Disclaimer: I don't own anyone you may recognize.
A/N: This is a sequel to a previous story called Jessie; reviews are revered. Zztop will never stop ruling.
Thanks to Linz for everything.
And thank you MM Vermelha for the much needed criticisms. Five was not my finest chapter and I love that you gave me really honest feedback – it has made my work better…I hope.
xoxoxo
Chapter Six
When she got home the night after seeing Tim Zachary at the mall, Jess was withdrawn and sullen. She stomped through the door at exactly six, the time the family usually sat down for dinner, and flopped into her seat at the table with all the grace of a rhinoceros casually dropping into a pool of water.
There was a moment of silence in which both Luke and Lorelai looked her over and then exchanged a glance of their own.
"You all right?" Luke ventured, a note of annoyance in his voice.
"Fine," Jess replied irritably without looking up from her still-empty plate.
"Did you have fun at the mall?" Lorelai asked brightly, dolloping mashed potatoes onto Will's plate.
"Did you get me anything?" Will asked.
"It was fine," she mumbled.
Jess saw Luke and Lorelai exchange another glance and she fought back tears of frustration. Why did everything have to be so hard? Everything seemed to be working against her these days. She took some deep breaths and accepted the bowl of potatoes, added some to her plate and passed them to Uncle Luke.
"I talked to Rory tonight, she said you stopped by," Lorelai tried again.
"Yeah, I saw her and the baby. Emily and Richard were there."
"So they told you the name? I swear, if this doesn't create the monster I know my mother wants to be, I don't know what will."
Luke had not stopped eyeing Jess or her plate.
"Daddy and I watched cartoons today," volunteered Will.
"Good for you," Jess said flatly.
"That's enough," said Luke.
"Whatever," she muttered.
Choosing to ignore this, Luke said, "There's a package came from New York today. It's got your name on it."
"Where is it," she asked, immediately at attention, frustration with the world temporarily forgotten.
"Hall table."
Luke, familiar plaid shirt untucked and comfortably encasing his long arms, dropped two elbows onto the table, folded his hands and rested his chin against them as he waited. Sure enough, after jumping up and rushing into the front hall through the swinging door, she was back moments later with the smile he longed for and rarely saw these days.
"It's from my mom!" she announced. "It must be a late birthday gift!"
The table waited expectantly as Jess ripped open the little package and inside found a cheap, plastic watch with a brown band and horse's head on the face. Jess stared at it, deflating. Silently she cursed herself for getting her hopes up. Clearly, her mother had put no thought into the gift. Not only had she not ridden a horse in years, but the watch was meant for a ten year old. She reflected that six years ago she would have loved this gift. Now it seemed dumb and a little obvious. Her mother was still the same selfish woman she had always been.
Jess continued to stared at it, unable to look up at the table. "What is it?" Will asked, craning to see what she had gotten.
"Hey," Luke said gently, "that's pretty nice."
Jess looked up at him sharply. "Yeah, it's great," she replied sarcastically, tossing the watch to Will who picked it up and began looking it over.
"That's enough," Luke said for the second time, more sharply than before.
"I'm sure your mom meant well. Remember when you used to ride at the Dragonfly all the time? I'm sure she was remembering those days and just thought…" Lorelai trailed off, unable to finish the thought.
Anyone who knew Jess knew that she hadn't been on a horse since she'd started taking ballet seriously when she turned 13. Liz, who called every now and then, also knew this.
Jess let the rush of humiliation wash over her. Caught with a red bra by the most popular guy at school, doomed to a life of mediocrity because let's face it, what serious dance academy is going to let her in, and now this: a reminder that she had a mother who has never, ever, shown the slightest bit of interest in her.
The table remained silent as Will played with the watch and Luke alternately ate his turkey loaf and rubbed the bridge of his nose, and Lorelai tried to think of something to say to Jess who quietly ate her potatoes and turkey loaf and green beans.
xoxox
After dinner, Jess went out onto their front porch and sat down on the steps, her heart still sad.
She could hear Luke and Lorelai loading the dishwasher in the kitchen at the back of the house. It was still fairly warm for Connecticut in September and the windows were wide open.
Rubbing her eyes, Jess tried to feel better. She tried to remind herself that life wasn't just about mothers or boys or dancing. She rocked back and forth on the top step, squeezing her knees to her chest wishing that life were easier, simpler.
From behind her, she heard the screen door slam and she waited, knowing the familiar footfalls as well as she knew her own fingerprints. Uncle Luke sat down next to her on the step and clasped his hands between his wide knees. He had no idea what to say to her. Lorelai had forced him out here and now that he was here, he couldn't think of a single thing to say.
Jess held her breath, not wanting to give in to the tears that she needed to let out. "Don't be too hard on your mom," he finally told her. "She hasn't seen you in a long time."
A strangled sob escaped her mouth and Jess clamped a hand over her lips, trying to get control of her emotions. Before she could stop herself she bit out, "Whose fault is that?"
Luke dropped an arm around her slim little shoulders and pulled her close. "I know. She's not the best but she does love you." Jess let him tuck her head close into his shoulder and enjoyed the feel of the warm flannel against her wet cheek.
"It's not fair," she croaked in a voice thick with tears. "And don't say life isn't fair."
He didn't say a word. Instead, Luke let her cry, holding her tight and wishing for the words that would make it all better.
xoxox
Exactly one week later Jess was wrapping up her Saturday shift at the diner. She'd managed to avoid Tim Zachary at school for most of the week because they only had one class together – study hall – and all week she'd managed to get out of it by offering to help the school librarian re-catalogue some books. Uncle Luke had assumed that her breakdown last Saturday had to do with just her mother and she let him think it.
Jess had just finished clearing plates from Babette and Morey's table when the familiar bells tinkled and she turned and watched from behind the counter as Tim Zachary sauntered in with his entourage, the same boys who'd laughed so uproariously at the mall that day. As if out of some nightmare she felt Uncle Luke come out of the kitchen just then and move to stand beside her. Luke lifted one hand to point them to a table but before he could speak, Tim's face split into a wide smile and he exclaimed to Jess, "Red!" as if it were a nickname he'd been using since Kindergarten.
"Who?" Uncle Luke asked, and Jess's face burned with humiliation.
The boys just laughed, though, and Luke turned to Jess in confusion. Jess couldn't look at him. Her face, flaming, was probably about the same color as that damn red bra, she thought. She turned and went into the kitchen, letting her uncle deal with the boys. She wished she had the guts to stick around to throw a drink in his lap, but she couldn't bring herself to face him again.
After shedding her apron, Jess said a stiff goodbye to Caesar and slipped out the backdoor, wanting to get away as quickly and quietly as possible.
"Hey," she heard from behind her. Jess jerked her head around and saw Uncle Luke coming toward her.
"You don't use the front door anymore?" he chided her gently. She stood ramrod straight in her black leotard and jeans, staring at the outside wall of the diner as if waiting for something.
When it became clear he was really asking her the question she shrugged, not knowing what to say. Luke put a hand on her shoulder and asked, "You okay?"
Again, Jess couldn't meet his eyes, so she looked away and nodded, trying to put some pep in her demeanor. It was too embarrassing; she couldn't possibly tell him.
"But they called you 'Red'…" he said, dropping his hand and waiting for an explanation.
Jess closed her eyes and relived the whole mall experience again, the rush of heat into her face, the way her stomach had dropped, the fact that the boy on which she crushed had seen her in such a position.
"I know," she told him, hoping her voice sounded unconcerned. "It's a nickname."
"But I thought you didn't know him. At Sports Authority you were hiding from him, right? It's the same kid, isn't it?"
"We…" she groped for words, "…know each other now."
"Then why are you leaving out the back?" he asked, triumph in his voice.
Jess stuffed her fists into her pockets and hunched her shoulders, feeling frustration ooze out of her pores. "What is this, the inquisition? Just because we know each other doesn't make us friends!" Her voice rose a notch as this spilled out.
"Whoa," Luke calmly replied.
With a deep frown, Jess crossed her arms over her chest and again looked away. She simply could not talk about this with him. Her flat chest was only good for ballet; in real life it was the height of embarrassment. To tell him what had happened with the bra would mean that not only would they be discussing her underwear but also her lacking physique. She closed her eyes and wished for a swift death.
Luke stared at his niece, watching her shut down. He didn't want to force her, but something was clearly up. Finally, he gave in and said, "All right. I'll see you at home in a little bit. You're still babysitting tonight, right?"
"Yep," Jess said with a hasty nod.
"Great. If Sam comes over, make sure you call Joanne to let her know."
"Got it."
"See you later," he said, lifting his hands, palms up, as if to say, "I don't know what else to say to you so I'm giving up – for now."
Jess watched her uncle stride back into the diner's back entrance and heaved a sigh of relief before walking home.
xoxox
When Jess got home she could hear Lorelai on the phone in the living room, so she headed for her bedroom and in doing so passed Will in the den watching the History Channel. She ignored him. He could be such a little know-it-all sometimes.
Once ensconced in her own space, Jess took off her sneakers, sloughed her jeans in favor of sweatpants and flopped onto the bed. Her life was a mess. She turned into a vegetable whenever a boy talked to her, which admittedly was almost never; she'd been caught with a red bra in front of the most popular kid in school, and now she had a horrible nickname to go along with the horrible experience.
Could her life suck more?
Just as she sent this query up to the heavens, a tentative knock came at the door. "Come in," she said with a voice full of glum thoughts.
At her words, the door opened and Will poked his little head around it and said, "Whatcha doing?"
"Nothing," she said sitting up a little.
Will came and stretched solemnly across her bed and told her, "You look sad."
"I'm fine," she told him.
"Mommy and Daddy are going out to dinner tonight," Will said, his arms raised above her head his eyes trained on her ceiling. The movement of his arms tugged the sunflower yellow polo shirt just a little out of the neatly tucked in waistband of his khakis.
"Yep," she agreed. "And guess what I got."
"What?" he asked intrigued.
Jess pulled a box of Kraft macaroni and cheese out of her bag and Will clapped his hands together. "Really, Jessie?"
"Just for you. We have to wait until Luke leaves, though, or he'll have a conniption."
Will nodded knowingly as the door to her room edged open a bit to reveal Lorelai leaning gracefully against the jam. "Hey guys," she said.
"Hi, Mommy," Will said
Spying the box of mac n' cheese on the bed she lifted one brow and said, "You better hide that when Luke comes home – he'll have a conniption."
Jess agreed and slipped their dinner back into her bag.
"Will, do me a favor and let me talk to Jess alone for a minute."
Will looked from his mother to his step-cousin and sighed as only a putout five year old can before getting up from Jess's bed and closing the door behind him. Lorelai gingerly sat down, using the space just vacated by her son on the little twin bed.
"Luke called to tell me you were on your way home," she began.
Jess looked at her lap.
"He said you guys had a thing in the alley."
"It wasn't a thing," Jess protested.
"Well, a thinglet, then."
Jess rolled her eyes and scoffed, "He would never understand."
"Understand what?"
With some hesitation, Jess recounted the scene at the diner and the events that had led up to them from a week ago. When she was finished, she could tell that her face was again bright red and she hated to think what Lorelai thought of her. Rory had probably never had problems like this. Rory was the perfect child.
After a moment of silence Jess looked up thinking she would find pity and perhaps amusement on Lorelai's face and was surprised to find that she looked to be reasonably full of compassion. Jess' shoulders sagged. "It's no big deal. I'll get over it."
"Honey, you shouldn't have to get over it. Those boys are just immature idiots. In five more years they're going to have gone through all the low-hanging fruit around here and you'll be long gone, dancing in New York or Paris, and they'll wish they'd been nicer."
"Five years doesn't help me now."
"I know," Lorelai said softly. "Boys can be so dumb."
"Don't tell Uncle Luke, okay?" Jess asked suddenly, the thought occurring to her and immediately leaving her humiliated all over again. He absolutely could not discuss her breasts with anyone.
"Of course I won't," Lorelai promised. "Whatever you and I talk about never goes further."
"Thanks."
"I wish there was something I could do to make it better, though. Did you like the bra? We could get you one, you know, in a better color if you wanted."
Wincing, Jess shook her head and said, "It looked all wrong. Not me. Plus once they get a look at me they'd know I was using it and then I'd really be in for it." As she spoke, Jess absently tugged on the knot at the crown of her head and the pent up curls tumbled down her shoulders in a dark flourish. It reached to nearly her waist and it existed mainly because Jess refused to do anything with it but tie it up after her morning shower. It grew because she didn't notice that it was growing.
Lorelai became aware that Jess, the shy and awkward sixteen-year-old, was becoming a beautiful and graceful woman. For Jess, though, there were two lives: the one where she danced and the one where she did everything else. The confidence she carried in her body when she was in front of an audience did not translate to the real world.
"Well, let me know if there's anything I can do. I'd be happy to call Tim's mother, you know."
"God, no!" Jess responded, not entirely to the surprise of Lorelai who lifted her hands and said, "It's just a suggestion. I won't do it if you tell me not to."
Jess thought back to that one horrible Thanksgiving dinner at Emily and Richard's. She'd just gotten her first period, like that day, and before dinner Jess had overheard Lorelai blabbing to Emily about it. She shivered. Emily had given her such a tender look over dessert that Jess had wanted to puke.