Last night he'd been checking on Boone's injuries and things got a little, well, in focus all of a sudden. Boone liked him. Boone was flirting with him. Well, almost. But that wasn't the weird part. Jack was fairly sure that he was flirting back, he just didn't know why. And as for the whole 'lift up your shirt' thing, Jack cringed just thinking about it. Sure, he liked to be thorough but that was pretty unnecessary and if he'd done it to Kate or Claire or Shannon it would have been considered indecent.
So why was he trying to touch Boone up? Why was he flirting with him? It didn't really make a whole lot of sense. Jack liked girls. He did. He never faked it or even had to try, it came naturally. Sure, none of his relationships had worked out particularly well but that didn't mean he was gay. Did it? Of course not, that was stupid. And being with another man? So not Jack. It's not like he'd dismissed it or had some kind of denial going on, it had literally never occurred to him, it just wasn't his thing. He'd never looked at a guy and wanted anything from him, not like that. He'd never felt it. Until last night.
But Jack couldn't really trust his feelings right now because things were ever so slightly up in the air. Well, more accurately, things had somewhat crash landed but the general effect was the same. Jack really needed to not do something stupid here. So all he had to do was evade Boone for a while and work out what the hell was going on inside his head. Yeah, real mature, Jack.
He got up early and saw that Boone was still sleeping, lying close to Shannon. Jack bet that Boone was a good big brother when the pair were growing up. He also bet that Shannon appreciated it but was very careful to never let him know. He looked over at Boone and tried to see if he felt anything. But when you're trying to feel something you just scare it away so this was really a useless exercise. He decided to go for a walk to the beach, Sawyer needed checking on anyway.
But Sawyer was trying his patience more than usual and he really wasn't in the mood so that distraction didn't last very long. He stayed at the beach until midmorning, chatting to Kate and wondering if he felt anything for her, when he figured he may as well head back to the caves, no use in hiding. Jack was an adult, there was no need to start acting like a high schooler now.
Boone wasn't there when he got back, he and Shannon had already headed back to the beach, they must have crossed paths somewhere along the way. Jack was equally relieved and disappointed. He tried to relax and not think about things too much but everyone seemed to be trying his patience today. Sullivan was really the last straw and it took all Jack had to not deck the idiot hypochondriac.
And then Hurley built a golf course. Lifesaver or what? That certainly lightened things up a bit and Jack felt almost in a good mood. It was nice to do something normal for once, something that he would have done back home, it added a bit of perspective to his life. Sure, he did the whole doctor thing at home too but he did that in a hospital and medical practice on the island was quite different. Plus, lately, he felt like he was on call twenty-four hours a day and that was really doing nothing for his blood pressure.
But this was nice. Out on the plateau, fantastic views of the island, which if nothing else was undeniably beautiful, and a breeze blowing through which felt pretty good right now. And something to concentrate on. Something that wasn't life or death, something that wasn't intrinsically tied into all their fates, something that wouldn't decide whether they ever got off this island or not. Just golf. A simple game of golf. No strings attached.
Afterwards Jack actually felt kind of relaxed and refreshed. In fact everyone seemed to be a lot better off. They had quite an audience after a while and there was a real sense of community amongst people. And it was nice for people to bond over something positive for a change. It was healthier.
And things got a little easier after that. Mainly because Boone had moved back to the beach with Shannon and Jack only ever really saw him in passing. He knew he was being an idiot, he knew he was avoiding things, but this was a pretty weird situation to be in and he didn't want to just roll over and accept that he was suddenly and inexplicably gay. He'd been through a lot of stress, his whole life had been turned completely on it's head, he was grabbing at anything he could. But he couldn't ignore the fact that he had to try to feel something for Kate and he had to try to not feel something for Boone. But until he worked out where these feelings were coming from there was no reason to believe they were real.
He was feeling restless and the caves were getting a little claustrophobic so he decided to take a walk to the beach. As he walked through the jungle he cursed his timing as the light was fading fast and he kept stumbling over rocks and tree roots. He managed to make it there in one piece and the first thing he saw was the one thing he was trying not to think about - Boone. He was sitting by a fire with Shannon and they were, surprise surprise, bickering about something. Jack couldn't hear what they were saying from here and he didn't really want to get any closer.
Instead he headed over to Kate who was sat gazing over the beach. Jack knew what she was doing before he even got there, she was waiting for Sayid. It had been days now and Jack had to admit he was getting a little worried himself but he was sure that if anyone was capable of taking care of themselves on this island it was Sayid.
"Hey," he said, taking a seat.
Kate looked away from the fading horizon and gave him a smile. "Hi. Haven't seen you around here for a while."
Jack nodded. "Yeah, I've been a little caught up I guess."
"Well, good to know you still think of us beachies occasionally," she said, giving him what could have been a flirtatious look but he really wasn't sure. Why didn't they teach you this kind of thing at college, that would come in handy.
"I do," Jack assured her.
"So, anyone in particular you've been avoiding?" Kate asked.
Jack looked up at her. "What?"
"I'm guessing it's not me seeing as you came right over here," she considered. "Could be Sawyer, I'd buy that. And I'd totally understand it."
"Kate, what are you talking about?" he asked.
Kate rolled her eyes a little. "You haven't been around because there's someone at the beach you're avoiding," she explained patiently.
Jack just looked at her. He wanted to tell her she was wrong but it was a lie and she'd know it. Jack wasn't sure how'd she'd know it but she just would. Woman's intuition or something like that. Sarah could always read him like an open book and it used to drive him mad.
"So, who is it?" Kate pressed.
"Do you do anything but look at the horizon all day, waiting for Sayid to come back?" Jack asked, thinking a swift change of subject might put her off.
"Do you do anything but think about how you're gonna avoid 'mystery person' all day?" Kate countered, looking a little mischievous.
"I have a lot of things to think about Kate," Jack told her.
"That's not answering my question," Kate pointed out.
Jack gave her a look and shook his head. She shrugged and looked back to what you could only just make out as the horizon, squinting a little. Jack gazed behind her at Boone who was now sitting alone. That was usually when Jack would go and talk to him, except that he so wasn't going to do that right now. But maybe he should, maybe that would be the healthier option. Kate looked behind herself and then turned back to Jack.
"Boone?" she asked. "Why have you been avoiding Boone?"
"I haven't been avoiding Boone," Jack dismissed.
Kate smiled a little. "What did he do? Has he been following you around?"
"Following me around?" Jack asked. Did Boone do that?
Kate rolled her eyes. "Oh come on, he's like your understudy or something," she stated. "He wants to be just like you when he grows up, Jack."
Jack looked back over at Boone who was picking at something on his sleeve. Boone didn't follow him around, Jack would have noticed that. Boone was following the jobs around, not Jack, he was trying to be useful. It just so happened that Jack was thinking the same thing so they wound up together a fair bit, both doing the same chore or attempting to solve the same problem. That was just luck though, Boone wasn't doing it on purpose. Was he? No, that wasn't Boone's style. Boone wasn't smart enough for that. Well, no, 'smart' was the wrong word. Boone wasn't Shannon-like enough for that. He didn't even seem to want what he wanted. Which Jack was aware made no real sense but that was Boone.
He turned his attention back to Kate. "I really don't think that's true," he told her.
She gave a small shrug, apparently losing interest. Which was a shame because Jack was just thinking that he might like to talk about it. But he knew he wouldn't really, he didn't do that. According to Sarah his lack of communication skills caused the breakdown of their marriage. Right, like that was the main factor between them. Jack could think of a whole lot of other things wrong with their relationship other than the fact that Jack didn't want to talk about them. Their marriage was nothing more than a formality at the end anyway so what was the point in talking about anything?
He gazed over at Boone again and the urge to talk to him was so strong that he had to look away. Which was so stupid but he wasn't ready to start dealing with this stuff yet. He wasn't sure it was real. There was no way he was embarrassing himself over this if it was going to go away in a week anyway. He needed something a little more solid to go on before he started to believe in it all. Of course he could go over there and talk to him and see what happened but he was a little scared of the outcome. He wasn't sure which possible outcome he was scared of if he was honest but that only made it worse.
"So, you gonna stay the night?" Kate asked him. "Shall I get the guest sheets out?"
"I'm not sure," Jack replied.
"Well I don't think it's such a hot idea to go walking through the jungle on your own at night," Kate told him.
Jack shrugged. "Last time I did that I found us water and shelter," he pointed out. "Maybe this time I'll find a beach resort."
"That'd be nice," Kate smiled. "I could kill for a beer right now."
"Yeah, an ice cold beer would be heaven," Jack agreed.
"And some fries," Kate added. "With mayonnaise."
Jack shook his head. "Gotta be ketchup."
"No way," Kate dismissed.
"And maybe some shots or something," Jack added. "Just to help the oblivion along."
"See, I knew you were hard core," she smiled.
Jack was fairly sure this was flirting but it didn't feel like flirting. And yet with Boone it did.