Riku: And when he was all, "Kingdom Hearts is light!"
Rain: He's been doing this all night. All day. All afternoon.
Riku: How would you know? You were at school.
Rain: Hey! He-
Riku: SORA! SORA! IT'S HIM AGAIN, ISN'T IT!
Rain: I think you're a little paranoid...here, this'll do you some good hands Riku paper
Riku: Don't own Kingdom Hearts, PS2...what IS this?
Rain: Just keep reading it.
Riku: OR Riku's problem. WHAT PROBLEM? It's Sora, isn't it! He-
Rain: If I owned it, I would have made it stop! covers ears I can't hear you, I can't hear you...
I hadn't succeeded with step 1. So I guess I couldn't move on to step 2. Which meant I had to bag plan A. But not to worry! I have plan B!
Sora is just too perfect for his own good. 'Kingdom Hearts is light'...gimme a break.
So it was onto plan B. Which was, Death by Broken Heart. I would get Kairi to reject Sora for me! Then we'd all win! Well...Kairi and I would win...Sora would be dead. But that's the whole point!
So that afternoon, I walked up to Kairi, who was working on her homework on the beach.
"Hey, Kairi," I said, sitting down next to her.
"Hey," she said, not even looking up. See what I mean? If it had been SORA, she would've been all, 'Oh, Sora! Hi!'
"So, um, Kairi," I said, trying to think of step 1, plan B. I...hadn't quite gotten that far.
Kairi just kept on writing.
"What are you, uh, writing about?" I asked her.
"The negative influence of dating on young children," mumble Kairi.
"Uh, o k a y..." Then it hit me. Dating! Perfect way to bring up the subject. "So, Kairi, speaking of dating, you got any boyfriends?"
"No," Kairi didn't even flinch.
"Ah! So-"
"It would be way weird to have more than one boyfriend," she said.
Leave it to Kairi to correct the way I say something.
"All right, have any boyFRIEND, then," I amended.
"No," Kairi said again.
This time I waited for her to correct something. When she didn't, I continued.
"Well, then, Kairi, any crushes?" This one was sure to bring up something that I could use to my advantage!
"No." Kairi still didn't look up.
I didn't say anything.
Finally, she looked up. I thought she was going to ask me something, anything, but no. Do you know what she said? Do you know what Kairi said to me?
"You're still there?"
Yeah. THAT'S what she SAID. To ME. Riku. RIKU! I should have killed her when I had the chance. It would have been easy! And I would have, if that stupid SORA hadn't appeared.
So I stood up and left. So much for plan B.
Rain: End of chapter-
Riku: How come my plans keep failing?
Rain: Because, it's a COMEDY.
Riku: So you're making my problems into one big laugh-session?
Rain: Well-
Riku: That's IT! (calls heartless) It ends here!
Rain: Uh...
Sora: Tada! It's me! The Keyblade master and hero!
Riku: What's HE doing here?
Sora: I'm delivering pizza and signing autographs.
Riku: So SORA gets autographs? When will it end?
Rain: Well...till next time, loyal readers!