Ripping the drip out of his arm he climbed off the hospital trolley. He couldn't stay here, he wouldn't. He was fine, just a moments relapse. It was nothing. Noticing him walking around Debs dashed in on her way between patients, dodging the hustle and bustle of people rushing around, attempting to save lives.

"What are you doing Carter?" she questioned.

"Going home, what does it look like? I can't stay here Debs. I just can't. It was one stupid moment I'm fine. I don't need to be here. I'll sign what ever stupid damn forms I have to! I know the procedure. So just let me go, okay?" Carter shouted at her, this time his voice didn't rise above the commotion outside.

"You can't do this John. You're not fine. You didn't let me leave when I had just gone through labour and you were right. I had to stay, for my benefit and others. You need help John. So no I wont let you sign the damn forms as you put it." she spoke in a stern, slightly-raised, voice.

A dark-haired man with gold-rimmed spectacles shuffled through the doors ready to transfer Carter up to Narcotics.

"You've wasted you time mate. I'm not going. I'll sort out some plan with Weaver, okay. Will that keep you happy Debs?"

"Fine." she turned to the man standing slightly bemused by the swing doors, "Sorry to have wasted you time, it looks like this patient wont be transferred up stairs today."

"Okay, no trouble at all. Bit of a slow day all in all." replied the man turning on his heel to head back outside into the bustling corridors of the emergency room.

Following him out Debs muttered something to Carter about going to get Weaver.

"Dr. Chen! You're patient in three has just come down from x-ray and you have two more to see in trauma room two and cubicle six." said Dr. Weaver as Chen rushed through the busy corridors, grabbing her patients files on the way.

"Oh and Carter wants to speak to you by the way." Debs told her as she jumped swiftly out of the way of a trolley Luka and Abby were rolling through along with two paramedics.

"Trauma room three." called Kerry, "Okay, thanks Dr. Chen."

A short while later Kerry found Carter sitting reading in the staffroom, waiting to be allowed to leave. Hearing the door creak open he glanced up from the newspaper he was reading, yet not taking a word of it in, and answered the questioning look she had on her face.

"They needed the bed"

"Oh, right. Well I hear you want to leave. Well I can organise a plan for you you'll have to have regular blood and urine tests and someone to keep a close eye at you at home. Also you'll have to carry on going to the meetings, were you still going before the Kem incident?" she asked, still keeping her authority over him.

"Occasionally, not really though."

"You're a good doctor Carter, I don't want to loose you. You're lucky we all understand what you're going through. That's why I have suggested counselling."

"What? Look I'll do everything else you say but I am not going to see some shrink who is going to tell me how I should be living, and how I should be coping." he stood up fiercely in frustration before pacing the room and kicking his locker in rage. Slumping back down in his seat, head in hands, he fought back the anger. "I'm sorry. It's just the side affects."

"I know, I know. Now come on lets sort out this plan for you. No counsellors. I promise." Kerry told him. You have to pick you battles wisely, she though to herself.

For around the next half an hour they sat talking, working out a regime methodically which would enable Carter to still work without going right back to square one.

To fight temptation and loose was one thing, but to not fight at all was another.