Sora: Could...you not talk in third-person?
Rain: Uh, yeah, sorry about that. Okay, then, since I got reviews, and it made me so happy, it's the next chapter!
Riku: You seriously have fun torturing me, don't you.
Rain: Yep! Thus...thusly. Cheerio!
Disclaimer: I own not the Kingdom Hearts. Sue you cannot. I'm the Queen of Not Owning Kingdom Hearts! (other Kingdom Hearts writers give dirty looks) Well, one of them...
After much calculating, I had calculated Sora's one true weakness.
What is his one true weakness, you ask?
Poetry.
Hey, don't ask how I figured it out. The whole night was one big blur, after I downed that spoonful of sugar. Like, hyperactive blur.
So, it was time for Plan E, aka Plan Get-Sora-To-Spontaniously-Combust-Due-To-Bad-Poetry. I know, I know, I know. Great, great plan. I could almost be called Albert-Whatsisname. Only I am much, much better looking, and I didn't die in 1822. Or...whenever this Albert guy died. You know, the one who discovered the Theory of Racecarism?
So, I made up the invitations, making sure to add just the right amount of cinammon scent, and mailed them out to Sora, Kairi, and a few other people, who's names I forgot because they aren't NEARLY as cool as I am. I made them with my mom standing over me, asking me if I had forgotten to take my medication. She ALWAYS asks me that. Lately, it's become really irritating.
The stage was set. Literally. It was draped with streamers in blue and yellow, the colors that make me the most handsome, if that's even possible.
Sora, Kairi, and those other various people sat in various places around the room. One of them, the stupid kid from my island who's head looks like a dead chicken that was dyed orange, was talking to the stupid girl from my island about some retarded game. I could kill that kid. But remember, number-1 priority is Sora.
As soon as everyone was assembled, I stood up on stage. Man, I look good. Anyway, I stood up on stage, and grabbed the microphone.
"Hey, Sora, Kairi, and other various people," I started, when I was RUDELY interrupted by one of the anonymous people.
"HEY!" cried a various girl with a headband. Headbands are way lame. "It's YUFFIE! How could you forget ME!"
"Uh, right." I glanced at her in irritation. "Anyway, it's time for the mutual poetry reading. And our guest, Squall-"
"MY GOD!" shouted Squall. "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU IDIOTS, IT'S LEON!"
Okay, LEON. So, Leon, after some stupid speech about his name, and how to remember it, which, by the way, nobody CARES about, he finally came up on stage. It was time for me to put my plan into action!
Who knew Leon could be so bad at poetry?
"There was a dog," he said, reading from a piece of paper. "It met a frog. They all tried to play leap-frog."
What the...he rhymed frog with FROG.
"They lived in a bog, and drank from a mug."
Bog and mug don't rhyme, you loser.
"One time I ate a slug. It was gross." He bowed. "The end."
Although it was painful to listen to, it was bad, all right, and hopefully was bringing Sora's demise ever-closer.
Imagine my joy, then, when I heard a crying sound from the back of the room. "Yes!" I whispered. "It's working!" For that was unmistakably the wimpy crying of Sora, the loser Keyblade master, who SHOULDN'T have been the Keyblade master in the first place, because I am much, much cooler.
But...
"That...that was beautiful!" sniffed Sora.
"WHAAAAAAT!" I screamed, picking up a chair. "No! No! No!" I threw it randomly, and, woops, it hit that chicken-head idiot.
"What was that for, ya?" he yelled.
His head must be hard as well as ugly.
But, they were on to me! So, I picked up my folder, which had my newly organized plans in it, and ran out the door.
I wasn't beaten! Not by a long shot! I won't lose to the likes of that...FREAK! It was time to put plan F into action! Which was, Death-by-Mr.-Chaffee, the dreaded Geometry teacher! This plan was SURE to work! I already knew that a lot of people had succumb to the evil Mr. Chaffee's...love of...MATH.
So after various attempts to get Sora into the classroom, I finally just picked him up and threw him in there. He's that skinny. Tell me, what kind of chicken-legged little boy gets to be a hero? What's the world coming to?
"Hahahah!" I laughed. "Finally! Death by math!"
I probably shouldn't have shouted my plan out loud, because the word 'math' made Mr. Chaffee come running.
"Did you say you liked math?" asked Mr. Chaffee. For $3,000, his hearing aids sure don't work like they should.
"No, I-" I started, desperately trying to get out of the hole I had just jumped into. But, as fate would have it, I was doomed to another failed plan.
"My room's in 114," said Mr. Chaffee, dragging me by the arm to room...wait, 114! I had thrown Sora into room 113!
"113 is the Super-Mega-Fun Party Room!" Mr. Chaffee continued.
Great, so I had just thrown Sora into a room full of...fun. That was far from the end I wanted for him!
"But we all know that mathematics is a more worthwhile endeavor." Reaching a desk, Mr. Chaffee made me sit down. "Now, you know, my Ford is from 1970. And I-"
I could already feel my sanity slipping! I desperately tried to get out but...
The door was locked!
"That door's been stuck for quite a while, now." Mr. Chaffee was drawing circles and numbers on the board. "Sorry if my shapes are sloppy..."
The last thing I remember is hitting myself on the side of the head with a textbook, so I wouldn't have to hear him.
When Mr. Chaffee finally threw me out the door that miraculously came unstuck, I was rudely awakened by someone kicking me in the head. Apparently, people think this is funny. Am I supposed to be 'Dumb-Sidekick', or something!
"Wow, Riku, thanks for showing me that cool room!" Sora grinned his stupid grin. "Too bad you didn't stay!"
I banged my head against the wall, trying to knock myself unconscious before I had to suffer more of that idiot's babbling.
Sorry this chapter was so long in coming. Did you know Kingdom Hearts 2 is coming out soon? In March! I can't wait! Anyway, I'll really try hard to update more often! Sorry! And sorry if it's any shorter than the others...