Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.
This is the second to last chapter! I have most of the next one planned out, so it will be updated very very soon.
Thank you to all my reviewers. I wouldn't continue this story without you!
This one… is a bit more romantic. I mean, Kartik and Gemma, come on. So this is mostly about Kartik thinking about Gemma.
I don't know what I am worth. In the Rakshana, I was a way to kill the one they feared most. The one that could bring everything down. The one that could save everything.
To this new Order, I am an ally. I am one person from the enemy that could help them.
To fate and destiny I am something to be decided.
To Gemma… I do not know what I am.
I know what I want to be, but I know that the wish I have played out in my head so many times is futile. There is no hope in it happening.
But the way she feels. Her very scent is intoxicating. It is enough to make me want to throw off all my blankets of secrecy, to jump out from behind the rock of smoke and mirrors.
That Christmas kiss. It will live in my memory forever. The tension is the air was palpable and I needed to get rid of it. She felt it too, I know. When she tore herself away from me, she took my hopes with her too.
And that Simon Middleton. There is a part of me that rejoices at what she did. It leaps into the air, whooping and shouting, unable to keep the grin off of my face. Then there is another part of me that is sullen because it knows the truth. It knows that there will be someone else, someone safer, someone right, someone English.
That is the very thing that keeps us apart. I know that if I were not Indian, and if I were rich and English and proper, there would be nothing keeping us apart.
Is that why she does this to me? For the risk and the thrill of it? Is that why she taunts me with her shining hair with the streaks of gold, her porcelain skin, her height, and her daring? Is she just along for the ride, ready to stop off when my ecstasy is too much and I go away with her?
No. I know the answer to that. She cannot help what I feel.
She will need my help. But how can I go into the Realms, when my former Brotherhood forbade me too? It will still bind me, I can feel it. Sometimes I am overcome with curiosity and dream about what could happen if she took me there. What wonderful times we would have without the chains of society.
I don't know what I am worth. I don't know why I would be worth anything. I am merely a plaything in this great wheel of destiny.
But her smile…
I don't know why she is worth all this pain.
I don't know what use I am with this new Order made of strange allies that I am not entirely sure we can trust. Philon and the centaurs. She promised them a share of the magic. If she does not give it to them, if she finds something that is unworthy, they will join the other side. And the Untouchables. Gemma thinks that we can trust them.
I don't know if we can. But then again, I have never met them. And from what I gather, they did hide the Temple.
I don't know what I can for this forbidden passion that I feel. It is like a dark secret I hide in a corner where no one can see it, but I still take it out to play when nobody is looking.
I wish it could be out in the open. I wish I could be out in the open.
Maybe, back at Spence, I shall hide with the gypsies again. Maybe Gemma Doyle and her friends will come to visit Mother Elena again.
Maybe.