The doctors called it a "spontaneous natural abortion". The State of New York called it a "birth resulting in a stillbirth". Most of their friends and family called it a "miscarriage". It had happened for no reason the doctors could find, just as it had to thousands of people every year in this country alone. But whatever the name and whatever the cause, the result was the same. Maddie and Danny were no longer parents-to-be, they were now parents-that-never-were.

Maddie spent several days in the hospital, then a week more in bed at home as her body tried to recover from the havoc wreaked not only by the miscarriage but by the pregnancy itself. Physically she was young and strong, which expedited her recuperation, and she was up out of bed and back to school in record time.

Emotionally, though, the healing process moved at a much slower pace for both her and Danny. He had taken it especially hard, barely holding himself together during the day and crying himself to sleep every night. When he had cried himself out, the tears gave way to anger—anger at the doctors and nurses for not saving the baby, anger at God for taking his son before he even had a chance to take a breath, anger at himself for laying his family's secrets on Maddie at a time when more stress was the last thing she needed. He had always worked long hours, but began spending more and more time on the job, using work both as an escape from the pain and to shield Maddie from his anguish.

For her part, Maddie kept her grief under wraps, pushing her feelings aside and focusing on the people in her life that needed her. She rose quietly every morning, picking out clothes for herself and for Danny, making breakfast so she could be sure he ate, and sending him off to work with as much support as she could muster. She'd head to school herself, caring for her students all day long as she tried to help them deal with their lives as well as their education. In the evenings she came home to an empty apartment and spread out on the living room floor, taking the time alone to complete any schoolwork she'd been unable to finish that day. She fixed dinner and often ate it alone, waiting stoically for Danny to come home before going to bed.

"I don't know why you even bother," he had said to her during one of his calmer moments. "You don't sleep anyway, you just lay there waiting for the alarm clock to go off."

She hadn't reacted when he'd mentioned that, and it had worried him. Through all his sorrow and rage he began to notice that she rarely reacted to anything anymore. She didn't smile, didn't laugh, didn't yell, or scream, or cry. And she didn't mourn.

Maddie came home from school one Friday and found Danny standing beside the bed, packing a change of clothes in an open suitcase. She stopped in her tracks and just stared, unable to respond.

He looked up, his blue eyes meeting hers. "Hey," he greeted her quietly. "I'm glad you got home before I left."

"Where are you going?" she asked in a flat voice.

"I'm staying at Don's."

Still she didn't react. "For how long?"

"That depends on you," he told her. He straightened up and took a step toward her, wanting to touch her, to take her in his arms, but knowing he wouldn't be able to leave if he did. And he needed to leave. "Maddie, I'm worried about you," he explained. "You haven't cried since we lost the baby…"

"Not everyone cries," she interrupted, trying to sound defensive but failing.

"But you do," he replied. "You get emotional when something really upsets you." He paused, feeling a lump rise in his throat. "You've been so busy taking care of me and helping me grieve that you haven't had time to grieve yourself, and you won't be able to with me here." He searched her face for any kind of response but found only her dull, expressionless eyes. He took her hands in spite of himself and squeezed them gently. "I love you so much," he said in a shaky voice. "And I need you more than I've ever needed anyone else in my life. But I need you, and you're not you right now." He sniffled, still fighting the lump in his throat and trying to keep his composure. "When you're ready, all you have to do is say the word and I'll come runnin'. But not until you're ready."

"Danny…" she started, but he stopped her.

"No. I've thought a lot about this, and it's the only way. I was gonna go anyway, after I told you about my family…" He paused, trying to find the words that would make her understand. "You can't start to heal with me here, and I won't lose you too. I wouldn't make it without you…"

He felt the tears in his eyes as he leaned forward and kissed her cheek softly. Then he quickly closed his suitcase and hurried out of the apartment, leaving Maddie standing alone in their bedroom.

That night she went to bed alone, as she had every other night that week, curling up under the blankets knowing she'd sleep even less without Danny there next to her. True to her prediction, she tossed and turned, dozing here and there but not really sleeping. She rose with the sun, unable to lie in the empty bed any longer, and attempted to go about her usual Saturday routine.

She graded papers, wrote lesson plans, and straightened up the apartment in the same emotionless manor she'd adopted since she returned from the hospital. But that evening, she found herself standing in front of the closed door of the nursery that Danny and Don had so lovingly decorated. She hadn't been inside since they had lost the baby, knowing it would tear her apart. She also knew that Danny was right, that she wouldn't begin to heal until she confronted her emotions.

Maddie pushed open the door slowly and stepped into the room. Little had changed—the walls were still a bright pale green, little frogs still danced on the border that ran around the room, the teddy bear still smiled up at her from his place in the crib. Taking a deep breath, she took another step, running her hand over the changing table and smiling sadly at the stack of diapers that sat waiting to be used. Another few steps brought her to the crib, where she patted the teddy bear on the head and began to feel the sorrow she'd been repressing welling up inside her.

She opened the little closet, kneeling down to touch the stroller that sat on the floor. It was the expensive jogging kind that someone at the lab had given them, though neither she nor Danny were runners. A lump rose in her throat as she remembered the jokes they'd cracked about riding in the stroller while the baby jogged behind it. She saw the little pair of Nike's sitting beside it that he had brought home one day shortly thereafter. "For the little guy to run in," he had winked.

She stood and made her way over to the dresser, opening some of the drawers and fingering the tiny baby clothes that had already been bought in anticipation of the big day. She found the outfit Aiden had sent from Virginia, the little UVA sweatshirt with matching pants. Beside it sat the receiving blanket her mother had sent from Michigan, the one she'd made for her first grandchild.

Maddie's heart ached as she closed the drawers, lifting her eyes to the top of the dresser where the plastic DNA model sat beside the newest sonogram picture. Danny had been so proud of the model, and she had laughed at him when he'd shown it to her, but looking at it brought her pain now. The sonogram picture, too, ripped a hole in her heart so large she wondered if it would ever mend.

A wave of grief washed over her when she picked up the picture, but no tears came. She wanted to cry, needed to cry, but couldn't. Her knees went weak under the weight of her anguish and she sat down in the only chair in the room, the rocking chair Dantrell had carved. She clutched the sonogram to her chest and bowed her head, willing herself to cry. But still her eyes remained dry.

Somewhere during the night she dozed off, and drifted into a sleep deep enough for dreams for the first time since she'd returned from the hospital. It was a bright sunny day in her dream, and she and Danny were strolling through Battery Park, where they'd gone on their first date. Between them, holding tightly to their hands, was a golden-haired boy about three years old. He smiled mischievously up at the two adults, his bright blue eyes twinkling as he cried out, "Mommy, Daddy, look—doggie!"

Maddie woke with a jolt, still sitting alone in the rocking chair holding the sonogram. She pulled it away from her chest and looked at it in the moonlight, picturing her son as she had seen him in her dream.

"My baby..." she whispered hoarsely, tears finally flowing from her eyes. "My baby…" She wept mournfully, sobs wracking her body as she held the sonogram tightly against her. All the sadness she had kept bottled up surged violently out, threatening to tear her apart, and she knew she couldn't bear it alone.

"Danny!" she cried out into the empty apartment. "Danny, I need you! Please…"

Strong arms encircled her and held her securely. A hand stroked her hair as a voice murmured softly in her ear.

"I'm here…"

She buried her face in his shoulder and he tightened his arms around her, instinctively wanting to try and calm her but knowing she needed to let it all out.

"Our baby," she choked. "He's gone…"

He kissed her hair and squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself not to cry. "I know," he whispered.

"He moved…I felt him move…our baby boy…"

"I know," he repeated softly as the tears began sliding down his cheeks.

He pulled her gently from the rocking chair down onto the floor where he could hold her closer still, running a hand slowly over her back. Her arms went around his neck, clinging to him for support both physically and emotionally as the grief poured out of her.

They sat on the floor of the nursery for what seemed like hours, holding each other and crying, mourning their loss together. When they had quieted a bit, Danny helped Maddie up off the floor and into their bedroom.

He let go of her for a moment to allow her to change out of her clothes, but she quickly reached out for him, pulling him back to her and holding on tight. "No, don't go…"

He slipped his arm gently around her. "I'm not goin' anywhere, sweetheart," he told her softly, kissing her hair. "I'm here as long as you need me."