Chapter Four: Nightmares

Song included: Garth Brooks / Pushing Up Daisies from SCARECROW Emily had turned on the radio before going to bed and she had chosen a simple country station. The nurse had been fine with that, and Emily had fallen asleep hours earlier. The nurse heard the American tunes and started humming to them, before hearing Emily tossing and turning in her bed. Not unusual for patients to do this, she simply walked up to the window near the door to see if Emily needed to be woken up, slowly opening the door so she could hear talking.

…Sometimes I tell you the way that I feel
I swear that I'm going crazy
Keep telling myself it ain't that big a deal
It's better than pushing up daisies

I felt the arrow from death's fatal quiver
Come so close it actually grazed me
I bled the blood and I've felt the cold shiver
God only knows how He saved me

My mother died but somehow she keeps living
She'll never cease to amaze me…

"What do you mean, I have cancer? . . . It's just like my mothers…No, I'm sure, I don't want anyone to know…I said I was sure!"

There's two dates in time that they'll carve on your stone
And everyone knows what they mean
What's more important is the time that is known
In that little dash there in between
That little dash there in between…

Sometimes my heart is as true as a dove
Sometimes my heart it betrays me
So I draw my sword for to fight for my love
But without a whisper she slays me

Emily's dreams were getting more frantic, and she was talking for two people, as if she was outside a bubble looking in.

"Don't you…don't you know how much I love you?"

They were both silent for what seemed like forever, before Emily spoke up.

"No…no. You can't love me, Nikolas."

"Why not? I have been for a long time; I've just never said it…"

"Don't you see? No one can…."

"No one can love you? Yet you can run yourself ragged by supposedly 'loving' and taking care of everyone?"

"No, you don't understand…No one does…"

"Then make me understand, Em…please make me understand." Nikolas silently waited a few seconds, trying to read her eyes. "Your scared, aren't you?...Em, I know you better than anyone else…and that's just it, isn't it? I know more about you than your willing to admit to yourself."

"How can I love you back? I've done nothing to deserve it." Emily tore her arm away from Nikolas' grip.

As Emily starts walking away, Nikolas begins, "You would do anything in your power…"

The nurse ran in as Emily was about to crash onto the floor, trying to whip herself away from the dream.

"Emily…Emily…wake up, Emily…" The nurse gently shook her while getting her back on the bed, as Emily finally awoke.

"Emily, are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I think. What happened?"

"You seemed to be having a horrible nightmare. Do you need to speak to your doctor?"

"It can wait until morning."

"Do you need anything?"

"Yes. I would like to write to my brother. Would you get me an envelope when I'm ready to send it?"

"Of course." Turning the lights on and the music off, the nurse bid goodnight as Emily slowly made her way to the comfort of the huge soft dish chair, pushing her knees to her chest and grabbing a notebook and pen.

Jason,
I know you must be worried sick about me. I'm sorry I've been out of contact with everyone in Port Charles for the last month. How is everything? I must admit I just woke up from a nightmare…but Jase, I'm okay. They were playing on the radio Pushing Up Daises, and you know how that song makes me think of my mom.

I'm sorry I can't tell you where I am. Just know that I am safe, and happy. No one made me come here, I came here myself, alone. Please visit the house and tell everyone that, calm their fears. I know you don't like going there, but visit Lila. She loves you, and you've seemed so far away from her the last time I was home. Please give Michael a hug for me, and tell Lucky to do the same to Lulu.

Please don't find me. Please don't ask Sonny, Lucky, or anyone else to track me down. I don't know if anyone knows I am gone even, besides Nikolas. Oh, Jason. Please don't interrogate him! He doesn't know where I went, and I asked him not to follow me. I talked to him the last night I was home and realized that I haven't been the same for a long time. Something changed within me and I'd like to fix it. I don't quite understand myself.

I will be writing to you, and only you. Although I don't want any contact back. Please. I know this is hard for the both of us, you probably want to ask me what the heck am I thinking, but then again you'll always end with 'its your decision' anyway, right Jase? That's what I love most about you, you know. You never waste any time being sorry or judging people's decisions.

Love and hugs, Em