Disclaimer: I don't own these crazy SEGA characters!

I am really sorry I haven't written lately. Please forgive me. And read this. And review it. Please. Please. Please. Pickles. Please.

Talk Show Finale

Cameras On

Announcer: Hellloooooooo Readers! Welcome to LonelyArtist's Talk Show! Today's Topic: The one, the only, SONIC THE HEDGEHOG! Where did he obtain his super powers? Why does he choose to use them for good? Why is he not worth featuring first? That and more on today's episode! And now, give a worthy round of applause for your host, LonelyArtist!

((applause etc.))

LonelyArtist runs onstage and collapses on top of her desk. "They're...they're...they're everywhere! Those crazy fans keep attacking me!" LonelyArtist lies there panting a moment, then looks up. "Where are the crazy fans?" She sits up angrily Sitting up angrily. Hmmm... "I pay them five bucks each, and they bail out on me. Talk about pirates!" She looks around. "I kinda like it here on top of this desk. It makes me feel tall. I'm a short tall person, so this makes me feel sorta special." She grins. "So now we'll bring out our special guest. Sonic the Hedgehog!"

((applause))

In a blue blur, Sonic is on the seat by the desk.

"Wow!" LonelyArtist exlcaims, "I've heard you're fast, but...wow!"

Sonic rolls his eyes. "Of course I'm fast, girlie--"

"Hmph."

"That's, like, my only super power."

L.A. tilts her head. "Hm. Really?"

Sonic blinks. "What? I mean--no! I've got lots of super powers. 'Cause I'm the greatest." He runs a hand through his quills.

"Mm-hmm..." L.A. scratches something down on a notepad that somehow wound up in her hands. "So Sonic, where did you get all these super powers?"

"Eh?"

"You know, how'd you get 'em? Were you born with 'em, or did you roll around in nuclear waste? Did your parents appeal to the Great God of Greatness?"

"I'm gonna go with that last one," he says. "Only it was more like the G.G. of G. appealed to my parents. He/She/It knew I had great talent but that I needed some powers to be able to fight the evil Eggman and Co. So It/She/He begged mumsie--"

"Mumsie?"

"--Yes Mumsie!--and Father to allow me to be given special gifts. And that's how it happened."

"Fascinating..." L.A. mutters, writing furiously. Not angry furious. "Now would you care to tell the audience who your greatest enemy is?"

Sonic crosses his arms. "Knuckles."

L.A. continues writing. "Dr. Eg--what?"

"Knuckles."

"Well...why is Knuckles your biggest enemy?"

Sonic sighs. "He's out to steal my girl."

L.A. smiles. "So who's your girl?"

"Rouge."

L.A. continues writing still. "Amy Ro--what?"

Sonic uncrosses his arms. "Rouge."

L.A. blinks. "R-Rouge? But isn't she Knuckles' girl?"

"I am not a ((beep)) piece of property!" a female voice yells from the audience.

"No," Sonic says stubbornly. "She's my girl. She's a heck of a lot, erm, prettier, than Amy."

"Tsk tsk tsk," L.A. tsks. "Next question, how 'bout. Why have you decided to use your powers for good?"

Sonic grins. "'Cause chicks dig heros."

"Um...actually, last time I checked, Shadow is really rising in popularity. They've even got a video game just for him. Which is so flippin' awesome I might add. I got it for Christmas, and I love it! Except--"

"Yeah, but he doesn't count," Sonic says with a scoff. "Shadow isn't exactly a hero or a villian. He just kinda does what he wants."

"So would you consider Shadow an ally or a rival?"

Sonic thinks for a moment. "I'd say an ally, depending on which story you follow in Shadow the Hedgehog. But if you forget that video game completely, I'd say ally. He helped me out in SA2B, and besides Shadow the Hedgehog that's the only one the author has completed, so as far as she knows, he's an ally."

LonelyArtist sulks. "It's not my fault I stink at video games. I have no instinctive hand eye coordination." She suddenly perked up. "Anyway. I'm running out of patience, so Sonic, why weren't you featured first do you think?"

Sonic looks bewildered. "You answer that question. My theory is that you saved the best for last!"

LonelyArtist giggles. "Nope! Well, I featured Knuckles first because he's my all time favorite character! And I guess I did you last because---nobody recommended you. I'm sorry, but you seem to be the least popular of your video games. Or maybe you're so popular that the paparazzi have already exploited every detail about your life, from how you wear blue socks to how outside your video games, you're madly in love with Amy, but the producers thought that was too humdrum."

Sonic goes pale.

"You mean it's true! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

"Um, no. It's not. But it's close. More like Knuckles and Rouge are second cousins, I'm in love with Rouge, and Knuckles hates Amy."

"Um. Interesting."

"Very."

"So, I guess my last question is, what else did the video game and comic book producers lie about?"

Sonic rolls his eyes. "The chili dogs! I'm a vegetarian! I don't eat meat!"

"I'm gonna end this right here. For one thing, I'm bored of this story, for another, I'm bored of this story."

"You said that reason twice."

"That's because I'm twice as bored as usual. This ends LonelyArtist's talk show! Forever!"

Cameras Off

Sniff. I'm gonna miss this show. Screw it, I am not! It's over! Yippee! I can stop writing stupid episodes and blackmailing people into writing positive reviews, I mean---nothing. Whatever, I'm tired. Bood bye, and good night.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz