Disclaimer: this belongs to J.K.R. I don't own any of it
Claimer: I own Professor Evans and the game of Quill Tag. If you have a story like this,I had no idea. I actually invented the game in 3rd grade and thought it would make a good Umbridge bashing- ishstory
Substitute Teacher
Professor Gemini Evans was unarguably the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher that the Hogwarts 7th years had seen in, well, ever. The Gryffindors would tell you that she was just as good as, or even better than, Professor Lupin in their 3rd year, which said a lot since they would stick by their kind werewolf teacher any day. Even the Slytherins would say that she was better than Dolores Umbridge in their 5th year who, while being a horrible teacher, she had power, which the ambitious snakes were both jealous of and in awe of.
In fact, all the houses thought Gemini was the best. She never broke her promises, a Hufflepuff trait, and knew a lot about what she was teaching them, a Ravenclaw must. She could actually do what she said she had done and do what she was teaching them. She had been the former Head of Magical Law Enforcement before she quit and was replaced with Amelia Bones, which made her impunishable for many laws. They were all friends, right? This experience in the field overqualified her in Gryffindor eyes, meaning that for once the Slytherins agreed with the Gryffindors. But it didn't stop there, every student at Hogwarts loved her including the teachers.
This made it all the more worse when it was announced to the school that her mother had been hit with a strange curse and that the Professor would be on leave for an indefinite period of time. A substitute would be taking her place until her return.
No one knew who the sub would be and so the 7th year Slytherins and Gryffindors, as the first DADA class since Professor Evans' departure, walked languidly to DADA hoping the sub would be a good one. Lucky for the whole class it was Neville Longbottom who was the first to arrive and open the door. Looking inside for the sub, he almost had a heart attack when her recognized the figure of the person writing on the board. Slipping out of the room as quietly as possible, he ran to tell Harry.
Harry looked up as a very out of breath Neville slid to a stop in front of him.
"Hey Neville, what's up? You look like you've seen a ghost."
"I know who the sub is Harry. It's Umbridge."
They quickly jumped into action, grabbing anyone they could find to spread the word, even to the Slytherins.
"We need a plan." Hermione said five minutes later. "It's got to be better than the one from 5th year. That just made her mad. I've got it!" After telling the group her plan, they all ran down the long corridor to tell everybody as they walked in the door. Each and every student grinned before walking in the door, Malfoy even going as far to offer to start it offin an unprescedented show of friendship. Not that it would ever happen again of course.
Everyone was sitting quietly in their seats when she walked in from the adjoining office.
"Hehem. Good morning, class. I'm sure you all remember me from two years ago so I won't introduce myself. The Minister himself sent me because of my teaching experience and also because it is the Ministry's job to find any and all substitute teachers. For today's lesson, I would like you all to open your books to page 394 and begin reading. There will be no need to talk."
Two minutes after she had said this the plan was put in motion when Draco Malfoy's hand went up in the air.
"Professor?"
"Hem. Yes Mister Malfoy. What is it?"
"Well, I was wondering if I could go to the lavatory?"
"Yes, Mister Malfoy, you may go."
Smirking, Draco stood up and walked across the room, pausing by Hermione's desk to tap the top of her furiously scribbling quill.
"Tag, you're it."
After he had come back, Hermione raised her hand.
"Miss Granger?"
"Professor, I was wondering if you had any tissue, I think I'm catching a cold." she said in a fairly convincing congested tone.
After rummaging around in the desk drawers, Umbridge found some, not without several throat clearings of course, and motioned to Hermione to come and get it. She grabbed a couple and after blowing her nose very loudly she walked past Blaise Zambini's desk, tapping his quill.
"Excuse me Professor. Do you happen to have an extra quill? I just broke my last one."
He got up, tapping Parvati's quill before retrieving the proffered quill and sitting back down.
Three minutes later there was a loud scream following the sound of shattering glass as Parvati's ink bottle broke. She quickly pulled out a mirror to check the damage to her good looks and make-up smearing some ink from her hand to her hair in the process.
"Professor, can I go to the dormitories to change and wash the ink out of my hair?" she said, with a slight sob. Either she was a wonderful actress or she was already slightly hysterical.
At Umbridge's nod, she quickly left the room after tripping in her haste to get out of the room and hitting the top of Goyle's quill.
"Hey, Professor, you wanna hear an impression?"
"Not really Mr. Goyle. Hem.Please continue to work quietly until class is over."
"Cool... ummmm...errrr...uhhh... oh yeah clop, clippety clop, clop..." Poor Goyle never really got to show her the whole routine, in all of it's glory, because, shortly after its beginning Umbridge uttered a faint scream and began looking around wildly. This wonderful routine was only improved when Professor Firenze trotted past the door, presumbably on the way to his classroom, causing the evil substitute to utter yet another, slightly louder, scream. Everyone knows that centuar ears are very sensitive so, hearing this the Divination Professor turned around and poked his head in the door.
"Is everything quite alright in here Madame?"
Scared to the point of speechlessness Umbridge could only nod slowly, as if afraid sudden movement would set him off. Bewildered, Firenze shrugged and continued up the hall once more leaving the sniggering class behind him.
When his hoofbeats could no longer be heard she collapsed into the chair behind the desk, emotionally exausted from her near death at the hands of the centuar. The students however, weren't quite as kind to Delores as Firenze was, and continued the game with renewed ferver.
And so it went around the room, Slytherin to Gryffindor to Slytherin to Gryffindor, as students ran out of ink and parchment, got up to throw papers away, rushed to the Hospital Wing after stepping on some glass, went to Professor Snape for headache potions, and got up to retrieve Trevor the toad which resulted in a class-wide toad chase. Not to mention the screaming, fireworks, crying, dungbombs, and just generaly noisy pandemonium, setting a world record for most destruction in such a short time and beating even Gildroy Lockheart's pixie excapade.
Naturally, one half of the way through the lesson, Dolores Umbridge was absolutely and totally exausted from teaching the class and wished for nothing but her own job at the calm and quiet Ministry. Face flat on her desk, she dismissed the class with a croaked "Dismissed." and a small wave of her hand before disappearing quickly into the office in case any of the devil... CHILDREN, she corrected herself reluctantly, wanted to ask questions. None did however, instead quickly getting up and leaving to meet the others in the Great Hall to laugh at their incompetent teacher and discuss the latest game: Quill Tag.