Zelda Pyromaniac of Time

By The Fenox

The Fenox-This is my version of the ocorana of time and a little warning my spelling sucks but I try and now on to the disclamer

Disclamer- I LIKE PIE!1!1!11!1!one ; )

TF-What the hell was that about

Disclamer-I'm a bad bad disclamer Goodbye Crule World For It Is No Longer My Time To Live. AHHHHHHHH...

runs into a building in the backround. elevator noises are heard and Disclamer is seen runing to and jumping off the edge of the roof...HHHHHHHHHH...That hurt...damn i cant even kill my self

TF-practice makes perfect... anyways on to the story

Deku Tree-Navi comeforth

Navi-what is it you stupid tree

Deku-what! i was gona give you to the guy who spoils faries by giving them tons of chocolate and little farie toys but since im stupid i want you to go the boy with no farie.

Navi-NOOOOOOOOOOO! every time sombody does one of the fanfics when i go to the boy with no farie i end up dying, get eatin, killed, set on fire, hurt alot, obliterated and killed again many times in the same chapter. I'll be good I know, I will take a vow of silence just please let me go to the farie spoiler guy.

Deku-Nah... I was gonna send you to Link anyway I just made up the other guy.

Navi-I hate you, you probobly can't tell but im givng you the finger.

Flys off twoards links hut, so caught up in her loathing of the tree to notice the fence

Ouch

Navi-Link wake up...

Link- /o-34R /\/\3 1 4/\/\ 73- L337 HAXOR!

Navi-just wake up you stupid faggy elf fag wake up and hurt me allready so i can get on with my life even though im probobly gonna die...repeatdly...In this chapter.

Link-what was that the light bulb's talking i new i shouldn't have snorted all of Saria's farie's dust.

Navi-you rember snorting dust from a farie but you don't even reconise that one is talking to you.

Link-what would a farie be doing in my house I don't have anything worth stealing.

Navi- Im your farie.

Link-I dont have a farie.

Navi-You do now.

Link-Umm...I think I'm gonna go get some more drugs from Saria.

Navi-Link the Deku Tree needs you.

Link-Why bother, Mido will get in my way like a jackass.He dont like me so much since kindergarten.

FlashBack

Mido-Look at me Saria i have a Farie and i'm only Five. Link don't have a farie cuz he likes boys.

Link-First off im not gay Second i think you just wet yourself Third...

Mido-look Mr. Tights can count to three

Link-Hey peethepants I'm wearing the same clothes you are

Mido-Shut up mr no farie i did not wet myself

Link- Call me no farie agian ill go get my stick

Mido-Im not afraid of a stick mr. No fairy...what are you doing...AHHHHHHH MY EYE! I can't hear any thing...Stop hiting me...The pain.. My left side just went numb.. I can't feel my legs ... Oh my goddesses I'm bleeding so bad im amazed i have any blood left...Not the face not the face...It hurts so bad...what did I do to deserve this torture won't you stop this and stop prolnging my suffering and just kill me...why link why did you do this to me!

Link-I havent hit you with the stick yet.

Mido-ohh sorry.

End Flash Back

Navi-that flash back avcomplished nothing mabey even less than nothing.

Link-I guess Ill try to get passed Mido but i promise nothing.

they travel to where Mido stands"

Mido- i cant let you pass whithout a sword and a shield.

Link-I can steal a shield from the store but a sword it is imposible all hope is lost what am ever going to do why can't anything go right for me First i never even get a farie and now i need a sword whatever shall I do.

Navi-if you don't have a farie than what am I. jeese and here i thought he was gonna just be psycotic drug atic and not stupid.

Link-Ohhh talking light bulb where shall I get a sword.

Navi-god I hate stupid people. I the mystic lightbulb suggest asking one of your friends.

Link-you are right once again mystic lightbulb where would I be with out your wisdom.

Navi-OD on farie dust..

so link traveled and asked the girl sitting on the store roof, The Guy who can't pick up the rock and then finaly he found Saria

Saria-Ohhh My Goddesses LINK GET DOWN THE LIGHT BULB WILL RIP OUT YOUR ENTRIALS AND PLAY GAMES WHITH YOUR INTESTINES!

Link- AHHHHH HIT THE DIRT!

Navi-what the hell is wrong with you two link i already told you im YOUR farie and Saria you have a farie you should know what one looks like.

Saria-OMFG! It's making noises Link try and reason with it. the light bulb semes to be smart enough for human confersation but its words are to big it must be speaking spanish.

Link-I'll try AHEM...No eato, Me and Saria yo comprendemos...

Navi- The biggst word i siad was already and im not speaking spanish

Saria-Link it's not working try harder.

Link-Donde esta la biblioteca.La Queso de gobierno es muy chistos en mis pantalones. Mi nobre is adan. Taco Verde Pollo Coche Rascacielo Bean Burrito.

Navi-i appologise to annyone who speaks spanish. Saria do you no where a sword is?

Saria-I'll tell you if you promise not to eat me.

Navi-fine I won't eat you but only beacuse your 18TRILLION TIMES my size.

Saria­-thank you light bulb theres a hole in the wall over there get past the rock it's in the treasure chest .

Link-you mean the kokori sword every one knows about that sword. what does a light bulb need a sword for anyway.

Navi-you are by far the biggist idiot i have ever seen.

Link- what was I doing.

Navi-getting the kokori sword.

Link-no that's not it There was something about swords.

Navi-Link theres a shiney thing in the treasure cheast in that hole over there.

Link-do you think im easily mesmerised and tricked to do anything just beacuse shineys are invoved.

Navi-ummmm...Yes.

Link-i shall get the shiney

Navi watches link run into a hole, several screems and squishing noises are heard then link comes out holding a sword in a victorious pose"

Link- Foul evil thou shall fall before my blade as i destroy all agents of chaos and return the world to the peaceful order that it once was. I feel pity for any fell beast foolish enough to cross the my path and i feel worse for anyone lacking the intellegence to know that if they cross swords with the mighty hero of time they shall be slayn in a most malicious way for they were unlucky enough to anger the blood lust that resides deep within my heart all who attempt to hide sshall be burned away by my eminating aura of greatness they shall fail and die before he who is the Link The Hero Of Tim...Massive brain Fart what was i doing agian.

Navi-getting a shield.

Link-OKAY.

goes into the store, and next to the shield rack.

Link-Lightbulb watch my masterful thefing techniques.

Navi-Thiefing techniques

Link-watch and do everything i say.

link goes into the store then semingly out of nowhere points and shouts."

LOOK A DISTRACTION!

grabs the shiedl and runs

ShopOwner-Where I can't find any distractions...damn i've been robed agian

Link-Mido let me pass.

Navi- it would help if you stoped yelling at the sign and asked Mido to move.

Link-Thats jmust crazy enough to work.

walks twords Mido

Move

Mido-OKAY

Link-that was pretty easy

walks to the Deku tree

Holy mother of satan your huge

Deku Tree-I'm Gonna talk alot eat you and then talk some more

Link-im gonna break your brances and make a slingshot.

he does so

Deku tree-That hurt

Link-OMFG! It talked ahhhhhhhhhhh runs in circles screaming ...so cold need warmth Link rubs

sticks togeter catching the tree on fire and causing the emerald to falll This Rock Is Shiney It Must Be Important To Our Quest

Chap1 end

Navi- Holy shit I am alive...damn I just jinxed it didn't I

The Fenox-yes...very yes

Squishes Navi, Eats Navi, Craps Her Out, Stabs her, Sets her on Fire. Puts the fire out by hitting her with a stick nd then a rock untill her entire body ceases to exist and then kills her again.

R&R