappoint people, he always needed to be the strong one. Harry needed to be the person that would hold up against pressure and difficult decisions.

"No, he won't. He knows you've been through hell this summer. He would want you to tell him, Harry, he could help you." Hermione's determination to make Harry get help only grew stronger with every word of the conversation.

"Then other people would know, and I don't think that I could handle that."

"Yes you could. You're stronger than you think, Harry."

"If I'm so strong then why do I cut myself?"

"I don't know, you need to be the one that figures that out."

"I'm so weak." He paused. "Mentally and physically."

"You just need some help. Remus will be back in a day or two and we'll talk to him. We'll get you some help before school starts and everything will go back to normal. Until then, Harry, you need to eat something. With all that blood loss and you not eating anything, you're going to be passing out more and more, until you are too weak to even wake up." Hermione whispered, subconsciously running her fingers across Harry's shoulder.

"Alright 'Mione." Harry said, trying to stay alert.

"Do you have enough energy to walk?" Harry nodded. "Well, then, we're going to get you something to eat. Put your long sleeve shirt on." Hermione said throwing it at Harry, who slipped it on carefully. She helped stabilize Harry once he was on his feet, until he didn't look quite so wobbly. They made their way to kitchen, acting if nothing had just happened. It was a hard stunt for Hermione, especially when your best friend was trying to harm himself. Walking into the kitchen, Hermione remembered suddenly that Snape was still in there. She groaned inwardly, feeling stupid for forgetting something like that. She knew Snape was one of the last people that Harry would want to see. Lucky for her, Harry sat down at the table, ignoring Snape's presence and everyone else in the kitchen. He knew he looked straight up like hell and the comments would start flying around soon.

"Harry, dear, are you feeling well?" Mrs. Weasley said, walking over to Harry, placing a hand on his forehead. "You're awful clammy. You shouldn't be out of bed in this condition." She was still concerned about him, especially after the fiasco of the night before.

"I'm fine, Mrs. Weasley." Harry said in a strong voice.

"Well, I still say you should get some more rest before trying to become a part of civilization again." Harry was really wanted Mrs. Weasley to stop fussing over him, considering that Snape was sitting right there. 'I can't wait until that bastard starts his shit this year. One thing and I am going to hex his ass into next year.' Harry didn't notice the look on Snape's face, but Hermione did. He stared at Harry with absolute horror, because even Hermione knew Harry was looking almost as bad as he did when he first arrived.

"Do we have any fruit?" Harry asked, trying to get Mrs. Weasley off of his case.

"Yes, oranges and apples."

"Can I please have two oranges?"

"Sure dear." Mrs Weasley got two oranges and handed them to Harry, who starting peeling them immediately. He was hungry, but he didn't know how stable his stomach actually was.

"Miss Granger, I would like to talk to you." Snape sneered toward Hermione, who rolled her eyes with her back to him. She followed him out of the kitchen and into the living room area. They sat down, one in a chair and other on the couch. "What's wrong with Potter?"

"I don't know." She lied and hoped that Snape would believe her. But even she knew that Snape couldn't be easily fooled; it was just in his character.

"I've just got my hands on some excellent Veritaserum, you know. I bet that you would love to try some." There was a dangerous edge to Snape's voice, making Hermione's insides flinch with apprehension.

"You wouldn't." 'Of course, he would.' Hermione thought after letting those precious words exit her mouth.

"Miss Granger, don't test me. If I have to use truth potions on you, I will. Now, why is Potter so weak?"

"He's been not sleeping well lately and not eating." While keeping eye contact with Snape, Hermione controlled her eyes as to not let any subtle hints of lying get through to Snape.

"Is that all?" She nodded, hoping that the story would hold until Remus came back. "Alright then." Snape said, walking out of the living room and back into the kitchen. Hermione followed him, hoping that he wouldn't interrogate Harry about his condition. Luckily, he didn't. It was a huge sigh of relief, even though the only thing that would amount from that would be an extremely angered Harry. After Harry finished his oranges, he placed his head down upon the cold tabletop. Snape shot daggers toward Hermione -- it didn't look like her story was going to hold, if Severus Snape had something to do about it. Harry lifted his head and got up from the table.

"I hate to be rude and leave so quickly, but I'm going to rest. Hermione, would you come with me?" Hermione nodded and walked along side Harry, making it look like a friendly gesture. However, she really feared that he would fall upon his face. Once inside his bedroom again, Harry collapsed upon the bed, wincing in pain.

"What's wrong?"

"My scar is aching really bad all the sudden." He rubbed his nuisance scar, trying to have the throbbing stop completely. The pain felt like someone was pounding his head continuously into the cement, making sure his brains crashed against the sides of his skull. He clenched his teeth, baring the agony through the control he contained. With everything else going on, Harry wasn't going to let Voldemort's mark make him any more out of control. Taking a staggering breath, Harry unclenched his teeth and forced his eyes open. He continued taking deep breaths, trying to force his mind away from his scar. "With everything else going on, I don't need this thing bothering me."

Hermione nodded, watching Harry closely. She admired his strength and only wished that he would start using it with the cutting problems. Hermione knew that the incident that occurred today had only signified more problems in the future. There was an uncomfortable silence between the two Gryffindors and the only thing running through their minds was to be alone. Harry wanted to be alone, but maybe that wasn't really a great idea. He needed to figure out everything for himself. He was appreciative to Hermione for helping him, but there was a desperate need to be alone.

"Hermione, I need to be alone. Take the dagger, that way, I won't be able to harm myself." He muttered, hoping that Hermione would just leave him be.

"If you want, all right." Hermione said, taking the dagger and closing the door behind her. When Harry saw the door close, he threw his pillow against the door. His anger raged throughout his body, making everything seem distorted with fury. His life was a never-ending battle in which he would never amount to anything. The only thing that he'd ever be was The-Bloody-Boy-Who-Lived, which only made him angrier. Harry was tired of living up to his image, it made everything so difficult for him.

"Dammit!" He yelled, feeling his whole body alive for the first time in a long time. No longer did he feel like he needed to cut himself. No, on the contrary, Harry felt like he needed to change. He was tired of being careful only to have everything blow up in his face. The Gryffindor was fed up with everything and everyone controlling him. From now on, life would be run on Harry's terms and nothing would come in his way. The first thing of change would be convincing Hermione that he no longer needed assistance with his problem, which seemed to have disappeared in that instant. Feeling the rage diminish, Harry flopped down upon his bed, tabulating everything that needed to be changed.

AN: Well that was chapter seven.. sorry for prolonged chapter.. It took a long while to write.. if you have any suggestions at all.. drop them off in a review... it is appreciated much!